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TGIF #903743
07/25/13 07:14 PM
07/25/13 07:14 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Life is a long lesson in humility.
James M. Barrie (1860 - 1937)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Drinks for all on me. That is including you, bartender."

The bartender follows the man's order and says, "That will be $42.50 please."

The drunk says he has no money, and the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.

The next night, the same drunk comes in and orders a drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender. Again, the bartender follows the drunk's instructions and the drunk says he has no money. So the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.

On the third night he comes in, the drunk orders drinks for everyone except the bartender.

The bartender says, "What, no drink for me?"

"Oh, no. You get violent when you drink."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A school teacher started his first job at a primary school and was eager to make a good impression on the kids. So, when he noticed a boy standing all by himself during recess, while the other kids were playing a game of soccer, he walked up to him and asked "Are you alright ?"

The boy assured him everything was fine and the teacher left it at that. A few minutes later, however, he noticed that the boy was still standing alone and had not joined the other boys.

Deciding to find out what was wrong this time, the teacher approached him again and said, " Hi, are you sure you're not feeling left out? Would you like me to be your friend ?"

The boy obviously felt a little embarrassed, but after a little hesitation said, "Maybe". Encouraged by his progress, the teacher asked, "Tell me, why are you standing here alone?"

"Because", the boy said with clear exasperation in his voice. "I am the goalie"
~~~~~~~~~~~~

An old guy and his son had a one-mule farm where they eked out a living. One day, the son hit the lottery and won $50,000. He rushed into town, collected his money, then hurried back home, where he told his father the good news, and handed him $50 bill.
The father looked at the money for a moment and then said, "Son, you know I've always been careful with what little money we had. I didn't spend it on whiskey or women. In fact, I couldn't even afford a license to legally marry your Ma."
"Pa!" the son exclaims, "do you know what that makes me?"
"Sure do," said the old guy fingering the fifty-dollar bill. "And a [blip] cheap one, too."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~


-"My Plan To Find The Real Killers" by O.J. Simpson
- The Difference between Reality and Dilbert
- Human Rights Advances in China
- "Things I Wouldn't Do for Money" by Dennis Rodman
- Al Gore: The Wild Years
- Amelia Earhart's Guide to the Pacific Ocean
- America's Most Popular Lawyers
- Career Opportunities for Liberal Arts Majors
- Detroit - A Travel Guide
- Different Ways to Spell "Bob"
- Dr. Kevorkian's Collection of Motivational Speeches
- Easy UNIX
- Ethiopian Tips on World Dominance
- Everything Men Know About Women
- Everything Women Know About Men
- French Hospitality
- "The Book of Virtues" by Bill Clinton
- George Foreman's Big Book of Baby Names
- "How to Sustain a Musical Career" by Art Garfunkel
- Mike Tyson's Guide to Dating Etiquette
- "One Hundred and One Spotted Owl Recipes" by the EPA
- Staple Your Way to Success
- The Amish Phone Directory
- The Engineer's Guide to Fashion
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a man who had worked all of his life and had saved all of his money and was a real miser when it came to his money.

He loved money more than just about anything.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen. When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.

He made her promise with all her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.

When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!' She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away. So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband!"

She said, "Listen, I'm a Christian. I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was gonna put that money in that casket with him.

"You mean to tell me you really put that money in the casket with him!!!!?

"I sure did," said the wife. "I wrote him a check."

Never Underestimate The Intelligence of a Woman
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Things Not To Say In Bed

1. But everybody looks funny naked!

2. You woke me up for that?

3. Did I mention the video camera?

4. Do you smell something burning?

5. Can you please try breathing through your nose.

6. A little rug burn never hurt anyone.

7. Darling, did you lock the back door?

8. But whipped cream makes me break out in a rash.

9. person 1: This is your first time...right? person 2: It is....... today

10. Can you pass me the remote control?

11. Do you accept Visa?

12. On second thoughts, let's turn off the lights.

13. And to think- I was really trying to pick up your friend.

15. Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober...

16. Try not to smear my make-up, will you'?

17. But I just brushed my teeth...

18. Smile, you're on candid camera!

19. I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs?!

20. I want a baby!

21. So much for the fulfilment of sexual fantasies!

23. Did you know the ceiling needs painting?

24. When is this supposed to feel good?

25. Did I remember to take my pill?

26. Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere?

27. But my cat always sleeps on that pillow.

28. Did I tell you my aunt Martha died in this bed?

29. If you quit smoking you might have more endurance.

30. No, really.. I do this part better myself.

31. This would be more fun with a few more people.

32. You're almost as good as my ex!

33. You look younger than you feel.

34. Perhaps you're just out of practice.

35. Now I know why she dumped you...

36. Does your husband own a sawed off shot-gun?

37. Have you ever considered liposuction?

38. And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner!

39. What are you planning to make for breakfast?

40. I'll tell you I'm fantasizing about if you tell me who you're fantasizing about..

41. Does this count as a date?

42. I think biting is romantic- don't you?

42. When would you like to meet my parents?

43. Have you seen "fatal attraction"?

44. Sorry about the name tags, I'm not to good with names.

45. Don't mind me... I always file my nails in bed.

46. Don't worry, my dog's really friendly for a doberman.

47. Sorry but I don't do toes.

48. You could at least act like you're enjoying it!

49. Keep the noise down, my mother is a light sleeper.

50. I've slept with more women than Casanova!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave

I will do three days worth of work today.

It's Friday, but since my weekend is over it's Monday for me, but since I'm off Monday and Tuesday, it's also Wednesday. razz

Stick that in your pipe and smoke it. sherlock

Einstein would call that Quantum physics. Being in three places at once and at three different times. shocked

As Elvis would say, "That's crazy man." crazy

Of course my heart will be some place else altogether, and also in my heart my sister would be some place ELSE altogether. taz

See how this worx? grin

I really like this quantum stuff.

Ok, I've gotta go quantify some sleep, because at 3:30 in the morning I'm gonna want to stay exactly where I am. sleep

Have a happy day everyone.

joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 07/25/13 07:16 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #903746
07/25/13 07:39 PM
07/25/13 07:39 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Joe, at 3:30 am the only good place to be is bed! Boy thats early! Do you have room darkening shades so you can pretend it's dark out? Does Pepper get confused at the changing bed times?

I hope your day is a happy one Joe and all! hearts

I'll be in the corner and I'm sure at the river at some point.

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: TGIF [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #903759
07/25/13 09:06 PM
07/25/13 09:06 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Have a great Friday Joe and Ana. happydance


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #903776
07/25/13 11:07 PM
07/25/13 11:07 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning everyone,its 6 in the morning here but Im geting ready for my trip. smile
Have all a nice and relaxing weekend happydance wave
I'll be back on Monday. flowers


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #903778
07/25/13 11:10 PM
07/25/13 11:10 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
SpaceQ, have a great Friday!

Haroula, enjoy your honeymoon! hearts Have a safe and fun trip!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #903792
07/26/13 04:54 AM
07/26/13 04:54 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, SpaceQ, and Haroula. Joe don't work to hard and keep smiling! Ana have a good one. SpaceQ enjoy your day. Haroula have a wonderful trip! See you when you get back. Cailyn coffee is ready! Happy Day wished for all! summer


Gerry
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #903798
07/26/13 06:10 AM
07/26/13 06:10 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hello and goodbye. wave Have a great Friday, everyone. summer


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #903799
07/26/13 06:34 AM
07/26/13 06:34 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful TGIF. Danish, Waffles, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. summer


Connie
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #903804
07/26/13 07:12 AM
07/26/13 07:12 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, too early for work.

Ana, hope the corner is easy for you today.

Space, good morning.

Haroula, enjoy every minute of your trip.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee this morning.

Venus, a good workday is wished.

Connie, have a wonderful day!

Raining here. Ruined my plans with the girls for the beach. Looks like a gaming day which is not so bad a tradeoff.


Gail
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #903815
07/26/13 09:06 AM
07/26/13 09:06 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,024
Unionville
manxman Offline
Sonic Boomer
manxman  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,024
Unionville
Good morning boomers. smile Thanks for the great jokes Joe. Hope everyone has a fantastic Friday wave


Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: TGIF [Re: manxman] #903817
07/26/13 09:52 AM
07/26/13 09:52 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the very funny openers! lol Have a happy TGIF/Wednesday!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #903834
07/26/13 10:45 AM
07/26/13 10:45 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe may work fly and go well. Sell those mowers! Thanks for the laughs!!

Space this is it, now the weekend!! May you have a lovely day!

Ana may the corner be kind to you and have fun on the run with the dogs. We had some nasty storms go through here last evening and over night. Poor Sassy was under the bed. lol Have a lovely day!

Haroula prayers for the Band of Angels around you and hubby as you travel. Have a lovely time!!

Gerry thanks for starting the coffee. Little cool here (55) so tastes good. Have a lovely day!

venus Happy working and be sure to have fun too!!

Aw Gail sorry the rain has posponed the beach day but nice alternative! lol Happy gaming!!

Connie have a lovely day what ever you do. Thanks for the danish!

manxman have a lovely day!

Darlene may work fly and all go smoothly. The weekend is upon us!!! Have a lovely day!

No plans till taxi time.

wave
Nan

Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #903849
07/26/13 11:31 AM
07/26/13 11:31 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Fantastic Friday ya'll puppy

Hubby, son, and boys are on the road again. I talked to them a bit ago, and they were creepy crawling. Hopefully, that will improve soon.

We finally got the bookcases we ordered for the boys room 2 1/2 months ago. I have to laugh that they came now when he-who-will-put-them-together isn't home. That's ok, at least they are here.

I feel book cooking will happen at some point today. But first, sipping and surfing! wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #903877
07/26/13 01:44 PM
07/26/13 01:44 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Hi everyone. I'm home from work and having lunch. It's nasty out there. Good day to stay in and read or play a game.L4L Is it just you and your puppies?

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #903879
07/26/13 01:53 PM
07/26/13 01:53 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Hi ya Midgy, tis indeed....just the 5 of us. Keoki is still on lockdown so we are being very quiet. wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: TGIF [Re: looney4labs] #903881
07/26/13 02:02 PM
07/26/13 02:02 PM
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
Drmojo Offline
Addicted Boomer
Drmojo  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
Afternoon Boomers~

had to go to the DR's to get wax removed
from my ears YUK! now i can hear again woot

Hope everyone has a nice day~ Karen puppy


"Horses are smart"

"You never heard of a Horse going broke"
betting on Humans~ Will Rogers~
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #903896
07/26/13 02:40 PM
07/26/13 02:40 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Doc, woohoo....so glad all the beautiful music of the world is clear again wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: TGIF [Re: looney4labs] #903902
07/26/13 03:11 PM
07/26/13 03:11 PM
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
Drmojo Offline
Addicted Boomer
Drmojo  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,226
Washington In the Wet corner
Thanks L4L its awful not being able to
hear~ How is Keio doing? what happened
to him? hhave you thought of a name
for my red scooter yet?? is it
still raining at your home? wave

i got a new computer how do i get WOW
downloaded when i don't have the CD's?

Last edited by Drmojo; 07/26/13 03:12 PM.

"Horses are smart"

"You never heard of a Horse going broke"
betting on Humans~ Will Rogers~
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #903904
07/26/13 03:16 PM
07/26/13 03:16 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Doc, Keoki is doing ok.....he wants to run around and is not allowed to, so keeping him down is a challenge. He has an appointment on Monday for a check up. I'm hoping he'll be allowed to walk, just not run and I'll continue to carry him up and down stairs for a bit. We shall see.

I am horrible at thinking up names, but you should definitely name it. We've always named our cars with some reference to where it came from...so we've had Yoki, Casey, Peli, and Son of a Gun. puppy

You can go to your Blizzard account and download the game and updates from there. It will take awhile though luck


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: TGIF [Re: Haroula] #903910
07/26/13 03:57 PM
07/26/13 03:57 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #903918
07/26/13 04:27 PM
07/26/13 04:27 PM
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 3,295
Oregon
Lotus777 Offline
Addicted Boomer
Lotus777  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 3,295
Oregon
Good Afternoon Boomers. Hubby had to take care of his mum today as his niece is having an emergency appendectomy. She and hubby's twin take care of MIL who probably won't ever be on her own again and that is sooo sad. Trying to part with my pc to have new hard drive installed. I've sure been dragging my feet and I am now definitely running out of room. I am off to water flowers and trees and later the garden and greenhouse. don't know when hubby will come home and mum is napping next door at her home. It takes a bit longer to recoup when you're 93 but she is doing well thus far. Happy Gaming everyone!!! wave


Lotus
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #903921
07/26/13 05:09 PM
07/26/13 05:09 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Thrift store mysterious 'find'. I just found a Bolo Tie, with a Clown slider, and on the top hat of the clown it says: JOLLY CORKS. I looked that up and found it was the name of the BPOE (Benevolent Protective Order of Elks) in 1868 I think. Can't find any picture of this particular Bolo thingy. Anyone know anything about it or when it might have been made? Very interesting Bolo for sure. Heavy brass Clown with top hat slider measures 2 1/2 by 3 inches. I don't know any Elks but someone out there must. Mystery to be solved.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #903926
07/26/13 05:26 PM
07/26/13 05:26 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Sorta, you can contact them here. I grew up a block away from this headquarters and they are a very kind organization. I am sure they will try and help you.


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #903928
07/26/13 05:46 PM
07/26/13 05:46 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Thanks Ana! What a great idea. Go right to the 'source'. Hope I find out what this is and if it might be valuable to someone in the Elks. Fun thingy anyway. Off to make contact.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #903945
07/26/13 07:38 PM
07/26/13 07:38 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Everybody has been deposited at the bar and I am off to a 'movie in the park' They are on their own for getting home though, but they will manage. lol

Have a wonderful evening all.

wave
Nan

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