Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. How on earth can you explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love? Put your hand on a stove for a minute and it seems like an hour. Sit with that special girl for an hour and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
There were once two people travelling on a train, a scientist and a poet, who were riding in the same compartment. They had never met before, so naturally, there wasn't much conversation between the two.
The poet was minding his own business, looking out the window at the beauty of the passing terrain. The scientist was very uptight, trying to think of things he didn't know so he could try to figure them out.
Finally, the scientist was so bored, that he said to the poet, "Hey, do you want to play a game?"
The poet, being content with what he was doing, ignored him and continued looking out the window, humming quietly to himself. This infuriated the scientist, who irritably asked again, "Hey, you, do you want to play a game? I'll ask you a question, and if you get it wrong, you give me $5. Then, YOU ask ME a question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give YOU $5."
The poet thought about this for a moment, but he decided against it, seeing that the scientist was obviously a very bright man. He politely turned down the scientist's offer.
The scientist, who, by this time was going mad, tried a final time. "Look, I'll ask you a question, and if you can't answer it, you give me $5. Then you ask ME a question, and if I can't answer it, I'll give you $50!"
Now, the poet was not that smart academically, but he wasn't totally stupid. He readily accepted the offer. "Okay," the scientist said, "what is the EXACT distance between the Earth and the Moon?"
The poet, obviously not knowing the answer, didn't stop to think about the scientist's question. He took a $5 bill out of his pocket and handed it to the scientist. The scientist happily accepted the bill and promptly said, "Okay, now it's your turn."
The poet thought about this for a few minutes, then asked, "All right, what goes up a mountain on three legs, but comes down on four?" The bright glow quickly vanished from the scientist's face. He thought about this for a long time, taking out his notepad and making numerous calculations. He finally gave up on his notepad and took out his laptop, using his Multimedia Encyclopedia.
After about an hour of this, the poet quietly watching the mountains of Colorado go by the whole time, the scientist FINALLY gave up. He reluctantly handed the poet a $50 bill. The poet accepted it graciously, turning back to the window.
"Wait!" the scientist shouted. "You can't do this to me! What's the answer??"
The poet looked at the scientist and calmly put another $5 bill into his hand.
Two friends are walking in the jungle.
Suddenly a tiger appears in the distance running toward them. One friend pulls a pair of 'Nikes' out of his bag and quickly puts them on.
With a surprised look, the other friend says, "You don't really think you can out run that tiger with those?"
"I don't need to out run the tiger", his friend replies, "I just need to run faster than you".
Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions.
One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in sick yesterday!"
There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score.
The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator.
"Wow," he said. "Just think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!"
A guy burned two ears... so they were asking him at the hospital how it happened.
He said, "I was ironing my clothing and the phone rang...so instead of the phone I picked up the iron and burned my ear..."
"But how the heck did you burn the other ear?" The doctor asked.
"How do you think I called you people?"
A policeman directing traffic at a busy city intersection one afternoon observed a blind man with his seeing-eye dog waiting to cross the street.
All of a sudden, the policeman was aghast at the sight of the seeing-eye dog bolting out into the street in front of heavy traffic at one of the busiest intersections in the whole city, dragging the blind man along with the dog's leash in the blind man's hands while cars were trying to stop, screeching their brakes and swerving to avoid a fatal accident.
The policeman was absolutely horrified, but could do nothing to assist. To the immediate relief of the horrified police officer, the blind man and his dog somehow made it across the street without suffering any harm to themselves whatsoever. It was a miracle!
The police officer, still in shock, observed the blind man, upon reaching the corner sidewalk after having nearly been killed crossing the street, reach into his pocket and pull out a cookie and offer it to his seeing-eye dog.
The officer ran to the blind man and said to him in a loud distraught tone, "Don't you realize that you could have been killed by your dog dragging you out into a busy street in front of heavy traffic like that? And NOW you're going to reward him?"
The blind man hesitated a moment, then he said to the policeman, "Why, no sir! I'm just trying to find out where his head is so I can kick his behind!"
Good morning everyboomie.
I'm trying to beat my time for last night's diner post of 11:53.
It's 11:23 right now.
That's only a half hour for those of you who are mathmatically challenged.
My challenge is spelling, and if I quit using big words such as "mathmatically", that I have to look up, then I might make it.
Of course I don't think anyone knows how to spell mathmatically.
The other problem is time lost to
passing clean out, and waking 2 minutes later with drool running down through my goatee.
That's enough of that.
I woke and thought I had deleted my post accidentally, but I only fell asleep with my finger on the space bar.
Y'all have a happy day.