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#905450 - 08/03/13 12:23 AM Saturdiner
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 32193
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Steven Wright (1955 - )

A couple is in bed sleeping when there's a rat-a-tat-tat on the door.
The husband rolls over and looks at the clock, and it's half past 3 in the morning.” I’m not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. So he drags himself out of bed, goes downstairs, opens the door, and there's a man standing there. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.
"Hi there," slurs the stranger, "Can you give me a push?" "No, get lost. It's half past three and I was in bed," says the man as he slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tell his wife what happened and she says, "That wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?"
"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.
"It doesn't matter," says the wife.” He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him." So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs.
He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere,
He shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push?"
And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please."
So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?" The drunk replies, "Over here, on the swing."

A Polish Paratrooper makes his first jump.

He was given the following instructions: "once you jumped you need to open your parachute. If it doesn't open, you have a reserve one. The Jeep will wait for you on the ground".

So, he gets on the plane, jumps outside but can't open his parachute. He then tries to open the reserve one, but it doesn't open as well.
"Great", he says to himself, "Now all I need is that the Jeep won't wait for me to make it a really unlucky day"

The policeman signals to an car driver to pull over to the side of the road, due to the fact that he appears to be driving erratically. He says to the driver, "You appear to have been drinking!"

The driver answers, "No sir, I am just tired."

The policeman looks into the car and notices that the driver is a priest! He also notices that there is an empty bottle on the floor. He says to the driver, "What is, or should I say was in this bottle?

The driver answers, "Water!"

The policeman says, "It is not, it's wine!"

The driver looks up to the heavens and says, "Oh Lord, you have done it again!"

This door-to-door entrepreneur became rather bored with his job of selling Bibles, so he decided to become a boss, hiring three people to sell Bibles for him. He interviewed three people. The first came in and said, "I want to sell Bibles for you." "OK, you're hired. Here's your kit; go sell!"
The second came in and said, "I want to sell Bibles for you." "OK, you're hired! Here's your kit; go sell!"

The third came in and said, "I- i - I wa - wa- wa-want t-t-t-t-to s-s-s-s-ell to sell, to sell, to sell, Bi - bi - bi - Bibles, sell Bi -Bibles f-f-f-fo-for y-y-y-y you Bibles for you!"

"No," shouted the man, " this will never work! You can't sell Bibles for me!" The applicant replied, "B-b-b-b-but I r-r-r-eall, but I really, really, n-n-n-n-need th-th-th-this, really need tthis job!"

As there were no other applicants, he man said, "OK, I'll give you one shot at this, but I expect you to PRODUCE!"

At the end of the can, the first applicant comes back and reports, "I sold 8 Bibles today." The second reports: "I sold 11 Bibles today. The third worker reports, "To-to-to-to t-t-today, I-i-I so- so, I so-, I so-, I so- I sold 28 Bi- bi- b- bibles!" "Great," says the man. "However, I want you to sell lots more Bibles than that, so get out there tomorrow and MAKE ME SOME MONEY!"

At the end of the first day, the first worker comes in and reports, "Today, I sold 32 Bibles." The second worker reports, "I sold 44 Bibles today" The third worker reports, "To-to-to t-today, I-i-I so- so, I so-, I sold 79 Bi-bi-bi- sold 79, sold 79 Bibles."

"Fantastic," said the man, "since you're doing so well, so much better than these other two bums, why don't you tell them what your sales technique is." Replied the worker, "I-i-I j-j-j-j-ju-ju-ju-just wa, wa, wa, just wal- wa- wa- walk, just walk up to up to up to just walk up to them and and ask, them and ask, them and ask if th-th-th-th ask if they w-w-w-w-w- wa- ask if they want t-t-t-t-o-o- if they want to b--b-b-b-b if they want to buy a Bi-bi - want to buy a Bi--b--a - a- abi - buy a to buy a Bi-bi-bible, or d-d-d-d-d do th-th-they do they w-w-w-ant me to READ it to 'em?"

As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, "Anyone here know how to pray?"
One man stepped forward. "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray."

"Good," said the captain, "you pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short."

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean.
The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself
to do the same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.
Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show:
"Look, it's not the same hat"
"Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table"
"Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades ?"
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the
captain's parrot. One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician
found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course. They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word.
This went on for a day and then another and another.
After a week the parrot said: "OK, I give up. Where's the boat?"

Two military policemen were chasing a fleeing draftee from The military base. The draftee ran into the courtyard of a convent. He saw a nun seated on a round bench beneath a tree, quietly reading a book.

He said to her, "Quick sister, please hide me I don't want to be drafted and the M.P.'s are chasing me!"

She lifted up her skirt and said, "Quick hide under here." The two policemen came by and asked if she had seen anyone. She replied, "No."

After they left she told the young boy to come out and that everything was going to be OK. He thanked her and said, "You have a nice set of legs for a nun!"

She replied, "If you look up a little farther you'll find a nice set of testes too. I'm not going to be drafted either!"

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

The jokes are all posted for you, but my funny bone is about to pass out. sleep

I over slept this morning........I mean yesterday.........whatever day it is, it's been a loooong one. slapforehead

My eyeballs are inflamed from the rancid decay of the day. sleep

Now it's time to take a high dive off the platform of life into a peaceful sea of zzzzzzzz's.

Have a happy day everyone. wave

Z you later. wink

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

#905451 - 08/03/13 12:32 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 75358
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
THanks for the chuckles Joe! The beauty of a day off is you can sleep as late as you want. yay

I'll be working but there will be something fun in there I am sure. yay

Have a happy day everyone!

Ana wave
Don't feed the Trolls

#905452 - 08/03/13 12:53 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
Drmojo Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 12/04/04
Posts: 2226
Loc: Washington In the Wet corner
Hi Joe~ have a good day~ wave

Hi Ana how is your back doing? when will
you find out what the rash is?
have a nice day cat

watching my fav show Storage wars I
love Barry snicker
still raining here. Mojo is happy cause
its turning the grass green again~

Gail how was the ocean??

Have a nice Saturday Boomers dance

Karen puppy

Edited by Drmojo (08/03/13 12:57 AM)
"Horses are smart"

"You never heard of a Horse going broke"
betting on Humans~ Will Rogers~

#905453 - 08/03/13 12:58 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 75358
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Hi Doc! Back is improving a tiny bit everyday. Thanks for asking! My doctor said it can take 8 weeks to heal.
I am hoping I can see the dermatologist Monday, but I do not have an appt yet.

How are you doing?

I am off to bed...I'm a sleepy head. grin
Don't feed the Trolls

#905458 - 08/03/13 01:49 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Online   content
Staff Reviewer
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 7732
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Sleep well, Joe.

Hope you continue to heal, Ana!

Have a great Saturday, Karen. Glad Mojo is enjoying the greener grass. grin

It's late - very late - Friday night for me. I lost track of time, it seems. lol Well, I'm off on Saturday, so it's all fine. smile

No plans yet as far as I know. Will probably sing and game, as per usual. grin

Hope everyone has a terrific Saturday. summer
Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?

#905461 - 08/03/13 02:32 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 10027
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,Ana,Karen,Venus and all who come in later. wave
Have all a great day. happydance wave
I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

#905471 - 08/03/13 05:33 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 22789
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, Karen, venus and Haroula. Joe sleep well. Ana take care of yourself. I hope your back is better is better sooner and the rash goes away! Take care. Karen a rainy day sounds like a nice gaming day Give Mojo a carrot for me. Venus maybe some kitty play time for you today! Haroula enjoy your day. Coffee is on Cailyn. Happy Day wished for everyone. summer

#905473 - 08/03/13 06:47 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 18262
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, have a great day today!

Ana, enjoy the fun of the work. Hope you get a Doc appointment soon.

Karen, we had a super day at the beach. Enjoy the rain. Talk to you later.

Venus, enjoy your day off.

Haroula, how has your weather been?

Gerry, coffee sounds terrific.

Sue, see you when you come in.

To all awake and all who got the chance to seep in I'm wishing a wonderful weekend.

#905475 - 08/03/13 06:54 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 10255
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Ana, the pool is doing good so far, fingers crossed it stays that way. Sorta, good luck. luck To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Saturday. Danish, Bacon Sandwiches, and Banana Nut Pancakes in the NC. summer

#905478 - 08/03/13 07:23 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
MsMercury Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 02/08/06
Posts: 12095
Loc: Scotland
Hiya Boomers! Hope you are all well!

Warm and windy here today! Strange weather we've been having.

Off out shopping soon for a card and gift for my wee sister who'll be fifty tomorrow! I still think of her as the baby of the family even though she's a granny twice over! My own baby, youngest son, is now thirty....where does the time go?

Have a great day guys!

Mary hearts
"It's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts." puppy

I'm not getting old....just 'Marvelously Mature'! grin

#905489 - 08/03/13 09:30 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: MsMercury]
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 15321
Loc: Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good morning Boomers. We are starting out with rain here. eek
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

#905505 - 08/03/13 11:25 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 14623
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe thank you for the laughs this morning!! Enjoy your days off and wishing you best of luck if you do some arrow hunting!!!

Ana glad the back end is getting better as slow as that may be. Hopefully they will get you an appointment quickly with the skin doc!! May the project move right along and have a fun run with the dogs.

Karen I met a guy at the movie last night that was from your area. He told me of a place, but I have forgotten now, where they have saddles for handicapped people so they could still do their riding. Oh and he is a Chihuahua lover!!! Glad MoJo likes all the rain. lol Sending some sunshine your way!!

venus you sure were up late. lol Enjoy your day off and have fun!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the coffee. Nice of you to start the pot for us all!! Have a lovely day!!

Gail glad that you enjoyed the ocean! Have a lovely day!

Connie good that the pool is fixed and working. Prayers that is stays that way! Thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

Mary have fun shoppity shopping!!!! birthday to your sister. My sisters is this Friday coming up!! Have a lovely day!

Aw Space sorry about the rain. Hope that it doesn't last long. Have a lovely day!


#905514 - 08/03/13 12:25 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: auntiegram]
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 15321
Loc: Upper Arlington, Ohio
It has cleared up now Nan. Very muggy but what do you expect in August? Have a great Saturday everyone.
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

#905523 - 08/03/13 01:00 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 9561
Loc: San Diego, CA
I just checked back on the website where I left my 'comment' for Whodunnit. There are 5 more responses but not MINE. So I read the responses and I'm hopeful now because all of them are really strange. Some are kids way too young, some are people recommending other people, some are people who can't put 2 words together, a load of the use the 'i' instead of 'I' when typing, and some of them, more than I'd think, include all their body measurements (one even listed intimate apparel size!). Maybe I do have a chance. Crossing fingers that I hear back soon.

Now off to the bank to cash my rent check. Whee!
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

#905561 - 08/03/13 05:02 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 75358
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good afternoon boomies! Busy day so far, but one more trip to the store because I ran out of alcohol (the antiseptic, not the kind you drink) lol and then it's back to the corner for me.

The dogs have been run, the house has been cleaned and life is good. hearts

I hope you all are enjoying the day!
Don't feed the Trolls

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