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#906932 - 08/09/13 11:33 PM Re: Saturdiner
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29787
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow.
Woodrow Wilson (1856 - 1924)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied "I don't know, it all happened so fast."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Shortly after Bill Gates was killed in a freak accident, he found himself being sized up by Saint Peter. "Bill, this is a tough call. You've made great technological advancements with Microsoft, but you've also given us Windows 95. I think I'm going to let you choose between Heaven and Hell."

"That sounds fair," Gates replied. "May I have a look at hell first?"

And so first Saint Peter took him to Hell.

"This is hell? Wow, look at all those gorgeous women, the ones that laughed when I asked them out on dates in high school. And look at those mansions!" exclaimed Bill.

"And see all those coders? They work 24 hours a day for free just because they really love you, Bill, and live only to please you."

"Shazam, this is all virtual, isn't it, Saint Peter?"

"Yep. With no bugs, Bill."

"If this is hell, what can heaven be like?"

(Saint Peter makes sweeping gesture) "Like this!"

"People wearing robes and playing harps while they sit on clouds? What a boring cliche. I'll take Hell!" replies, Gates.

And so two weeks later, St Peter paid a little visit.

"Hey what the hell's going on? It's nearly 200 degrees and the air is terrible. There's no food or drink. Goblins jab me in the ribs constantly. I'm crawling with vermin and weak with disease. They play the Beastie Boys at all hours, for all eternity. There are NO COMPUTERS! Where are the women, the program slaves, the virtual wonders? Where is the splendid hell you promised me?" cries Gates.

"Oh that, that was just a demo..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Harold's new job had him working really late. He decides to get his wife a watchdog. He goes to the pet store and asks for a doberman.

The employee said, "If its a guard dog you want I have a dog just for you." The man walks to the back of the store to get a dog and comes back with a little poodle.

Harold says, "This small thing, a watch dog? You're kidding, right?"

The employee says, "No, this dog is special; he knows karate."

"Karate? I don't believe it," Harold says.

The employee puts the dog down and says, "Karate the sign." And he points to a sign advertising dog food. The dog runs up and rips the sign to shreds. Harold is amazed at this.

The employee then says, "Karate the chair." And he points to a chair in the corner. The dog runs up and rips the chair to shreds. By now Harold is convinced.

"I'll take him," he says.

When he gets home he surprises his wife and she yells out, "This little thing, a watch dog? No way." Harold says, "But this dog knows karate."

"Karate," she yells. "Karate my behind!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A girl has brought her fiance home for dinner. After dinner, the fiance
and the girl's father go into the study for a man to man talk.

"So, what are you doing right now?" asks the father.

"I am a theology scholar," replies the fiance.

"Do you have any plans of employment?"

"I will study and God will provide."

"What about the children?" asks the man.

"God will provide."

"And your house and car?"

"Again, God will provide," says the fiance.

After the talk, the girl's mother asks the father, "So what did you two
talk about?"

The man replies, "He has no plans of employment, but on the other hand,
he thinks I'm God."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things - chickens, cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was obvious that the nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with.

Finally, the uncle decided to give them a real treat. "Why don't you grab a gun, take my prized hunting dogs, and go have some fun shooting?" This seemed to cheer the nephew up, and with enthusiasm, off he went, dogs in trail.

After a few hours, the nephew returned.

"How did you enjoy that?" asked the uncle.

"It was great!" exclaimed the nephew. "Got any more dogs?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave

Welcome to the weekend! bravo

Yepur the weekend is here. smile

The good old weekend. razz

The one where people who work all week don't have to work these two days. They can sleep in or go river rafting, or mountain climbing or even something exciting. snicker

Well sadly I don't get to participate in any such activities. I'm ungainfully employed, and will have to wait another day before I get to be off. sad

The mountain climbing trip is totally off. I needed two days for Kilimanjaro, and three days for Everest.

I could do the river rafting thing in one day if I did the Colorado, but then I would miss out on doing my laundry Sunday. duh

Ah well, maybe next week. wink

Have a happy day everyone.

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#906935 - 08/10/13 12:10 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9081
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Have a great day Joe. thumbsup
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#906938 - 08/10/13 12:22 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63377
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Have a happy day Joe, Space and all...

I'm headed to the Veggie Fest at some point and then run the dogs. The rest of the day I'll be in the corner.

I hope you all have a fantastic day.

Ana wave
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#906939 - 08/10/13 12:25 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: Space Quest Fan]
Drmojo Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 12/04/04
Posts: 1736
Loc: Washington In the Wet corner
Hey ya Joe have a good weekend wave


Hi ya space quest how aare you?
what are your dogs names again?
hope you have a nice weekend flowers

Horseshow this weekend I get to be the
Announcer!!!!!! dance woot devilchili
I'm excited! hope i don't blow it slapforehead

I'm bummed my WOW game isn't working
well keeps kicking me off!


Hey Ana you snuck in when i wasn't
looking! have fun at the feat and with
your pups puppy


have a nice weekend everyone~karen cool


Edited by Drmojo (08/10/13 12:29 AM)
_________________________
OSO live
OSO Love
++OSO Strong++



Peace be with you~

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#906940 - 08/10/13 12:34 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63377
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Hi Doc! I am sorry to hear your insurance won't cover a lighter wheelchair for you. sad
Congrats on being the announcer! You will do awesome because that is how you are. woot

Ana wave
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#906956 - 08/10/13 02:47 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 6912
Loc: Greece
Have a happy day Joe, Space, Ana, Doc and all. wave happydance summer
_________________________
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.





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#906971 - 08/10/13 05:44 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16314
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, SpaceQ, Ana, Karen and Haroula. Joe enjoy your day. SpaceQ have a good one too.Ana I hope your poison ivy is clearing up. Karen you will do great at the horse show! What fun for you! Haroula coffee is ready. Sue hope you had a wonderful Birthday! Happy Day wished for all! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#906979 - 08/10/13 06:13 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 13762
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, one more day before a day off.

Space, good morning.

Ana, enjoy the Veggie Fest.

Karen, you will be an awesome announcer! Talk to you tonight.

Haroula, good day!

Gerry, coffee please and thank you.

Wishing everyone a wonderful weekend! summer
_________________________
Gail

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#906987 - 08/10/13 06:46 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 7810
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. birthday Mary, enjoy your special day. I think I will do some closet cleaning today. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Saturday. Danish, Bacon Sandwiches, and Waffles in the NC. summer
_________________________
Connie

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#906997 - 08/10/13 09:24 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: connie]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9081
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Good morning Boomers. wave
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#907000 - 08/10/13 09:44 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
MsMercury Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 02/08/06
Posts: 11720
Loc: Scotland
Hiya Boomers! Hope you are all well!

Ana, hope you are feeling better and getting some relief from the rash!

Many thanks for the birthday wishes! Just having a quiet day with hubby today although my friend will stop by tonight..kids and grandkids visited yesterday! I share my birthday with youngest grandson and also my cousin. I have a 60th birthday badge pinned to my t-shirt and have been warned not to remove it til bedtime! lol!

Hugs to all, have a great day guys!

Mary hearts
_________________________
"It's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts." puppy

I'm not getting old....just 'Marvelously Mature'! grin

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#907003 - 08/10/13 09:58 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5226
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Joe, I always have to work Sundays, so I think between the two of us, we have the weekends covered. lol

Have a great day, Space Quest.

Have fun at the Veggie Fest, and running the dogs, Ana. Hope your project is going well.

Congratulations on your announcer status, Karen!! woot

Enjoy your day, Haroula.

Have a great Saturday, Gerry.

Have a wonderful weekend, too, Gail.

Hope the closet cleaning goes well, Connie.

birthday Mary! Have fun with hubby and friend today. thumbsup

Well, it's my usual Saturday off. It looks like it's going to rain, so that means gaming is in order. grin

Hope everyone has a terrific Saturday. summer

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#907012 - 08/10/13 10:26 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13277
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Just a quick Hello as I am off to a memorial service and then off to pick up the race package and then work an honor dinner at the Moose Lodge!!!

birthday Mary!!!

Have a wonderful day everybody!!!

wave
Nan

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#907015 - 08/10/13 10:36 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63377
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies!I got an early start today so I could work a bit and now I am getting ready to take my puppies out for a run and swim. Then they can sleep while I head off to the festival.

Have a happy day everyone!
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#907025 - 08/10/13 10:55 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
manxman Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/23/02
Posts: 13922
Loc: Unionville
Hi all wave Hope everyone enjoys their Saturday smile
_________________________
Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.

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