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#907334 - 08/11/13 08:49 PM Monday Mourning
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30019
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
A wretched soul, bruised with adversity,
We bid be quiet when we hear it cry;
But were we burdened with like weight of pain,
As much or more we should ourselves complain.
William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A guy was in a supermarket when he noticed an old lady following him around. Whenever he stopped, she stopped, and she also kept staring at him. She finally overtook him just before the checkout where she turned to him and said:

"I hope I haven't made you feel uncomfortable - it's just that you look so much like my late son."

"Oh, that's ok," he said.

"I know it's silly," she continued, "but if you called out 'Goodbye, Mother' as I leave, it would make me ever so happy." The old lady proceeded through the checkout and as she left the supermarket, the man called out "Goodbye Mother." The old lady waved back, and kindly smiled.

Pleased he had brought a bit of sunshine to someone's day the man went to pay for his groceries.

"That'll be 105 dollars 35," said the clerk.

"How come?" inquired the man. "I've only bought a few things!"

"Yeah, but your mother said you'd pay for her..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A farmer had three very beautiful daughters. One Friday they all had dates, as they do every Friday. Well the very protective farmer was sitting in the living room watching television that Friday when the doorbell rang. He opened the door to see a man which was clearly one of the girls dates. Well the man says "My name's Sam and im here for Pam and we're going to go jam". So the father okays everything and calls his daughter down. the couple leaves. Ten minutes later the doorbell rings and there is another man. He says "My name's Freddy and I"m here for Betty and we're going to go eat some spaghetti". Once again the farmer okays everything and they go along on their merry way. Ten minutes later the door bell rings again and the farmer opens the door.The Farmer says you must be here for Cindy. The man at the door says "Yes actually, my name's Chuck and were going to go-" The farmer shot him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted.

Bob, the owner, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.

Just then a man came in coughing and he ask John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob's warning he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once.

The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post.

Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired.

"He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough syrup. I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once" John explained.

"Ex-Lax won't cure a cough!" Bob shouted angrily.

"Sure it will" John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post.

"Just look at him. He's too afraid to cough!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine.

"What was that for?" he asked.

"That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Mary Lou written on it," she replied.

"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Mary Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on," he explained.

"Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said. "I should have known there was a good explanation."

Three days later he was watching a ballgame on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which knocked him out cold. When he came to, he asked, "What the hell was that for?"

She replied, "Your horse called."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little Johnny and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.
Johnny bravely walks up to him and says "Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage." Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?" Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies "In Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely." Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Jenny." Again, Johnny instantly replies, "Our allowance.. Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and that should do us just fine." By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Johnny has put so much thought into this. So, he thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Johnny won't have an answer to. After a second, Mr. Smith says, "Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?" Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says "Well, we've been lucky so far..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three men are traveling in the Amazon: a Canadian, an American, and a Mexican.
They get captured by a fierce tribe of Amazons.

The tribe leader tells them they will be whipped for entering their territory. The tribe chief says to the Candian, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?"

The Canadian responds, "I will take oil!"
So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him 10 times.
When he is finished the Canadian has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move.

The Amazons haul the Canadian away, and say to the Mexican,
"What do you want on your back?"

"I will take nothing!, I will take my punishment like a real man!" says the Mexican, and he boldly stands there and takes his 10 lashings without a single flinch.

Finally, it's the Yank's turn and the tribal chief asks:
"What will you take on your back?"

And he responds - " I'll take the Mexican! "
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An Englishman and a Scotsman are driving head on , at night, on a twisty, dark road.
Both are driving too fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed.
In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on.
At this point, the Scotsman goes to the boot and fetches a 12 year old bottle of sherry. He hands the bottle to the Englishman, whom exclaims,'' may the Scots and the English live together forever, in peace, and harmony.'' The Englishman then tips the bottle and gulps half of the bottle down.
Still flabbergasted over the whole thing, he goes to hand the bottle to the Scotsman, whom replies: '' no thanks, I'll just wait till the Police get here.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

Well I had a good day off. thumbsup

Good and short. razz

Today is a 6:00am start which means 4:30 rise and shine. Yee Haa.... rolleyes

I love watching the sun come up. happydance

Too bad I'll be inside working. snicker

I hope you all have a happy day. thumbsup

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#907342 - 08/11/13 10:25 PM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64897
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Those day offs go really fast don't they, Joe? I hope you are back home and doing something fun quick. Have a happy day!

I'll be spending another day in the city today but this time with my sisters. We will end the day on a 3 hour sunset cruise and hopefully we will see the meteor shower.

Have a great day everyone!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#907356 - 08/12/13 02:18 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7641
Loc: Greece
Have a great Monday Joe,Ana and all who ome in later. wave summer
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#907358 - 08/12/13 02:42 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6041
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,Haroula,and all boomers waveAna sounds like a fun time with your sisters enjoy! Coffee is on for who ever needs some,wishing you all a happy day! summer
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#907363 - 08/12/13 05:09 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17129
Loc: Marlborough USA
GoodMorning Joe, Ana, and Haroula. Joe nice to hear you had a good day off. Ana sounds like a fun day! Haroula have you time for a walk on the beach? Cailyn thanks for the coffee. A super Monday wished for All! broccoli
_________________________
Gerry

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#907368 - 08/12/13 06:11 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: Kaki's Sister]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2314
Loc: Switzerland
Good morning friends wave

I wanted to come back online yesterday, but my niece called me and wanted to come for a visit urgently.... to tell me that she is WOOHOOOOOO pregnant an that I will be a great-aunt in January 2014. woot woot

Ana: why can't you show the video of Peter's dance show? whistle

Nan: congrats bravo Great team.

Bets: welcome back

To all here I wish a happy day and a big smile on your face.

Evelyne
_________________________
"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

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#907369 - 08/12/13 06:14 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14416
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, sorry your day off is over.

Ana, have fun with your sisters.

Haroula, good day to you!

Sue, I'll be needing a cup of coffee or two, thanks.

Gerry, happy Monday!

Connie, good morning when you come in.

To all who stop in the Diner I'm wishing a wonderful day! summer

Evelyne, didn't see you there. Congrats on being a great-aunt. bravo


Edited by GBC (08/12/13 06:16 AM)
_________________________
Gail

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#907371 - 08/12/13 06:28 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14629
Loc: Massachusetts
Good morning. Just stopping in to say howdee. I have to get going. Early work shift today. I hope you all have a super day. Please find a little time to exercise. Thank you.

Midgie hearts
_________________________
Just do it.

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#907374 - 08/12/13 06:50 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8065
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Evelyn, Congrats to your niece. Hubby will drop off and pick up grandson from jury duty today. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Monday. Danish, Muffins, and Waffles, in the NC. summer
_________________________
Connie

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#907391 - 08/12/13 08:27 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: connie]
manxman Online   content
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/23/02
Posts: 15087
Loc: Unionville
Good morning boomers. Hope everyone has a great start to the week wave
_________________________
Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.

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#907399 - 08/12/13 09:57 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: manxman]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9364
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your day goes smoothly!

Congratulations, Evelyne, on becoming a great-aunt this January! woot

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#907402 - 08/12/13 10:21 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5411
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hi, everyone. wave I'm just doing a quick stop-by today, as I'm not feeling the best right now. It should hopefully pass later, but I want to make sure I get enough rest, since I have to work tomorrow.

Wishing everyone here a terrific Monday. summer

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#907407 - 08/12/13 10:49 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Online   content
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42259
Loc: Alabama
Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

We popped up early to take the monkeys to the park. It was pretty funny trying to get dressed in the dark. lol But finally got everything in it's proper place and got there. It was cool, at least to start. Soot and I had a good walk, then home for Soot to change, me to Smoothie him, and then me to take Keoki to the park for his wander-walk.

Home again to clean up, call a plumber, call hubby to remind him to fix library account, grab a coffee and carry Keoki downstairs and sit and sip for a sec. Sittin' and sipping will be followed by book cooking which will be followed by laundry and b'day cake baking. Which will be followed by supper making and wander-walking Keoki which will be followed by cake, icecream, and bed. lol

Ana, have fun! How is the icky rash?

Evelyne, grats! thumbsup

Venus, I hope you feel better soon.

Back later wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#907410 - 08/12/13 10:59 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
MsMercury Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 02/08/06
Posts: 11740
Loc: Scotland
Hiya Boomers! Hope you are all well!

Hopped aboard the shopping train with Diana this morning and just got home! Didn't see anything to tickle me although I did manage to pick up a nice gift for my sister who has a birthday this coming Friday...my poor mother must have been demented, 3 of us with birthdays six days apart!

I could curl up into a wee ball and sleep for a week, I'm so tired! Can't sleep at night when I'm supposed to though.

Off to see about dinner, won't have much prep to do as it's leftovers from yesterday!

Have a great day guys!

Mary hearts
_________________________
"It's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts." puppy

I'm not getting old....just 'Marvelously Mature'! grin

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#907411 - 08/12/13 11:00 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64897
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies! It's another lovely day here and my last day of trying to cram a lot of activities in 24 hours. lol

I've been in the corner a couple hours already and will add a few more before I head to the city. Looking forward to sister day!

Evelyne, I have about 5 videos, I will be happy to email you a link to my photobucket when I get a chance to load them on. You can view at your own risk. rotfl He is dressed as a greek god with a small toga and a laurel wreath on his head. grin
Congrats to your niece! woot

L4L, rash is still there but the last two days no new ones sprouting up. I also developed a secondary skin fungus which could have been avoided if the dermatologist would have warned me about since he approved spraying alcohol on the skin. sad THere are now more than 1200 of us with the rash as of Friday, the CDC is supposed to issue an updated account later today. That should never have happened!

be back


Edited by BrownEyedTigre (08/12/13 11:06 AM)
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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