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#907685 - 08/13/13 11:18 PM Hump Day
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30066
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
The only sense that is common in the long run, is the sense of change-and we all instinctively avoid it.
E. B. White (1899 - 1985)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A married couple is sleeping when the phone rings at 3 a.m. The wife picks up the phone and, after a few seconds, replies,"How am I supposed to know? We're 200 miles inland!"and hangs up.
Her husband rolls over and asks,"Sweetheart, who was that?"
"I don't know,some idiot woman asking if the coast is clear."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a guy walking down the street in San Fransisco, and he tripped over an old looking oil lamp. He picked it up and hid it under his jacket, because he thought it was priceless. While he was running to the antique shop to cash this puppy in, it rubbed against his shirt. *POOF* A genie popped out of his pocket!!!
The very angry looking Genie said, ''Alright, I have had enough with this three wish stuff, and 'cuz you stole me away from my HBO Special, I will only give you one wish!''
The surprised man said, ''OK, I want to live in Hawaii in a huge condo on the beach with three million dollars in the master bedroom, but I am afraid of boats and planes so I want you to build a bridge from here to Hawaii.''
The genie replied with a smirk, ''Are you crazy? Do you know how long that will take, with the pillars going down to the bottom of the ocean, all the cement it would take for the highway? No I'm sorry, it just can't happen.''
The man said, ''Fine then, I want to understand women.''
The genie says, '' I'll give you two lanes, not four.''
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The World's Shortest Books
--------------------------

- "My Plan To Find The Real Killers" by
O.J. Simpson
- The Difference between Reality and
Dilbert
- Human Rights Advances in China
- "Things I Wouldn't Do for Money" by
Dennis Rodman
- Al Gore: The Wild Years
- Amelia Earhart's Guide to the Pacific
Ocean
- America's Most Popular Lawyers
- Career Opportunities for Liberal Arts
Majors
- Detroit - A Travel Guide
- Different Ways to Spell "Bob"
- Dr. Kevorkian's Collection of
Motivational Speeches
- Easy UNIX
- Ethiopian Tips on World Dominance
- Everything Men Know About Women
- Everything Women Know About Men
- French Hospitality
- "The Book of Virtues" by Bill Clinton
- George Foreman's Big Book of Baby
Names
- "How to Sustain a Musical Career" by
Art Garfunkel
- Mike Tyson's Guide to Dating
Etiquette
- "One Hundred and One Spotted Owl
Recipes" by the EPA
- Staple Your Way to Success
The Amish Phone Directory
- The Engineer's Guide to Fashion
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Martha Stewart Vs. Real Women:

MARTHA STEWART

If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up.

REAL WOMEN

If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too [blip] bad. Please recite with me, The Real Women's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes."
-----------------------------------------------------------------

MARTHA STEWART
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
REAL WOMEN
Take a lime, mix it with tequila, etc., chill and drink. You might still have the headache, but who cares?
-----------------------------------------------------------------

MARTHA STEWART
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

REAL WOMEN
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake. You are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up, eating it anyway.
-----------------------------------------------------------------

MARTHA STEWART
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
REAL WOMEN
Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for
up to a year.
-----------------------------------------------------------------

MARTHA STEWART
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
REAL WOMEN
Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.
-----------------------------------------------------------------

MARTHA STEWART
Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
REAL WOMEN
The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I just don't do it.
-----------------------------------------------------------------

MARTHA STEWART
If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
REAL WOMEN
Go ask the very cute neighbor to do it.
-----------------------------------------------------------------

And finally the most important tip -
MARTHA STEWART
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
REAL WOMEN
Leftover wine??
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

I'm past my bed time, all the way to dead time. tired

Should of been down over an hour ago, but got interested in some new tv show. duh

62 years and still a kid, not the dumbest thing I ever did. pacify

I bid you all a super day, now I've got to go and hit the hay. sleep

Hey hey... wink

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#907688 - 08/13/13 11:45 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65260
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
lol Joe, don't ever "grow up"! It's a lot more fun to be a kid. grin

birthday Midgie! hearts

Have a happy day everyone!

PS...Pepé Le Pew vs. Merlin. Merlin lost. Never dull around here....
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#907697 - 08/14/13 01:06 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
Drmojo Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 12/04/04
Posts: 1798
Loc: Washington In the Wet corner
Hey ya Joe~ hope you have a good day wave


Hi ya Ana how's the rash & back doing?
I didn't get to announce because their
were too many stairs I didn't know
about headscratch they said they
would figure something out for me
next show happydance

L4L Both your drinks sound YUMMY!!! yay


birthday Midge

Have a great day Boomers Doc puppy


Edited by Drmojo (08/14/13 01:08 AM)
_________________________
OSO live
OSO Love
++OSO Strong++



Peace be with you~

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#907701 - 08/14/13 02:11 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7828
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,Ana,Dc and all who come in later. smile wave
birthdayMidgie wave
Have all a nice day. happydance summer
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#907709 - 08/14/13 03:45 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Online   sad
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6058
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,Karen,Haroula wave Coffee is ready along with Birthday cake for Midge birthdayto you Midge waveIt's my hubby's birthday today also,have a sunny day everyone summer
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#907715 - 08/14/13 05:14 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Online   happy
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17330
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, Karen, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe have a great one! Ana poor Merlin. Karen sorry you didn't get to announce. Haroula enjoy your day. Cailyn nice to have birthday cake in the Diner. Happy Birthday Midgie!! birthday Hope everyone has a sunny day! summer
_________________________
Gerry

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#907725 - 08/14/13 06:41 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8126
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Midge birthday Cailyn, birthday to your hubby. I would be more than happy to send our summer to all in need of one. The temps are in the mid 90's with a triple digit heat index. summer It's even to hot to get in the pool, water in the 90's. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Hump day. Danish, BB Pancakes, and Birthday Cupcakes in the NC. summer
_________________________
Connie

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#907730 - 08/14/13 07:13 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14582
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, enjoy the day!

Ana, ah, stinky dog. eek

Karen, there's always next time. Have a great day.

Sue, I'll have a cup of that coffee and a piece of cake. birthday to hubby.

Gerry, good day.

Haroula, have you been to the beach lately?

Connie, was in the 50's this morning when I got up. Will be much warmer this afternoon.

Midgie, birthday

A wonderful Hump Day wished for All!
_________________________
Gail

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#907738 - 08/14/13 08:02 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: GBC]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2314
Loc: Switzerland
Good morning my friends wave

Thank you all for your happy anniversary wishes.

Ana and Nan: kissy and kissy

We had a super day and a romantic whistle evening and now it's back to normal...

Happy Birrthday Midgie hearts

and happy Birthday to Cyilyn's hubby bravo

Ana: so glad the truck is living another 10 years... or so.

Karen: so sorry they let you down. Let's hope for another time. Hugs.

Today I have to pre-cook for Mum again. Tomorrow is Mum's washing day, so Evelyne is going there again to get the machines running. I'am invited to lunch though after washing a few loads.... Tomorrow evening I will go to an artist friends studio (a wood turner). He has a few tree trunks in the parking lot of his studio and I try to put different slabs of clay on the trunk and let it dry and look whether this will give me a nice platter with the bark impressed on the inner side... Keep your fingers crossed please that the slab won't break while drying. But only tomorrow evening, mind! That would be tomorrow lunch time for you. Andthankyouverymuch thumbsup

I wish all of you a nice and wonderful day. Not too hot, not too cool. Sunny and full of love!

Evelyne
_________________________
"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

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#907763 - 08/14/13 09:56 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: Gimli]
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30066
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Howdy everyone. wave

It's day 3 of 4 for me and these last two are 1:00 to 10:00 work days. razz

I will wait until about 2:00 today to go in though probably. Yesterday I was over because of an "urgent" meeting. rolleyes

I was seriously hoping for some rain yesterday or today, but it did not happen, after the weatherman gave us "great chances". Looking at the radar or "radar" spelled backwards, it doesn't appear that we will get any today. frown

I hope everyone has a super day. happydance

Midgie birthday to you again. bravo

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#907765 - 08/14/13 09:58 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
MsMercury Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 02/08/06
Posts: 11740
Loc: Scotland
Hello Boomers! Hope you are all well!

birthday Midge and Cailyn's hubby!

Belated Happy Anniversary to Evelyn and hubby! kissy

Stayed in all morning waiting for a parcel which didn't arrive! Actually should have been here yesterday...will give it another day before I contact suppliers. Overcast here today but nice and cool! Off out tomorrow with my sister and Diana, we'll do lunch and have a wee shopping spree afterwards! happydance

Have a great day guys!

Mary hearts
_________________________
"It's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts." puppy

I'm not getting old....just 'Marvelously Mature'! grin

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#907766 - 08/14/13 10:00 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9407
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers and hey hey back atcha! Have a happy Hump Day!

birthday Midgie! kissy

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#907787 - 08/14/13 11:56 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5519
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hi, everyone. wave Just a quick stop-by today, as I'm headed to my friend's house to watch her daughter.

Hope everyone has a fantastic Wednesday. summer

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#907803 - 08/14/13 01:01 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7295
Loc: San Diego, CA
Another strange day in the neighborhood. The puppy which was running around in my driveway and camping out in the back lot near the fence, and then running helter skelter to the neighbor's front porch, finally ended up at the roofer's house (2 doors down). They have a number of dogs, but it's not theirs. So after I chatted with the wife, the dog was just curled up at the front door of the son's little studio apartment. Poor thing won't come close to anyone. I'm hoping they gave it food and water (I did earlier and it ate a meat patty and drank some water). No sign of him yet today. Hopefully someone who lost it will have picked it up or put up a sign. Walking the neighborhood on the morning walk to see if a sign is up and tell them where I saw it last. Can't catch the little guy. Looks healthy and has a collar (no tags) so he belongs to someone, somewhere.

AND the empty house of the old guy in the nursing home had activity today. A guy in a truck with a non-professional orange reflective vest was taking pictures of every window and door, and the porches and the eaves, and the fence and trees and grounds, etc. Spent a long time and took a lot of pics and wrote things on a clipboard. Not sure who he is, no logo on truck or vest. Might be an appraiser (but don't they have to go INSIDE?). Could be one of those 'we fix it at our expense and split the sales price with you' guys. Not sure. But it's definitely something to do with rehab or buying. Will probably see something more later.

Off to walk...
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#907808 - 08/14/13 01:31 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13700
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Been a busy morning here and now it is getting to be taxi time. lol

Joe thanks for the laughs!!

Ana hope the dogs smells better today and the project is moving right along.

Midge birthday

Cailyn birthday to your hubby!

Gerry have a lovely day!

venus have fun babysitting!!

Connie have a lovely day and thanks for the danish!

Karen sorry you couldn't announce but glad they will see what they can do for the next tiem!! Have a lovely day!

Darlene may work all go smoothly!

Sorta sounds very interesting about the house. Hope the poor puppy found it's home!!

Evelyne prayers that the clay dries just right for you!! Glad you had a lovely anniversary!! Nice of you to help out mom and enjoy lunch when the laundry is done spinning!!!

Mary hope the parcel arrives soonest! Have a lovely lunch and fun shopping tomorrow!!

wave
Nan

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