Everything has its beauty but not everyone sees it.
It's closing time, and two drunks are getting ready to leave the bar. "God, I hate getting home at this hour. All I want to do is take my shoes off and crawl into bed, but Hailey always nags me for what seems like hours".
"Sneaking's not the way to do it. Try slamming the front door, stomping upstairs, and yelling 'Hey baby, let's make luv'. When I do that, my wife always pretends she's sound asleep".
Letter from College
$chool i$ really great. I've made lot$ of friend$ and am $tudying hard. With all my $tuff i $imply can't think of anything i need, $o if you would like you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love, your $on.
Reply from Dad..
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study hard eNOugh
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!”
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says: “You go right up there and tell him you're going to file a complaint with his boss. – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Why Aren't You Married?
Here are some comback answers:
You haven't asked yet stud.
I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life.
Because I just love hearing this question.
Just lucky, I guess.
It gives my mother something to live for.
My fiancée is awaiting his/her parole.
I'm still hoping for a shot at Miss/Mr. America.
Do you know how hard it is to get two tickets to Miss Saigon?
I'm waiting until I get to be your age.
It didn't seem worth a blood test.
I already have enough laundry to do, thank you.
Because I think it would take all the spontaneity out of dating.
My co-op board doesn't allow spouses.
I'd have to forfeit my billion dollar trust fund.
They just opened a great singles bar on my block.
I wouldn't want my parents to drop dead from sheer happiness.
I guess it just goes to prove that you can't trust those voodoo doll rituals.
What? And lose all the money I've invested in running personal ads?
I don't want to have to support another person on my paycheck.
Why aren't you thin?
Bonus reply for Single Mothers: Because having a husband and a child would be redundant.
Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. They decided to party instead. Their biggest exam was on Wednesday, and they showed up telling the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a very flat tire and they needed a bit more time to study.
The professor told them that they could have another day to study. That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just about everything.
Arriving to class the next morning, each boy was told to go to two separate classrooms to take the exam. Each
boy just shrugged and went to the two different parts of the building.
As each sat down, they read the first question.
"For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom."
At this point, they both thought that this was going to be a piece of cake, and answered the question with ease.
Then, the test continued.
"For 95 points, tell me which tire was flat"...
Good morning everyboomie.
I hope it's as good as the last few mornings have been here.
We've been in the mid 60s early in the mornings and staying below 90.
Any drop in the temperature makes both work, and the day more tolerable.
Today we will have our district manager, and our new store manager in the store, which has all the ASMs running around like little chickens clucking about fixing this, and changing that.
I'm starting to feel married to my job, but I'm considering a trial separation.
If my wife doesn't stop demanding so much of my time and attention, I may sue for a divorce.
I wonder if I could get the house.
Have a happy day everyone.