Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.
Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882), 'Art,' 1841
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three doctors are waiting in line to get into the pearly gates. St. Peter
walks out and asks the first one, "What have you done to enter Heaven?"
"I am a pediatrician and have brought thousands of the Lord's babies into
the world."
"Good enough to enter the gates," replied St. Peter and in he goes. The
same question is asked of the second doctor.
"I am a general practitioner and go to Third World countries three times a
year to cure the poor." St. Peter is impressed and allows him through the
gates. The third doctor steps up in line and knowing the question, blurts
out, "I am a director of a HMO."
St. Peter meditates on this for a while and then says, "Fine, you can enter
Heaven...but only for 2 days."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bumper Stickers
Ever stop to think...and forget to start again?
I are proud to be a college student
Conserve toilet paper...use both sides
Don't come knockin' if the car is a rockin'
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain
Keep honking...I'm reloading
Don't steal....the government hates competition
I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar
I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather,
not screaming and yelling like his passengers!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart.
One of the students said to his friend:"I'm sure he has Petry Syndrome - those people walk just like that."
The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome, he walks just like we learned in class."
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached the old man and one of the students said to him: "We're medical students and couldn't ignore the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"
The old man said: "I'll tell you but first you'll tell me what you think."
Then one of the students said: "I think it's Petry Syndrome."
And the old man said: "you thought, but you're wrong."
Then the other student said: "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."
And the old man said: "you thought, but you're wrong."
So they asked him: "so what do you have?"
And the old man said: "I thought I needed to pass gas. I thought, but was wrong."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nellie, shopping at her local supermarket, selects a
quart of milk, a dozen eggs, a pound of bacon and a
quart of orange juice.
A drunk standing behind her, watches as she places
the items in front of the cashier.
He says to her..."you must be single."
The woman, startled but intrigued by the derelict's
intuition, looked at her four items on the belt.
Seeing nothing particularly unusual about her items,
she says..."well, you're correct, but how on earth did
you know that?"
The drunk staggers as he puts his beer in front of the
same cashier and says..."cause you're ugly!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
With Sam dying, his wife Carol was maintaining a candlelight
vigil by his side.
She held his fragile hand praying and crying, this roused him
from his slumber.
He looked up and his pale lips said..."my darling Carol."
"Hush, my love"...she said... "rest, don't talk."
In his tired voice..."I have something I must confess to you."
"There's nothing to confess"...replied the weeping Carol...
"everything is all right, just go to sleep."
"No"...he struggles..."I must die in peace, I have something to
tell you Carol...I cheated on you!"
"I know"...Carol whispered as she softly stroked his forehead...
"just be still and let the poison do it's job."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
Well if it weren't for commercials, I don't think I'd ever get done.
Half past my bed time..............again.
Two more early days and then more FREEDOM!!!!
I had a subject in mind for a topic, but as I got involved in my TV program, it slipped my mind, so with that in mind, and before there's another slip, I'll have to wing it.
That whole sentence sounds almost like something my sister would say, only her's would be like......"He made me so mad I had half a mind to go in there and give him a piece of my mind."
Sounds like she's done that already.
Several times.
I've gotta quit doggin her like that.
Naaa. Not gonna happen.
Not in this lifetime.
I do worry though that bad karma from picking on my sister, my curse me to come back in my next life as something horrendous, like........my sister's mirror.
Such a life is not all it's cracked up to be.
argh!
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Joe, you crack me up.
It made me start my day with a smile. 
