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#910792 - 08/29/13 07:45 PM TGIF
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29948
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
Calvin Trillin (1935 - )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Explaining Life

On the first day God created the cow...
God said, "you must go to field with the farmer all day long
and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support
the farmer...for that I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "that's kind of a tough life, you want me to live
for sixty years...let me have twenty years and I'll give back
the other forty" and God agreed.

On the second day, God created the dog...
God said, "sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone
who comes in or walks past...I'll give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "that's too long to be barking...
give me ten years and I'll give back the other ten." So God agreed.

On the third day God created the monkey...
God said, entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh...
I'll give you a twenty year life span."
the monkey said, "how boring, monkey tricks for twenty years?
I don't think so...dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too."
And God agreed again.

Now on the fourth day, God created man...
God said, "Eat, sleep, play, have sex, enjoy...do nothing,
just enjoy, enjoy... I'll give you twenty years."
Man said, "what...only twenty years? no way man, tell you what,
I'll take my twenty...the forty cow gave back...
the ten dog gave back and the ten monkey gave back...
that makes eighty, okay?" "Okay," said God... "you've got a deal!"

So this is why for...
the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, have sex, enjoy, and do nothing...
the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family...
the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain our grandchildren...
the last ten years we sit in front of the house and bark at everybody...

life has now been explained.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Many, many years ago, when I was twenty-three,
I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be,
This widow had a grown-up daughter, with flowing hair of red,
My father fell in love with her, and soon the two were wed.

This made my dad my son-in-law and changed my very life,
My daughter was my mother, for she was my father's wife,
To complicate the matters worse, although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy.


Father's wife then had a son, who kept them on the run,
And this made him my grandson, for he was my daughter's son,
My wife is now my mother's mother and this makes me very blue,
Because, although she is my wife, she's now my grandma too.

If my wife is my grandmother, then I am her grandchild,
And every time I think of this, it simply drives me wild,
For now I have become the strangest case that you ever saw,
As the husband of my grandmother, I am now my own grandpa!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.

One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stared, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then a man stands up in the rear of the plane. He is gorgeous: tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt... one button at a time. No one moves. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest.

She gasps...

He whispers...

"Iron this, and get me something to eat."
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Perfect Employee
The Perfect Employee?

1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work at his desk. He works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as an asset employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.

Addendum:

That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

Tonight I turned my TV off so I can get through this. thumbsup

Ok I didn't turn it off exactly. I muted it, and I am NOT looking at it. shame

I'm not looking at it. slapforehead

I am NOT staring out the window either. rolleyes

I am NOT staring at the ceiling fan going round and round. (sigh) smirk

well......

Hey! IT'S FRYDAY Y'ALL! WOOT WOOT

Why Only One Taco?

That still gets me. snicker

Ok I guess I WILL play with my doggie for a while.

She's hard to resist. puppy

That's probably why I fell in love with her.

Ummmm

Lets see, that's 1, 2, 3,......... yep 8 smileys.

Ok I'm outta here.

Just think what you might have to listen to if we didn't have that smiley limit. (bigga grin)

Have a happy day everyone.

joe


Edited by gymcandy1 (08/29/13 07:49 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#910805 - 08/29/13 09:20 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64481
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, those dogs sure have find a way into our hearts don't they? I can't imagine my day without them.
Glad you managed to get the day started with few distractions. lol

Have a happy Friday. No dog run today, I will be in the corner until late afternoon.

Ana wave
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#910808 - 08/29/13 09:32 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14570
Loc: Massachusetts
Thanks Joe for making me smile. Hey Ana wave Good luck in the corner. I'm just relaxing now. Watching the preseason Pats game. Not too excited.

See you on the flip side.

Midgie hearts
_________________________
Just do it.

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#910812 - 08/29/13 10:07 PM Re: TGIF [Re: Midge]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9414
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Have a great Friday Joe, Ana, Midgie, and all my fellow Boomers.
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#910833 - 08/30/13 12:53 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
manxman Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/23/02
Posts: 14777
Loc: Unionville
Good morning everyone. Hope you all have a fantastic friday smile
_________________________
Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.

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#910846 - 08/30/13 03:13 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7494
Loc: Greece
Good morning Boomers. wave
Have all a fandastic Friday. happydance smile
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#910849 - 08/30/13 03:34 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16880
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, Midgie, SpaceQ, manxman, Haroula and all my GB buddies. Hope you all enjoy your Friday and those in the USA the Labor day weekend! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#910864 - 08/30/13 07:03 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14252
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, thanks for the laughs.

Ana, enjoy whatever plans you have for the day.

Midge, enjoy the Pats game. The Red Sox are doing good.

Space, good morning.

Haroula, good morning and good day to you!

Manxman, have a great day!

Gerry, happy weekend to you also.

Ahh, no coffee?? I'll put some on to brew right now. Is there life before coffee?
_________________________
Gail

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#910867 - 08/30/13 07:12 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 7984
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. The boys are going to fix the porch roof that leaks. The Lexon panels need replaced. To all here and all who follow, have a Great TGIF. Danish, Waffles, and Bacon Sandwiches, in the NC. summer
_________________________
Connie

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#910885 - 08/30/13 09:57 AM Re: TGIF [Re: connie]
Darlene Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9303
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have a terrific TGIF!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Will probably take a short work day today and get started on the weekend! Soooooo ready for it!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#910901 - 08/30/13 11:23 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42098
Loc: Alabama
Fantastic Friday ya'll puppy

Super busy day around here. Soot and I were up early to take 3 to the park. Walked out expecting that nice cool weather we've had....but eeek....hot and muggy before 6 a.m. Went to the park anyway and tired everyone out.

Then home to smoothie the adults, mix up some Joe Frogger cookies as the dough has to be in the frig for 8 hours before you can make the cookies and clean the kitchen. Then back to the park with Keoki for a wander walk.

Home for 10 minutes....gotta type fast....then back out the door to the vet with Keoki.

Must be home by 1, as exdil will drop off the Cully then.

Back to the next town over at 2:30 to pick up Per from school. I'm not sure exactly where the school is so depending on time, I will go find it after the vet.

Back home to order b'day present for newest g'son whose b'day is tomorrow. Dil is usually excellent at sending me her list with links. She said she sent it quite some time ago, but I just got it this morning. So some fast shopping needs to happen both for g'son and Dil whose b'day is next week.

Then cooking, feeding boys, feeding dogs, doing dishes and collapsing onto the nearest horizontal surface.

Will check in as I can. wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#910903 - 08/30/13 11:30 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13528
Loc: northern Wisconsin
WooHoo Joe it is TGIF!!!! May work fly so you may start the weekend!!! Thanks for the laughs!

Ana hope the project moves right along for you today!! Sorry no dog run. sad

Midge, Space, Manxman hope you slept well. Have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry have a safe holiday weekend. Any plans?

Gail thanks for starting the coffee. Have a lovely day!

Connie nice that the boys are there to help you. Good luck to them. Have a lovely day and thanks for the zdanish!

Darlene may all go smoothly today!! Have a lovely day!

Wow L4l sounds like one busy day!! eek Good luck with all that!!!

wave
Nan


Edited by auntiegram (08/30/13 11:32 AM)

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#910906 - 08/30/13 11:42 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7084
Loc: San Diego, CA
Arrraaghhh! The temperature here (always perfect) never got below 75 last night. It's now 80's inside and 90's outside. Amazing. Would be great except the humidity is climbing from 60% going up up up.

Horrible sticky drippy icky weather. Lovely sea breeze though which makes it better if you can stay outside on the porch swing all day. I'm gonna try. No air conditioning in my house. I'd probably use it maybe one week a year and that would triple my electric bill for the year (it's true). I'd rather just complain a lot. rotfl

Thrift store find yesterday: A real honest to goodness 'Security Officer' badge. Yup, neat. I'm adding it to my collection of other badges. Nice 7 point star with all the stuff that looks official. I looked it up on line, it's available at police supply places. Maybe I should put it on and patrol my neighborhood. On second thought...

Poor neighbor guy still hasn't buried his kitty. It's sitting in plastic bag on a tree stump in his front yard. The ground is so hard where he wants to put it that he digs an inch at a time. This isn't gonna be pretty by the time the heat gets to it. I shudder to think about it. Dunno why he isn't putting him out back in the far corner of the property with the rest of the 'departed'. Not my call, but I hate seeing that plastic bag especially with this HEAT!
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#910942 - 08/30/13 02:06 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42098
Loc: Alabama
Ewwwww Sorta, that sounds horribly depressing.

My vet visit was sooooooooooo late. I had planned to do the vet visit and then pick up Cully, but good thing I didn't have to today as they were nearly an hour late. The actual procedure takes 4 minutes, so once they got to me, we were in and out but we waited and waited and waited. So, lesson learned. Will schedule that treatment for days I don't have to pick up kids.

Then home to feed by-now-starving dogs and mom. Cully should be here any second. I need to get up and jump up and down or something as all I really want to do is take a nap.

Back later wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#910955 - 08/30/13 02:57 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 08/27/04
Posts: 2030
Loc: Lexington, Texas
Hey looney 4, just reading about your day makes me sleepy. Must nap soon. Will think of you.

It's hot here too and the ozone is unfavorable for those sensitive to it. Whatever that means.

Trying to conjure up some kind of labor day treat but so far.......ho hum. Maybe just the pets will get one.

ShemerBaby tore up another catnip toy this morning and is still sleeping it off. I have his dish and fancy feast treat waiting for him when he wakes.

I just discovered a purple splotch on my left elbow, the one that goes out the car window in the sun. Guess a dermatologist is in order.

Happy Friday all
_________________________
I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose

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