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#912825 - 09/09/13 10:39 PM Schmooseday Tuesday
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30063
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
When I think of talking, it is of course with a woman. For talking at its best being an inspiration, it wants a corresponding divine quality of receptiveness, and where will you find this but in a woman?
Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809 - 1894)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Arkansaw Drivers License Application

Plez compleet this paper, best ya can.

Last name: ________________

First name:
[_] Billy-Bob
[_] Billy-Joe
[_] Billy-Ray
[_] Billy-Jack
[_] Bubba

Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)

Sex: [_]M [_]F [_]None

Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right

Occupation:
[_] Farmer [_] Mechanic
[_] Janitor [_] Still Operator
[_] Un-employed

Spouse's Name: ______________________________
2nd Spouse's Name: __________________________
3rd Spouse's Name: __________________________
Lover's Name: _______________________________
2nd Lover's Name: ____________________________

Relationship with spouse:
[_] Sister
[_] Aunt
[_] Mother
[_] Cousin
[_] Daughter
[_] Pet

Number of children living in household: ___
Number of children living in shed: ___
Number of children that are yours: ___

Mama's Name: ____________________
Daddy's Name: ____________________

Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
If you obtained a higher education what was your
major?
[_] 5th grade [_] 6th grade

Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home?

Vehicles you own and where you keep them:
___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Age you started drivin ______ (If over 10 are you
still slow lerrnin ? [_] Yes [_] No)

Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ truck ____ kitchen
____ bedroom ____ bathroom/outhouse
____ shed ____ pawnshop

Model and year of your pickup: 194_ 195_ 196_ 197_

Do you have a gun rack?
[_] Yes [_] No; If no, please explain:

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
[_] The National Enquirer [_] The Globe
[_] TV Guide [_] Soap Opera Digest
[_] Guns and Ammo [_] Bassmasters

___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO

How often do you bathe:
[_] Weekly
[_] Monthly
[_] Not Applicable

How many teeth in YOUR mouth? ___
Color of teeth:
[_] Yellow [_] Brownish-Yellow
[_] Brown [_] Black
[_] N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco or snuff you prefer:
[_] Red-Man [_] Skoal
[_] Levi-Garrett [_] Copenhagen
[_] Days Work [_] Garrett Sweet Snuff
[_] Cannon Ball

How far is your home from a paved road?
[_] 1 mile
[_] 2 miles
[_] don't know
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Arkansas Professional Engineering Exam


1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
A. '66 Ford Fairlane B. '69 Chevrolet Chevelle C. '64 Pontiac GTO

3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of 'shine per hour,
how many radiators are required to condense the product?

4. A pulpwood cutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in
a plot to be harvested is 470 trees per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter
is 14". How many Budweiser tall-boys will it take to cut the trees?

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be
the decrease in the ozone layer?

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine at 24 inches on center with a field rock foundation.
The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1" thick rough sawn pine.
When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

7. A man owns an Arkansas house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The
man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man's land?

8. A 2-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph.
The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, how many people will swerve to
avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain? For extra credit, how many of the vehicles
that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields?

9. A coal mine operates an NFPA class 1, division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift.
A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked
during the shift?

10. At a reduction in gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town that
has been bypassed by the interstate to breed a country-western singer?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three guys get to heaven,Bob, Larry and Bill, and before they enter St. Peter warns them "whatever you do don't ever, ever, step on a duck. Once one quacks, they all do, and they make a terrible racket". Bob enters heaven and immediately steps on a duck. So an angel comes up to him and chains a large hairy ugly woman to him for eternity, and says " I told you not to step on a duck". The next week Larry steps on a duck. An angel comes to him and chains a very ugly woman to him for eternity and says "I told you not to step on a duck". Bill hadn't stepped on a duck since he had gotten into heaven, then one day an angel comes up to him and chains a beutiful supermodel to him. He asked her why she was there and she turned to him and said, " I don't know what you did, but I stepped on a duck."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This guy walks into a bar and ask the bar tender for a drink. He gets his drink and minds his own business and looks up and down the bar. To his amazement, he is stunned to see a 10' pianist on top of the bar. "Hey bartender," he says..."What is that 10' pianist doing on top of your bar?" "Well, you see this lamp?" asks the bartender. "Rub this lamp and you can make a wish, and you will see why I have a 10' pianist on the bar." So the man rubs the lamp and he wishes for a million bucks. All of a sudden, the doors pop open and a million ducks come flying into the bar. "Hey wait a minute!" says the man. "I wished for a million bucks not a million ducks." The bartender looks at him and says..."I didn't want a 10' pianist either."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy
cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a
double take. He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very
valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat
for two dollars.
The storeowner replies "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale.
The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch
mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat."
And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.
The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could
throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to eat and it'll save me from
having to get a dish."
And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this
week I've sold sixty-eight cats."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

10 Words That Don't Exist, But Should

1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn
the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.

2. CARPERPETUATION (kar'pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming,
of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times,
reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back
down to give the vacuum one more chance.

3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of confection
(lollipop) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will
somehow 'remove' all the germs.

4. ELBONICS (el bon'iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for
one armrest in a movie theater.

5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept
onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he
finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the
"open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort
to the 'illegal' side.

7. PEPPIER (peph ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole
purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh
ground pepper.

8.PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number
and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

9. PUPKUS (pup'kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog
presses its nose to it.

10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always
letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when
you're only six inches away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Health Tips
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these?vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
allowance of vegetable slop.

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?

A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal,
mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table
of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger
and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your
ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain - Good.

Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer?

A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual statement and peace of mind. If you stop, you'll probably stress
yourself to death in record time.

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How
could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?

A: Thicker gravy.

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want
a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? Cocoa beans... Another vegetable. It's the best feel good food around!

I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

Have a cookie... flour is a veggie!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

Another day, another dollar. wink

I'm saving all my dollars for a rainy day. thumbsup

By the time we get any rain around this place I figure I'll have about 10 grand. happydance

It should make a nice down payment on a new used truck. yay

Is that an oxymoron? think

I don't want no moronic truck. wink

Have a great day everyone. yes

joe


Edited by gymcandy1 (09/09/13 10:57 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#912826 - 09/09/13 10:56 PM Re: Schmooseday Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65226
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
lol I understood a new used truck quite well. grin We just say we bought a "new to me" vehicle. yes

We are in the 90's and I am loving it! I could stay outside all day in the heat as long as I can sleepn in the AC.

I am supposed to do on Saturday and I wish it would remain this hot for it but it's not looking good.

Have a happy day everyone!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#912833 - 09/09/13 11:21 PM Re: Schmooseday Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5507
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Here's hoping you get an intellectual truck, Joe. lol

Glad you are enjoying the heat, Ana. Hope it lasts for a while longer. I can send you some of mine if you'd like. grin

It's late Monday night for me, and I figured I would get my post in early as I have to work tomorrow. I may say a quick hello and goodbye in the morning. I'll just have to wait and see how I'm doing on time. grin

As for now, I'm off to sleep. Hope everyone here has a great Tuesday. cat

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#912854 - 09/10/13 01:05 AM Re: Schmooseday Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1]
manxman Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/23/02
Posts: 15328
Loc: Unionville
Good morning Joe, Ana, Venus and all who follow. waveHope everyone has a terrific tuesday smile
_________________________
Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.

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#912861 - 09/10/13 03:08 AM Re: Schmooseday Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7817
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe, Ana, Venus, Manxman and all who come in later. wave
Have a very nice day. happydance smile
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#912862 - 09/10/13 03:12 AM Re: Schmooseday Tuesday [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6057
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,Manxman,Venus,Haroula waveAna we're suppose to be in the 90's tomorrow crazyCoffee is ready enjoy the day everyone puppy
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#912874 - 09/10/13 06:04 AM Re: Schmooseday Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Online   happy
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17309
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning All! Wishing everyone a great day! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#912880 - 09/10/13 07:00 AM Re: Schmooseday Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8119
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. A trip to Big Lots and the grocery store are on the agenda for today. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Tuesday. Danish, Cinnamon Buns, and Muffins in the NC. summer
_________________________
Connie

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#912917 - 09/10/13 10:06 AM Re: Schmooseday Tuesday [Re: connie]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9403
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Again, you had me laughing out loud! kissy Have a super Schmooseday Tuesday!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#912924 - 09/10/13 10:13 AM Re: Schmooseday Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65226
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Hi ho hi ho...it's off to Salsa Funk I go! woot
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#912939 - 09/10/13 10:54 AM Re: Schmooseday Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13695
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe thanks for the chuckles this morning. May work fly and all those mowers sell to make room for Christmas stuff. Have a lovely day!

Ana enjoy class! Have a fun day out in the heat. It is in the 60's here and rainy!

venus may work be fun and time fly!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Manxman have a lovely day!!

Cailyn thanks for the coffee. Have a lovely day!

Gerry how's the walking going? Havea lovely day!

Connie happy shopping!! Thanks for the dansih!

Darlene may work fly and all go smoothly!!

Off to get a big and tall ladder for painting daughters house.

wave
Nan

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#912949 - 09/10/13 11:38 AM Re: Schmooseday Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42379
Loc: Alabama
Terrific Tuesday ya'll puppy

I was a slug this morning...just couldn't fall asleep last night so when sweet hubby poked me at 5:30 I said something incomprehensible and pulled a pillow over my head. Slept a couple more hours and then got up. Spent the next several hours in the kitchen prepping dinner, and cleaning the kitchen and feeding me and dogs.

Now I have about 5 minutes to sip and surf and then out the door to gas up the car and head to the vet. Doc will check out Keoki's knee. I know it is not healed but he does walk on it and gets going at a good pace sometimes so I'm looking forward to see what the vet has to say. I can't leave though til I pull the bread out of the oven. I tried rising a loaf in the frig yesterday. It was nice looking when I pulled it out of the fridge, but then it deflated before I got it in the oven. Good thing we don't really care what it looks like as long as it tastes great!

Hmmmmmm.....perhaps I should have stopped drinking coffee a cup ago...it seems to be not sitting too well.

Back later wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#913002 - 09/10/13 03:58 PM Re: Schmooseday Tuesday [Re: looney4labs]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9579
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Hot, hot, hot here. What about where you are?
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#913004 - 09/10/13 04:04 PM Re: Schmooseday Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65226
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
We are one degree from breaking the record here SpaceQ. It's 95. yay I am in my glory.
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#913013 - 09/10/13 04:27 PM Re: Schmooseday Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42379
Loc: Alabama
Hot here too...Ana, I can spare some if you like...
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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