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#913064 - 09/10/13 11:53 PM Wee Ned's Wednesday Joe's Diner
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29942
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Assert your right to make a few mistakes. If people can't accept your imperfections, that's their fault.
Dr. David M. Burns
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The doctor and his wife were having a heated argument at
breakfast.

As he stormed out of the house, the man angrily yelled to his
wife,

"You aren't that good in bed either!"

By mid morning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned
home. After many rings, his wife, clearly out of breath, answered
the phone.

"What took you so long to answer and why are you panting?"

"I was in bed."

"What in the world are you doing in bed at this hour?"

"Getting a second opinion."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Not cool anymore!

You find yourself listening to talk radio.


You daughter says she got pierced and you look at her ears.


The pattern on your shorts and couch match.


You fondly remember your powder blue leisure suit.


You think Tragically Hip is when a middle-aged man gets a new sports car, hair piece and a 20 year old girlfriend.


You criticize the kids of today for their satanic suicide-inducing music, forgetting that you rocked to Alice Cooper and Black Sabbath.


You call the police on a noisy party next door instead of grabbing beer and joining it.


You turn down free tickets to a rock concert because you have to work the next day.


When grass is something that you cut, not cultivate.


When jogging is something you do to your memory.


Getting a little action means your prune juice is working.


All the cars behind you flash their headlights.


You remember the "Rolling Stones" as a rock group not a corporation.


You bought your first car for the same price you paid for your son's new running shoes.


You actually ASK for your father's advice.


You don't know how to operate a fax machine.


When someone mentions SURFING you picture waves and a surf board.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was this Magician on a ship performing every night. Not noticing, the captains parrot watches him every night as he performs the same tricks. After watching him, the parrot finds out how he does it and started to tell the audience. After the parrot told the audience, the ship hit an iceberg and started to sink. Everyone ran to the life boats. It so happen that the Magician went overboard and managed to hold one a flat piece of board that the parrot was on. After three days of staring at each other the parrot finally says "Ok, what did you do with the ship?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As he was quietly watching television at home, the chap heard a sound on the roof of his house and rushed out to investigate. Seeing it was a fair-sized gorilla tearing the shingles off his home, he promptly called up the local zoo authorities to inform them one of their animals had escaped. He was reassured that a gorilla recovering units was on the way and to remain calm.
A few minutes later, an old beat up truck, displaying the Gorilla recovery unit logo on its panels, pulled up to the house. The elderly driver proceeds to recover from the back of the truck, a chihuahua dog, a pair of handcuffs, a ladder, a baseball bat, and a 12-gauge shotgun.

Puzzled on how this lone elderly was to solve the problem of this gorilla that had by now torn half the roof apart, the chap asked him how he would go about doing this. As he handed him over the 12-gauge shotgun, the zoo employee explained the plan:

"First I'll climb up there with the ladder. Then I'll approach the gorilla and knock him off the roof using the baseball bat. As soon as the gorilla hits the ground, the specially trained chihuahua will attack its private parts. When I get back on the ground, the gorilla will have lowered its hands to its groin area to protect itself thus making it easy for me to slip on the handcuffs. Then, I lead him to the truck, lock him up and take him back to the zoo..."

Amazed at the procedure, the somewhat startled house owner asked why he was handed the 12-gauge shotgun?

"Well," explained the experienced gorilla retriever, "It's just a precaution should things not go exactly as planned. In the unlikely event that once on the roof, the gorilla knocks me off with the baseball, shoot the dog.".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One day long ago. There was a king who gathered all the people of the land. He said if anyone could swim across the lake (with crocodiles) would have their choice of : a castle, money, or his daughters hand in marriage.
One man jumped up and yelled "I can do it!" He tried and failed. Another man said "I can do better than that." So he jumped in and didn't make it either. Next the crowd heard a splash. A man swam all the way across the lake. The king asked him "Which one would you like? A castle, money, or my daughters' hand in marriage." The man replied "I want the sorry son-of-a-gun that pushed me in!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man was an Engineer, the second was an Accountant, the third was a Chemist, and the fourth man was a Government Worker. To show off, the Engineer called to his dog. "T-Square, do your stuff." T-Square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

The Accountant said his dog could do better, and said, "Slide Rule, do your stuff." Slide Rule went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good.

The Chemist said his dog could do better still, so he called his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was great.

The Government Worker called to his dog and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff!" Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, dumped on the paper, sexually assaulted the other three dogs, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation and went home on sick leave. Everyone agreed that was really typical.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

It's still pretty dark now at 10:30 at night, but I'm absolutely confident that the morning will be good...I think. razz

I'm also absolutely confident that I don't know if I will finish this diner before I pass out. tired

If I don't finish it, I'm very very absolutely confident that you guys can use your imagination to complete it with whatever you imagine I meant to say. thumbsup

Right?? crazy

Right!! thumbsup

Just remember not finishing the post would most likely be wrong, but two rights don't make a wrong. wink

Staying up any later though would definitely most likely be wrong in my non nocturnal state. sleep

Wishing you and yours a happy day.

joe






_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#913070 - 09/11/13 02:00 AM Re: Wee Ned's Wednesday Joe's Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7479
Loc: Greece
lolGood morning Joe and all. wave
Have a nice and happy day. happydance smile
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#913080 - 09/11/13 04:00 AM Re: Wee Ned's Wednesday Joe's Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16861
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe and Haroula. Coffee is ready and I brought a sour cream cinnamon coffee cake with lemon icing. Have a nice day everyone! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#913095 - 09/11/13 06:24 AM Re: Wee Ned's Wednesday Joe's Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 7979
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. birthday Gerry. Birthday Cupcakes in the NC. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Hump day. Danish, Waffles, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. summer
_________________________
Connie

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#913097 - 09/11/13 06:45 AM Re: Wee Ned's Wednesday Joe's Diner [Re: connie]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6007
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Haroula,Gerry,Connie waveWoke up to no Internet eekGerry thanks for getting the coffee on,and birthdayto you hope it's a good one birthday wave
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#913114 - 09/11/13 08:43 AM Re: Wee Ned's Wednesday Joe's Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14235
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, sweet dreams and a sweet day today.

Haroula, good day to you!

Gerry, birthday

Connie, wishing you a wonderful day.

Sue, ahh, not a good start to the day when the internet is down.

Off to walk the dogs. Supposed to get real hot and humid today. Good day to All! summer
_________________________
Gail

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#913128 - 09/11/13 09:50 AM Re: Wee Ned's Wednesday Joe's Diner [Re: GBC]
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29942
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Good morning everybody. yay

See I told you. thumbsup

Ahm tard. tired

I was scheduled to be in at 5:00am today, but that was changed yesterday because a new VP is supposed to be in our store today or tomorrow, and they wanted the department manager to be there. I will close tonight. yes

Not thrilled about that, but I got to sleep in this morning. bravo

Tomorrow morning I go to the Dr for my yearly check-up. yes

I hope you all have a fantastic day. wave

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#913129 - 09/11/13 10:02 AM Re: Wee Ned's Wednesday Joe's Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9298
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Sorry about your schedule change, but glad to hear you got to sleep in! Hope your Wee Ned's Wednesday is wonderful!

birthday Gerry! Woohoo and booyah!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#913142 - 09/11/13 10:32 AM Re: Wee Ned's Wednesday Joe's Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64448
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning Joe, Haroula,Connie, Sue, Gail and Darlene.

birthday Gerry! There is cake in the corner. hearts

Joe, luck at the docs tomorrow! I got an appt tomorrow too, I'll trade ya. lol

I'm going to take the pups for their run shortly, we already had some rain come through and storms are on tap for the afternoon.

Have a happy day!

Ana wave
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#913152 - 09/11/13 10:59 AM Re: Wee Ned's Wednesday Joe's Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42069
Loc: Alabama
Wonderful Wednesday ya'll puppy

Hubby and I popped up early and let the pups walk us. It was cool out. happydance Now trying to not go back to bed, but it sure is calling me loudly.

Not sure what the day will bring, but by 10 p.m. that mystery will be solved. whistle wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#913161 - 09/11/13 11:42 AM Re: Wee Ned's Wednesday Joe's Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Online   content
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13519
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe thanks for the chuckles. Shame you had to change shifts but at least you could sleep in this morning. Have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the coffee. birthday Have a wonderful day! Any fun plans??

Oh Connie, cupcakes! Yummmmmmmy!! Have a wonderful day and thanks for the treats!!

Oh Cailyn glad the 'net' is up and working now and hopefully it stays that way!! Have a lovely day!

Gail enjoy your walk with the dogs before the heat sets in! Have a lovely day!

Ana have a lovely run in the park with the dogs!! Still corner free??? happydance Have a lovely day!

L4l glad you were able to hit the park this morning. Have fun whatever you find to do.

Darlene may work all go smoothly today! Have a lovely day!

No plans till taxi time.

wave
Nan

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#913180 - 09/11/13 02:15 PM Re: Wee Ned's Wednesday Joe's Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11364
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Good morning, afternoon, evening. Take your pick.

It is hot here but supposed to cool down by Friday.

I am without wheels today. Had to take my car in to the shop. It is doing things it is not supposed to be doing. Mechanic says it is not my imagination. Took it back to the Ford dealer where I bought it. Probably won't get it back till tomorrow sometime.

I made the mistake of going to Big Fish. EEK! Gotta stop that. Not.

Wishing everyone a really great day.

Bets
_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

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#913181 - 09/11/13 02:22 PM Re: Wee Ned's Wednesday Joe's Diner [Re: auntiegram]
Drmojo Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 12/04/04
Posts: 1758
Loc: Washington In the Wet corner
Hey ya boom boom buddies~

how is everyone doing today? hope
your all having a right nice day tomato
its beautiful here! 80's cool


Brought Mojo home yesterday so he could
run and kick up his heels in his pasture!
and eat grass, the paddocks at the barn are
all dirt eewww....

finally got a new light weight
wheelchair its AWESOME!! woot
sooooo much lighter then my old one
only bummer thing about it, its not red! mad
maybe Rikki can paint it?
if Joe was here I bet he could paint it!


L4L is the GB guild been doing anything?

birthday Gerry my friend!!!!


Karen summer sherlock
_________________________
OSO live
OSO Love
++OSO Strong++



Peace be with you~

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#913192 - 09/11/13 03:34 PM Re: Wee Ned's Wednesday Joe's Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
Lotus777 Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 03/12/06
Posts: 3270
Loc: Oregon
Good Afternoon Boomies!! It's a lovely day here too in the mid seventies and probably going to go higher...a bit of humidity but it can't be perfect, I guess! crazy Have more tomatoes making sauce on the stove. I got about five qts. the other day and this looks like about the same. My 93 year old mother is making another apple pie!! She amazes me still! She made one for us last week and it was fabulous. She has always been the family pie maker. Her crusts are so light and flaky. My MIL is here for the day and she and hubby are deep into a western movie. Hoping everyone here and to come have a wonderful day and Happy Gaming!! wave
_________________________
Lotus
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.

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#913196 - 09/11/13 04:05 PM Re: Wee Ned's Wednesday Joe's Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9406
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
We are half way to the weekend Boomers. yay
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#913197 - 09/11/13 04:05 PM Re: Wee Ned's Wednesday Joe's Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7479
Loc: Greece
birthdayGerry wave
sleep sleep
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#913207 - 09/11/13 05:25 PM Re: Wee Ned's Wednesday Joe's Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42069
Loc: Alabama
Doc, sounds like Mojo is having a blast. The GB guild is still around. We are a level 25 happydance but I haven't seen a lot of folks on lately.

It's hot hot hot out there...anyone who wants it is so welcome to take it. wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#913235 - 09/11/13 10:02 PM Re: Wee Ned's Wednesday Joe's Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64448
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Hi everyone! I had a good day here, very productive with a little fun thrown in.

Went to Insanity class tonight and it was a train wreck with a different instructor. I walked out after 30 minutes and did the stair climber instead.

I am back in the corner for a little bit. Life is good....
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#913240 - 09/11/13 10:37 PM Re: Wee Ned's Wednesday Joe's Diner [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9298
Loc: Southern California
wave

Home, fed, and awaiting the newest NCIS....

Off to take advantage of a game sale.....

woot
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#913245 - 09/11/13 10:51 PM Re: Wee Ned's Wednesday Joe's Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64448
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
lol You couldn't resist huh Darlene! Happy shopping.
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#913247 - 09/11/13 10:52 PM Re: Wee Ned's Wednesday Joe's Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42069
Loc: Alabama
Sweet dreams all sleep
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#913248 - 09/11/13 10:57 PM Re: Wee Ned's Wednesday Joe's Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
3dobermans Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 10/01/05
Posts: 13152
Loc: Palouse country
And then there's this big black cat that lays in the yard across the alley and stares at the dogs...why can't there be green cats...then the dogs couldn't see them.
_________________________
Reading is to the mind, what exercise is to the body - Joseph Addison

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#913259 - 09/12/13 12:59 AM Re: Wee Ned's Wednesday Joe's Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Online   content
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13519
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Night all sleep well and pleasant dreams!

sleep
Nan

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