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Tursday's #913254
09/12/13 12:12 AM
09/12/13 12:12 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Nurture your mind with great thoughts; to believe in the heroic makes heroes.
Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and considerable damage to the bonnet. There's no sign of the offending vehicle but he's relieved to see that there's a note stuck under the windshield wiper.

"Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who saw the accident are nodding and smiling at me because they think I'm leaving my name, address and other particulars. But I'm not. Cya!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

While escaped, a convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it."

"Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you are really cute!".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stephen Wright Jokes

I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking', but I don't have that much time.

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.'

I invented the cordless extension cord.

I bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.'

I have a full-size map of the world. At the bottom it says '1 inch = 1 inch'. I hardly ever unroll it.

My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone when I came back the entire area was missing.

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday; twenty people were trapped on the escalators.

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, 'If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?'

When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.

I like to paint passing lines on curved roads.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included, so I had to buy them again.

I saw a close friend of mine the other day. He said 'Stephen, why haven't you called me?' I said, 'I can't call everyone I want. My (new) phone has no 'five' on it.' He said, 'How long have you had it?' I said, 'I don't know, my calendar has no 'seven's on it.'

I saw a man with a wooden leg, and a real foot.

I replaced the headlights on my car with strobe lights. Now it looks like I'm the only one moving.

I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new song on the radio I think 'Hey, maybe I wrote that.'

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over the cop looks at it [moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly] and says 'Here, you can go.'

I put instant coffee in a microwave, and almost went back in time.

I just bought a microwave fireplace. You can spend an evening in front of it in only eight minutes.

Women. Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em.

I was going to tape some records onto a cassette, but I got the wires backwards. I erased the all of the records. When I returned them to my friend, he said, 'Hey, these records are all blank.'

I filled out an application that said 'In Case Of Emergency Notify:' I wrote 'Doctor.'

I bought some powdered water, but I didn't know what to add.

If you take an Oriental and turn him around so he faces west, does he become disoriented?

One day I got on the usual bus, and when I stepped in, I saw the most gorgeous blonde Chinese girl. I sat beside her. I said, 'Hi,' and she said, 'Hi,' and then I said, 'Nice day, isn't it?' and she said, 'I saw my analyst today and he says I have a problem.' So I asked, 'What's the problem?' She replied, 'I can't tell you. I don't even know you.' I said, 'Well sometimes it's good to tell your problems to a perfect stranger on a bus.' So she said, 'Well, my analyst said I'm a nymphomaniac and I only like Jewish cowboys. By the way, my name is Denise.' I said, 'Hello, Denise. I'm Bucky Goldstein.'

Ever notice how irons have a setting for PERMANENT press? I don't get it.

I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.

After they make Styrofoam, what do they ship it in?

You know that feeling when you lean back too far on a stool and catch yourself just before you fall backwards? I feel like that all the time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

I worked late, and I'm way late for getting to bed. Gotta get up and be across the river and below the boarder in Tejas pretty early. razz

I plan on wearing my boots and spurs so them Texicans will just think ahm one-o-them.

They don't cotton much to Okies down there. shame

Gee, I wunder why. headscratch

I don't need no Texas Doctor knowing I'm from Oklahoma while she's massaging my prostrate. scared

Gotta go in to work of course after the Doctor's exam..........if I have any dignity left that is. blush

Y'all have a happy day ya hear? thumbsup

joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Tursday's [Re: gymcandy1] #913266
09/12/13 02:54 AM
09/12/13 02:54 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning Joe and all who follow.
The summer is still here for us 32C. yes
Have all a great day. smile wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Tursday's [Re: Haroula] #913267
09/12/13 03:05 AM
09/12/13 03:05 AM
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist
cailyn  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Haroula waveSummer is still here also Haroula it was 95 yesterday eekGerry I hope you had a great day yesterday waveCoffee is ready! Wishing everyone a sunny day summer


I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue
Re: Tursday's [Re: gymcandy1] #913271
09/12/13 03:50 AM
09/12/13 03:50 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Haroula and Cailyn. I had a wonderful Birthday yesterday Cailyn. It was hot here to but we went to the shore and had lunch at our favorite little restaurant. We ate outside on the deck that overlooks the harbor and watched the boats sail by. Hope you all enjoy your day! wave


Gerry
Re: Tursday's [Re: gymcandy1] #913278
09/12/13 04:08 AM
09/12/13 04:08 AM
Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 3,440
47.79N, 122.24W
BobH Offline
Addicted Boomer
BobH  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Oct 2011
Posts: 3,440
47.79N, 122.24W
Good morning all, technically Thursday morning but haven't gone to bed yet. We broke a record here in Seattle hitting 93F. The previous high for the day was 87. It looks like this is our last gasp of summer. The more familiar cool and wet weather is just around the corner.


Bob
As I've grown older, I've found that my memory is not as good as I used to think it was.
Re: Tursday's [Re: gymcandy1] #913284
09/12/13 04:34 AM
09/12/13 04:34 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning BobH. It seems like all across the country the weather was unusually hot yesterday. Hope it is cooler for you today. Enjoy your day! summer


Gerry
Re: Tursday's [Re: gymcandy1] #913286
09/12/13 06:01 AM
09/12/13 06:01 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hello and goodbye. wave


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Tursday's [Re: gymcandy1] #913287
09/12/13 06:32 AM
09/12/13 06:32 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Thursday. I think a bit of shopping is in order today. Danish, Cinnamon Buns, French Toast and Waffles in the NC. summer


Connie
Re: Tursday's [Re: gymcandy1] #913288
09/12/13 06:55 AM
09/12/13 06:55 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,026
Unionville
manxman Offline
Sonic Boomer
manxman  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,026
Unionville
Good morning everyone. Hope you all have a terrific thursday wave


Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: Tursday's [Re: gymcandy1] #913294
09/12/13 08:30 AM
09/12/13 08:30 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, Good luck at the docs.

Haroula, enjoy your day!

Sue, coffee needed badly. Thanks.

Gerry, sounds like you had a great birthday!

Bob, you're up before you went to bed. lol

Venus, a good day wished!

Connie, thanks for the Danish.

Manxman, have a great day.

Survived the intense heat yesterday and glad it's cooler this morning. penguin


Gail
Re: Tursday's [Re: GBC] #913307
09/12/13 10:01 AM
09/12/13 10:01 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope the doc appointment goes well and that your Tursday is terrific! smile

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Yoga tonight with daughter! smile

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Tursday's [Re: gymcandy1] #913309
09/12/13 10:16 AM
09/12/13 10:16 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning Joe, Gail, manxman, Connie, venus, Sue, Gerry, BobH and Haroula.

Off to the river with the dogs shortly, then work a bit, then off to the doc and back to work. Then tonight I have a 90 minute street dance special I am going to. Can't wait! yay

Hope you all have an awesome day!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tursday's [Re: gymcandy1] #913310
09/12/13 10:23 AM
09/12/13 10:23 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
I am off and running. lol Have a quick appointment at the dentist then a few errands to do.

May everybody have a lovely day!!

wave
Nan

Re: Tursday's [Re: gymcandy1] #913317
09/12/13 10:50 AM
09/12/13 10:50 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Darlene, not sure how I missed you this morning but have a great night at yoga!

Nan, good luck at the dentist.


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tursday's [Re: gymcandy1] #913329
09/12/13 11:35 AM
09/12/13 11:35 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Thumping Good Thursday ya'll puppy

Hubby and I popped up and hit the park early. It was dark and it was cool and lovely out. Keoki man was feeling spunky and I had to work to keep up with him at times. He spotted a cat and took full advantage of his knowledge that I no longer snap his leash.

Then home to get hubby and son off to work, then to the computer for some surfing and research. Called the vet to schedule surgery for Keoki. They said they could squeeze him in next Wednesday and I said, "No way" I want him to be the first dog up, so schedule him whatever day we can make that happen. He is doing well and if we didn't have stairs and live on a hill, I'd think about not doing anything.

It's gonna be hot today....so summer is stretching here too.

I must vacuum today and do a good kitchen clean. Back later wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tursday's [Re: gymcandy1] #913344
09/12/13 12:55 PM
09/12/13 12:55 PM
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 3,295
Oregon
Lotus777 Offline
Addicted Boomer
Lotus777  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 3,295
Oregon
Good Morning!! Joe, I hope all went well this AM and you have retained at least some modicum of your dignity. Enjoy your summer Haroula and Sue. I'm glad you had such a great birthday, Gerry. Hi BobH, we were having similar weather but it is now cool and drizzling on the S. Coast of OR. Hi/bye venus and have fun shopping Connie. I hope you have a fabulous day too manxman. Glad your weather has cooled down, Gail and enjoy the yoga class, Darlene. Have fun with the dogs, Ana. Love all the photos and videos of Merlin, he is such a boy!!! A street dance sounds like a blast! hi Nan, how are you and Sassy? I hope your dentist appointment is pain-free!! Hi L4l, please keep us informed about your dear Keoki. Might even get to game for a bit today so Happy Gaming everyone!! wave


Lotus
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.
Re: Tursday's [Re: gymcandy1] #913371
09/12/13 02:41 PM
09/12/13 02:41 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Dogs had an extra long run today and I'm off to the doc shortly. Not in the least bit excited... lol

Lotus, glad you find Merlin as entertaining as I do. I will try and get the last one from FB on here when I get a chance so others can see him too.
How's the home front and the moms? They are always in my prayers.

L4L, if you still feel energetic, my house could use a good vacuuming also. grin


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tursday's [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #913377
09/12/13 04:05 PM
09/12/13 04:05 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tursday's [Re: gymcandy1] #913382
09/12/13 04:48 PM
09/12/13 04:48 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
sleep wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Tursday's [Re: gymcandy1] #913388
09/12/13 06:19 PM
09/12/13 06:19 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Good afternoon indeed SpaceQ! Almost Friday. yay

Haroula, sweet dreams sleep

My screening went well and I am doing the happy dance. Life is good!

I will be celebrating by dancing the night away.

Have a happy night!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tursday's [Re: gymcandy1] #913393
09/12/13 06:45 PM
09/12/13 06:45 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Ana glad all went well with the doc appointment! happydance You deserve to dance the night away!!

Dentist was easy....tooth hurt but it was a popcorn hull stuck in the gum by the tooth. Easy fix!!

Night Haroula sleep well.

Space enjoy your evening!! Only one more till the weekend!!

Lotus Sassy and I are doing good. We spent most of the day with Abbi, my great-granddaughter and my granddaughter. Fun times.

Oh L4l prayers that the surgery does the trick for poor Keoki! HUGS!!

Hope everybody is and has had a wonderfully lovely day!! We had sun but it was cool, we made it to 62!

wave
Nan

Re: Tursday's [Re: gymcandy1] #913399
09/12/13 07:04 PM
09/12/13 07:04 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Glad it was an easy trip to the dentist, Nan! It's cooler here too, I already miss the the few days of heat. It was awesome!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tursday's [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #913405
09/12/13 07:27 PM
09/12/13 07:27 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
thanks Nan. Friday is almost here. happydance


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tursday's [Re: gymcandy1] #913410
09/12/13 08:00 PM
09/12/13 08:00 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
This week is soooo long! Anxiously awaiting the end of Big Brother. Can't come soon enough since I've learned so many 4 letter words and other nasty stuff. Worst season ever. Hope they do something different to avoid all the chaos next season.

Spent several hours yesterday assembling a 6 foot steel, 5 shelf commercial storage rack for my storage shed. I call it Warehouse 13. I keep all my 'extra' antiques and goodies out there. Lots of those racks with neatly packed and labeled boxes on them.

The newest one has 16 boxes of Audio Books (tapes and CDs) on it now. Got them all off the floor and I can walk around again out there. Now I will have to reorganize and glean some of the extra stuff I hope I can part with. Too many things. First up is going through 4 full shelves of pictures, frames, extra glass, art work, etc. Way too much of it. Hope I can find enough that will free up some space. WHO needs 4, 5 foot long, shelves of pictures and paintings? I guess ME!


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Tursday's [Re: gymcandy1] #913415
09/12/13 08:38 PM
09/12/13 08:38 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Hi guys. GO PATS!!! rah rah rah Sorry I get carried away.

Gotta watch the game for awhile. Be back.....

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
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