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Fried Day #913443
09/13/13 12:12 AM
09/13/13 12:12 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it.
Cullen Hightower
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal.

Feeling somewhat hungry he sat down and looked over the menu...

Broiled Missionary: $10.00
Fried Explorer: $15.00
Baked Politician: $100.00.

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a price difference for the politician?"

The cook replied "Have you ever tried to clean one of them?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

During a recent staff meeting in Heaven, God, Moses, and Saint Peter concluded that the behavior of Ex-President Clinton and Representative Condit had brought about the need for an eleventh commandment.

They worked long and hard in a brain-storming session to try to settle on the wording of the new commandment, because they realized that it should have the same style, majesty and dignity as the original ten.

After many revisions, they finally agreed that the eleventh commandment should be:

"Thou shalt not comfort thy rod with thy staff."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A photographer, who was also a confirmed athiest, decided to go into the woods to get photos of the fall foliage.

It was a beautiful day....fall colors, birds chirping, babbling brook, and a gentle breeze rustling the leaves.

While snapping shots, the athiest heard a noise behind him, and whirled around to see a huge bear coming through the bushes. He dropped his camera and ran. And kept running....... and looking behind him, he noticed the bear was gaining on him. He was so scared that tears came to his eyes. He ran faster, but the bear was closing in on him. He ran faster yet, and tripped over a root. Rolling over onto his back, the athiest saw the bear rise to his full height and raise a huge paw...... and the athiest cried out, "Oh, God, no!"

And everything stopped. The birds stopped chirping. The brook stopped babbling. The gentle breeze stopped. And the bear froze with his paw in the air. And the athiest heard a booming voice say, "Young man. For years you doubted my very existance, but now that your life is in peril you call my name to help you. Why should I do so?"

And the athiest thought for a moment, and said, "Yes, you are right. If you are God, then it would be hypocritical of me to become a Christian at this point in my life. But, do you think that you could at least make the bear a Christian for today?" And the booming voice was quiet for a moment and then said, "Done."

And everything started again. The birds chirping, brook babbling, and gentle breeze rustling the leaves. And the bear slowly lowered his paw.

And the bear put his paws together, and bowed his massive head and said, "Dear Lord, please bless this food we are about to eat."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A woman decides to have a facelift for her birthday. She spends $5,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home she stops at a newsstand to buy a paper. Before leaving, she asks the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 32", the clerk replies.

"I'm actually 47," the woman says happily.

A little while later, she goes into McDonald's, and upon getting her order, asks the counter girl the same question. She replies, "I'd quess about 29."

The woman replies, "Nope, I am 47." Now she is feeling really good about herself.

While waiting for the bus home, she asks an old man the same question. He replies, "I'm 78 and my eyesight is starting to go. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was, but it requires you to let me put my hands up your shirt and feel your boobs. Then I can tell exactly how old you are."

They waited in silence on the empty street until curiosity got the best of the woman, and she finally said, "What the hell, go ahead."

The old man slips both hands up her shirt, under her bra, and begins to feel around. After a couple of minutes, she says, "Okay, okay, how old am I?"

He removes his hands and says, "You are 47."

Stunned, the woman says, "That is amazing! How did you know?"

The old man replies, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man and his wife were in a fancy resturant. While ordering, they noticed that the waiter had a spoon in his shirt pocket, and after looking around, they observed the other waiters and busboys each had a similar spoon. So the husband says, "what's with the spoon?"
The waiter said,"well, we had this company come in and evaluate our time management and they found that people drop their spoon 74.8% more often than any other utensil. So if we carry one with us, we can reduce the trips back to the kitchen by 3 hours per shift.
The husband was impressed. Sure enough, he dropped his spoon during dinner and the waiter replaced it with his, stating, "I'll just get another when I go to the kitchen for something else". While ordering dessert, the husband noted that the waiter had a very thin string hanging from the fly of his pants, as did the other waiters, so the husband asks, " hey, there's a string on your pants". The waiter tells him, " not all my customers are as observant as you... the same company found that we can reduce the amount of time spent in the bathroom by 2 hours each shift if we tie a string around the end of you-know-what, and when we have to go we just unzip and pull it out with the string completely eliminating the need to wash up and saving time." The husband was impressed, but asked, " it's a good idea but how do you get it back in your pants?".
The waiter leaned close and whispered, " well I don't know about the rest of them, but personally I use the spoon."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There were these three texans and they were gonna go to mexico to get drunk. Well they go there get drunk and pass out they wake up the next morning in jail. They ask the gaurds what they are in for. The gaurd says the only thing he knows is that they were to be executed for their crimes. Well the day comes and the first guy gets strapped to the electric chair. The gaurd asks if he has any last words. The guy says " I'm from Baylor University and I beleive in the almighty power of god to prevail on the innocent." The gaurd flips the switch and nothing happens so they let him go.
The next guy gets strapped in and the gaurd asks for his last words. He says " I'm from texas Tech and I beleive in the almighty power of justice to prevail on the innocent." The gaurd flips the switch and nothing happens so they let him go.
The next guy is brought in and he says " I'm a Texas Aggee eeletrical eengineer and I tell you you'll never eelectrocute noone if you don't connect those two wires."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

Do you believe in Power to the People? taz

I hope so because I'm due for a serious power nap. sleep

Do you believe in Love at First Sight?

I hope so. I've been in love with my bed since I first layed eyes on it, as well as the rest of my body. hearts

Do you believe in Forgiveness? yes

I hope so......for the obvious reason(s). blush

Do you believe in Karma? wink

I hope so, then you'll have a happy day. wave

joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Fried Day [Re: gymcandy1] #913451
09/13/13 02:18 AM
09/13/13 02:18 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning Joe and all who come in later. wave
Have a great Friday everybody. smile happydance


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Fried Day [Re: Haroula] #913458
09/13/13 04:32 AM
09/13/13 04:32 AM
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist
cailyn  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Happy Friday Joe,Haroula,and all who follow me in waveI'll get the coffee going and then I'm off to the gym wave


I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue
Re: Fried Day [Re: gymcandy1] #913460
09/13/13 04:46 AM
09/13/13 04:46 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,099
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Online happy
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Online Happy
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,099
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Haroula and Sue. Hope you all have a great Friday! wave


Gerry
Re: Fried Day [Re: gymcandy1] #913468
09/13/13 06:09 AM
09/13/13 06:09 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,014
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,014
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Not sure what's on the agenda for the day yet. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful TGIF. Danish, BB Pancakes and Cinnamon Buns in the NC. summer


Connie
Re: Fried Day [Re: gymcandy1] #913469
09/13/13 06:13 AM
09/13/13 06:13 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hello and goodbye. wave


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Fried Day [Re: gymcandy1] #913479
09/13/13 08:09 AM
09/13/13 08:09 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 28,972
Unionville
manxman Offline
Sonic Boomer
manxman  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 28,972
Unionville
Good morning all boomers. wave Hope everyone has a fabulous friday smile


Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: Fried Day [Re: gymcandy1] #913480
09/13/13 08:10 AM
09/13/13 08:10 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, thanks for the laughs.

Haroula, good day to you.

Sue, thanks for the coffee. Enjoy the gym.

Gerry, have a great day.

Venus, wishing you an easy workday. How are the kitties doing?

Connie, hope your day is an easy one.

A trip to BJ's is on the agenda this afternoon. Hope everyone will have an enjoyable day today. puppy

Morning Manxman. Didn't see you there!

Last edited by GBC; 09/13/13 08:11 AM.

Gail
Re: Fried Day [Re: GBC] #913487
09/13/13 08:52 AM
09/13/13 08:52 AM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,330
Switzerland
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer
Gimli  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 2,330
Switzerland
help insane zombie

I need wings, please somebody! And I need more hours in a day. 24 hours is waayyyyy to little. Tomorrow we'll drive to Germany (north of Munich), then Sunday Germany, Monday South Tirol Alps and Tuesday or Wednesday our home in Italy. Will come online again mid or end of next week. Nan, again thanks for the Band.
Keep smiling folks (there's nothing else for it .. grin)

LOVE!

Evelyne


"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)
Re: Fried Day [Re: Gimli] #913506
09/13/13 09:57 AM
09/13/13 09:57 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope you have a happy day, as well! smile

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Shorter work day for me today. happydance

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Fried Day [Re: gymcandy1] #913508
09/13/13 10:25 AM
09/13/13 10:25 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
Joe, when is your "weekend"? Have a happy day!

Haroula, is your beach weather over now?

Sue, have a great workout.

Gerry, are the fall colors starting yet?

Connie, can you resume your walks yet? How is hubby?

venus, hope work goes well.

manxman, happy Friday!

Gail, are you enjoying your new routine with the kids back in school?

Evelyne, I can't agree more on the days being too short. I run out of time everyday.
Have a fun and safe trip!

Darlene, I hope you have something fun planned for the early end to your workday.

Ana wave

Last edited by BrownEyedTigre; 09/13/13 10:26 AM. Reason: type too slow and missed Darlene

Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Fried Day [Re: Darlene] #913509
09/13/13 10:30 AM
09/13/13 10:30 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Good Friday the 13th everyone. wave

I'm still trying to wakey wakey. tired

Two cups off coffee ain't doing it. I may have to go back for a third.

It's so nice to have a day off. I'm pretty sure I earned it.

Another hot day is in store. Surprise!

In about a week we are finally moving back to the upper 80s, and have strong rain in the forecast. I don't want the rain that Colorado is getting, but I hope we get a bunch. bravo

We had a rain shower yesterday but it didn't last nearly long enough.

I hope you all have a super day. rah

Evie that's a lot of travelling. I hope you stay safe. hearts

Ana congrats on your screening. bravo hearts

Darlene, Gail, Manxman, Venus, Connie, Gerry, Sue, Haroula, MaG & all, thanks for being here everyday. You all make my day.....every day. flowers

Last edited by gymcandy1; 09/13/13 10:31 AM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Fried Day [Re: gymcandy1] #913511
09/13/13 10:50 AM
09/13/13 10:50 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
Joe, hope your doc appt went well yesterday. hearts I wish our heat would have lasted a few more days. I had a wipe-out style obstacle course race tomorrow that I cancelled out of because it will be in the 40's when it starts and in the first obstacle you have to swim. I don't have a wet suit and I am not running for a couple hours wet and cold.
I hope you get your rain!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Fried Day [Re: gymcandy1] #913513
09/13/13 11:12 AM
09/13/13 11:12 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Ana not yet...35C. we had yestarday and today. yes summer


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Fried Day [Re: gymcandy1] #913515
09/13/13 11:32 AM
09/13/13 11:32 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
It's FOGGY! Lovely cool morning here.

Last night 2 hours before the Big Brother show, our cable went out all over the neighborhood. It was off for 1 1 /2 hours and finally came back on just in time. Geez. Add to that my phone is linked to my cable and internet so I was without all 3 for that time. What fun.

BIG spider crawled up my bare leg during Big Brother, causing me to jump up and brush it off on the floor but I never found it! Huge thingy, I've seen them in the house before, but where did it go? Nightmares..ha.

Pricing my Chesterfield Leather Sofa to replace my old falling apart one. So far the closest store to get one (30 miles away) gave me a quote of $4795, and that was, as he said, 'the base price', and the final would depend on what leather, etc. I chose AND I could have it in as little as 12-16 weeks! Yikes! I could buy a small car for that price and 4 months of waiting? Not gonna fly on that one.

Found on the net, some very similar, made in England, shipped over here in about 4-6 weeks and total price with shipping is about 2000. Much better deal. I've sent for leather samples to see if it's quality or cheap thin stuff. My old one is 18 years old and except for the massive cat damage, is still working 'innards wise'. I'd hope the next one will last that long.

Have no idea why it's so hard to locate a leather chesterfield sofa anywhere around here. See them on every TV show, in the offices of lawyers and other officials. Simple design, classic, but can I find one on the showroom floor???? Not in 18 years. All special order and nothing to look at or touch up close and personal. Weird.

Last one was a 'floor sample' which the store was thrilled to get rid of and said they would never have another one. This was a very GOOD store. Guess nobody likes them but me. headscratch


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Fried Day [Re: gymcandy1] #913535
09/13/13 02:25 PM
09/13/13 02:25 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Jr. was stung by a wasp in his sole in the beach today...
Imagine what happened next cry
I called the pediatrist,then to pharmacy and still cry
duh
Then ideaI gave him a chocolate bar and thumbsup lol

Last edited by Haroula; 09/13/13 02:26 PM.

I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Fried Day [Re: gymcandy1] #913538
09/13/13 02:26 PM
09/13/13 02:26 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Awwwww Haroula, I'm so sorry. Wasp stings can be nasty.

My net and phone and cable are all up and down today....wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Fried Day [Re: gymcandy1] #913547
09/13/13 02:44 PM
09/13/13 02:44 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
Went to the river with the dogs this morning and found a lost dog. Called 911 and the guy was rude, rude, rude and would not help. The dog had no collar and Merlin would not allow me to capture it so I lost her. Then I joined forces with another lady and after a half hour we found her again and was able to get a leash around her and hang on to her. She was an old Catahouna Leopard and was thankful to be on the leash. We had to chase both her dogs and mine away because none were too happy we had another one. rotfl Jealous dogs! I called Animal control and they had a frantic lady on the other line who was looking for her. Happy day! We stayed there for another 15 minutes until she came. It was a happy reunion!

Haroula, glad that Jr is happy again. If you have powdered meat tenderizer available it will draw the stinger out and get rid of the swelling and pain. If not and you can get bentonite clay, that helps too.

Sorta, good luck in finding a replacement couch. Maybe you can get yours restored cheaper.

L4L, hope you can get your net stable. It's frustrating when it does that.





Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Fried Day [Re: gymcandy1] #913561
09/13/13 03:25 PM
09/13/13 03:25 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Ana thanks
sleep wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Fried Day [Re: gymcandy1] #913566
09/13/13 03:41 PM
09/13/13 03:41 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
bravo Ana....you did a good thing today! puppy

Up for the nonce, but it's storming so we shall see!


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Fried Day [Re: gymcandy1] #913574
09/13/13 04:31 PM
09/13/13 04:31 PM
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 3,295
Oregon
Lotus777 Offline
Addicted Boomer
Lotus777  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 3,295
Oregon
Good Afternoon Boomies!! Yes Mr. Java Joe, we hope your appt went well yesterday. Hope you have a safe trip Evelyne. Awww, poor little Jr. Glad he was pacified! Sorta, I hope you find your couch but even more so I hope you never see that spider again. I do not like them in my home. There is a thing called the Spider Dance which might equal any that Ana does..except in duration, lol. Our green beans are so late this year but just picked about three pounds of them..the ones the bunnies haven't nibbled off half way!! Hope your internet quits acting up, L4L. I am off to blanch and freeze the beans so Happy Gaming everyone!! wave


Lotus
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.
Re: Fried Day [Re: gymcandy1] #913575
09/13/13 04:31 PM
09/13/13 04:31 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Well what an unexpected day I have had. Granddaughter had to go and put deposit money on her place and get the keys so I have had Abbi all day. So we spent the day at the park. Such fun!!! They are all home now and now it is time to head out with the taxi!!

Hope that everybody is having a wonderful day!

Evelyne prayers for the Band around you and hubby as you do all that traveling!! Have some fun while you are at it!! hearts

Ana what a wonderful lthing you did today with the lost dog. thumbsup

Off I go.......

wave
Nan

Re: Fried Day [Re: gymcandy1] #913577
09/13/13 04:32 PM
09/13/13 04:32 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Thanks for the jokes Joe. thumbsup


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Fried Day [Re: Space Quest Fan] #913599
09/13/13 06:39 PM
09/13/13 06:39 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
He everyone. wave

I've had a real nice day, and now it's time to get ready for an early work day again. yes

I hope you all had a super one. rah rah rah

joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Fried Day [Re: gymcandy1] #913610
09/13/13 07:22 PM
09/13/13 07:22 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Great lost/found dog story! Love a happy ending. Thank goodness people are willing to help (well some of them are minus the 911 guy).

Went to Wally Mart and bought 5 boxes of 8 each ice cream drumsticks. Good price on sale. Taste yummy in this hot weather. I will keep them away from my friend/tenant who I walk with every day. He looks like he's having twins. Have no idea how his tummy got that big. Wow. duh


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
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