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#913768 - 09/14/13 11:07 PM Sunday Morning Sunshine
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30060
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.
Carl Sagan (1934 - 1996)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides to go golfing. He calls his boss and says that he feels very sick, and won't be able to go to work.

Way up in heaven, Saint Peter sees all this and asks God, "Are you really going to let him get away with this?"

"No, I guess not," says God.

The priest drives about five to six hours away, so he doesn't bump into anyone he knows. The golf course is empty when he gets there. So he takes his first swing, drives the ball 495 yards away and gets a hole in one.

Saint Peter watches in disbelief and asks, "Why did you let him do that?"

To this God says, "Who's he going to tell?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how attractive and shapely the housekeeper was. Over the course of the evening, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the housekeeper than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, my relationship with my housekeeper is purely professional."

About a week later, the housekeeper came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote:

"Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner." Several days later, John received a letter back from his mother:

Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with your housekeeper, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with your housekeeper. But the fact remains that if you were sleeping in your own bed, you would have found the gravy ladle by now."

Love, Mom.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening that reads:

Dear Wife: I am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and sexy 18 year old secretary. When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows:

Dear Husband: I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year old toy boy.

You being an accountant will therefore appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A blonde and a brunette are running a ranch together in Louisiana. They decide they need a bull to mate with their cows to increase their herd. The brunette takes their life savings of $600 dollars and goes to Texas to buy a bull.

She eventually meets with an old cowboy that will sell her a bull. "It's the only one I got for $599, take it or leave it." She buys the bull and goes to the local telegram office and says, "I'd like to send a telegram to my friend in Louisiana that says: Have found the stud bull for our ranch, bring the trailer."

The man behind the counter tells her, "Telegrams to anywhere in the U.S. are $.75 per word." She thinks about it for a moment and decides. "I'd like to send one word, please." "And what word would that be?" inquires the man.

"Comfortable." replies the brunette.

The man asks, "I'm sorry miss, but how is your friend gonna understand this telegram?"

The brunette replies, "My friend is blonde and reads REAL slow, when she gets this, she will see COM-FOR-DA-BULL."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
Atheism is a nonprophet organization.
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
It there another word for synonym?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Where do forest rangers go "to get away from it all?"
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why do they lock gas stations bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

Can anybody here read lips??

I wonder if they're singing Sounds of Silence.

I was trying to think more positively about my sister yesterday while doing some chores, and it worked. It felt really good.

I pride myself for being a below average person.

Did you know that the average person will swallow no less than 8 spiders in their lifetime while sleeping?

I sleep with a little bowl of au jus next to my pillow. Just in case.

Maybe I should say, "jus in case".


You know how you close your eyes, and hold your breath, and remain very still when in the presence of danger, in the hope that it won't see you?

Well, I just survived Friday the 13th in a house with not 1, but 2 black cats........................and my sister.

Speaking of Halloween, I've decided what I'm going as this year.....................my sister.

I mean really. Every time I see her putting on make up I think what's the point?

SAVE THE MONEY!!!

Children are starving in China ya know!

I'm sure I've been desensitized some over the last 62 years, but I imagine some people would rather look at a babbling baboon's behind.

I know I'm going to hell for that. slapforehead

Have a happy day everyone.

joe


Remember, if life gives you prunes, make prune juice and serve it to them.

That'll teach 'em


Edited by gymcandy1 (09/14/13 11:28 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#913772 - 09/15/13 12:14 AM Re: Sunday Morning Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65213
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Oh Joe, you crack me up! Hubby loved your golf joke btw. He and BIL are going to the BMW championship today. He's really excited about it.
Since I can't breathe through my nose right now, I am going to have nightmares about swallowing spiders for sure. rotfl

Have a happy day everyone!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#913779 - 09/15/13 01:32 AM Re: Sunday Morning Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
manxman Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/23/02
Posts: 15322
Loc: Unionville
Good morning Joe, Ana and all who follow. wave Hope everyone has a super sunday smile
_________________________
Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.

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#913781 - 09/15/13 02:28 AM Re: Sunday Morning Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7810
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe, Ana, Manxman and all who follow later. wave
Have a nice and relaxing Sunday happydance
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#913782 - 09/15/13 04:31 AM Re: Sunday Morning Sunshine [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6056
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,Manxman,Haroula waveCoffee is ready! Wishing everyone a peaceful day puppy
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#913787 - 09/15/13 05:15 AM Re: Sunday Morning Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17305
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, manxman, Haroula and Sue. Joe it's always a great way to start my day coming to your Diner! You make me laugh! Ana my hubby loved the golf joke too! Joe, Ana, manxman, Haroula, Sue and all have a stress free day! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#913790 - 09/15/13 06:16 AM Re: Sunday Morning Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14560
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, very funny this morning.

Ana, have a good day!

Manxman, good morning.

Sue, I'm ready for coffee.

Haroula, wishing you a happy day!

Gerry, a stress free day wished for you also.

Church this morning followed by a pot luck lunch. Easy peasy day today. pacify
_________________________
Gail

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#913793 - 09/15/13 06:38 AM Re: Sunday Morning Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8117
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Breakfast out and and a trip to Sam's today. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Sunday. Danish, Bacon, Sausage, Eggs, Home Fries, Toast and Fruit in the NC. summer
_________________________
Connie

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#913809 - 09/15/13 08:57 AM Re: Sunday Morning Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9578
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Great jokes today Joe. I'm still working on trying to read those lips. lol
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#913822 - 09/15/13 10:17 AM Re: Sunday Morning Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11412
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Good morning all.

Tell us what they say when you figure it out Space.

Had a great time at friends last night. Carol and I slaughtered the guys in pinochle. yay

It is going to be another nice day with temps in the low 80's. I'll take it. Should hear from Vince as to whether we get together or not. Susie had a good day yesterday.

Well, I think I will goof off and also download a game from BF. Got lots to play.

Have a great day everyone.

Bets
_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

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#913827 - 09/15/13 10:28 AM Re: Sunday Morning Sunshine [Re: flutist]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9401
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Not sure I wanted to know about the spider thing, though. eek smile

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Volunteering at church this morning, then, as Gail says, an easy peasy day! woot

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#913830 - 09/15/13 10:43 AM Re: Sunday Morning Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13691
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe I think it is your sis saying 'so help me' lol May work fly and go well. Thanks for teh laughs!

Manxman have a lovely day!

Haroula is it 'to the beach' day? Have a lovely day!

Ana prayers that your sinuses clear quickly for you and no spiders find their way your direction! I see our late evening and night rain has made it there today. Just wish I could find the heat to go with it. Been a tad cool lately and we have been having frost advisories. eek Have a lovely day and may the corner be kind.

Cailyn thanks for starting the coffee. thumbsup Have a lovely day!

Gerry have a lovely day!

Gail sounds like a great day planned. Enjoy church and the fellowship after at the pot luck! What ya bring?? Have a lovely day!

Connie enjoy breakfast out and have fun shopping!! Thanks for the danish! Have a lovely day!

Space enjoy football Sunday!!! Have a lovely day and may your team win, well.....unless they play my team. lol

Oh Bets sounds like you had fun playing pinochle and no mercy on your opponents. lol Prayers that Susie is feeling better. HUGS!

Darlene enjoy church and the volunteering!! Also the easy-peasy day!! Have a lovely day!

No plans yet as I am waiting to see if me and Abbi are having another tea party while the big stuff gets moved by others.

wave
Nan


Edited by auntiegram (09/15/13 10:45 AM)
Edit Reason: missed Darlene as I type too slow

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#913836 - 09/15/13 11:17 AM Re: Sunday Morning Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
Lotus777 Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 03/12/06
Posts: 3270
Loc: Oregon
A fast Good Morning to everyone! Joe you are sooo funny!!!! You really are a stand-up man!!! The kids are here with another load of stuff. They are storing most of it in the garage. They will stay til Tuesday as she, Sandy, already has a job interview at a dentists. Hubby and BIL are unloading the truck and then BIL is going to repaint the room. Hope to make more pickles and salsa today so I am off to the races again!!! Hi to all who have been here and to all who will come. Happy Gaming everyone!!! wave
_________________________
Lotus
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.

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#913844 - 09/15/13 12:36 PM Re: Sunday Morning Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42377
Loc: Alabama
Good morning all wave

Got up in time to smoothie son and see him out the door to work. Then got the boys ready to be picked up by the other g'mother. Now it's time to feed the 2 legged and the 4 legged in the family. I put the sourdough sponge on last night. I'm interested to see how it turned out.

The rest of the day will be quiet......Back in a bit wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#913857 - 09/15/13 03:47 PM Re: Sunday Morning Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7810
Loc: Greece
sleep wave
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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