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#913890 - 09/15/13 11:40 PM Monday
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29787
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room.

The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"

The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."

The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze."

The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"

The first kid says, "A circumcision."

"Whoa!" the second kid replies. "Good luck, buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hairspray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he puts the worm back into the hole.

The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hairspray, and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars. The little boy says,

"Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."

The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma "
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bill and Bob, two children, were sitting outside a clinic. Bill happened to be crying very loudly.

"Why are you crying?" Bob asked.

"I came here for a blood test," sobbed Bill.

"So? Are you afraid?"

"No. For the blood test, they cut my finger.

As Bob heard this, he immediately began crying profusely.

Astonished, Bill stopped his tears and asked Bob, "Why are you crying now?"

To which Bob replied, "I came for a urine test!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Logan received his plate, he started eating right away.

"Logan, wait until we say our prayer," his mother reminded him.

"I don't have to," the little boy replied.

"Of course you do," his mother insisted, "we say a prayer before eating at our house."

"That's at our house," Logan explained, "but this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little Johnny was starting his first day at a new school and his father called the teacher to tell her that little Johnny was a big gambler. She said that it was no problem and she has seen worse than that.

After Little Johnny's first day at his new school his father called the teacher to see how it went. She said, I think I broke his gambling. The father asked how and she said, He bet me $5.00 that I had a mole on my butt, so I pulled down my pants and won his money.

DANG!! said the father.
What's wrong, the teacher asked.

Little Johnny's father said, This morning he bet me $100.00 he would see his teacher's butt before the day was over!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race come about?"

The Mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve; they had children and, so all mankind was made."

A few days later, the little girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them."

The confused girl returns to her mother and says, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God , and Papa says we developed from monkeys?"

The Mother answers, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your father told you about his side."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

Are you ready for a new day? happydance

I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I was born ready.

My first day was a little shakey, I mean with the slap on the butt, the circumcision and everything.

I tried to go back into my "man cave", but I couldn't find the opening . A mate in neonatal told me that the second day would be a total breeze compared to the first, and that I would absolutely love how they served my meals to me, so you can believe me when I say I was pulenty ready for my first day to be over with. pacify

On a lighter note, that slap on the butt trick came in real handy when my sister was born. After they brought her home from the hospital she kept forgetting to breath.

Sometimes she had her diaper on, so I had to slap her face instead of her butt. Couldn't tell the difference anyway.

Actually most of the time she had a diaper on. oops

I always loved that look of shock on her face before it turned beet red, and looked like her head would explode.



I still enjoy it today.


The memory that is.


Have a happy day everyone.

joe




Edited by gymcandy1 (09/16/13 12:26 AM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#913899 - 09/16/13 02:28 AM Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 6912
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe and all. wave
Have a nice Monday. happydance smile
_________________________
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.





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#913904 - 09/16/13 04:02 AM Re: Monday [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 5955
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Haroula,and all Boomers wave Wishing you all a happy day! Coffee is ready puppy
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#913906 - 09/16/13 04:44 AM Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16319
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Haroula and Cailyn and everyone on the way to the diner. I hope the sun shines on your Monday! summer
_________________________
Gerry

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#913919 - 09/16/13 06:59 AM Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 13762
Loc: Massachusetts
Joe, does your sister read your posts? lol

Haroula, good day is wished.

Sue, coffee pleeeease!

Gerry, hope your day is good.

Wishing everyone a wonderful Monday! yay
_________________________
Gail

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#913920 - 09/16/13 07:11 AM Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 7812
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Not sure what's on the agenda for today yet. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful start to the new week. Danish, Cinnamon Apple Pancakes, and Sausage Biscuits in the NC. Biscuit bottoms for L4L. summer
_________________________
Connie

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#913925 - 09/16/13 08:27 AM Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
manxman Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/23/02
Posts: 13922
Loc: Unionville
Great jokes as usual Joe rotfl Hope everyone has a super start to the week wave
_________________________
Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.

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#913932 - 09/16/13 09:16 AM Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14469
Loc: Massachusetts
Good morning. I have the morning off so I plan to do some serious cleaning of my apartment. Looks like rain, bit chilly. Oh well, I'm not going anywhere til later on. I hope you all have a good day today. Thanks Joe for opening the diner for us. I wonder where Ana is..... Please don't forget to exercise today. smile

Midgie hearts
_________________________
Just do it.

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#913943 - 09/16/13 10:00 AM Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11285
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Good morning everyone.

Went to Susie and Vince's for dinner last night. Susie is doing better. Hope it continues.

Took Cory for his morning walk and it was sweater weather out there. Cloudy and cool. Orchestra tonight. Not going any place today. Car is still in the shop. Hope they get the parts in today so I can have it back tomorrow. Do have to get my treadmill in.

Have a happy day everyone.

Bets
_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

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#913944 - 09/16/13 10:02 AM Re: Monday [Re: Midge]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9153
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers and hope your Monday is mahvelous!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#913958 - 09/16/13 11:03 AM Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13277
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Lake Superior this morning!! It was only 32 and the temp of the water is much warmer so it created a wave of fog. lol Had to put the long pants on this morning for our walk and a jacket to top it off.

Joe your poor sis! lol May work fly and go well. Have a lovely day and thanks for the laughs!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Cailyn thanks for the nice hot coffee. Hits the spot this morning. lol Have a lovely day!

Gerry have a lovely day!

Gail have a lovely day and enjoy the walk with the dogs. Happy gaming!

Connie may something fun pop up for you today!! Thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

Manxman have a lovely day!

Midge nice to have the morning off so you can sleep in if you want. Happy cleaning and have a lovely day!

Bets prayers for Susie that she continue to feel better. HUGS! Hope the car is done today. Have fun at orcheatra and a lovely day!

Darlene may work fly and all go smoothly! Have a lovely day!

Ana hope the corner is moving right along. Have a lovely day and fun at the park!!

wave
Nan

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#913962 - 09/16/13 11:21 AM Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63377
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Nan, that is a spectacular photo! bravo Wow!
I'm cold too but we only went down to 48. Still want summer and refusing delivery of fall. rotfl
How did the move go?

Joe, you never cease to crack me up. Have an awesome day!

Darlene, Bets, Midgie, manxman, Connie, Gail, Gerry, Sue and Haroula, have a wonderful Monday!

Dance tonight and a run with the dogs shortly. Quick trip to the store is in the cards as well. The rest of the day will be in the corner.

Ana wave
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#913963 - 09/16/13 11:26 AM Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13277
Loc: northern Wisconsin
I hear ya on still wanting Summer. lol I'm not ready yet!

The move went well but there are still some things to move but will have to wait for another day.

Have fun at dancwe tonight and a great run with the dogs. I have no plans till later when I shall head out for a little howlering BINGO!!! lol

wave
Nan

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#913964 - 09/16/13 11:37 AM Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63377
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good luck at Bingo!
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#913973 - 09/16/13 12:55 PM Re: Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 41481
Loc: Alabama
Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

Hubby and I popped up bright and early and dark and took the monkeys to the park. Hubby wander-walked while I walked the others. It was cool which was nice, but still managed to work up a glow.

Many things on the agenda. Now if I could just find where I left it. wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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