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Tuesday #914042
09/17/13 01:46 AM
09/17/13 01:46 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity.
Harlan Ellison (1934 - )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"

The cop asked, "What's he like?"

The little boy replied, "Beer and women with big boobs."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"

"Eight," the boy replied.

The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"

The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either one. "
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest scaredy-cat.

The first kid says, "My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bed."

The second kid replies,"Yeah? Well, that's nothing. My dad is so scared that when my mom has to work the night shift, he sleeps with the lady next door."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A 2nd grader asked her mother the age-old question, "How did I get here?".

Her mother told her, "God sent you."

"Did God send you, too?" asked the child.

"Yes, Dear," the mother replied.

"What about Grandma and Grandpa?", the child persisted.

"He sent them also," the mother said.

"Did he send their parents, too?", asked the child.

"Yes, Dear, He did," said the mother patiently.

"So you're telling me that there has been no sex in this family for 200 years! No wonder everyone's so grouchy around here."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A Jamaican man bought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar,
announcing that his wife had just given birth to "a typical
Jamaican baby boy weighing 20 pounds."

Congratulations showered him from all around, and many
exclamations of "Wow!" were heard. A woman fainted due to sympathy
pains.

Two weeks later, he returned to the bar. The bartender said, "Say,
you're the father of the Jamaican baby who weighed 20 pounds at
birth. How much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answered, "Fifteen pounds."

The bartender was puzzled. "Why? What happened? He weighed 20
pounds at birth?"

The Jamaican father took a slow sip from his Red Stripe beer,
wiped his lips on his shirtsleeve, leaned into the bartender and
said, "Had him circumcised."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister."

Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.

She said, "Mummy, you are getting fat!"

I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mummy has a baby growing in her tummy."

"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your bottom?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


An older couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his career path, so they decided to do a small test.

They took a ten-dollar bill, a Bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table. Then they hid, hoping he would think they weren't at home.

The father told the mother, "If he takes the money, he will be a businessman; if he takes the Bible, he will be a priest; but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard."

So the parents took their place in the nearby closet and waited nervously, peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive home.

He saw the note they had left, saying they'd be home later. Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket. After that, he took the Bible, flicked through it, and took it also. Finally, he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality, then he left for his room carrying all the three items.

The father slapped his forehead, and said, "[blip]! It's even worse than I ever imagined..."

"What do you mean?" his wife inquired.

"He's gonna be a politician." the father replied.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter. "How much is that Barbie in the window?", he asks the shop assistant.

In a manner she responds, "Which Barbie? We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $395.00. "

The guy asks, "Why is Divorced Barbie different from all the others ?

"That's obvious," the assistant states, "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture... "
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old hockey players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

"Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?"

The little boy nodded yes.

"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when a penalty is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-head."

Do you understand all that?"

Again the little boy nodded.

He continued, "And when I call you off the ice so that another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach 'a dumb a--hole', is it?"

Again the little boy nodded.

"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your mother."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

It's dark thirty here, and I've been sitting on the couch with my head back, and my mouth open catching flies for the last half hour. tired

Shucks I'm out of au jus. rolleyes

Anyway I'm super behind on my sleep this year. sleep

Coincidentally I just happen to have a super behind. snicker

At least that's what I've been told, and not by my sister either. shame

She thinks I have a super big mouth. shocked

I told her she's super immature to say something like that, but I suppose compared to her brain size she's right. na na na na na razz

Anywho it doesn't matter how late I stay up, I always have to get up at the same time, so if I want to get my fair share of shut eye, I had better get to that state soon.

The state of asleepness that is.

Have a happy day everyone.

joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #914046
09/17/13 02:59 AM
09/17/13 02:59 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning boomers wave
Sunny and hot again.
Have all a happy day. smile happydance

Last edited by Haroula; 09/17/13 11:33 AM.

I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Tuesday [Re: Haroula] #914047
09/17/13 03:09 AM
09/17/13 03:09 AM
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist
cailyn  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Haroula,and all who are to follow wave Haroula glad you have sun and warmth,It's 50 degrees here a little chilly! So I'll get the coffee going to warm up a bit! Enjoy your day everyone sherlock


I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue
Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #914053
09/17/13 05:10 AM
09/17/13 05:10 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,096
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,096
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe sweet dreams. Haroula I hope it cools off for you. Cailyn it's cold here to this morning. Nice walking weather. Wishing you all a Happy Day! summer


Gerry
Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #914062
09/17/13 06:30 AM
09/17/13 06:30 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,014
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,014
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. It's still Hot, Hot, Hot, here and will be for another month at least. I'm happy to share the heat with all who would like it. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Tuesday. Danish, Muffins, and French Toast in the NC. summer


Connie
Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #914075
09/17/13 08:23 AM
09/17/13 08:23 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 28,972
Unionville
manxman Offline
Sonic Boomer
manxman  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 28,972
Unionville
Good morning all. Chilly up here in Canada too. But that is not news is it? lol
Hope everyone has a terrific tuesday wave


Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #914076
09/17/13 08:27 AM
09/17/13 08:27 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers,

Joe, wishing you a great day!

Haroula, enjoy your weather as it was in the 40's here this morning.

Sue, coffee please it's cold! You're warmer than we are.

Gerry, have a great day!

Connie, please send heat. taz

I can't believe it was in the 90's last week and our heat is on this morning. Good old New England. Wishing everyone a super day! penguin


Gail
Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #914092
09/17/13 09:56 AM
09/17/13 09:56 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies! I think we will be turning the heat on shortly. I'm freezing in this house! We got down to 45. I'm off to dance with Sam in a little bit. A great way to start my day. Finished my project last night so I am free at the moment. yay

Joe, I hope your day goes just as you want it to. hearts

Haroula, I'm jealous!

Sue, have a happy day!

Gerry, glad you enjoy the crisp morning walks.

Connie, yes please on the heat. yes

manxman, have a wonderful day!

Gail, can you convince my hubby to turn the hwat on? grin Have a great day!

Hi Ho, Hi ho...it's off to dance I go.

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #914094
09/17/13 10:01 AM
09/17/13 10:01 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have a terrific Tuesday!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Yoga tonight with daughter... hearts

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #914095
09/17/13 10:04 AM
09/17/13 10:04 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
Yoga sounds wonderful Darlene. What kind do you do? Have a great day.

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #914108
09/17/13 11:28 AM
09/17/13 11:28 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Terrific Tuesday ya'll puppy

Hubby and I were up and out early. Twas dark and we got to see a beautiful sunrise. Keoki was feeling his wheaties this morning...had to almost run to keep up with him at first.

Boys will be here in a bit....wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #914111
09/17/13 11:51 AM
09/17/13 11:51 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Sassy and I were up and took a nice really long and brisk walk this morning as it was like 30 out there, but the sun is shinning and warming it up!!

Joe have a lovely day and thanks for the laughs!

Haroula enjoy the heat and have a lovely day!

Oh Cailyn hot coffee sounds like just the thing, thanks!! Have a lovely day!

Gerry hope you have a lovely walk and day!

Connie.....yes please!!! lol Have a lovely day and thanks for the danish!

Manxman hope the sun is shinning there and warming it up! Have a lovely day!

Gail heat already??? Must be a bit cool. lol Sounds like hot chocolate weather. Have a lovely day and may the suns rays warm the air!!

Oh Ana the dancing will surely warm you up! lol Have fun and enjoy the company and free time!! Have a lovely day!

Darlene may all go smoothly today! Have fun at Yoga with daughter!! Have a lovely day!

L4l sounds like a fun time in the park this morning. Have a lovely day!

No plans yet but ya never know around here. lol

wave
Nan

Re: Tuesday [Re: auntiegram] #914116
09/17/13 01:29 PM
09/17/13 01:29 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Hello everybody. I've been running around doing chores this morning. wave

I'm on my way out the door to work and {{{TGIF}}}. penguin

I just have to make it to 10:00 tonight. yes

I hope you all have a fantastic day. happydance


{{{IT'S FRIDAYYYY!!!}}} woot



wave joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #914132
09/17/13 03:42 PM
09/17/13 03:42 PM
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 14,334
West London, UK
JennyP Offline
Adept Boomer
JennyP  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 14,334
West London, UK
Evening all !!!
um, Joe, its actually Tuesday, sorry ...


When in doubt, cuddle a catcatrub
Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #914144
09/17/13 04:40 PM
09/17/13 04:40 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
sleep wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #914160
09/17/13 06:26 PM
09/17/13 06:26 PM
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 3,295
Oregon
Lotus777 Offline
Addicted Boomer
Lotus777  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 3,295
Oregon
Hi Boomers! Hi Jenny, great to see you here!!! Company gone..been here since Saturday. They painted the place and moved in a lot of their stuff. Hubby helped them while I did garden produce and made dinners. Lots of enjoyment but tiring to these old people, haha. Ah, to nap or game. Happy Gaming everyone!!! wave


Lotus
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.
Re: Tuesday [Re: Lotus777] #914161
09/17/13 06:30 PM
09/17/13 06:30 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Running late today. Hi Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday [Re: Space Quest Fan] #914191
09/17/13 09:09 PM
09/17/13 09:09 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good night Boomers. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #914194
09/17/13 09:29 PM
09/17/13 09:29 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
Looks like I never submitted my late afternoon post. oops

SpaceQ, good day and good night. hearts

Lotus, that is so sweet of you to put them up while their house was getting ready. Company is nice, but it's a lot of work. lol

Haroula, sweet dreams.

Jenny, always a pleasure to see you! It's Joe's Friday because he is off tomorrow. lol

Joe, only 90 minutes to go! yay

Nan, what did you end up doing today? I was back in the corner by 3. rotfl It was a short lived absence.

L4L, hope you had a great day.

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #914203
09/17/13 10:29 PM
09/17/13 10:29 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Hey Jenny my friend. So good to see you.

Going to bed now. Tomorrow is my day off. Going to enjoy it.

Midgie hearts sleep


Just do it.
Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #914204
09/17/13 10:31 PM
09/17/13 10:31 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Bed time guys, sweet dreams sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #914208
09/17/13 10:59 PM
09/17/13 10:59 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
Sweet dreams Midgie and L4L.


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday [Re: gymcandy1] #914219
09/18/13 12:00 AM
09/18/13 12:00 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Ana I did a whole lot of nothing today. lol Some gaming, some cleaning and lots of walking with Sassy since it turned out to be nice and hit 70 for a high!!

Sorry your freedom was so short lived. lol May the corner be kind.

Well Night Space and L4l and Midge!!

Time here to think about heading that way also, so Night everybody sleep well and kpleasant dreams!!

sleep
Nan

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