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#915103 - 09/23/13 12:45 AM Machetti Monday
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30152
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Deliberation is the function of the many; action is the function of one.
Charles de Gaulle (1890 - 1970), War Memoirs, 1960
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The male teacher in a girls' school asked the science class: "Who can tell me what organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated? Mary, can you tell me?"

Mary blushed furiously as she stood up. Then replied, "Sir, how dare you ask such a question? I will complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal."

The male teacher was taken aback at first by Mary's reaction. Then, as understanding dawned on him, he called for another pupil, this time a volunteer.

Lilly put up her hand. "Yes, Lilly?" asked the teacher.

"Sir, the correct answer is the iris of the eye."

"Very good. Thanks, Lilly," said the male teacher.

He then turned to the 1st girl, who threatened to complain to her parents and principal: "Well, Mary, I have 3 things to tell you:

First, you have NOT done your HOMEWORK.

Second, you have a DIRTY mind.

And thirdly, I fear, one day in future, you are going to be sadly disappointed!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Father came home from a long business trip to find his young son riding a brand new bike.

"Where did you get the money for that?" he asked. "It must have cost over 300 dollars!"

"I earned it hiking," replied the boy.

"Hiking? Come on son, tell your Dad the truth. Nobody can make that sort of money hiking. Where did you Really get the cash from?"

"It's like I say, Dad. Every night when you were gone, Mr Johnson from the bank would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a 20 dollar bill and tell me to take a hike"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: "Now class, if I stood on my head, the blood as you know, would run into it and I should turn red in the face."

"Yes, sir," the class said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in an ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

A class member shouted, "'Cause your feet ain't empty."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Lil' Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horses' legs, rump, and chest.

After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Pop, why are you doing that?"

"Because I'm thinking of buying these horses."

Johnny looked worried, "Then I think we'd better hurry home right away!"

"Why?" his father asked.

"Because the UPS man stopped by yesterday, and I think he wants to buy Mom!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

During a good manners and etiquette class being held for young children, the teacher says to her students:

"If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent family and during a dinner for two you needed to go to the toilet, what would you say to her?"

Mike replies: "Wait a minute, I'm going to pee."

The teacher says: "That would be very rude and improper on your part."

Charlie replies: "I'm sorry I need to go to the toilet, I'll be back in a minute."

The teacher says: "That's much better but to mention the word ''toilet'' during a meal, is unpleasant."

And Little Johnny says: "My dear, please excuse me for a moment. I have to go shake hands with a personal friend, whom, I hope to be able to introduce to you after dinner. "
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 5-year-old son standing pie-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event.

The man thought, "Great... he's 5 and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and the bees. No need to jump the gun - I'll just let him ask, and I'll answer."

When everything was over, Dad strolled over to his son and said, "Well Willie, do you have any questions?"

"Just one," gasped the pie-eyed lad. "How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade
6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started
writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a
giggle from one of the boys in the class.

She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?"


"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."


"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see
you for three days."


The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had
forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very
top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder
giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks,
"What's so funny Billy?"


"Well miss, I just saw both of your garters."


Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the
punishment is more severe, "I don't want to see you for three
weeks."


Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she
turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This
time there is an burst of laughter from another male student.
She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the
classroom.


"Where do you think you are going?" she asks. "Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

Let the weekend festivities begin.

I am ready to rock and roll.

I'm gonna spend my bread.

I'm gonna lose my head.

I'm gonna raise the dead.

I'm gonna... think


I don't have a darned thing to do, or any where to be.

Oh yes I do.

I'll be here, doing what I'm doing now.

Don't let your imaginations run wild.

Right now I happen to be licking my

Have a happy day everyone.

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#915109 - 09/23/13 02:21 AM Re: Machetti Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 8105
Loc: Greece
Have a great Monday my friends smile wave
_________________________
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#915114 - 09/23/13 03:30 AM Re: Machetti Monday [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6096
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Haroula,and all who arrive later wave Coffee is ready!Enjoy the day all puppy
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#915122 - 09/23/13 04:59 AM Re: Machetti Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17620
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, Haroula and Cailyn. Hope the start of a new week is a good one for everyone! fall
_________________________
Gerry

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#915131 - 09/23/13 05:39 AM Re: Machetti Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14784
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, enjoy the day!

Haroula, wishing you a good day!

Sue, thanks for the coffee. Have a nice day.

Gerry, wishing you a stress-free day.

To all I'm wishing a wonderful day. Routine housework then a trip to the grocery market is in store for the day. Dogs looking forward to a walk already this morning. fall
_________________________
Gail

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#915145 - 09/23/13 06:59 AM Re: Machetti Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8199
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. A Costco trip is on the agenda today. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Monday. Danish, Waffles, and Muffins, in the NC. fall
_________________________
Connie

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#915148 - 09/23/13 07:38 AM Re: Machetti Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14745
Loc: Massachusetts
Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work I go.....Have a great Monday everyone.

Midgie hearts
_________________________
Just do it.

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#915155 - 09/23/13 08:54 AM Re: Machetti Monday [Re: Midge]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2314
Loc: Switzerland
Good morning Boomers

Telecompany told us that everything should be all right now with the Internet. Ha! How long is the question here. All right for 1 minute? 2 hours? A day? But let’s not be overly picky…

I have been in Weiden the last weekend, north of Munich, Germany, at the exhibition of a great Lady and great ceramist. Eva Zeisel. She’s Hungarian but she had to flee before WWII, to the States. She lived and worked in New York until she died 2 years ago, at the age of 105 (!). She was more of a industrial designer and designed really wonderful things. In the next days I will put some pictures I took at the exhibition into my Photobucke account and will show you. Does one of you know Eva Zeisel or maybe has ceramics work of her? I would appreciate any information!

Then, after Germany, we drove to the rainy and foggy South Tirol Alps and on Tuesday to our sunny and warm house in Liguria. It’s like summer here, but the gardener just said, that the weather will change next weekend, so I have to do the pit- and drum firings this week! Gardener showed us the damage the wild boars did in our olive grove too… Boyoboy do I long to have Wild-Boar-Salami on my plate evil !

Yesterday Sunday I had two shocks: In the morning, when I went to one of our fig trees to get some ripe fruits, I was not stamping my foots although I know I must do that whenever I walk in high grass. So out came a big snake and the upper part of her was rising into the air, preparing to strike. I also learned that in cases like that I must (MUST!) freeze and play statue, so that the snake still has the possibility to crawl away from dangerous Evelyne… I was freezing all right, but you should have heard my heart thump and should have seen the rivers of sweat on my face and body. The snake really was too afraid of me (haha) whistle , or whatever. She let herself fall back into the grass and slithered away. I forgot the figs because my stomach was lurching. The snakes around here are not poisonous, but hey, who wants to be bitten by a snake, poison or not.

Then in the afternoon my hubby was cutting his hairs and I always help him on the backside of the neck. He has to bend the neck downwards for me to be able to get every protruding hair. That always worked until yesterday. Suddendly he said: wait a minute…. and swooned. Fell to the floor and lied there unconscious. Boy I was so shocked I couldn’t react for a few seconds. Then I was yelling his name and opened a window and helped him to sit on the loo. After a minute or two he came round and said that he thinks that he got not enough oxygen to the brain in bending the head so much. I was so freaked out. I’am still afraid because I don’t know whether what he thinks happened to him is really what it was. What do you all think? Could it be from bending the head a bit too much and too long? I almost didn’t sleep the whole night. Always listened to his breathing.

So poor Evelyne is like a coiled spring now! Maybe I should sit down with a cuppa and a good book….

Never a dull moment…

Hugs to you all. Hope to see you soon again.

Evelyne
_________________________
"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

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#915170 - 09/23/13 10:37 AM Re: Machetti Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65781
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning and Happy Monday boomies! Today is work, a run with the dogs and then street dance with Sam tonight. yay

Joe, Haroula, Sue, Gerry, Gail, Connie and Midgie have a great day!

Evelyne, you had quite the weekend! If I was hubby I would get it checked out even though that position does inhibit airflow. I know your fear of the snakes, I encounter them walking and bike riding off the trails and even though they are not deadly, I do not want to get bit! Be careful out there!

Back to work for me....lots to do.
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#915179 - 09/23/13 11:35 AM Re: Machetti Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
Lotus777 Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 03/12/06
Posts: 3270
Loc: Oregon
Good Morning Boomies!! Hi Joe, Haroula, Sue, Gerry, Gail, Connie, Midgie, Evelyne and Ana, Wishing all of you a great day. Oh my Evelyne, what a weekend! I am echoing Ana, get hubby checked out as this has not happened to him before. I have not heard of this Eva but now must look her up. I look forward to your pics. I've added some pillows to your corner, Ana, yes. Wishing all of you and all who come after a great day and Happy Gaming!! wave
_________________________
Lotus
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.

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#915192 - 09/23/13 01:29 PM Re: Machetti Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13806
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe hope you have some fun plans for your weekend!! Enjoy the day and thanks for the chuckles.

Haroula have a lovely day! No more nightmares??

Cailyn thanks for the coffee and have a lovely day!

Gerry have a nice walk and a lovely day!

Connie have fun shopping and thanks for the danaish! Have a lovely day!

Gail enjoy your morning walk with the dogs and have a lovely day!

Midge may work be fun! Have a lovely day!!

Oh Evelyne what a weekend. eek I don't like snakes either but it is really rare for me to find on while walking with Sassy. She would find it first anyway. lol

For that to have happened to hubby, he must have cut the flow of blood off to the brain. Might be good to have it checked out though just to be on the safe side as it could also be something else. HUGS to you both!! hearts

Have a lovely day and enjoy your stay there and hope the net stays working!!

Ana may the project move right along for you today! Have a lovely run with the dogs and have fun at street dance. BTW is it a real street dance of some kind of dance class??? Have a lovely day!

No plans till later when I shall head out to BINGO!! Abbi went to my oldest granddaughters for the day so I don't have to watch her. Though I was all ready to. lol

wave
Nan

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#915193 - 09/23/13 01:41 PM Re: Machetti Monday [Re: auntiegram]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2314
Loc: Switzerland
Hello again my friends and thank you for your concern. Problem is, that hubby never, ever will go to a Doc because of what happened to him yesterday. He is the "sh*bleep* happens" type of men. He is 60 now and has been to Docs maybe 3x since he is an adult. Last time when he broke his wrist some years ago. When we are back in Switzerland, I will call my own Doc and ask her what I shall do about it.

I hope your day will be wonderful. Happy Dancing Ana! Nan: I hope you may babysit too one fine day.

Bedtime here, so bye bye or today. See you (fingers crossed) tomorrow.

Evelyne
_________________________
"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

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#915196 - 09/23/13 02:21 PM Re: Machetti Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8199
Loc: winter springs fl.
Evelyne, prayers all is well with hubby. I know how you feel watching hubby's breathing all night. Hugs from both of us. hearts
_________________________
Connie

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#915215 - 09/23/13 04:37 PM Re: Machetti Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9719
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
One down four to go. Mondays should be illegal. eek
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#915217 - 09/23/13 04:49 PM Re: Machetti Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 8105
Loc: Greece
sleep wave
_________________________
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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