Deliberation is the function of the many; action is the function of one.
Charles de Gaulle (1890 - 1970), War Memoirs, 1960
The male teacher in a girls' school asked the science class: "Who can tell me what organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated? Mary, can you tell me?"
Mary blushed furiously as she stood up. Then replied, "Sir, how dare you ask such a question? I will complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal."
The male teacher was taken aback at first by Mary's reaction. Then, as understanding dawned on him, he called for another pupil, this time a volunteer.
Lilly put up her hand. "Yes, Lilly?" asked the teacher.
"Sir, the correct answer is the iris of the eye."
"Very good. Thanks, Lilly," said the male teacher.
He then turned to the 1st girl, who threatened to complain to her parents and principal: "Well, Mary, I have 3 things to tell you:
First, you have NOT done your HOMEWORK.
Second, you have a DIRTY mind.
And thirdly, I fear, one day in future, you are going to be sadly disappointed!"
A Father came home from a long business trip to find his young son riding a brand new bike.
"Where did you get the money for that?" he asked. "It must have cost over 300 dollars!"
"I earned it hiking," replied the boy.
"Hiking? Come on son, tell your Dad the truth. Nobody can make that sort of money hiking. Where did you Really get the cash from?"
"It's like I say, Dad. Every night when you were gone, Mr Johnson from the bank would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a 20 dollar bill and tell me to take a hike"
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: "Now class, if I stood on my head, the blood as you know, would run into it and I should turn red in the face."
"Yes, sir," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in an ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A class member shouted, "'Cause your feet ain't empty."
Lil' Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horses' legs, rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Pop, why are you doing that?"
"Because I'm thinking of buying these horses."
Johnny looked worried, "Then I think we'd better hurry home right away!"
"Why?" his father asked.
"Because the UPS man stopped by yesterday, and I think he wants to buy Mom!"
During a good manners and etiquette class being held for young children, the teacher says to her students:
"If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent family and during a dinner for two you needed to go to the toilet, what would you say to her?"
Mike replies: "Wait a minute, I'm going to pee."
The teacher says: "That would be very rude and improper on your part."
Charlie replies: "I'm sorry I need to go to the toilet, I'll be back in a minute."
The teacher says: "That's much better but to mention the word ''toilet'' during a meal, is unpleasant."
And Little Johnny says: "My dear, please excuse me for a moment. I have to go shake hands with a personal friend, whom, I hope to be able to introduce to you after dinner. "
A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 5-year-old son standing pie-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event.
The man thought, "Great... he's 5 and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and the bees. No need to jump the gun - I'll just let him ask, and I'll answer."
When everything was over, Dad strolled over to his son and said, "Well Willie, do you have any questions?"
"Just one," gasped the pie-eyed lad. "How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade
6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started
writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a
giggle from one of the boys in the class.
She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?"
"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."
"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see
you for three days."
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had
forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very
top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder
giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks,
"What's so funny Billy?"
"Well miss, I just saw both of your garters."
Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the
punishment is more severe, "I don't want to see you for three
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she
turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This
time there is an burst of laughter from another male student.
She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the
"Where do you think you are going?" she asks. "Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over!"
Good morning everyboomie.
Let the weekend festivities begin.
I am ready to rock and roll.
I'm gonna spend my bread.
I'm gonna lose my head.
I'm gonna raise the dead.
I don't have a darned thing to do, or any where to be.
Oh yes I do.
I'll be here, doing what I'm doing now.
Don't let your imaginations run wild.
Right now I happen to be licking my
Have a happy day everyone.