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#915591 - 09/25/13 07:59 PM Tortuga Thursday's
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30036
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807 - 1882)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A woman and a man are involved in a car accident.

It's a bad one.Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's
interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

The man replied, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God! "

The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle.... My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants
us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man shakes his head in agreement,opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A man comes to dinner at a new friend's house. While they eat, the new friend's small son keeps staring at the guest. Finally, the guest says, "Why are you staring at me like that, young fellow?"

The kid says, "Daddy told me you were a self-made man."

"I am."

"Well, why did you make yourself like that?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A little boy returning home from school said to his mother, 'Mom, what's sex?'

His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject.

When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, 'Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?"

The little boy nodded yes.

"So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you're out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?"

Again the little boy nodded.

"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain it to your mother."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter on the wall over the bed. With the worst premonition, she reads it, with trembling hands: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I eloped with my new boyfriend. I found real passion and he is so nice, with all his piercings and tattoos and his big motorcycle.

But is not only that Mum, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods. He wants to have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams. I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and his friends, who are providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasy we may want.

In the meantime, we'll pray for the science to find the AIDS cure, for Ahmed to get better, he deserves it. Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Some day I'll visit for you to know your grandchildren. Your daughter, Judith.

P.S.: Mum, it's not true. I'm at the neighbour's house. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in the desk drawer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Little Johnny greeted his mother at the door after she had been out of town all week.

Johnny said, "Mommy, guess what? Yesterday, I was playing in the closet in your bedroom and Daddy came into the room with the lady from next door and they got undressed and they got into bed and then Daddy got on top of her and --"

The mother held up her hand and said, "Not another word! Wait until your father gets home, and then I want you to tell him exactly what you've just told me."

The father came home, and the wife told him that she was leaving him.

"But why?" croaked the husband.

"Go ahead, Johnny. Tell Daddy just what you told me."

"Well," said little Johnny, "I was playing in your closet and Daddy came upstairs with the lady next door and they got undressed and they got into bed and Daddy got on top of her and they did just what you did, Mommy, with Uncle Bob when Daddy was away last summer!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by
two female teachers went on a field trip to the local
racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses and the
supporting industry.

During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the
toilet so it was decided that the girls would go with one
teacher and the boys would go with the other.


As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men's
toilet, one of the boys came out and told her that he
couldn't reach the urinal. Having no choice, the teacher went
inside and began hoisting the little boys up by their
armpits, one by one.


As she lifted one up by the armpits, she couldn't help but
notice that he was unusually well-endowed for an elementary
school child. "I guess you must be in the fifth," she said.

"No ma'am," the man replied, "I'm in the seventh, riding Silver
Arrow. Thanks for the lift anyhow."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

The jokes are up, and the coffee's ready to serve up. yes

As for me, much too soon I'll be getting up. razz

Some of you will already be up. wave

When I've eaten up my breakfast, and tidied up my room, I'll mosey up the road and start up my day. happydance

As my day is winding down, I'll start to wrap things up, and when my work is done, I'll pack it up, and load it up, and head on down the road again.

If my gas gauge is down, I'll stop and fill her up, and when get back home I'll do the same for me. smile

When I'm full up, of course......I'll get up, and sit down to just relax a while. woot Ahhhhhhhhh I am soooo down with that. dance

Then, when my chillin time is up, I'll get up and get ready to lay down, and start it all again.

Are you guys up for a happy day?

joe




Edited by gymcandy1 (09/25/13 08:00 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#915600 - 09/25/13 08:52 PM Re: Tortuga Thursday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9547
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Joe,

The car acident joke was strong. lol I'll be passing that one on tomorrow. thanks
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#915632 - 09/26/13 02:45 AM Re: Tortuga Thursday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7718
Loc: Greece
Good morning my friends,wishing you all a nice and happy day. happydance smile wave
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#915642 - 09/26/13 05:04 AM Re: Tortuga Thursday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17212
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, SpaceQ, and Haroula. Thanks for starting the coffee Joe. That was a funny joke SpaceQ! Haroula enjoy the sunshine! Happy Day wished for All! fall
_________________________
Gerry

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#915652 - 09/26/13 06:20 AM Re: Tortuga Thursday's [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8083
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. A trip to the Vampire, fall then breakfast out for hubby and me this morning. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Thursday. Danish, Cinnamon Buns, and Bacon Sandwiches, in the NC.
_________________________
Connie

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#915654 - 09/26/13 06:47 AM Re: Tortuga Thursday's [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14478
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, have a great day! Glad the coffee's ready!

Haroula, happy day is wished for you.

Space, Good Morning.

Gerry, have a wonderful day.

Connie, good luck with the Vampire. Enjoy your breakfast out.

A wonderful day is wished for All! fall
_________________________
Gail

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#915673 - 09/26/13 09:22 AM Re: Tortuga Thursday's [Re: gymcandy1]
manxman Online   content
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/23/02
Posts: 15182
Loc: Unionville
Good morning everyone. Hope you all have a terrific thursday wave
_________________________
Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.

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#915675 - 09/26/13 09:58 AM Re: Tortuga Thursday's [Re: manxman]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9375
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your Tortuga Thursday is all you'd like it to be! And I am so up for a happy day!!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#915676 - 09/26/13 09:59 AM Re: Tortuga Thursday's [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5445
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hi, everyone. Hope all of you are having a great day. fall

We're having a Jupiter incident. sad Yesterday, Thorsgoats noticed that Jupiter was bothering his mouth a lot, and I saw he was bleeding. So we took him to the vet, and it turns out that he has to have his tooth extracted. Apparently, he has a fracture, and it's coming loose. sad So I dropped him off this morning and will pick him up around 5:30 to 6:30. Poor kitty.

So, our week and especially Jupiter's week is not turning out so well. I'm off to play a game to keep my mind occupied on something else for the time being.

Hope everyone else is having a great Thursday, or at least a better one than me. wink

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#915681 - 09/26/13 10:23 AM Re: Tortuga Thursday's [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65042
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Well, I was the first person to post on this thread yesterday but I see it's not here. And I swear I pushed submit! Oh well...good morning boomies! It's a full day again but happy, happy, joy, joy, Peter came home o'dark 30 so I will get some Mom-son time today! I miss him! hearts

Have a happy day everyone! I need to get cracking.

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#915686 - 09/26/13 10:44 AM Re: Tortuga Thursday's [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42307
Loc: Alabama
Thumping Good Thursday ya'll puppy

Keoki was restless last night so that means that neither one of us slept much. Hubby was smart...he took his pillow, blanket, and sound machine and decamped to the spare bedroom. He was afraid he'd roll on Keoki, so he slept great.

Keoki is more himself this morning....happy to eat...still working on drinking....I noticed he turned himself around while I was upstairs feeding the other dogs, so he is able to move himself. Now we just need to limit his movement so he doesn't overtax the other knee while this one is healing.

Ana, enjoy your son-day. wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#915689 - 09/26/13 11:02 AM Re: Tortuga Thursday's [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14478
Loc: Massachusetts
Manxman, good morning.

Darlene, enjoy a happy day!

Venus, hugs! Jupiter will be home soon.

Ana, enjoy your Mom-Son day!

L4L, Glad Keoki is starting to feel better. Hugs!
_________________________
Gail

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#915693 - 09/26/13 11:26 AM Re: Tortuga Thursday's [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13658
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Only one more Joe.....then the weekend!! Hope the time flies by for ya! May work go well. Thanks for the laughs.

Space hope you have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day and fun at the beach, if you go!

Gerry have a lovely day!

Connie don't feed that vampire too much! lol I get to do that too but not until Nov. Enjoy breakfast out!! Thanks for the danish!

Gail have a lovely day and enjoy a walk with the dogs.

Manxman have a lovely day!

Darlene may all go smoothly at work today! Have a lovely day!

Oh venus, poor Jupiter. Prayers that all goes well. HUGS!! Have as lovely of a day as you can!

Ana enjoy your time with Peter, such a nice treat!! May the corner be kind and move right along!! Have a lovely day!

L4l so glad that Keoki is starting to feel better and may his recovery go well. Sounds like it will be a nap day for you in light of the no sleep night. Have a lovely day!

No plans till later when Abbi comes over and we have our 'tea party'!!! lol

wave
Nan

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#915699 - 09/26/13 12:26 PM Re: Tortuga Thursday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7249
Loc: San Diego, CA
Gray day here. Predicting 'drizzle'. Ha. Like it really will ever ever do that around my house. I still hoping.

Good news on Keoki! Glad he's feeling better.

Empty house: so yesterday was going well until I got a call from the gal who did all the 'boxing up' of the old guy's stuff. I still suspect she was also taking some for herself when she found goodies. I'll never know but I warned her that if I ever found that she was doing 'things' I wouldn't hesitate to tell the cops. She didn't contact me for a looooong time after that one.

So yesterday, she says that the house had been broken into AGAIN. I figured it had since I'd seen the clock and the Tax forms in the yard. But she says the bars (every window and door has them) had been removed from the garage (where most of the good stuff was packed) and the window was wide open. Dunno how she saw this at night, in the dark, with no lights around. I am going to walk that way on the morning walk and see if I can see what she claims.

Anyway, she said, Mike, the caretaker (who I trust) was going to come over and secure that. Then Mike called me. Busy day. He repeated the news and also told me that they needed the Realtor's name and phone to tell him about HAZMAT.

Seems Hazmat, who had dealt with the Mercury spill in there, had been back 2 times in the last month's trying to get in to check out the levels again and remove the Mercury which had been boxed up (dunno how but boxed and taped and labeled, etc).

Now I'd be suspicious about this Hazmat reported contact, EXCEPT, I had seen them over there twice trying to gain access and nobody was there to let them in. They used some 'instruments' to sniff at the windows they could reach but had to leave. So it seems they left NOTICES both times and nobody called them back. I still think the Snake and company removed them and thinks it's still US joking with them to keep them out. Gads.

So all numbers given to both Mike and the gal who did the boxing and also told them to NOT come over, since there were TWO realtors there right now showing the place.

Hopefully Hazmat will come over with the Realtor who has the keys (only one guy does) and get the place cleared. What a mess. I'm not going near that place for fear I will get blamed for something. Geeeez!

Better be a calm day here.
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#915712 - 09/26/13 02:52 PM Re: Tortuga Thursday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7718
Loc: Greece
sleep wave
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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