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#918451 - 10/12/13 10:27 PM Sip-&-Surf Sunday
gymcandy1 Online   happy
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30023
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.
Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121 AD - 180 AD)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman and her lover are in bed together when the husband comes home. The woman jumps up, shoves the guy in a corner of the bedroom, rubs him down in baby oil and covers him in talcum powder.

"Don't move! You're a statue!"

The husband comes up to the bedroom and inquires about the new decoration. The wife explains that the Smith family next door acquired a statue for their bedroom recently, and if they could get one, so could she.

The married couple go to bed, but at midnight the husband goes downstairs, gets a glass of milk and some cookies, and comes back upstairs. He hands the snack to the statue and says, "Here. I stood around for 3 days at the Smiths', and they never fed me a thing!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A young woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An American
Indian on horseback soon came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the
horse and they rode off.

The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would shout out a wild "Ye-e-e-e-e-ha-a-a-"
so loud that it echoed off the
surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, she expressed her thanks, and he
yelled a final "Ye-e-e-e-e-ha-a-a!" and rode
off.

"Why was that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant. "I don't know. I just rode behind him
on the horse with my arms around his
waist and holding onto the saddle horn so that I wouldn't fall off," the woman answered.

"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adam was walking around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked him, "What is wrong with you?"

Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.

God said that he was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.

He said, "This person will gather food for you, cook for you, when you discover clothing, she'll wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it."

Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"

God replied, "An arm and a leg."

Then Adam asked, "What can I get for, oh, say a rib or a hand?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`


A middle aged woman has a heart attack. While on the operating table she has a near death experience. She sees God, and asks if this is it.

God says no, that she has another 30-40 years to live. She recovers, and decides to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, tummy tuck, hair dyed, etc. She figures since she's got another 30 or 40 years she might as well make the most of it.

She walks out of the hospital after the last operation and immediately gets hit by an ambulance.

She arrives in front of God and asks, "I thought you said I had another 30 or 40 years?" To which God replies, "To tell you the truth, I didn't recognize you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A husband and wife were having an argument. Suddenly the husband picked up a bottle lying near him and threw it at his wife. The bottle missed the wife and got into the neighbors' house breaking the window glass.

Now both the husband and wife got embarrassed and went to apologize to the neighbor. Upon reaching the house, they found out a young man sitting on a couch with a smile on his face.

Before the couple could say anything, the man said, "I am a genie. I was enclosed in that bottle for many years, but you two have set me free, so ask for any three boons you want to and it shall be fulfilled. But against your three boons you will have to fulfill one wish of mine".

The couple were so happy that they didn't think twice and presented their wishes.

"I want millions of dollars in my account", The husband said.
"Done", said the genie.
"I want diamond jewelry in all my vaults".
"Done", said the genie.
"I want bungalows all over the world", said the husband.
"Done", said the genie.

Now it was the time of the genies wish. "So" the genie said, "I have fulfilled all the three wishes you have said, and its time for my wish. I have not slept with a women for long. I wish to have sex with your wife.
The couple got worried, but the husband explained that it was only a genie and it didn't matter much to him. Besides the genie has given them a lot of things. So the wife consented.

The genie and the wife had a lovely night together.

Finally in the morning the genie said, "it was wonderful but how old is your husband?"
"Why, he is just thirty five"
"To think, even at thirty five he still believes in genies".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The
turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is
struck by lightning.

One woman in particular loses it. Screaming,she stands up in the front
of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails.

Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on
earth to be memorable! No one has ever made me really feel like a
woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me
feel like a WOMAN??"

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril,
and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the
plane.

Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel
like a woman," he says.

He's gorgeous! Tall, built, with flowing black hair and jet black eyes,
he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button
at a time.

No one moves.

The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man
approaches.

He removes his shirt.

Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm
holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers: "Iron this."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

Sometime today I am sure come what may
I'll go to my job, for I still need my pay.
It makes me feel sad from my head to my toes
Cause I have to wear shoes, and I have to wear clothes. razz

Well it IS Halloween right? yes

Running naked through the house scares the heck out of my sister. scared

I no longer dress up for Halloween.............so I have to dress down. lol

What can I say? duh

BOO!!! taz

I hope I didn't scare you.

Cause if I did, you are WAY too easy. kissy

Have a happy day everyone.

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#918463 - 10/12/13 11:40 PM Re: Sip-&-Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64920
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
lol Thanks for opening the diner Joe. You rock! I hope that work goes by quickly for you.

I am hoping that Peter and I will go bike riding today when he wakes up. He will get here about 5am so he will need sleep first.
I'll go to Insanity in the morning while he sleeps.

I hope you all have an awesome Sunday Funday!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#918472 - 10/13/13 02:21 AM Re: Sip-&-Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7656
Loc: Greece
Joe,I was scared lol
Ana enjoy Peter's visit,have fun.
Nothing happened last night happydance
Have all a great Sunday. smile wave
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#918477 - 10/13/13 04:42 AM Re: Sip-&-Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17147
Loc: Marlborough USA
wave Good Morning Joe, Ana and Haroula. Joe what are you going to be on Halloween? Ana enjoy the bike ride. Haroula hope you feel better. Coffee is ready Enjoy your day All and Happy Thanksgiving to our Canadian Boomers thanksgiving ! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#918483 - 10/13/13 06:42 AM Re: Sip-&-Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8069
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Breakfast out and some shopping today. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Sunday. Danish, Eggs, Hash Browns, Pancakes, Bacon, Sausage, and Toast in the NC. fall
_________________________
Connie

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#918485 - 10/13/13 07:04 AM Re: Sip-&-Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14426
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, have a great day.

Ana, have fun with Peter.

Haroula, good afternoon to you.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee.

Connie, enjoy your shopping and your breakfast.

Church this morning then stopping at BJ's for a few things. Wishing everyone a wonderful Sunday. fall
_________________________
Gail

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#918492 - 10/13/13 09:07 AM Re: Sip-&-Surf Sunday [Re: GBC]
Space Quest Fan Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9520
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Good morning everyone. Have a great Sunday.
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#918521 - 10/13/13 10:54 AM Re: Sip-&-Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
manxman Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/23/02
Posts: 15100
Loc: Unionville
Good morning boomers. Hope everyone has a sunny sunday smile
_________________________
Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.

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#918532 - 10/13/13 12:19 PM Re: Sip-&-Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42267
Loc: Alabama
Super Sunday ya'll puppy

Full house here. Hubby took the 3 to the park while I stayed home with Kman to enjoy some sipping and surfing. Silly me. Cully popped up 30 seconds after hubby left. He was very good waiting for my coffee cup to empty so he could have breakfast.

Just as he was finishing up, son's friends 2 boys came down with Per asking for breakfast. I told em to go wake up their respective parents.

Now hubby is back, parents are up but Jer is hurting, and quiet has fled the premises. Once I'm coffeed out I'll go up and make slaw to go with tonight's ribs. Then I might use the rest of the day to clear off the VCR by watching all my stacked up shows. But then again, I might not.

Anyone watching football today?
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#918537 - 10/13/13 12:56 PM Re: Sip-&-Surf Sunday [Re: looney4labs]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9365
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy how, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! You make me laugh out loud! kissy Hope your Sip-&-Surf Sunday is stupendous!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Slept in this morning.....

Off to see what's afoot!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#918545 - 10/13/13 01:30 PM Re: Sip-&-Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13639
Loc: northern Wisconsin
lol Joe the pictures you make for one's head. lol May work fly and go well! Have a lovely day!

Ana enjoy class and have a lovely bikeride with Peter!! I'm sure you will fly through what remains of the project! Have a lovely day!

I am headed out soon to my granddaughters place for an Abbi birthday party and BBQ!!! It is cool out but the sun is shinning, well at the moment anyway. lol

Haroula glad there were no more shakes durning the night. HUGS! Have a lovely day and hope you are feeling better.

Gerry thanks for starting the coffee. Have a lovely day!

Connie enjoy breakfast out and happy shopping!!

Gail enjoy church and have fun shopping and have a relaxing rest of your afternoon!

Space have a lovely day!!

Manxman Have a lovely day!! Happy Thanksgiving to you!!

L4l hope all the kamotion settles down for you and you are able to watch your shows to get caught-up! Have a lovely day!

Darlene I bet that felt good to sleep in! Have a lovely day!!

wave
Nan

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#918563 - 10/13/13 03:09 PM Re: Sip-&-Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7221
Loc: San Diego, CA
I think I've missed the Diner for a few days. Been way too busy doing nothing important.

'Caulked' my 18 year old leather couch to seal tears and missing leather (again). It actually works fairly well. Use similar colored acrylic caulk (the same as for windows, etc), let it dry, use vinyl/latex paint in the matching color of the couch to cover it all (including the little cat scratches (did I say little?), and the whole thing is good to go for another year or two. I'm actually surprised how good it looks compared to what it was for the past several months. Impressive job, Sorta!

Unfortunately, when I do that, my Bubba cat can't cuddle with me on the couch, so I was sitting in the rocking chair and he was totally confused. Then he got paranoid. He sat on the table, howling at me until I picked him up (he hates being picked up) and put him on my lap. He sat quietly for the rest of the night. He never sits quietly. Poor kitty. Tonight will be 'normal'. Couch all dry and ready for use by then.

Be sure to read my harrowing tales of the Monsters On Maple Street. I'm so tired of my 'accidental involvement' in everything. I can't seem to escape being a witness to so many things. Darn darn darn. mad
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#918567 - 10/13/13 03:19 PM Re: Sip-&-Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7656
Loc: Greece
sleep wave
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#918599 - 10/13/13 08:45 PM Re: Sip-&-Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64920
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good evening boomies! Are we all hibernating? lol

I had a wonderful day, went to Insanity class, ran the dogs at the river, went out to dinner with Peter and hubby and I am now finishing my project. Life is good. hearts

Did we all have a good day?
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#918601 - 10/13/13 08:48 PM Re: Sip-&-Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42267
Loc: Alabama
We just finished a yummy rib dinner and now are watching football.

Today has been a tense one. This afternoon, Mr. Keoki took advantage of one second of inattention to flash down the stairs and out into the back yard, which must have raised my blood pressure 100 points at least.

Then our net/phones when out which I took as a message from the Almighty to go to bed....so I did. puppy
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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