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#920129 - 10/22/13 06:58 PM Hump Day
gymcandy1 Online   happy
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29942
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.
Cicero (106 BC - 43 BC)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A macho man married a beautiful young thing. On their honeymoon, he laid down the rules. "Now here's the way it's gonna be: I'll go hunting or fishing or card-playing or drinking with my buddies anytime I want to, with no hassle from you. And I'll come home anytime I want to, with no hassle from you. And I'll expect dinner to be on the table whenever I get here, with no hassle from you. Those are my rules. Do you understand?"

His new bride smiled sweetly and said, "Of course, dear. That's fine. But I have one little rule of my own: I'm gonna have sex here every night at seven o'clock-whether you're here or not!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near-death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even had someone come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation, and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 years?"

God replied, "I didn't recognize you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left her, hoping she would be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rushed up to catch her and straighten her up.

Again she seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt over to her other side. The nurses rushed back and once more brought her back upright. This went on all morning. Later, the family arrived to see how the old woman was adjusting to her new home.

"So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?"

"It's pretty nice," she replied. "Except they won't let me pass gas."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time, Jones?" he asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change."

Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river -- look, my suit's still damp -- ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes."

"You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviously disappointed.

"No woman can get ready in ten minutes."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man went to the doctor's. The doctor came in and said, "Well, I've got some good news and some bad news."

The bad news is that you have an inoperable brain tumor. The good news is our hospital has just been certified to do brain transplants and there has been an accident right out front and a young couple was killed and you can have which ever brain you like.

The man's brain is $100,000.00 and the woman's brain is $30,000.00. The patient could not help but ask; "Why such a large difference between, the male and the female brain?"

The doctor replied, "The female brain is used."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she'll see him later, and walks away.

His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that??!!"

"Oh," replies the husband, "that was my mistress."

The wife says, "That's it; I want a divorce."

"I understand," replies her husband, "but, remember, if you get a divorce, there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, no wintering in the Caribbean, no Lexus in the garage, and no more country club. But the decision is yours."

Just then the wife notices a mutual friend entering the restaurant with a gorgeous woman. "Who's that woman with Jim?" she asks.

"That's his mistress," replies her husband.

"Ours is prettier," says the wife.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

10. Cats' facial expressions

9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors

8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds

7. Fat clothes

6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time

5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell

4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow

3. Eyelash curlers

2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made

AND, the Number One thing only women understand:

1. OTHER WOMEN
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE PMS


Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet
The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says, "How's my driving - call 1-800-***-****."
Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
You're convinced there's a God and he's male.
You're counting down the days until menopause.
You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

I am extremely tired from two days of doing dirt work at our entry, in order to clean it up and make it look nicer. tired

There is a ton of work to do around this place before we can list it for sale. smirk

Now I have three 5:00 work days before my weekend off, and I HAVE to get to bed on time tonight, so I'm posting this early early. yes

I don't want ANYONE to read it until tomorrow morning you hear? shame

Having worked out at the entry all day I didn't get any chores done inside, except for two loads of laundry.

Maybe my sister will make herself useful for a change. rolleyes

I'm joking. blush

Have a happy day everyone. rah

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#920144 - 10/22/13 08:22 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64445
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Awww Joe, you are selling the house? Have you decided where you will go? hearts

Have a happy day everyone!

I have Insanity in the morning, a dog run before poor Shadow explodes since it's been two days and then the rest of the day in the corner.

Ana wave
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#920149 - 10/22/13 08:42 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9406
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Have a great Wednesday Joe and Ana. thumbsup
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#920153 - 10/22/13 08:56 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64445
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
You too SpaceQ! hearts
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#920188 - 10/23/13 01:38 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7473
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,Ana,SpaceQ and and all who follow. wave
Have all a nice day. smile happydance
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#920203 - 10/23/13 04:44 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16853
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, SpaceQ, and Haroula. Joe if you move I hope it won't be far from where you hunt for arrowheads. Ana I'll bet you need that dog run as much as Shadow! SpaceQ and Haroula enjoy your day. Wishing everyone a Happy Wednesday! Cailyn coffee is on! fall
_________________________
Gerry

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#920216 - 10/23/13 06:43 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 7978
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. A trip to the bank and BJ's today. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Hump day. Danish, Pumpkin Waffles, and Sausage in the NC. fall
_________________________
Connie

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#920244 - 10/23/13 09:19 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14228
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, hope you find a wonderful place after the house is sold.

Ana, Anymore snow? Enjoy the dog run and I hope the corner time runs smoothly for you.

Space, good morning.

Haroula, enjoy the day!

Gerry, thanks for the coffee.

Sue, are you doing okay?

Connie, Danish sounds great! Have a nice day!

Quiet day here today. Family Night at church tonight. Hope everyone has a good day!
_________________________
Gail

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#920252 - 10/23/13 10:05 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: GBC]
Darlene Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9297
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Sounds like a busy time for you! Hope you find some easy peasy time somewhere in your day today!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#920255 - 10/23/13 10:50 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Online   content
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13518
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Aw Joe sorry you have to sell the place and move, again. Do you have another place in mind? May work go well and the time fly till your weekend off!! Thanks for the chuckles.

Ana enjoy class and have a good run with the dogs! May the corner move right along and be kind. Have a lovely day! BTW: How is Merlins foot??

Space may you have a wonderful day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the coffee. Best thing on a cool day like today!! Have a lovely day!

Connie have fun shoppity shopping!! Thanks for the danish and have a lovely day! I heard this morning that there is going to be a big dip in the jet stream so maybe some cool will came that way for you!

Gail enjoy the nice and quiet day! Have a wondedrful time at Family Night!!

Darlene may work fly and all go smoothly! Have a lovely day!

No plans till taxi time, that is if it is running today!

wave
Nan

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#920256 - 10/23/13 10:52 AM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64445
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies! It was 28 this morning and the bed was inviting me to stay longer. lol

Haroula, have a great day! How are you all feeling?

Gerry, I do indeed some fresh air! We have no fall colors this year, how is by you?

Sue, hope all is well.

Connie, include a nice lunch out with hubby while running errands. grin

Gail, the snow melted as it fell but our xpressways were a disaster this morning from black ice. The entire newscast was just reporting one accident after another. Enjoy your day!

Darlene, happy hump day!

Nan, you posted as I was typing. lol Merlin's foot it still swollen between the toes but the swelling is half of what it was. He occasionally licks it but leaves it alone if I tell him to quit.
Stay warm and be careful if you go out tonight! I bet Florida is looking better every day. grin

Ana wave




Edited by BrownEyedTigre (10/23/13 10:55 AM)
Edit Reason: missed Nan
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#920274 - 10/23/13 12:54 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42069
Loc: Alabama
Wonderful Wednesday ya'll puppy

I was up earlyish (for me...means before 10) and have been doing a little of this, some of that, and lots of theother. My Keoki is a little needy this morning....I think he is taking advantage, the little stinker.

Today is vet day...Kman gets a check up and a laser treatment. I'm hoping they will let us wander-walk him for a few minutes each day, but 6 weeks is hovering in my mind and it's only been 4. Keoki is obviously bored and wants to move.

It's cool out there, but sunny. Couldn't ask for much better weather. wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#920296 - 10/23/13 01:58 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
Lotus777 Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 03/12/06
Posts: 3270
Loc: Oregon
Hi Boomies!! Still morning here on the West Coast. Still foggy and drizzly and coldish. Nice fire in the stove alleviates that though. Are you still in the corner Ana? Hope you have a great visit with your Mum, Midgie. Awww Joe, sorry you have to sell your home. Hope everything works out well for you. Hi SpaceQ , Haroula, Gerry, Connie and Gail and Darlene, hope you are all having a good day respectively. Hey Nan, a kidnapping?? Glad you survived, wink. Hope Keoki gets a good report L4L. Happy Gaming everyone!!! wave
_________________________
Lotus
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.

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#920299 - 10/23/13 02:25 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42069
Loc: Alabama
Off to the vet. Back later wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#920309 - 10/23/13 04:17 PM Re: Hump Day [Re: looney4labs]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9406
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
luck looney puppy

I hope this last half of the week goes fast for everyone. yay
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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