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Monday Moaning #922269
11/03/13 08:06 PM
11/03/13 08:06 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.
Woody Allen
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The dentist pulls out a Novocain needle to give the man a shot, so he can extract the man's tooth. 'No way! No needles. I hate needles' the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man objects I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me! The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill. 'No objection,' the patient says. 'I'm fine with pills.'

The dentist then returns and says, Here's a Viagra tablet.'

The patient says, 'Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!'

It doesn't' said the dentist, 'but it's going to give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth.


A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror... She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly... I really need you to pay me a compliment."

The husband replies, "Your eyesight's near perfect."



A woman pregnant with her first child paid a visit to her obstetrician's office.

After the exam, she shyly said, "My husband wants me to ask you...," to which the doctor replies, "I know, I know," placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy."

"No, that's not it," the woman confessed. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn."


A guy went to a psychiatrist because he was having severe problems with his sex life.

The psychiatrist asked him a lot of questions, but didn't seem to be getting a clear picture of the problems.

Finally, he asked, "Do you ever watch your girlfriend's face while you're having sex?"

"Well, yes, I did once."

"Well, how did she look?"

"Oh boy, she looked VERY angry!"

At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said, "Well that's very interesting, we must look into this further.

Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your girlfriend's face once during sex; that seems somewhat unusual. How did it occur that you saw her face that time?"

"She was watching us through the window."


A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?"

"What dear?" She asked gently.

"I think you bring me bad luck."


Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up.

The man said, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars." The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore.

Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, where's my hundred dollars?"

The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law."

The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?"


A female officer arrests a drunk. She warns him, "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you."

The drunk replies, "Boobs."


A dedicated Teamsters Union worker was attending a convention
in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When
he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union
house?"

"No," she replied, "I'm sorry, it isn't."

"Well, if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?"

"The house gets $80.00 and the girls get $20.00."

Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off
down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized
shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel
where the Madam responded, "Why, yes, sir, this IS a Union House."

The man asked, "And if I pay you $100.00, what cut do the girls get?"

"The girls get $80.00 and the house gets $20.00."

"That's more like it!!!" the Teamster said. He handed the Madam $100.00, looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive blonde.
"I'd like her for the night."

"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam, then pointing to an 85 year old woman he said, "I'm sorry though, but she has seniority"



A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart's and the husband picks up a case of Budweiser and put it in their shopping cart.

What do you think you're doing? asks the wife.

They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans, he replies.

Put them back, we can't afford them, demands the wife. So he does and they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and put it in the shopping cart.

What do you think you're doing asks the husband?

Its my face cream. It makes me look beautiful, replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: So does 24 cans of Budweiser and its half the price.



A man and his wife were having an argument in bed. After the husband had finally had enough, he jumped up and took a blanket to the couch.

The next day, the wife feeling badly about what happened, decided to buy her husband a gift. Since he was an avid golfer, she went to the pro shop at the club where he usually played golf.

The wife talked with the pro, and he suggested a putter and showed her one of his finest. "How much is it?" she asked.

"One-hundred and fifty dollars," he replied. She felt that was kind of expensive and told him so.

"But it comes with an inscription," the pro said.

"What kind of inscription?" she asked.

"Whatever you wish," he explained. "But, one of the old golfers' favorites is: 'Never Up, Never In'."

"Oh, that will never do!" exclaimed the wife. "That's what started the argument in the first place."



A man and a woman, who have never met before, but are both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied. "Get your own [blip] blanket!"

After a moment of silence, he farted.


Good morning everyboomie. welcome

My little one day off is over. Now it's 4 days back on. razz

I haven't recovered from the last 6 days. shocked

I did recover my bed however, after washing my sheets today. thumbsup

It's nice to be able to recover something. bravo

On my next day off I'm hoping to recover the change I lost in the couch. happydance

Maybe after that I can recover my wits. crazy

Have a happy day everyone. dance

joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Monday Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #922272
11/03/13 09:03 PM
11/03/13 09:03 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Thanks for the jokes Joe. Have a happy Monday Boomers.


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Monday Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #922281
11/03/13 11:29 PM
11/03/13 11:29 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
lol Thanks for starting the week out right Joe. hearts

Have a wonderful day!

SpaceQ, hope Monday will be a breeze for you.

Have a great day everyone.

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #922300
11/04/13 02:22 AM
11/04/13 02:22 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Have a great day Joe,SpaceQ,Ana and all who follow. smile wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Monday Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #922307
11/04/13 05:09 AM
11/04/13 05:09 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,096
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,096
Marlborough USA
pumpkin Good Morning Joe, SpaceQ, Ana and Haroula. This time change is tough! I got up at 3AM and couldn't get back to sleep. woozy Coffee is ready! yes Happy Day All! pumpkin


Gerry
Re: Monday Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #922325
11/04/13 08:30 AM
11/04/13 08:30 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, I'm still laughing over the beer joke.

Space, good morning.

Ana, enjoy whatever plans you have for the day.

Haroula, happy day is wished for you.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee. I woke at 4:00 this morning. This is going to take a little getting used to.

Good day is wished to all! Got a Doc appointment this morning. Dogs want their walk but they'll have to wait till I get back. fall


Gail
Re: Monday Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #922327
11/04/13 08:32 AM
11/04/13 08:32 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,014
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,014
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Not sure what the day will bring yet, maybe some shopping. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful start to the new week. Danish, BB Pancakes, and French Toast in the NC. fall


Connie
Re: Monday Moaning [Re: connie] #922348
11/04/13 10:44 AM
11/04/13 10:44 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have a great day!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Monday Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #922353
11/04/13 10:55 AM
11/04/13 10:55 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 28,972
Unionville
manxman Online content
Sonic Boomer
manxman  Online Content
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 28,972
Unionville
Good morning all. Hope everyone has a great day wave


Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: Monday Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #922361
11/04/13 11:11 AM
11/04/13 11:11 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
lol Joe thanks for the laughs!! Hope the next four days fly for you! Have a lovely day!

Space may the work week fly! Have a lovely day!

Ana what fun plans for today? Are you still corner free?? Have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry that is way too early. Hope you can get in a nap. lol Thanks for the kcoffee. Have a lovely day!

Gail they should just leave the clocks alone and then we wouldn't have to spring ahead or fall behind. lol Best of luck with the doc appointment.

Sassy gave me this funny look this morning when I made her get up to go walking really early as I had a 7:30 dentist appointment. Good time to go then I can sleep in the chair. lol Have a lovely day!

Connie how was the plant thing you went to this weekend?? Will you be busy planting??? lol Have a lovely day and thanks for the danish!

Darlene may everything go smoothly today! Have a lovely day!

Manxman have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

Re: Monday Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #922374
11/04/13 12:09 PM
11/04/13 12:09 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

It's cool out there. Must be November. I don't feel like I got an extra hour of sleep last night...must go check the bed and see if I left it up there. wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #922376
11/04/13 12:16 PM
11/04/13 12:16 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,238
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies! It's a lovely sunny day here and I am off to do a couple errands and then take the dogs for a run at the river. After that I will decide what's next depending on whether or not I get placed back in the corner.

Nan, so far still free but it is supposed to change today. grin
Hope the dentist went well. hearts

manxman, have a great day!

Darlene, did daughter find her dress?

Connie, hope something fun comes your way today.

Gail, hope the doc visit goes well.

Gerry, way too early! Hope you can sleep later tomorrow.

Haroula, is everyone feeling better now?

L4L, hope you can have a peaceful day.

Okay, off to knock off my errands.


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #922378
11/04/13 12:21 PM
11/04/13 12:21 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Still trying to get my 'sleep clock' in order. Woke up at 5 am (used to be the old 6). Couldn't go back to sleep so I watched the news. Not a good way to start the day. rotfl


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Monday Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #922395
11/04/13 02:28 PM
11/04/13 02:28 PM
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 3,295
Oregon
Lotus777 Offline
Addicted Boomer
Lotus777  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 3,295
Oregon
Hi Boomies!! I am with all of the rest of you sleepless souls...I absolutely loathe the time change. Why can't they change the times that things begin/open and leave us to our z-z-z's? I don't like it at all! Grr, grump and moan!! Other than lack of sleep things are well here. Cold and grey with pockets of rain. Nice fire going and it is warm and toasty. Happy Gaming everyone!! wave


Lotus
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.
Re: Monday Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #922411
11/04/13 04:10 PM
11/04/13 04:10 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Back from Keoki's therapy walk. Took Seagy with us so he could still feel like part of the pack. wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #922416
11/04/13 04:40 PM
11/04/13 04:40 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Oh Ana hope you get all that done and a little "me" time before the corner.

L4l hope your day is going well. How is Keoki doing? That was nice of you to take Seagy along too.

Lotus Happy Anniversary!!! Have a wonderful day! We started out really nice and that changed by the time my appointment was over. Been raining since.

Sorta did ya see any national news??? My town was on the national news cause two skydiving planes hit or bumped a little in the air just as the skydivers were going to jump. One landed and the other one started coming apart and caught unfire. The pilot ejected and only had some scratches. Pretty scarey!!

Off to be kidknapped in a little bit! happydance

wave
Nan

Re: Monday Moaning [Re: auntiegram] #922422
11/04/13 05:09 PM
11/04/13 05:09 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Monday Moaning [Re: gymcandy1] #922509
11/05/13 01:18 AM
11/05/13 01:18 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Well...... think Where did everybody go????

Time here to call it a day.

Night everybody sleep well and pleasant dreams!!!

sleep
Nan

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