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#922473 - 11/04/13 09:36 PM Tuesday's
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29948
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.
- Elayne Boosler
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to
stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night.
She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking,
classical music, even how to invest in the stock market," said the man.

"Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically,"
remarked his friend.

"I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough
for me."
~~~~~~~~~~'




Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"

He stumbles into the kitchen and sure enough, there is a hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee, and the morning newspaper all waiting for him. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... what happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 in the morning, drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh THAT! Well, Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,'Leave me alone, I'm married!'"
~~~~~~~~


A guy walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender asks, "What'll it be?" The guy responds, "Double Scotch." The bartender gives him a double scotch and the guy swallows it in one gulp and then proceeds to look into his shirt pocket.

The guy looks back up and says, with a look of pure discussed, "Another double please!" The bartender pours another for the man.

Once again the man swallows it in one gulp and proceeds to look into his shirt pocket. and once agian he looks back up and says, with a look of pure discussed, "Another double please!" The bartender pours another for the man.

By the fifth round with the exact same reaction from the man each time the bartender finaly asks, "Hey buddy, I will fill you shot glass all night long, but you have to to me, What is in your pocket?"

The guy looks up at the bartender and politely says, "It's a picture of my wife. I am just waiting for her to look pretty so I can go home."
~~~~~~

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN:

* Compliment her
* cuddle her
* kiss her
* caress her
* love her
* stroke her
* tease her
* comfort her
* protect her
* hug her
* hold her
* spend money on her
* wine & dine her
* buy things for her
* listen to her
* care for her
* stand by her
* support her
* go to the ends of the earth for her....

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN:

* Show up naked.
~~~~~

It's closing time, and two drunks are getting ready to leave the bar. "God, I hate getting home at this hour. All I want to do is take my shoes off and crawl into bed, but Hailey always nags me for what seems like hours".
"Sneaking's not the way to do it. Try slamming the front door, stomping upstairs, and yelling 'Hey baby, let's have sex'. When I do that, my wife always pretends she's sound asleep".
~~~~~~~~~~~

A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.

The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink.

He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."

The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."
~~~~

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a large amount of whisky at a local pub. He felt quite sleepy and decided to nap against a tree.

As he slept, two female tourists heard his loud snoring. When they found him, one said, "I've always wondered what a Scotsman wears under his kilt."

She boldly walked over to the sleeper, raised his kilt, and saw that he wore nothing at all. Her friend said, "Well, the mystery is solved! Let's thank him for sharing!"

She took off her pretty blue hair ribbon and gently tied it around the Scotsman's endowment. A while later, the Scotsman was awakened by the call of nature. He raised his kilt and was bewildered at the sight of the neatly tied blue ribbon. He stared for a minute, then said, "I don't know where y'been laddie... but it's nice ta see you won firrrst prrrize!"
~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

Here comes your Tuesday served piping hot on a silver platter with coffee. thumbsup

think

It could be your coffee served piping hot on a silver platter with a Tuesday.

I know it's Tuesday. duh

I think I know it's Tuesday. headscratch

I just watched The Adjustment Bureau. blush

I'm putting locks on every door in my bedroom. shocked

It probably won't help. I did the same thing when I was married, but my wife kept getting in anyway. scared

Have a happy day everyone.

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#922475 - 11/04/13 10:23 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14570
Loc: Massachusetts
Well,since I missed Monday's post, I thought I'd be first on Tuesday's. Thanks Joe for opening for us. You really crack me up. Gotta work a split shift tomorrow so I'll see you on the flip side. Night.

Midgie hearts
_________________________
Just do it.

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#922479 - 11/04/13 10:33 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64482
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning Joe and thanks for the chuckles.
I am sure Pepper and Baby will keep you safe. hearts

Midgie, hope you have a great day!

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#922498 - 11/04/13 11:43 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
Drmojo Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 12/04/04
Posts: 1758
Loc: Washington In the Wet corner
HI YA Joe~ Thanks for the chuckles snicker
have a nice day~


Hey ya Ana~ Thats gggreat you had so much
fun at the race! did you win? happydance

Hi Midge how atr you doing? have a
good day wave

i have 4 weeks left of IV antibiotics
thry couldn't find any veins in my arms
that would work, so the had to take me to
surgery to put in a shory-tunnel cath
in my jugular vein, YUK!! so I'll be
very happy to be done with all this.
its for the bone infection in my left leg.
it won't get rid of the bone infection
but it will kill all the other bugs~
they want to cut if off above my knee
but I said not yet, I use that knee a lot.

Rikki my niece got a new 7 week old
Siberian Husky, she's all white
her name is Rowdie~ she is sooooo cute hearts
she looks like a ball of cotten lol


to all the Boomers that come in
Have a nice day! sherlock fall tomato dance pumpkin taz


KAREN puppy


Edited by Drmojo (11/04/13 11:57 PM)
_________________________
OSO live
OSO Love
++OSO Strong++



Peace be with you~

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#922500 - 11/04/13 11:48 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64482
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Doc, my photos are on FB, I did indeed succeed and earned my medal. It was awesome!
How you feeling with the new antibiotics?
The puppy sounds adorable. puppy
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#922507 - 11/05/13 12:03 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
Drmojo Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 12/04/04
Posts: 1758
Loc: Washington In the Wet corner
HI ANA~ wave

just saw your pics their gggreat!!!!
CONGRATS!!! yay
the IV's have made me dee; a whole
lot better~ I hsve some of my energy
back happydance
how r u feeling?? and how are your
pups doing?? Hugs~ hearts
_________________________
OSO live
OSO Love
++OSO Strong++



Peace be with you~

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#922521 - 11/05/13 01:57 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Online   happy
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7498
Loc: Greece
Have a great day everyone smile wave
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#922530 - 11/05/13 04:46 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Online   happy
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16880
Loc: Marlborough USA
pumpkin Good Morning Joe, Midgie, Karen, and Haroula. Tuesday coffee sounds good Joe. penguin Midgie have a stress free day! smile Ana congrats on your metal! bravo You amaze me! praise Karen keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. catrub I hope the next four weeks pass quickly for you. Haroula enjoy your day. wave Happy Tuesday to All! pumpkin
_________________________
Gerry

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#922540 - 11/05/13 05:58 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 7984
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Karen, prayers and hugs being sent your way. hearts To all here and all who follow, have a Great Tuesday. Danish, Bacon Sandwiches, and Omelets in the NC. fall
_________________________
Connie

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#922559 - 11/05/13 07:56 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14252
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, did you mention coffee? woot

Ana, I don't have a FB glad you got your medal.

Karen, hugs my friend. You inspire me.

Haroula, happy day is wished.

Midgie, good day to you.

Gerry, enjoy whatever you decide to do today.

Connie, thanks for the Danish.

Hope everyone enjoys the day. fall
_________________________
Gail

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#922600 - 11/05/13 10:07 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: GBC]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9303
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have a very happy Tuesday!

Ana, congrats on your medal! Woohoo and booyah!
And, yes! Daughter found the wedding dress! It's lovely!

Karen, big hugs to you! hearts

Howdy, Midgie! kissy

Hey, Haroula, Gerry, Connie, and Gail! wave

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#922605 - 11/05/13 10:19 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: Darlene]
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29948
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Good morning everyone. wave

This is our second rainy gloomy day, and I'm fixing to leave for work. tired

I have three mid-shifts now from 10 to 7, before my Friday off. razz

We haven't gotten much rain, but today and tomorrow is supposed to be all rainy. happydance

I hope you all have what you wish for today. yay

See you after 7:00 tonight. thumbsup

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#922609 - 11/05/13 10:32 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13529
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe you can have all of our rain thaty you want. In fact they are talking measureable snow for northern WI later today and tonight. Want any of that too?? lol

May work fly and all go well. Thanks for the laughs!

Midge may you have a wonderful day!

Karen keeping you in my thoughts and kprayers. The next four weeks will be over in no time at all! HUGS!!

Ana have they sent you back to the corner yet??? lol You should be a good girl and then maybe..... lol Just kidding. Have a lovely day and enjoy your run as I see some moisture headed your way also!

Haroula have a lovely day! Hope the "boys" are feeling better now.

Gerry thanks for the coffee and have a lovely walk and a nice day!

Gail you need to make one up. You might be suprised at who all is there. lol Or not. Have a lovely day!!

Connie have fun what ever you do today! Thanks for the danish!

Darlene glad that daughter has found the 'right' dress!! May work fly and all go smoothly! Have a lovely day!

No plans but will run out to pick up a few things just in case.

wave
Nan

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#922618 - 11/05/13 11:17 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: auntiegram]
SharonB Offline
Settled Boomer

Registered: 01/23/09
Posts: 934
Loc: Delaware, USA
Hello! Joe you gave me some laugh out louds this morning. Dr Mojo hope your 4 weeks pass quickly. You are in my prayers. Ana, run for me too would you. I'm supposed to walk every day, but I'm very lazy. And it's cold. Will walk today anyway. Connie thanks for the bacon sandwich. I love bacon.

Need to wash clothes and go to the store. To all here and all who come in later, have a great Tuesday. NCIS tonight! See ya!

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#922625 - 11/05/13 11:39 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11368
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Good morning y'all.

Have a question. Can anyone tell me a good safe site to download free books for the Kindle Fire HD? I am getting one for Christmas. Woo Hoo.

Not much going on here. Been drizzling but didn't keep me from going to WalMart. Nothing interesting. Just the usual stuff.

Have a great day everyone.

Bets
_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

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#922635 - 11/05/13 11:54 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64482
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
For those that don't have FB, I can share this photo of my son and I. I don't have permission for the others because they include the rest of my team.

Doc, I am glad the meds are helping. hearts You are my inspiration when I run. My instructor and I were discussing you when she said she admires what I can do with my toe joints not in the socket and I told her about you. I said when mine hurts I think of all the things you do with all your obstacles and it inspires me to push through.

Haroula, have a great day.

Gerry, have a happy day!

Connie, anything fun today?

Gail, I added a picture. I hope your day is av great one!

Darlene, yay and woot on the dress! How fun!

Joe, we had five inches of rain the other day. And not a single point got uncovered at the river!

Nan, I asked for a little time off if possible to get my to-do list shortened. I honestly still haven't gotten to do the "fun errands" I want to do. Today is going to the DMV to get a car titled in my youngests name. My days have been stressfully full. Hve fun in whatever you do today. hearts

Sharon, it's good for your heart to move. Once you start you will find it gets easier everyday.


Bets, the library is a good place. Most "free" are illegal so beware.
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#922648 - 11/05/13 12:12 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: flutist]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2314
Loc: Switzerland
Good morning friends

Thank you all for your concerne. Yes, my Mum is feeling better. Doc said that it really was only a dizzy spell and that she maybe drank to little. I know she often forgets to drink enough water. Month ago I glued some blue adhesive labels all about her flat, at least 4 in every room, and told her that every time she sees one of them, she must drink a glass full of water. >sigh< do you think she sticks to it? Alas, no. Elderly people, ok stubborn elderly people give us headaches, don't they?! duh

Ana: congrats on the medal! You go girl rah The pic of Peter and you is super. What kind of shoes are you wearing? It looks a bit like a glove for the feet?

Karen: you are one brave woman! praise Thinking of you and sending prayers over the pond!

Bets: are there free books to get for the Kindle? I have the Paperwhite and always pay for the books. If somebody knows of legal free books, please share the secret with me. Thanks.

I wish all who come in after me a happy day and a relaxing evening!

Love!

Evelyne
_________________________
"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

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#922655 - 11/05/13 12:37 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Lotus777 Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 03/12/06
Posts: 3270
Loc: Oregon
Good Morning Boomers!! What a busy place this is today!! Joe, you really should be a stand up comic!! You are very funny! Hi Midgie, how are you doing? Hey Ana, how is my favorite photographer??? wink Karen, you have got to be one of the toughest and bravest people ever!! And Siberians are the best, your Rikki will love this dog. Just make sure she teaches it to come very early or you won't be able to turn it loose. Have a great day too Haroula!! Gerry, Connie, Gail and Darlene, hope you all have a wonderful day. Hi Nan, thank you for the good wishes, we had a great day including dinner but not a fish fry... frown. Hi Sharon, how have you been? Bets, my Kindle app on my Android tablet gives me all sorts of book offers. I am pretty sure it is safe as Kindle puts it out. Hi sweet Evelyne!! My heart is with you on the Mum thing...I go through this many times a day also. Well, I am off for a rare day with my bestie. Hubby will keep an eye on my Mum this afternoon and we get to go to town...should be fun. Happy Gaming everyone!! wave
_________________________
Lotus
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.

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#922702 - 11/05/13 03:44 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64482
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Lotus, thanks my friend.
Have an awesome day out with your bestie! yay

Evelyne, you crack me up. grin I love your adhesive tape. lol
I wear barefoot/minimalist/zero rise shoes all the time since my big toes can't bend. I run in what are called 5 finger shoes. They are indeed like a glove and uber comfortable. Love them!
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#922711 - 11/05/13 04:05 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9414
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Good afternoon Boomers. wave
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#922717 - 11/05/13 04:32 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Online   happy
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7498
Loc: Greece
sleep wave
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#922724 - 11/05/13 05:26 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: Haroula]
Drmojo Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 12/04/04
Posts: 1758
Loc: Washington In the Wet corner
HI BETS~

I have a kindle fire hd my niece gave
me hers grin I get most my books from
Amazon the have daily deals and lots of
free books too!
Gail knows a site to get tons of good free books
ask her ok! I don't know the name
how are you doing? hows your dogs? Hugs~ hearts

Hi Lotus Rikki is having a hard time
getting her to come and learn her name
she is very stubborn only comes when
she wants lol she's just 7 weeks old
I bought her a training book on Huskies
sure hope it helps cause she sure has a
mind of her own already snicker
any pointers/help would be more
then welcome. Thanks~



THANK YOU for all your Prayers booms
you guys are the BEST! hearts hearts


Have a nice afyernoon Boomers~ Karen puppy
_________________________
OSO live
OSO Love
++OSO Strong++



Peace be with you~

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#922739 - 11/05/13 07:12 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: Drmojo]
luv2travel Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 01/30/02
Posts: 2088
Loc: Phoenix, AZ USA
Hi Karen! Thoughts and prayers for you to feel better soon, and not lose your knee.
Bets, I use a service called Book Bub who sends me an email daily of free and very low cost books. I also signed up with my local public library for checking out eBooks free. Had to actually go to the library to sign up for it. Then it's all electronic.
Hoping all had a great day!
Andrea wave

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#922764 - 11/05/13 10:18 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14570
Loc: Massachusetts
Hi al. It's time for me to say good night. Long day. I hope you all had a great day.

Night.
Midgie hearts sleep pumpkin taz dance devilchili fall I just love these guys.
_________________________
Just do it.

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#922771 - 11/05/13 10:53 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42098
Loc: Alabama
Well Shoot, I thought I was here, but apparently I got lost in cyber space.

Off to bed. Sweet dreams everyone sleep
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#922775 - 11/05/13 11:17 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13529
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Sharon hope you can find something to help motavate you to walk as you will feel much better once you start!

Bets my daughter has one but I have no clue where she gets her books from. I'll ask her though and let ya know.

Lotus have a lovely kday tomorrow with your bestie!!

Evelyne prayers that your mom starts drinking the water that she should. Maybe some flavored water would help. duh HUGS!!

Midge hope you had a lovely day! Any plans for your day off tomorrow?

Ana nice to have some time off. Hope the 'to do' list shortens kind of quickly for ya. Hope the DMV trip was a short one. lol


I took a really long walk with Sassy this morning and then ran a few errands. the rest of the day was easy as I did some gaming and worked on a puzzle.

Karen HUGS and Prayers!!! You are truely an inspiration to others!!!

Andrea is it still hot there?? If so could I borrow a little heat please??? lol

Well time to head for my pillow after I take Sassy out once more sooo.......
Night all sleep well and pleasant dreams!!

sleep
Nan

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#922777 - 11/05/13 11:19 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64482
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Sweet dreams boomies. I am back in the corner.

Ana wave
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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