I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
- Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)
~~~~~~
An Irishman is sitting at the end of a bar. He sees a lamp at the end of the table. He walks down to it and rubs it. Out pops a genie. It says, "I will give you three wishes."
The man thinks awhile. Finally he says, "I want a beer that never is empty."
With that, the genie makes a poof sound and on the bar is a bottle of beer. The Irishman starts drinking it and right before it is gone, it starts to refill. The genie asks about his next two wishes.
The man says, "I want two more of these."
~~
A couple just started their Lamaze class, and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand - to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The husband stood up and shrugged saying, This doesn't feel so bad.
The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up.
You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it the husband asked.
Exactly, replied the instructor.
To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, Honey, pick up that pen for me.?
~~~~
Harley DavidsonArthur (Harley)Davidson, died and went to heaven.
At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.
God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?"
Arthur said, "Yep, that's me."
God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"
Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't You the inventor of woman?"
God said, "Yes."
"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;
5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"
"Hmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."
~~~~~~~~~~
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. Why of course, comes the reply.
The first man then asks: Where are you from?
I'm from Ireland, replies the second man.
The first man responds: You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland.
Of Course, replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks:"Where in Ireland are you from?
Dublin, comes the reply.
I can't believe it, says the first man."I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin.
Of course, replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: What school did you go to?
Saint Mary's, replies the second man. I graduated in 62.
This is unbelievable! the first man says. I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. What's been going on? he asks the bartender.
Nothing much, replies the bartender. The O'Malley twins are drunk again.
~~~
A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.
This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."
The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."
"Don't make such a big deal out of this, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly.
His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"
"Ever since my wife found it in my truck..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a rabbit sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the rabbit fell dead. What do you think of that?"
The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else killed that rabbit."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning guys.
I don't know if I'm going to make it through this week.
Yesterday was looonnng, starting at 4am. I didn't have to get up at 4am, but my body decided it was going to wake up ANY WAY!!
After that, try three hours of tossing and turning, and every time I did, so did my little doggie next to me.
As I think about it now, it would have been more pleasant trying to sleep on a trampoline.
I always slept well in the Navy, when our ship was at sea, and rolling back and forth.
The rougher the seas, the better I liked it.
"Rock me baby, rock me baby all night long". Then at work for a mid-shift 10am to 7pm. At least the morning was kinda busy. There were inventory people everywhere in our store, ah......because we're doing inventory this week.
The afternoon dragged on, with me trying to stay busy and pass the time as quickly as possible.
I get off work, rush home, roll around on the bed wrestling with my dog, then jump in the shower, by myself, then fix some dinner, then sit down, finally, to watch some TV......
Naked Vegas OooLaLa.....
Through most of my evening I've been trying to get this post done so I could game a
little but a little
BIT (I think I would like a little butt), but that's not what I was referring too, sorry!!
I wanted to do a little 'bit' of gaming, 'but' that ain't gonna happen sweet heart.
{{{{SO}}}} Only two more days just like that one to go.
It's 10:30 now, and I'm not really that tired yet. Maybe I COULD do a tiny bit of gaming, but I'm afraid if I go in and start blasting away at
BIGGA DADDYS I'll get all jacked up and hyper and not sleep again tonight.
What the heck....
Have a hyper day everyone.
joe