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#923197 - 11/08/13 01:46 AM TGIF
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 32194
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
Emo Philips

An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. She began to interview young lawyers.

"As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Peterson, are you an honest lawyer?"

"Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case."

"Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"

The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."

Two lawyers, Jon and Alan, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf. Jon offers Alan a $50 bet. Alan agrees and they're off. They shoot a great game. After the 8th hole, Alan is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th.

''Help me find my ball. Look over there,'' he says to Jon. After a few minutes, neither has any luck. Since a lost ball carries a four point penalty, Alan secretly pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. ''I've found my ball!'' he announces.

''After all of the years we've been partners and playing together," Jon says, "you'd cheat me out of a lousy 50 bucks?''

''What do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right there!''

''And you're a liar, too!'' Jon says. ''I'll have you know I've been STANDING on your ball for the last five minutes!''

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy.
He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer
from New York and is certain that he has a better education than any
cop from Texas . He decides to prove this to himself and have some
fun at the Texas deputy's expense.

The deputy says, "License and registration, please."

"What for?" says the lawyer.

The deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop

Then the lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

"You still didn't come to a complete stop, Says the deputy. License
and registration, please."

The lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

"The difference is you have to come to acomplete stop, that's the
law. License and registration, please!" the Deputy says.

Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow
down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you
give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the

"That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir," the deputy says.

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts
beating the daylights out of the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to
stop, or just slow down?"

A law firm receptionist answered the phone the morning after the firm's senior partner had passed away unexpectedly. "Is Mr. Spenser there?" asked the client on the phone.

"I'm very sorry, but Mr. Spenser passed away last night," the receptionist answered. "Can anyone else help you?".

The man paused for a moment, then quietly said, "no" and hung up. Ten minutes later, he called again and asked for Mr. Spenser, his ex-wife's lawyer. The receptionist said, "You just called a few minutes ago, didn't you? Mr. Spenser has died. I'm not making this up."

The man again hung up.

Fifteen minutes later, he called a third time and asked for Mr. Spenser. The receptionist was irked by this time. "I've told you twice already, Mr. Spenser is dead. He is not here! Why do you keep asking for him when I say he's dead? Don't you understand what I'm saying?"

The man replied, "I understand you perfectly. I just like hearing you say it over and over."

A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being taken to his place of eternal torment, he passed a room where a lawyer was having an intimate encounter with a beautiful young woman.

"What a ripoff," the man muttered. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman."

Jabbing the man with his pitchfork, the escorting demon snarled, "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"

One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver's side door with him standing right there.
"NOOO!" he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it never would be the same. Finally, a cop came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling. "MY JAGUAR DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!!!" he exclaimed.
"Your a lawyer aren't you?" asked the policeman. "Yes, I am, but what does this have to do with my car?!?!" the lawyer asked.
"HA! You lawyers are always so materialistic. All you care about is your possessions. I bet you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing did you?" the cop said.
The lawyer looked down at his side and exclaimed "MY ROLEX!"

A mother and son are walking through a cemetery, and pass by a headstone inscribed - "Here lies a good lawyer and an honest man." The little boy reads the headstone, looks up at his mother, and asks "Mommy, why did they bury two men in one grave?"

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

Some time today I'll get up I pray,
and put on my clothes and go out to play.
I'll walk with my dog I hope without my cane
but with or without it I still feel quite lame.

Lame, like that poem perhaps? rolleyes

What do you call a nerd on crutches?

A 'lame brain'. snicker

What do you call gymcandy on no sleep?

A 'numb skull'. crazy

I have not slept since I got up this morning. lol

Ok if y'all are laughing at these you're way too easy.

Seriously though it's 12:30pm now.

I got up at 8:00am.

Let's see that's 4 hours, 8 to 12,..... think.. plus two very sore feet, multiply by three demanding managers, add twelve more hours, carry the stinky socks in a bag.....ummm.... top it with whipped cream and a cherry......headscratch...equals that I've been up for a very long time. shocked

Equally serious....have a happy day everyone.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

#923198 - 11/08/13 01:48 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 10027
Loc: Greece
Have a great day Joe and all. smile happydance wave
I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

#923199 - 11/08/13 02:00 AM Re: TGIF [Re: Haroula]
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 10371
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! You're up late! Hope your Friday is so very easy peasy!

Hey, Haroula! Have a great day!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

It's Tellingyoutruewhatweneedtodoishaveaneasypeasyoompaloompaterrificallytremendous TGIF!

Still Thursday evening for me....

Taking Friday off from work, 'cuz I can! rah

Not sure what the day will hold, but it will definitely start out with a sleep in! happydance


To all abed, sleep To all awake, woot
Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!

#923212 - 11/08/13 04:19 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 22793
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Haroula and Darlene. Hope you all enjoy your Friday! wave

#923223 - 11/08/13 06:39 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 10257
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Great TGIF. It's nice and cool today. fall A trip to the grocery store is in the cards. Danish, Sausage Biscuits, and French Toast in the NC. Biscuit bottoms for L4L. smile

#923233 - 11/08/13 07:36 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 18262
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, have a great day.

Haroula, happy day to you.

Darlene, enjoy your day off.

Gerry, enjoy yoiur day.

Connie, have a nice grocery store trip.

Sue, where are you? I'll put the coffee on this morning.

To all who come in I'm wishing a wonderful day. Daughter and youngest grandbaby coming to visit this morning.

#923264 - 11/08/13 10:15 AM Re: TGIF [Re: GBC]
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 32194
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
Morning everybody. wave

I suppose... grin

It's a crisp, sunny day here. Great for having a day off. woot

Not sure what I'll do. I'm back at work at 5 or 6 tomorrow morning. razz

Whatever I do I don't plan on over exerting myself much. shame

Baby is already ready to get outside and play. puppy

It's still a bit cool.

It's funny that yesterday at Lowe's, the freight truck had 2 boxes of snow shovels on it, and we have about 30 or more of them still from the last 3 years, and we haven't sold a one in that time. rolleyes

They just keep sending them. Our distribution center is in Chicago and they think we have the same weather here. lol

I hope you all have a super day.


Edited by gymcandy1 (11/08/13 10:15 AM)
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

#923268 - 11/08/13 10:41 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 75367
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, we are supposed to get snow next week. Not ready at all!
Have fun on your day off!

Gail, enjoy your daughter/grand daughter time! yay

Gerry, have a great day!

Connie, have fun shopping!

Haroula, hope the family is all healthy now.

Darlene, have a great day off. woot Missed your words of the day.

Sue, hope all is well.

niteowl, great to see you back yesterday.
Don't feed the Trolls

#923276 - 11/08/13 11:22 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 14623
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe may you have an easy day of fun and frolicing!! Take Baby to the creek and look for those arrowheads!! Thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry hope the rain is gone and you can get out and walk! Have a lovely day!

Darlene enjoy your day off and long weekend!! Have a lovely day!

Connie have fun grocery shopping and thanks for the danish! Have a lovely day!

Oh Gail sounds like a lovely day in store!! Enjoy the visit with daughter and grandbaby!!!

Ana hope the corner is moving right along for you! They have been talking snow here for a week but none yet. Some has fallen in places near by though. It was like 21F out there when Sassy and I took our long morning walk!

No plans here til taxi time then fish fry!


#923277 - 11/08/13 11:26 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 75367
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Nan, we were at 25 this morning. Brrr.... lol
I am getting ready to take my pups up soon. They are sleeping right now so I am using the time to work.
Have fun at fish fry tonight!yay
Don't feed the Trolls

#923292 - 11/08/13 01:03 PM Re: TGIF [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 10371
Loc: Southern California

'Morning, again, sweet 'Boomies!

Having a lovely morning. Slept in 'til 9am. happydance Awoke to a quiet house, the smell of fresh coffee. Hubby is playing a morning round of raquetball. Life is good!

Alrighty, off to see what's afoot!
Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!

#923294 - 11/08/13 01:11 PM Re: TGIF [Re: Darlene]
luv2travel Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 01/30/02
Posts: 2256
Loc: Phoenix, AZ USA
Hello friends!
I'm doing my best to send you some of our wonderful weather! Not doing so well I guess. It's the best time of year here with daytime highs in the low 80s and nights cool and comfortable!
Have a check up at Dr's office today, then afternoon free. Enjoy your day!
Andrea wave

#923295 - 11/08/13 01:26 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47571
Loc: Alabama
Fantastic Friday ya'll puppy

Just back from picking up the Cully from school. We are going to clean a bit, eat lunch, then go walk Keoki and pick up the Per. Today is my day to run up and down the road. wave
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

#923310 - 11/08/13 02:43 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 75367
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Darlene, sleeping in is fabulous isn't it? I am happy you are enjoying your day off.

Andrea, good luck at the docs! I still say we never really had summer here. I feel cheated.

L4L, how is Keoki doing now? I hope you are feeling well today.

My dogs are run, I'm roasting peppers and back ninn the corner. Life is good here too.
Don't feed the Trolls

#923320 - 11/08/13 04:24 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Lotus777 Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 03/12/06
Posts: 3281
Loc: Oregon
Late to the party today but here I am now!! Hi everyone and wishing a great rest of the day to all. Happy Gaming!! wave
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.

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