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#923197 - 11/08/13 01:46 AM TGIF
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29786
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
Emo Philips
~~~~~~~~~~~

An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. She began to interview young lawyers.

"As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Peterson, are you an honest lawyer?"

"Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case."

"Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"

The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."
~~~~~~~~~~~


Two lawyers, Jon and Alan, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf. Jon offers Alan a $50 bet. Alan agrees and they're off. They shoot a great game. After the 8th hole, Alan is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th.

''Help me find my ball. Look over there,'' he says to Jon. After a few minutes, neither has any luck. Since a lost ball carries a four point penalty, Alan secretly pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. ''I've found my ball!'' he announces.

''After all of the years we've been partners and playing together," Jon says, "you'd cheat me out of a lousy 50 bucks?''

''What do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right there!''

''And you're a liar, too!'' Jon says. ''I'll have you know I've been STANDING on your ball for the last five minutes!''
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy.
He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer
from New York and is certain that he has a better education than any
cop from Texas . He decides to prove this to himself and have some
fun at the Texas deputy's expense.

The deputy says, "License and registration, please."

"What for?" says the lawyer.

The deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop
sign."

Then the lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

"You still didn't come to a complete stop, Says the deputy. License
and registration, please."

The lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

"The difference is you have to come to acomplete stop, that's the
law. License and registration, please!" the Deputy says.

Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow
down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you
give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the
ticket."

"That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir," the deputy says.

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts
beating the daylights out of the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to
stop, or just slow down?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~


A law firm receptionist answered the phone the morning after the firm's senior partner had passed away unexpectedly. "Is Mr. Spenser there?" asked the client on the phone.

"I'm very sorry, but Mr. Spenser passed away last night," the receptionist answered. "Can anyone else help you?".

The man paused for a moment, then quietly said, "no" and hung up. Ten minutes later, he called again and asked for Mr. Spenser, his ex-wife's lawyer. The receptionist said, "You just called a few minutes ago, didn't you? Mr. Spenser has died. I'm not making this up."

The man again hung up.

Fifteen minutes later, he called a third time and asked for Mr. Spenser. The receptionist was irked by this time. "I've told you twice already, Mr. Spenser is dead. He is not here! Why do you keep asking for him when I say he's dead? Don't you understand what I'm saying?"

The man replied, "I understand you perfectly. I just like hearing you say it over and over."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being taken to his place of eternal torment, he passed a room where a lawyer was having an intimate encounter with a beautiful young woman.

"What a ripoff," the man muttered. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman."

Jabbing the man with his pitchfork, the escorting demon snarled, "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~

One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver's side door with him standing right there.
"NOOO!" he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it never would be the same. Finally, a cop came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling. "MY JAGUAR DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!!!" he exclaimed.
"Your a lawyer aren't you?" asked the policeman. "Yes, I am, but what does this have to do with my car?!?!" the lawyer asked.
"HA! You lawyers are always so materialistic. All you care about is your possessions. I bet you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing did you?" the cop said.
The lawyer looked down at his side and exclaimed "MY ROLEX!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~

A mother and son are walking through a cemetery, and pass by a headstone inscribed - "Here lies a good lawyer and an honest man." The little boy reads the headstone, looks up at his mother, and asks "Mommy, why did they bury two men in one grave?"
~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

Some time today I'll get up I pray,
and put on my clothes and go out to play.
I'll walk with my dog I hope without my cane
but with or without it I still feel quite lame.

Lame, like that poem perhaps? rolleyes

What do you call a nerd on crutches?

A 'lame brain'. snicker

What do you call gymcandy on no sleep?

A 'numb skull'. crazy

I have not slept since I got up this morning. lol

Ok if y'all are laughing at these you're way too easy.

Seriously though it's 12:30pm now.

I got up at 8:00am.

Let's see that's 4 hours, 8 to 12,..... think.. plus two very sore feet, multiply by three demanding managers, add twelve more hours, carry the stinky socks in a bag.....ummm.... top it with whipped cream and a cherry......headscratch...equals that I've been up for a very long time. shocked

Equally serious....have a happy day everyone.

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#923198 - 11/08/13 01:48 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 6907
Loc: Greece
Have a great day Joe and all. smile happydance wave
_________________________
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.





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#923199 - 11/08/13 02:00 AM Re: TGIF [Re: Haroula]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9151
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! You're up late! Hope your Friday is so very easy peasy!

Hey, Haroula! Have a great day!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

It's Tellingyoutruewhatweneedtodoishaveaneasypeasyoompaloompaterrificallytremendous TGIF!

Still Thursday evening for me....

Taking Friday off from work, 'cuz I can! rah

Not sure what the day will hold, but it will definitely start out with a sleep in! happydance

So.

To all abed, sleep To all awake, woot
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#923212 - 11/08/13 04:19 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Online   happy
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16314
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Haroula and Darlene. Hope you all enjoy your Friday! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#923223 - 11/08/13 06:39 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 7809
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Great TGIF. It's nice and cool today. fall A trip to the grocery store is in the cards. Danish, Sausage Biscuits, and French Toast in the NC. Biscuit bottoms for L4L. smile
_________________________
Connie

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#923233 - 11/08/13 07:36 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 13757
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, have a great day.

Haroula, happy day to you.

Darlene, enjoy your day off.

Gerry, enjoy yoiur day.

Connie, have a nice grocery store trip.

Sue, where are you? I'll put the coffee on this morning.

To all who come in I'm wishing a wonderful day. Daughter and youngest grandbaby coming to visit this morning.
_________________________
Gail

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#923264 - 11/08/13 10:15 AM Re: TGIF [Re: GBC]
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29786
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Morning everybody. wave

I suppose... grin

It's a crisp, sunny day here. Great for having a day off. woot

Not sure what I'll do. I'm back at work at 5 or 6 tomorrow morning. razz

Whatever I do I don't plan on over exerting myself much. shame

Baby is already ready to get outside and play. puppy

It's still a bit cool.

It's funny that yesterday at Lowe's, the freight truck had 2 boxes of snow shovels on it, and we have about 30 or more of them still from the last 3 years, and we haven't sold a one in that time. rolleyes

They just keep sending them. Our distribution center is in Chicago and they think we have the same weather here. lol

I hope you all have a super day.

joe



Edited by gymcandy1 (11/08/13 10:15 AM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#923268 - 11/08/13 10:41 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63365
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, we are supposed to get snow next week. Not ready at all!
Have fun on your day off!

Gail, enjoy your daughter/grand daughter time! yay

Gerry, have a great day!

Connie, have fun shopping!

Haroula, hope the family is all healthy now.

Darlene, have a great day off. woot Missed your words of the day.

Sue, hope all is well.

niteowl, great to see you back yesterday.
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#923276 - 11/08/13 11:22 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13275
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe may you have an easy day of fun and frolicing!! Take Baby to the creek and look for those arrowheads!! Thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry hope the rain is gone and you can get out and walk! Have a lovely day!

Darlene enjoy your day off and long weekend!! Have a lovely day!

Connie have fun grocery shopping and thanks for the danish! Have a lovely day!

Oh Gail sounds like a lovely day in store!! Enjoy the visit with daughter and grandbaby!!!

Ana hope the corner is moving right along for you! They have been talking snow here for a week but none yet. Some has fallen in places near by though. It was like 21F out there when Sassy and I took our long morning walk!

No plans here til taxi time then fish fry!

wave
Nan

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#923277 - 11/08/13 11:26 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63365
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Nan, we were at 25 this morning. Brrr.... lol
I am getting ready to take my pups up soon. They are sleeping right now so I am using the time to work.
Have fun at fish fry tonight!yay
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#923292 - 11/08/13 01:03 PM Re: TGIF [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9151
Loc: Southern California
wave

'Morning, again, sweet 'Boomies!

Having a lovely morning. Slept in 'til 9am. happydance Awoke to a quiet house, the smell of fresh coffee. Hubby is playing a morning round of raquetball. Life is good!

Alrighty, off to see what's afoot!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#923294 - 11/08/13 01:11 PM Re: TGIF [Re: Darlene]
luv2travel Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 01/30/02
Posts: 2047
Loc: Phoenix, AZ USA
Hello friends!
I'm doing my best to send you some of our wonderful weather! Not doing so well I guess. It's the best time of year here with daytime highs in the low 80s and nights cool and comfortable!
Have a check up at Dr's office today, then afternoon free. Enjoy your day!
Andrea wave

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#923295 - 11/08/13 01:26 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 41481
Loc: Alabama
Fantastic Friday ya'll puppy

Just back from picking up the Cully from school. We are going to clean a bit, eat lunch, then go walk Keoki and pick up the Per. Today is my day to run up and down the road. wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#923310 - 11/08/13 02:43 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63365
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Darlene, sleeping in is fabulous isn't it? I am happy you are enjoying your day off.

Andrea, good luck at the docs! I still say we never really had summer here. I feel cheated.

L4L, how is Keoki doing now? I hope you are feeling well today.

My dogs are run, I'm roasting peppers and back ninn the corner. Life is good here too.
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#923320 - 11/08/13 04:24 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Lotus777 Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 03/12/06
Posts: 3270
Loc: Oregon
Late to the party today but here I am now!! Hi everyone and wishing a great rest of the day to all. Happy Gaming!! wave
_________________________
Lotus
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.

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#923321 - 11/08/13 04:26 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9077
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Welcome to the weekend Boomers. happydance
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#923324 - 11/08/13 05:06 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 6907
Loc: Greece
sleep wave
_________________________
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.





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#923328 - 11/08/13 05:57 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 41481
Loc: Alabama
Ana, Keoki is doing well. He wants to do more than he should puppy We are up to 1/2 mile structured walk with a wander walk cool down. Soon we will start alternating the flat walks with hills.

Boys are picked up. Hated to wake Cullen. He was completely out when it was time to leave.

Bread is rising on the stove, kitchen is cleaned again, a couple of floors are vac'd, and laundry is spinning with a lot of it being put away. I am now exhausted. I think I remember why I had my kids when I was young. lol

The boys are out back playing with Lil Soot. Sky is having a fit cos he wants to play, but his version of "play" is too rough for those boys.

Handsome Hunk is on his way home....no idea what dinner is going to be :thinking:
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#923338 - 11/08/13 07:08 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63365
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Lotus, happy day to you too!

SpaceQ, stay warm and enjoy the weekend!

Haroula, sweet dreams.

L4L, so glad to hear he is doing well. puppy
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#923352 - 11/08/13 08:09 PM Re: TGIF [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
manxman Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/23/02
Posts: 13913
Loc: Unionville
Hi all. Hope everyone has a great weekend wave
_________________________
Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.

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#923357 - 11/08/13 08:50 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Lotus777 Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 03/12/06
Posts: 3270
Loc: Oregon
Thank you Ana!! Do you get to leave the corner in the evenings?? I hope, I hope, I hope..... yes
_________________________
Lotus
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.

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#923363 - 11/08/13 09:01 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63365
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
I do my best work in the evenings Lotus. I am in the corner pretty much all day/evening except for running the dogs and making dinner. I end up with about 9-10 hours a day of work when I am doing a project.

Manxman, welcome to the weekend!

Ana wave
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#923365 - 11/08/13 09:08 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 6775
Loc: San Diego, CA
Went to the Goodwill to wander. Was standing there in between two 'carts' that they roll out with new stuff. An older lady comes over, pushes her cart directly into the front of mine. I thought she would say ooops, sorry or something, BUT she just continued to PUSH me backwards with her cart. I finally stopped the progress and said, "You can't go THROUGH ME!" She looked up and hummmphed and went around to the other side. Dunno what the heck she was trying to do. So weird. If you HIT someting and it stops your progress (even if you have eyesight problems, which I don't think she did) wouldn't you STOP and see why you aren't moving instead of PUSHING harder???

THEN on the way home, at the intersection I was going straight, an SUV was to my left in the left turn lane at a red light. Then the firetruck came up from behind with lights and sirens and the SUV driver decided to PULL over to the RIGHT curb. Unfortunately, I was AT the right curb right beside her. Finally when I realized she was going to broadside me, I honked a lot and she looked and then turned right, directly in front of ME! What the heck was that? I'm so glad she didn't take off the front or side of my car, but I don't know what she was thinking to try to go THROUGH me.

So after two incidents in one day, of people trying to occupy the same space as me, I decided to stay IN for the rest of the day. So far things have been calm. But the nights not over yet. scared rotfl
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#923366 - 11/08/13 09:09 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
niteowl07 Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/06/05
Posts: 7295
Loc: the dusty desert
hello , everyone.it's been quite a summer for me.what with the medical stuff , and getting settled into the new place - it didn't go as quickly as planned ,but it will get there , i guess.

one of my new neighbors is from the southeast originally , and we've exchanged a lot of recipes.the town i live in is so small,there isn't a lot of variety when grocery shopping , so we are always trying to make something different with the available ingredients.

this summer i actually got to eat tomatoes from the garden !and it was a really special treat for me - it's the only way i will eat tomatoes - i never buy them in the store.

melodee is loving the wide windowsills here ,and the fact there is a pavilion with trees that the birds gather in most mornings on my dining room side -she chatters away while i drink my coffee.quite comical.

i've been doing a lot of letter writing and postcards to pen pals in various places ,that's
been about the extent of my activities this summer outside of dr. visits. not too exciting ,huh ?

midge,i watched your marigold hotel movie - it was wonderful ! i also recommend it.

i will probably break down and get dish tv ,as our internet isn't that reliable here, and i'm pretty far behind movie and tv wise. any other movie recommendations ,anyone ?

well,i've yakked enough ,back soon.

hugs to you all ,i've missed you !

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#923367 - 11/08/13 09:11 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63365
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Sorta, I have had days just like that and I always decide to go back home and continue my errands another day. lol I understand completely!

niteowl, you were posting as I was, sorry I missed you! I hope you will find yourself in good health soon. You know you are in my thoughts always. hearts
It sounds like kitty paradise in your new place. catrub
New recipes are always fun, I love to play with my food. lol
Have a wonderful evening.

Ana wave


Edited by BrownEyedTigre (11/08/13 09:17 PM)
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#923369 - 11/08/13 09:26 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
niteowl07 Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/06/05
Posts: 7295
Loc: the dusty desert
rotfl kitty paradise is right , ana !deedee has always loved a fresh bird feather to play with best ,and between the occasional pigeon feather and the chicken feather gifts from a neighbor ,she's getting quite a collection ! they get carried all around ,and the other night ,something kept picking me in bed - turns out she'd stashed a few under the covers for safe-keeping ! crazy lol

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#923372 - 11/08/13 09:48 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63365
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Oh that hurts! :rofl: My dogs deposit burrs and thorns they pick up in the woods. Those are always greatly appreciated as well. grin
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#923384 - 11/08/13 11:21 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 41481
Loc: Alabama
You guys are a hoot. Seagan stashes chewed nylon bones in our bed. They hurt!

Boys fell asleep about 5 minutes before Dad got home. So sad for him and them but they'd been up since early early.

We are off to bed. Sweet dreams everyone!

sleep
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#923386 - 11/09/13 12:00 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63365
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Oh, I remember those L4L! I have stepped on them. eek

Sweet dreams all...
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#923390 - 11/09/13 01:26 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13275
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Night all sleep well and pleasant dreams!

sleep
Nan

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