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#924016 - 11/12/13 12:39 AM Tuesdays
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30066
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
The secret of happiness is to make others believe they are the cause of it.
Al Batt, in National Enquirer
~~~~~~~~~~~~


(This is supposedly a true account recorded in the Police Log of Sarasota, Florida) An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!" The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee, and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake. The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed. Moral of the story? If you're going to have a senior moment...make it memorable.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, 'What'll you have?'

The guy answers, 'A scotch, please.'

The bartender hands him the drink, and says 'That'll be five dollars,' to which the guy replies, 'What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this.'

A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, 'You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration.'

The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, 'Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in here again.' The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, 'What the heck are you doing in here? I can't believe you've got the audacity to come back!'

The guy says, 'What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life!' The bartender replies, 'I'm very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double.' To which the guy replies, 'Thank you. Make it a scotch.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on lawyer number one jams something in lawyer number two's hand.

Without looking down, lawyer number two whispers, "What is this?" to which lawyer number one replies, "It's that $50 I owe you."
~~~~~~~~~~


Lawyer: I have some good news and some bad news.
Client: Well, give me the bad news first.
Lawyer: The bad news is that the DNA tests showed that it was your blood they found all over the crime scene
Client: Oh no! I'm ruined! What's the good news?
Lawyer: The good news is your cholesterol is down to 130!
~~~~~~~~~~~~

A trial had been scheduled in a small town, but the court clerk had forgotten to call in a jury panel. Rather than adjourning what he thought was an exceptionally simple case, the judge ordered his bailiff to go through the courthouse and round up enough people to form a jury. The bailiff returned with a group of lawyers.

The prosecutor felt that it would be an interesting experiment to try a case before a jury of lawyers, and the defense counsel had no objection, so a jury was impaneled. And the trial went very quickly -- after only an hour of testimony, and very short closing arguments, both sides rested. The jury was then instructed by the judge, and was sent back to the jury room to deliberate.

After nearly six hours, the trial court was concerned that the jury had not returned with a verdict. The case had in fact turned out to be every bit as simple as he had expected, and it seemed to him that they should have been back in minutes. He sent the bailiff to the jury room, to see if they needed anything.

The bailiff returned, and the judge asked, "Are they close to reaching a verdict?" The bailiff shook his head, and replied, "You're honor, they're still doing nomination speeches for the position of foreman."
~~~~~~~~~~

A lawyer was on his deathbed in his bedroom, and he called to his wife.

She rushed in and said, "What is it, honey?"

He told her to run and get the bible as soon as possible. Being a religious woman, she thought this was a good idea. She ran and got it, prepared to read him his favorite verse or something of the sort.

He snatched it from her and began quickly scanning pages, his eyes darting right and left.

The wife was curious, so she asked, "What are you doing, honey?"

"I'm looking for loopholes!" he shouted.
~~~~~~~~~~

Three paramedics were boasting about improvements in their respective ambulance team's response times.

"Since we installed our new satellite navigation system," bragged the first one, "we cut our emergency response time by ten percent."

The other paramedics nodded in approval. "Not bad," the second paramedic commented. "But by using a computer model of traffic patterns, we've cut our average ERT by 20 percent."

Again, the other team members gave their congratulations, until the third paramedic said, "That's nothing! Since our ambulance driver passed the bar exam, we've cut our emergency response time in half!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave

I had a crazy dream last night about a place I found up a canyon from a river, where I found many arrowheads just by scratching through the gravel bank. yes

There were other people there too, including my buddy Shane, and everyone was finding points. yay

I'm going back there tonight. happydance

Gotta figure out how to get them from there to here. headscratch

If I can't do that, then I'll just stay there. razz

I'll send you all a post card, or up load some pics for you. thumbsup

Maybe you can come and visit. smile

Have a happy day everyone.

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#924018 - 11/12/13 01:01 AM Re: Tuesdays [Re: gymcandy1]
luv2travel Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 01/30/02
Posts: 2110
Loc: Phoenix, AZ USA
Ana, Please come to Phoenix! You can have all my 90s!
Andrea rotfl

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#924020 - 11/12/13 01:14 AM Re: Tuesdays [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7830
Loc: Greece
Good morning,have all a nice day. smile wave
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#924030 - 11/12/13 05:34 AM Re: Tuesdays [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17330
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Andrea and Cailyn. Joe thanks for the laughs! Andrea and Haroula have a great day. W rare going to get a little snow today. I will walk early before the temperature drops and the snow flurries come! coffee 's ready and hot chocolate too Nan! Happy Day wished for All! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#924040 - 11/12/13 06:19 AM Re: Tuesdays [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14582
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, hope you find lots of points when your vacation starts.

Andrea, good morning!

Haroula, good afternoon to you.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee.

Snow this morning. Guess it's time to realize that winter is on the way. penguin
_________________________
Gail

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#924041 - 11/12/13 06:21 AM Re: Tuesdays [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14685
Loc: Massachusetts
Good morning. We're gonna get some snow this morning. I have to decide if I want to leave early to beat the snow. So far it's just rain for now. We'll see when it changes to snow. I'm really not ready to face snow. Thanks Joe for your openers. Morning Andrea, Haroula, Gerry, and all who come in after me. Be careful out there for those who are in the snow area.

Midgie hearts woot yay rah dance
_________________________
Just do it.

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#924054 - 11/12/13 07:36 AM Re: Tuesdays [Re: Midge]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2314
Loc: Switzerland
Good morning Boomies

I see, all the snow they promised us in the forecast went over the pond. Yipee! I can wait some more for the first snow!

Joe: how about a bio portal (or how are they called in PC games?) to get the heads from dream to reality?

Nan: I hope the snow is waiting for December to fall on your town again. Did you have a great kidnap evening?

Niteowl07: from all my heart I wish you all the best for the surgery, and a speedy recovery. I'am thinking of you and praying for you. Hugs! thumbsup

Sorta ('s parking problem): sherlock I never know whether you are speaking (or writing) in earnest, or whether you are pulling our legs....

Ana: just about to email you kissy...

I second Midge in telling you all to be very careful in all the snow and (black) ice. yes

Love from Switzerland

Evelyne
_________________________
"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

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#924058 - 11/12/13 07:44 AM Re: Tuesdays [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8127
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Hubby and I slept in this morning. A bit of shopping is on the agenda today. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Tuesday. Danish, Muffins, and Pumpkin Pancakes in the NC. fall
_________________________
Connie

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#924065 - 11/12/13 08:26 AM Re: Tuesdays [Re: gymcandy1]
manxman Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/23/02
Posts: 15348
Loc: Unionville
Good morning boomers. It's cold here today..brrrr. wave Hope everyone has a toasty tuesday smile
_________________________
Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.

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#924077 - 11/12/13 09:56 AM Re: Tuesdays [Re: manxman]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9407
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Happy Tuesday tooooooo yoooouuuuuu!!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Supposed to be in the 80's today. cool

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#924096 - 11/12/13 11:37 AM Re: Tuesdays [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65263
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies! We hit the teens this morning. Brrrrr! I will have to bundle up to run the dogs today.

Not much sleep last night. Shadow decided he had to go potty every hour so I didn't sleep much from 1 am to 4am. sad

Joe, what a wonderful dream! I hope you were able to pick up the same channel when you slept last night. grin

Andrea, if I could, I'd be there this afternoon. lol How is Remy?

Haroula, have a happy day.

Gerry, enjoy your walk. Hope you made it before the snow.

Gail, how is the foot feeling?

Midgie, drive safe!

Evelyne, I imagine if you want to play in the snow you can always go up the mountains anytime you want, right?

Connie, happy shopping!

manxman, stay warm!

Darlene, I am so jealous! I look out the window and see snow, hard to imagine 80's.

Nan, did you go to Bingo yesterday?

Sue, hope all is well. You too Venus, it's been awhile. hearts

Have a happy day all!
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#924097 - 11/12/13 11:39 AM Re: Tuesdays [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42398
Loc: Alabama
Terrific Tuesday ya'll puppy

It is a super gorgeous day. I put on my sweats this morning cos the temps are supposed to plummet but so far it is a joy out there.

I'm having a hard time waking up. Think I'm just tired, but may go back to bed once we get back from Keoki walking. Hopefully, though, the sun and wind (very windy) will kickstart my brain. wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#924104 - 11/12/13 12:03 PM Re: Tuesdays [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7296
Loc: San Diego, CA
Going to be a grand glorious warm breezy day here...again. I love it here.

And for those of you who didn't sleep last night wondering if I still had cars parked out front, rest easy. I STILL have the original two. Sedan never moved all day. SUV hasn't moved since last Sunday.

AND last night at 9:50pm, that noisy caddy showed up again. Usually parks in front of my neighbors and stays for 20 mins. This time, guess what? It parked in front of MY house (go figure) right in back of the other two intruders.

Male got out of driver's side (funny since it's always been a female), walked directly to the apartments (2 houses away), was gone for exactly 20 minutes and then came back, tossed something into the back seat (looked like a medium sized (grocery size) black bag, and drove off doing the usual U-turn from where it came in.

I know it was a drug pick-up run. They have quite a business going over there. Wish I could alert the authorities to the activity. Maybe they could clean out the place.

For now, I'm laying low. Not gonna act on anything. Gotta just wait it out unless things go badder (is that a word?). Something will change, it always does. Praying for a miracle that the entire illegally subdivided room, catering to drugs and drink and prostitution and all the other police calls there will suddenly just go away.
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#924113 - 11/12/13 01:02 PM Re: Tuesdays [Re: Sorta Blonde]
luv2travel Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 01/30/02
Posts: 2110
Loc: Phoenix, AZ USA
Hi again!
Ana, he's great! Actually on a play date with some doggy friends at his trainer's house today. He's all stubborn bulldog and full of mischief! A very happy boy, and loves to dig in the back yard. Loves other dogs and everybody he meets.
Andrea puppy

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#924129 - 11/12/13 02:36 PM Re: Tuesdays [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65263
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
I know I shouldn't be chuckling but here is a Video of Bikers at the lakefront yesterday.


L4L, Hope you are feeling wide awake now.

Andrea, how cute that REmy has play dates. hearts

_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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