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Hump Day #924198
11/13/13 01:16 AM
11/13/13 01:16 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Know your limitations and be content with them. Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can't do.
David Brent
~~~~~~~~~~~~

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut but the barber refused saying, "I cannot accept money from you, for you are a good man - you do God's work."

The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.

A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment saying, "I cannot accept money from you, for you are a good man - you protect the public."

The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.

A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment saying, "I cannot accept money from you, for you are a good man - you serve the justice system."

The next morning the barber found a dozen more lawyers waiting for a haircut.
~~~~~~~~~


A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
~~~~~~

At the United Way in a fairly small town a volunteer worker noticed that the most successful lawyer in the whole town hadn't made a contribution. This guy was making about $600,000 a year so the volunteer thought, "Why not call him up?"

He calls up the lawyer.

"Sir, according to our research you haven't made a contribution to the United Way, would you like to do so?"

The lawyer responds, "A contribution? Does your research show that I have an invalid mother who requires expensive surgery once a year just to stay alive?"

The worker is feeling a bit embarrassed and says, "Well, no sir, I'm..."

"Does your research show that my sister's husband was killed in a car accident? She has three kids and no means of support!"

The worker is feeling quite embarrassed at this point. "I'm terribly sorry..."

"Does your research show that my brother broke his neck on the job and now requires a full time nurse to have any kind of normal life?"

The worker is completely humiliated at this point. "I am sorry sir, please forgive me..."

"The gall of you people! I don't give them anything, so why should I give it to you!"
~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving?
A: Skeet.

Q: What do lawyers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A: A tick falls off of you when you die.

Q: Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

Q: What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Q: What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A: A Doberman.

Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.

Q: What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
A: One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

Q: Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
A: They had pictures of lawyers on them ... and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Q: What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull?
A: Lipstick.

Q:You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake, and a lawyer.
A:You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do? Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
~~~~~~~~~~~


A Mafia Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a
room to meet with his former accountant.

The Godfather asks the accountant, "Where is the 3 million bucks
you embezzled from me?" The accountant does not answer.

The Godfather asks again, "Where is the 3 million bucks you
embezzled from me?"

The attorney interrupts, "Sir, the man is a deaf mute and cannot
understand you, but I can interpret for you."

The Godfather says, "Well ask him where my money is!" The
attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the 3
million dollars is.

The accountant signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He doesn't know what
you are talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a 9 millimeter pistol, puts it to the
temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, "Ask him
again where my money is!"

The attorney signs to the accountant, "He wants to know where
it is!"

The accountant signs back, "OK! OK! OK! The money is hidden in
a brown suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!"

The Godfather says, "Well....what did he say?"

The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He says...go to hell...
..that you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."
~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

Welcome to my Wonderland day. yay

I'm heading out hunting heads, and I wonder where I'll land. rolleyes

It's 11:14 and I've GOT to get to bed. tired

I hope it's a splendiferous day for you all. yes


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #924206
11/13/13 02:24 AM
11/13/13 02:24 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning my friends,I hope you have a nice day. smile wave
Yesterday,after a long time hubby and I,start walking again.
5 kil. per day yes
Time for my walk. smile


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #924212
11/13/13 06:24 AM
11/13/13 06:24 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,110
Marlborough USA
wave Good Morning Joe and Haroula. Joe good luck head hunting! Haroula enjoy your walk. I love to walk every day. Coffee and Hot Chocolate are ready! Happy Day wished for All! wave


Gerry
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #924222
11/13/13 07:26 AM
11/13/13 07:26 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, A super day is wished for you! Hope your head hunting is successful.

Haroula, Enjoy walking. Midgie will be glad to hear you started walking again.

Gerry, glad the snow didn't stick well yesterday. Thanks for the coffee.

Will take a brisk walk with the dogs this morning. Time to wear a warmer coat. Family night at church tonight. Good day to All! puppy


Gail
Re: Hump Day [Re: GBC] #924226
11/13/13 07:50 AM
11/13/13 07:50 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Good morning everybody. wave

It sure seems like it's still good night though. tired

I can't believe I'm up at 5:00 on a day off. shocked

I am sooo ready to go hunt some arrow heads. yay

It's 29 degtrees out though. eek

We're only supposed to get up to 53. slapforehead

I hope you all have a super day. rah rah rah

joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #924229
11/13/13 08:04 AM
11/13/13 08:04 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Joe, I hope you find some nice heads. It's in the 50's here too, will go into the 60's later. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Hump day. Danish, Bacon Sandwiches, and Hot Chocolate in the NC. fall


Connie
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #924238
11/13/13 08:59 AM
11/13/13 08:59 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Connie, good morning. That's pretty cold temp for you. Only 20's here this morning. penguin


Gail
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #924241
11/13/13 09:05 AM
11/13/13 09:05 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,026
Unionville
manxman Offline
Sonic Boomer
manxman  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,026
Unionville
Good morning all wave Hope everyone has a warm and wonderful wednesday smile


Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #924261
11/13/13 10:54 AM
11/13/13 10:54 AM
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
niteowl07 Offline
BAAG Specialist
niteowl07  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 9,029
the dusty desert
good morning , everyone !

joe , i have a feeling you're going to find a real beauty or two today ! have a blast !

i can't stay ,lots to do before we head out - it's a bit of a drive to get there. hopefully i'll be able to sleep tonight . fingers and toes crossed for tomorrow !

i'll be back as soon as possible ,a week or two.

have a wonderful day everyone !

Re: Hump Day [Re: niteowl07] #924263
11/13/13 10:59 AM
11/13/13 10:59 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Good luck with your head hunting and hope it's a splendiferous day for you, too!

Niteowl, thoughts and prayers are with you today! hearts

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #924276
11/13/13 12:44 PM
11/13/13 12:44 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe enjoy your time off and the head hunting today!! Have a lovely day!!

Haroula good for you both!! Have a lovely walk and a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the coffee and have a lovely day!

Gail have a nice walk and enjoy family night tonight. May it warm up for you and glad the snow did not stay!

Connie nice and cool there I see. We were at 18F this morning. Have a lovely day and thanks for the danish!

Manxman have a lovely day!

niteowl prayers for the Band of Angels around you as you are traveling. May they stay with you and keep you safe tomorrow!! HUGS and prayers!! hearts

Darlene may work go well and everything run smoothly!! Have a lovely day!

No plans till taxi time, if the taxi even runs today. duh

wave
Nan

Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #924278
11/13/13 12:46 PM
11/13/13 12:46 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Wonderful Wednesday ya'll wave

Tis cold in Al <brrrrrr> I think I shall stay inside today. puppy


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #924279
11/13/13 12:46 PM
11/13/13 12:46 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies! A new day...new adventures to be experienced.

I'm off to run the dogs and then back to the corner until Insanity tonight with Sam.

Hope you all enjoy your day.

Niteowl hearts


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #924303
11/13/13 03:36 PM
11/13/13 03:36 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
It's been such fun around here I can hardly breathe. Ugh.

This morning after a hectic night of watching burglars trying to break into the empty house again, I was trying to take my trash out when an older gentleman walked up to my gate and motioned for me to come speak to him.

Turns out he is a yard work/handyman, who lives a few blocks over in a mobile home court and has nowhere to store all his mowers, etc. He wanted to make a deal to store all that in my yard, in return for yard or handyman work. Nice guy, but I explained I had no room to store anything safely, and I really didn't need anything done since I have 'my yard kid' who really needs the occasional work.

Nice guy really, but I just wasn't in for that deal. Soooo while I was hanging over my front gate chatting with him, looking at the 2 vehicle still parked smack dab in front, that noisy Cadillac pulls up and the gal gets out. I KNOW where she is headed and I KNOW what she'd going to do (it's become quite obvious from the company she keeps and her frequent night visits that she's buying drugs).

So with a nice male right there to give me confidence and beat her up if necessary (kidding, you never know), I yelled, WHY is everyone suddenly parking in front of MY house? She looked a bit shocked, stood there. I yelled again, Would you mind parking your car farther up the block closer to where you are going?. Also added I needed to put my trash cans out. I had them right there at the gate.

She still stared and went to her trunk, opened it closed it and I repeated my request and she finally nodded and said OK OK, sort of annoyed. She did however, get back in and move her car up to the apartments. Stayed there for less than 3 minutes and drove off. Deal made I suppose.

Then I told the handyman guy I was sorry I yelled at the gal and he said, You didn't yell, you just asked her to politely move her car. Made a lot of sense. She was not coming here, she was going way up the block to somewhere else.

I always think I'm yelling, when I raise my voice, but obviously not. Oh well, I expect she will tell everyone in the apartments what I did. Maybe she will come back and key the cars out front. rotfl Would be perfect. Oh yes.

In any case, I started my campaign to get rid of the 'abandoned' car. Asked the drunk apartment lady (who is actually very nice when sober) if she knew who owned it and she told me to call the police. That was unexpected. So now I have 2 people who will tell everyone there and maybe word will get around I'm unhappy about all the parking stuff. Told the lady that I will wait a few more days before I call in the abandoned car. I half way expect it to disappear tonight.

Busy day. Wow. What next? Gotta get a handle on some 'things' like using my parking for drug deals. Not happy about that.

Going to put back up my 'Security Camera Audio and Video on premises' sign, Might make someone think twice. shame


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #924358
11/13/13 08:23 PM
11/13/13 08:23 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Is everyone huddled in the corner keeping warm? lol Where did everyone go?

I'm off to class...I'll exercise for you so Midgie doesn't get mad. grin


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #924359
11/13/13 08:41 PM
11/13/13 08:41 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Hi Ana.I certainly won't get mad Sweetie. While you're at it could you please exercise for me today as I didn't do any exercising today at all. I want to brag a bit about my daughter Pam. She called me tonight to tell me she passed her state nursing exams. She's now a nurse. I am so proud of her. This has been something she's wanted to be for such a long time. Congratulations my Love. urock woot yay devilchili tomato broccoli dance taz I think I went over my limit. MaG you can take some off if I did. Oh I'm so happy for her. rah


Just do it.
Re: Hump Day [Re: Midge] #924361
11/13/13 09:10 PM
11/13/13 09:10 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good night Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Hump Day [Re: Space Quest Fan] #924365
11/13/13 09:39 PM
11/13/13 09:39 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Hello everyone. wave

I had a great day. We walked at least 5 miles in 3 different locations, and found nothing. It was very cold this morning early, but turned out to be a very nice sunny day. bravo

I didn't get to sleep until midnight, and got up at 5:00, so I'm very tired and I have a horrible headache at the base of my skull. shocked

I'm going to start a new thread and then get in bed and watch a movie until I fall asleep. sleep

Midge that's great news for Pam. Congratulations to her. bravo

Have a good evening everyone. wave

joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #924368
11/13/13 10:22 PM
11/13/13 10:22 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Midgie, that is awesome! YOu have every right to be proud. hearts

SpaceQ, sweet dreams to you. You are over the hump!

Joe, I am sorry you didn't find anything and that you have a headache but I hope it was a good day anyways. Did Baby go with?


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #924380
11/13/13 11:14 PM
11/13/13 11:14 PM
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 3,295
Oregon
Lotus777 Offline
Addicted Boomer
Lotus777  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 3,295
Oregon
Good Night ladies and Gentlemen. congratulations in order for your daughter, Midgie, that is quite an accomplishment!! Hope you awake with no head-ache, Joe. Stay warm Ana. Sweet Dreams everyone. sleep


Lotus
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #924385
11/13/13 11:44 PM
11/13/13 11:44 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Grats to your daughter, Midgy.

Just back from watching Ender's Game. We were the only folks in the whole theater. Really enjoyed it, but holy moly it is cold out there and I'm freezing!


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Hump Day [Re: gymcandy1] #924394
11/14/13 01:24 AM
11/14/13 01:24 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Congrats to your daughter Midge. She is in California, right?? I know that they use to have the highest standards for their nursing boards so that is a great achivment!!!

Too funny L4l that nobody else was there. Glad you enjoyed the movie.

Aw Joe sorry there were no arrow heads to be found.

Nite Lotus and Space!!

Time to call it a day so night all sleep well and pleasant dreams.

sleep
Nan

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