I hate to waste good material.
Better late than never, right?
Women are as old as they feel - and men are old when they lose their feelings.
A clever attorney was convinced he found a way to take all of his riches with him when he died. When he finally became ill and saw that death was imminent, he instructed his wife to sell all of his investments and buy gold coins with the proceeds. She was instructed to place the gold in several bags with handles and place them in the attic directly over his bedroom. His plan was that when he died, his soul would rise up out of his body and ascend to heaven. As he passed through the attic, he would grab the bags of gold and take them with him.
Days later he finally died and the next day his wife went to the attic to see if the gold was gone, but found it was all still there. "The [blip] fool," she said to herself. "I told him we should have placed the bags in the basement."
Moral: We're not going to be able to take it with us when we go. Even if we're so clever as to place half our riches in the attic and half in the basement, they'll probably take us out the side door!
A dying man gathered his Lawyer, Doctor and Clergyman at his bed side and handed each of them an envelope containing $25,000 in cash. He made them each promise that after his death and during his repose, they would place the three envelopes in his coffin. He told them that he wanted to have enough money to enjoy the next life.
A week later the man died. At the Wake, the Lawyer and Doctor and Clergyman, each concealed an envelope in the coffin and bid their old client and friend farewell. By chance, these three met several months later. Soon the Clergyman, feeling guilty, blurted out a confession saying that there was only $10,000 in the envelope he placed in the coffin. He felt, rather than waste all the money, he would send it to a Mission in South America. He asked for their forgiveness. The Doctor, moved by the gentle Clergymans sincerity, confessed that he too had kept some of the money for a worthy medical charity. The envelope, he admitted, had only $8000 in it. He said, he too could not bring himself to waste the money so frivolously when it could be used to benefit others.
By this time the Lawyer was seething with self-righteous outrage. He expressed his deep disappointment in the felonious behavior of two of his oldest and most trusted friends. "I am the only one who kept his promise to our dying friend. I want you both to know that the envelope I placed in the coffin contained the full amount. Indeed, my envelope contained my personal check for the entire $25,000."
A man is at his lawyer's funeral and and is surprised by the turnout for this one man. He turns to the people around him. "Why are you all at this man's funeral?"
A man turns towards him and says, "We're all clients."
"And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching."
"No, we came to make sure he was dead."
While two families were waiting in line to see the Washington Monument, their two five-year-old boys were getting acquainted.
"My name is Joshua. What's yours?" asked the first boy.
"Adam," replied the second.
"My daddy is a doctor. What does your daddy do for a living?" asked Joshua.
Adam proudly replied, "My daddy is a lawyer."
"Honest?" asked Joshua.
"No, just the regular kind," replied Adam.
Four doctors who hadn’t seen each other since their surgical residencies met at a medical seminar. Adjourning for dinner and drinks, they turned their conversation to who makes the best surgical patients:
The first said, for sure, electrical engineers. “You open ‘em up,” he contended, “and everything is color-coded.”
“Nah,” said the second. “It’s librarians. You open ‘em up and everything is alphabetized.”
The third scoffed. “Of course not,” he said. “It’s accountants. You open ‘em up and everything is numbered.”
“Lawyers,” said the fourth, with a shake of his head. “It’s lawyers, you idiots! No heart, no guts, no spine, and the a-- and the brain are interchangeable.”
A priest, a doctor, and a lawyer were waiting one morning on a particularly slow group of golfers.
"What's wrong with these guys?" fumed the lawyer. "We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
"I don't know," said the doctor, "but I've never seen such
"Here comes the greenskeeper," said the priest. "Let's have a word with him. Say, George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow. aren't they?"
"Oh, yes," said George, "That's the group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight while saving our club last year. We let them play here anytime free of charge!"
Everyone was silent for a moment.
Then the priest said, "That's so sad, I think I'll say a prayer for them tonight."
"And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there is anything he can do for them," the doctor added.
"Why can't these guys play at night?" asked the lawyer.
A lawyer and two friends--a Rabbi, and a Hindu holy man--had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer.
The farmer said, "There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep in the house. So one of you must sleep in the barn."
"No problem," chimed the Rabbi. "My people wandered in the desert for forty years. I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for one evening." With that he departed to the barn, and the others bedded down for the night.
Moments later a knock was heard at the door; the farmer opened the door. There stood the Rabbi from the barn. "What's wrong?" asked the farmer. He replied, "I am grateful to you, but I just can't sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn, and my faith believes that is an unclean animal."
His Hindu friend agrees to swap places with him. But a few minutes later the same scene reoccurs. There is a knock on the door. "What's wrong?" the farmer asks. The Hindu holy man replies, "I, too, am grateful for your helping us out, but there is a cow in the barn. In my country cows are considered sacred and I can't sleep on holy ground!"
That left only the lawyer to make the change. He grumbled and complained, but went out to the barn. Moments later there was another knock on the farmer's door. Frustrated and tired, the farmer opens the door, and there stood the pig and the cow.
Good morning everyboomie.
Gameboomers is down, for a while, but never fear. I'm writing this diner as an email, and I'll email it to everyone of you if GB is not back up soon.
I wonder if there is a directory assistance for email addresses.
"Operator I need the email address for a Sorta Blonde, somewhere in California."
"No it's not Sorta Blonde 1."
"Not Sorta Blonde One either."
"Not Sorta Blonde ABC."
"Not Sorta Blonde 123."
"No it's not Sorta Bland....very funny operator."
This could take a while. The site may be back up buy the time I get all these emails emailed.
We may be past "Welcome to the weekend" and looking at "Monday Mourning" before then.
I know it's past 11:00pm and past my bed time now.
It's ok cause "After midnight we gonna let it all hang down."
"YOOO HOOO Gameboomers!!"
"Can MaG come out and play??"
It's not Halloween, so at least I know Ana's home.
The trouble is Ana doesn't have a website.
Now I'm just rambling.
I'm just a rambling, gambling man.
Good night everybody.
Have a happy day.
How am I only going to get 8 smileys in that?