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#924898 - 11/17/13 12:46 AM Sunday Morning Sunshine
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29944
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Mark Twain
~~~~~~~~~

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell, KerPlop!, right on his twitchy little nose. "Oh, please excuse me!" said the bunny. "I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see."
"That's perfectly all right," replied the snake. "To be sure, it was my fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?"
"Well, I really don't know," said the bunny. "I'm blind, and I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out."
So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, "Well, you're soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose... You must be a bunny rabbit!"
Then he said, "I can't thank you enough, but by the way, what kind of animal are you?"
And the snake replied that he didn't know, and the bunny agreed to examine him, and when he was finished, the snake said, "Well, what kind of an animal am I?"
So the bunny felt the snake all over, and he replied, "You're hard, you're cold, you're slimy... You must be a lawyer."
~~~~~~~~~~~~


A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.

"Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!", he whined.

"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"

"Oh my gaaad....", replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, "Where's my Rolex???!!!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party:

"What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?" the minister asked.

"Try to fix it if it's big; ignore it if it's insignificant," replied the lawyer.

"What do you do?"

The minister replied, "Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an example. The other day I meant to say 'the devil is the father of liars,' but instead I said 'the devil is the father of lawyers,' so I let it go."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Don't shoot I'm only the delivery man

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never Be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men? So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There's a clock on the oven!

Why do men pass gas more than women do? Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, which do you let in first? The dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in.

All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman that won't do what she's told.

What do you call a woman with two brain cells? Pregnant.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced.

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same.

Scientists have discovered one certain food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%...wedding cake
~~~~~~~~~~~


At the conclusion of the trial, the jury found the defendant Howard Smokey not guilty. His lawyer congratulated him, then handed him a bill.

Mr. Smokey looked at the bill and gulped. "This says I have to pay ten thousand dollars now and five hundred a month for the next five years! It sounds like I'm buying a Mercedes-Benz!"

The lawyer smiled. "You are."
~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

Let's see, what day is this, Sunday, or the day after yesterday? think

When you're on vacation the days seem to run together.

I need to take one of those, one of these days. razz

I almost feel like a youngster tonight.

It's 11:30 and I don't even feel tired yet. penguin

I could even stay up until a quarter past 11:45.......or so. happydance

It just seems like a waste of a perfectly good bed though.

Coincidentally, I'm watching Lord of the Rings and Arwen just now told Aregon to go to sleep. sleep

She could have been talking to me psychically. yes

I actually have a very strong desire to go to sleep now.

I think I must be highly suggestible.

I hope she doesn't tell him to go jump off a cliff. eek

I should be ok though cause we don't have any cliffs around here, unless she tells him to drive until he finds one.

I don't think she'll do that cause they didn't have cars in LOTR. Thank God!

Have a happy day everyone.

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#924903 - 11/17/13 02:54 AM Re: Sunday Morning Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7482
Loc: Greece
Have a happy Sunday Joe lol and all who come in later. smile wave
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#924905 - 11/17/13 04:54 AM Re: Sunday Morning Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16861
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe and Haroula. Joe enjoy your vacation. Haroula are you walking today? Coffee is ready. Enjoy your day everyone! pumpkin
_________________________
Gerry

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#924915 - 11/17/13 06:41 AM Re: Sunday Morning Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14236
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, sounds like you're enjoying your vacation.

Haroula, I think it's your afternoon so good afternoon. smile

Gerry, Good morning and thanks for the coffee.

Church this morning then we're staying after for a luncheon. Wishing everyone a wonderful Sunday. fall


Edited by GBC (11/17/13 06:42 AM)
_________________________
Gail

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#924916 - 11/17/13 06:43 AM Re: Sunday Morning Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 7979
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Breakfast out and a trip to Sam's this morning. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Sunday. Danish, Omelets, Bacon, Ham, Sausage, BB Pancakes, Hash Browns, Toast, and Hot Chocolate in the NC. fall
_________________________
Connie

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#924924 - 11/17/13 10:01 AM Re: Sunday Morning Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9409
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
No sunshine just rain here. woozy

Have a great sunday everyone. thumbsup
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#924925 - 11/17/13 10:08 AM Re: Sunday Morning Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 21110
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
Good morning GB SMS Gang laugh

Low profile day in store for me .. surfing, sippin coffee, gaming with L4L and whale music .. just doesn't get much better

Wishing all of you a wonderful Sunday!!

L4L hearts

wave
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games

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#924928 - 11/17/13 10:19 AM Re: Sunday Morning Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42079
Loc: Alabama
Ahhhh noisy morning...boys up in full boy mode. Dad is home today though. Football watching later. Right now trying to convince my brain that we are "up." So far, it is Not getting the message. wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#924941 - 11/17/13 11:25 AM Re: Sunday Morning Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64450
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
I found out what happens if hubby and I do not set the alarm for a change. We don't get up! rotfl
Hubby has a cold and I have been fighting it for day and refusing delivery so it felt good to sleep.

We have sideways rain, high winds and tornado warnings out there so it's not looking good for my puppies to run today unless it takes a break.

Have an awesome day! Be back after I get some coffee in me.
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#924942 - 11/17/13 11:25 AM Re: Sunday Morning Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11365
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Good morning all.

We are under a tornado watch till 4. Right. With a 40% chance of rain?

As far as I know, we are going over to Susie's for dinner unless she calls and says she is having a bad day. Hope not. She has been much better since the doc upped her meds.

Gotta go do my treadmill as soon as Bill gets off.

Have a wonderful day everyone.

Bets
_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

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#924949 - 11/17/13 12:20 PM Re: Sunday Morning Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7076
Loc: San Diego, CA
My days are getting all mixed up with all the 'fun' around here. So far it's a quiet morning. Shouldn't have said that, now it's probably going to get hectic.

In the Parking Wars: That Silver SUV is still there, I'm hoping parking enforcement comes by Tomorrow and tags it. They will leave a note to the owner to remove it within a specified time and then tow it if it's still there.

BUT that little Silver Sedan, which loved parking directly in front of my front gate (obscuring my view on the security camera there), did not park there on Friday night! He parked in front of the SUV, which is a much nicer place for me. Still on my frontage, but off to the side. I was waiting for him to move it all day. Nothing.

Went to bed, woke up to find...tada...(guess), the Silver Sedan NOT in front of my gate, NOT in front of the SUV, but instead across the street in front of the neighbor's house! Amazing. He either moved it after 11pm or early this morning.

I'm wondering if it had something to do with me yelling (for the 2nd) time at the gal in the huge Cadillac who parks out front specifically to walk down 2 houses to buy drugs. Can't believe she actually pulled in a day after the first 'request'. So in she comes, I go out, she's getting out of the car and sees me and says, "I guess I can't park here, right?" I said right and that there are more open spaces closer and across the street and I need this area for MY tenants. They do recognize Landlord stuff around here. Of course I can't legally enforce it, but their landlord at the apartments is a nasty, take charge, toe the line, sort of guy. So maybe they will equate me with him and we will all be happy.

Anyway, she moved immediately, BUT didn't pull in to any of the spots nearer, but instead gunned the car and zoomed up the street never to be seen again. Do you think she's on to me, being on to her, about the drug buying? rotfl Either that or she just got mad and went off to get her friends and was coming back to shoot up my house. No gunshots and never saw the car again last night or this morning yet. Maybe I'm winning. Maybe.

Off to 'inspect' the empty house to see if I have to call Hazmat again. Sigh. If it wasn't for THEM telling me to call, I'd just ignore it all. But I told the guy I would and he's being really good about getting the police involved and re-securing everything each time he comes.

I've gotta get a life (another one) where I just sleep all day and are oblivious to anything happening outside my house. Dream dream dream.
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#924950 - 11/17/13 12:20 PM Re: Sunday Morning Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42079
Loc: Alabama
Eeek guys, stay safe puppy
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#924951 - 11/17/13 12:22 PM Re: Sunday Morning Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64450
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
We have tornadoes touching down southwest of us already. i may be shutting down any time.
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#924952 - 11/17/13 12:22 PM Re: Sunday Morning Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13520
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe I think you are enjoying your mini vacastion. happydance Have a lovely day!

Haroula hope the weather is better so you and hubby may waljk today! Have a lovely day!@

Gerry thanks for the hot drink! Have a nice walk and a lovely day!

Connie enjoy breakfast out and have fun shopping! Thanks for the treats.

Gail enjoy church and have fun at the luncheon!! Have a lovely day!

Aw Space sorry about the rain but at least it's not white. lol Have a lovely day!

Soot may you days plans go the way that you want for them to go! Have a lovely day!

L4l hopefully the coffee does the trick soon for ya! Enjoy the games. Have a lovely day!

Ana nasty weather like that and you should be able to work on the project, which I hope is moving right along for ya. Have a lovely day and glad you both slept in!!

Bets be careful out there when you head over to Susies for to eat! Have a lovely day. HUGS!

wave
Nan

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#924954 - 11/17/13 12:31 PM Re: Sunday Morning Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64450
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Nan, I finished last night! yay It's a free day for me but the weather is atrocious. We lost satellite already and hubby is not happy because he wants to watch the Bears.

I unplugged my gaming computer already and this one is next.
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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