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-1. It may seem I am in a stupor at times but actually, I am just thinking really hard.
-2. I taught our bird to do a couple things. He really likes to swoop down on the cats or land on frightened children.
-3. The wholesale market for gag items just isn't as lucrative as it used to be for rubber dog doo or severed, bloody appendages.
-4. Don't ask your kid to teach you anything about your new cell phone. They make mad, ridiculous comments when you say "Tell me again" more than three or four times.
-5. It's a given, I cease to amaze my children anymore with the severed thumb trick.
-6. Don't be hard on your fruit. Cantaloupe and watermelon don't have to be balled out all the time.
-7. I'm in trouble now. The man I lambasted at school about mixing stripes with plaids is my kid's teacher!
-8. I'm tired of all these yellow Cats. All I want is tan bulldozers!
-9. My teacher ruined my plans in grade school when she found me making extra copies of the answer sheets.
-10. Those farm boys shouldn't have driven their tractor onto the fairway of the golf course. The groundskeeper was really teed off!
-11. We worked hard on the rock garden. We planted a lot of pebbles and are hoping to get some jumbo stones!
-12. The caterer told me that the subs were fresh but the sandwich I tasted had a sickening flavor.
-13. The nude model hid behind the curtain because she said that this wasn't the way her job responsibilities were posed to her.
-14. Mrs. Cue doesn't let me help in the garden very much. She says I never mind my peas and cukes.
-15. Nothing can help a sore loser feel any better, except for maybe some of Shaq's Icy Hot Patches.
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Did you ever stop to think and then forget to start again?
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