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#942692 - 03/01/14 08:26 PM Sunday Sunshine
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30066
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become your character.
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.
Unknown
~~~~~~~~~~~

A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the older three had red hair, light skin, and were tall, while the youngest son had black hair, dark eyes, and was short.
The father eventually took ill and was lying on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me - is our youngest son my child?"

The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son."

With that the husband passed away. The wife then muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."
~~~~~~~~~~~~


It's the middle of summer and a Highway Patrolman pulls over a motorist
for speeding. While he's writing the ticket, flies keep buzzing around
his head, annoying him considerably.

"Circle flies sure are bad this year, aren't they?" says the motorist.

"Yeah," says the patrolman, "if that's what these are, you're sure
right. But I've never heard of a circle fly before. What's that?"

"Well," the motorist responds, "circle flies are a species of fly that
are particularly partial to horses. Specifically, they tend to circle
around a horse's rear end. That's why they call 'em circle flies."

The patrolman, catching the implication, replies, "You don't say. Well,
that's very interesting. But it strikes me that you might be trying to
call me a horse's back side. You wouldn't be making that kind of implication
about an officer of the law, would you?"

"Oh, no sir!" responds the motorist. "No, sir, not at all. I have the
utmost respect for law enforcement officers, and would never dream of
implying that one of them was a horse's back side. No, sir, I'm terribly
sorry if that's how it sounded."

"Yeah, I didn't think so," replied the patrolman.

"Yeah," the motorist continued, "but there's just no fooling those
circle flies, is there?"
~~~~~~~~~~

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench
under a tree when one turns to the other and says, "Slim, I'm 73 years
old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my
age. How do you feel?"

Slim says, "Hell, I feel just like a newborn baby."

"Really? Like a baby?"

"Yep. No hair, no teeth and I think I just messed my pants."
~~~~~~~~~~~~


Three men are involved in a car crash on December 24th and arrive at the pearly gates where they are met by Saint Peter who tells them that because it is Christmas eve they must go back to the car and find something related to Christmas and give it to him in order to enter heaven.

The first man goes back, looks under the front seat, finds a Christmas card and rushes back to Saint Peter and is promply let in. The second man looks in the trunk and finds some miseltoe and rushes back to Saint Peter and is also let in.

The third man was having no luck finding anything in the car and starts to panic knowing that he will never enter heaven if he dosen't come up with something associated with Christmas. He had about given up when he looks into the glove compartment where he finds a pair of sexy underpants...it is almost midnight, so he figures he has nothing to lose and quickly sprints off.

He runs up to golden gates and hands the panties to Saint Peter...the perplexed saint holds them gingerly between finger and thumb and says "what do these have to do with Christmas ?" the man sheepishly says "they're Carols?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's Saturday morning and John's just about to set off on a round of golf when he realizes that he forgot to tell his wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon. So John heads back to the clubhouse and phones home.

"Hello?" says a little girl's voice.

"Hi, honey, it's Daddy," says John. "Is Mommy near the phone?"

"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Fred."

After a brief pause, John says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Fred, honey!"

"Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!"

"Okay, then. Here's what I want you do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to Mommy and Uncle Fred that my car's just pulled up outside the house."

"Okay, Daddy!" A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said, Daddy."

"And what happened?"

"Well, Mommy jumped out of bed and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out the front window and now she's all dead."

"Oh, my God! What about Uncle Fred?"

"He jumped out of bed too, and he was all scared, and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool. But he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's dead too."

There is a long pause.

"Swimming pool? Sorry wrong number.
~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

The sky is falling, the world is ending, I'm seeing ghost of dead squirrels, cows and pigs are mating, I have to be back at work at 6:00am, and that's not even the worst. shocked

My sister comes home tonight. scared

The straw that broke the hump-backed moose's back is that I'm not even in bed yet. think

I don't think I am anyway. If I am this is a weird dream, and I didn't even sleep that good last night. slapforehead

Anybody know a good shrink? insane

It's the day after yesterday but regardless of that, I want to wish you all a happy day before tomorrow. crazy

Does my light look dimmer to you? idea

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#942724 - 03/01/14 11:52 PM Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65265
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
JOe, have a wonderful day!

Happy Sunday to all! I'll be in the corner...
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#942736 - 03/02/14 02:42 AM Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7831
Loc: Greece
Happy Sunday Joe,Ana and all who follow. happydance wave
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#942751 - 03/02/14 04:39 AM Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6058
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Coffee is ready!Happy day wished for all wave
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#942753 - 03/02/14 05:05 AM Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5528
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good morning and have a great day Joe, Ana, Haroula, Cailyn and all who come in after me. wave

It's time for my usual Sunday morning work whoosh. Hope everyone has a terrific Sunday. winter

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#942754 - 03/02/14 05:12 AM Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17330
Loc: Marlborough USA
lab Good Morning Joe, Ana, Haroula, Cailyn and venus. Joe don't work to hard. Ana keep smiling. Haroula enjoy your day. Cailyn thanks for the coffee. Wishing a wonderful day for everyone! lab
_________________________
Gerry

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#942775 - 03/02/14 07:16 AM Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14582
Loc: Massachusetts
Joe, I'll bet you truly miss your sister. lol

Ana, easy corner wishes for you today.

Venus, do you get anytime off during the week?

Sue, coffee is appreciated.

Haroula, happy day!

Gerry, good day wishes.

Church this morning. See everybody later. Happy day to All! winter
_________________________
Gail

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#942783 - 03/02/14 08:33 AM Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
manxman Online   content
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/23/02
Posts: 15348
Loc: Unionville
Good morning boomers. Hope everyone has a super Sunday smile
_________________________
Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.

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#942787 - 03/02/14 09:19 AM Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9586
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Have a great Sunday everyone. thumbsup
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#942797 - 03/02/14 10:37 AM Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65265
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies! I thought my fingers were going to fall off this morning shoveling to feed the wildlife.
One of these days it will get warmer. It's 4 degrees and not going to get much higher today. We got a new 4 inch blanket of snow that at least covers some of the ice.

No working out for me yet so it's just a corner day. Boring!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#942808 - 03/02/14 12:02 PM Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
StarLite Moon Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 01/25/07
Posts: 1443
Loc: Canada
I had a mouthful of tea when I read the first joke, I had to hold my nose. G'day all, just got in from shoveling once again. We got that storm last night, the snow blower is the best money we've spent. I just remembered, we have a chicken to go on the rotisserie. Have an enjoyable Sunday everyone smile
_________________________
Be Thankful For The Dawn Of The Coming Day - Lisle Engle





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#942813 - 03/02/14 12:05 PM Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42399
Loc: Alabama
Super Sunday ya'll puppy

It's 73 out there with a bright blue sky...come on down!

Hubby and I are going out on an anniversary date....we have a play and then will come home and pet Seagy instead of going out to an expensive dinner. puppy We will leave in just a few and run some errands first.

But first I have mega-laundry upstairs to fold and put away, so off I go to do so....wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#942818 - 03/02/14 12:10 PM Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65265
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
L4L, 73 rotfl Bless your heart! Have a happy anniversary date!
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#942819 - 03/02/14 12:38 PM Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
StarLite Moon Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 01/25/07
Posts: 1443
Loc: Canada
Happy Anniversay L4L, hope you have a great time. Leave the laundry till tomorrow flowers
_________________________
Be Thankful For The Dawn Of The Coming Day - Lisle Engle





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#942840 - 03/02/14 02:30 PM Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: looney4labs]
manxman Online   content
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/23/02
Posts: 15348
Loc: Unionville
Congrats on your anniversary L4L. Hope you have a great one smile
_________________________
Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.

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