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#942906 - 03/02/14 10:32 PM Monday Sunshine
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29936
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma

NOT!!!!

~~~~~~

Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
Dick Clark
~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in, He says, "I have to tell you something about your baby."

The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby, Doctor? What's wrong???"

The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite."

The woman says, "A hermaphrodite... what's that???"

The doctor says, "Well, it means your baby has the...er... features... of a male and a female."

The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh my god! You mean it has a [blip]... AND a brain?"
~~~~~~~~


If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it was and always will be yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.
If, however, it just sits in your living room,
messes up your stuff,
eats your food,
uses your telephone,
takes your money, and
never appears to have noticed that
you actually set it free in the first place,
You either married it or gave birth to it!
~~~~~~~~

Giraffe and bunny meet up in the forest. Giraffe, in his usual arrogant way starts up a conversation.
"So, bunny, do you know how great it is to have such a long neck?" he asks, a faint tone of smugness in his voice.
"I'm sure I don't," replies bunny, obviously not really that interested.
"Well, to begin with, when I'm hungry and I chew my beautiful leaves, how can I describe the sensation of the leaves going down my throat....they go down and down and down....it's one hour of sheer pleasure."
"Really, how fascinating," replies bunny, one eyebrow raised.
Oblivious to bunny's lack of enthusiasm, giraffe continues, "And when I'm thirsty, and I drink water, for a full hour it goes down....and down....and down...It's heaven on earth!"
"Amazing," comments bunny,"but just one question. Have you ever thrown up?"
~~~~~~~~~


An elderly couple was driving across the country. While the woman was behind the wheel, the couple was pulled over by the highway patrol.

"Ma'am, did you know you were speeding?" the officer said.

The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"

"He said you were speeding!" the old man yelled.

The patrolman then asked, "May I see your license?"

The woman turned to her husband again, "What did he say?"

The old man yelled back, "He wants to see your license!"

The woman then gave the officer her license.

"I see you are from Arkansas," the patrolman said. "I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen."

The woman turned to her husband again and asked, "What did he say?"

The old man replied, "He said he knows you!"
~~~~~~~~~


Sadie's husband Jake has been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet his faithful wife stays by his bedside day and night.

One night, Jake comes to and motions for her to come closer. He says, "My Sadie, you have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what, Sadie?"

"What Dear?" she asked gently.

"I think you're bad luck."
~~~~~~~~~~~

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an interstate road for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him. "There ain't no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100, 110 and finally 120 with the lights still behind him.

"What in hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "I've had a tough shift and this is my last pull over. I don't feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before you can go!"

"Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"

"Have a nice night", said the officer.
~~~~~~~~


It seems that a young couple had just gotten married and spent their wedding night with the young man's parents.

In the morning the mother got up and prepared a lovely breakfast, went to the bottom of the stairs and called for them to come down for breakfast.

After a long wait the family ate without the newlyweds. The mother said, "I wonder why they never came down to eat?" The grooms young brother said, "Mommy, I think -- " "Oh shut up, I don't want to hear what you think!" said the mother, not wanting to hear any inappropriate comments from the younger brother.

At lunch time the mother again prepared a wonderful meal and again called the young couple to eat. After another long wait the family proceeded to eat, and after the meal was completed the mother once again said, "I wonder why they never came down to eat?" Once again the younger brother started to speak, but was interrupted by the mother.

At dinner time once again the mother cooked a very elaborate meal, had the table set perfect and called the newlyweds to join the family for dinner. After another long wait the mother once again questioned why they had not come downstairs all day. The young lad once again said, "Mommy I think -- " "Well what is it that you think?" asked the mother rather irritated. "I think that when my big brother came down to get the Vaseline last night, he got my model plane glue instead."
~~~~~~~~~

1. Only in Canada......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in Canada......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in Canada......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in Canada.....do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in Canada......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in Canada......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in Canada......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in Canada......do we buy hot dogs in packages of twelve and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in Canada.....do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in Canada......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.


think I beg to differ.
~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave

I started this thread 3 hours ago.

The same time I started watching the Oscars. shocked

I think we're close to the end of the Oscars. Only two more hours to go. razz


I really hope no one is sitting up waiting for me to post. rotfl


IT COULD HAPPEN!! mad


It's Monday, which for Moi is.......um......Thursday. yes


That's so coincidental because it's Thursday for me too. dance

Have a happy day everyone.

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#942908 - 03/02/14 10:44 PM Re: Monday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
manxman Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/23/02
Posts: 14726
Loc: Unionville
Hi Joe, only in Canada eh? too funny rotfl
Good morning all. Hope you have a great start to the week smile
_________________________
Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.

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#942910 - 03/02/14 10:51 PM Re: Monday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64420
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
lol Joe and happy Thursday to you and Moi. You look like twins! grin

manxman, I hope your Monday is wonderful!

Have a happy day all! A. in the corner B. in the corner C. in the corner. Pick one and that's where I'll be!

Ana wave
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#942923 - 03/03/14 02:16 AM Re: Monday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7454
Loc: Greece
Good morning everyone,national holiday here,Joe snicker
Have all a happy day. happydance wave
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#942927 - 03/03/14 04:36 AM Re: Monday Sunshine [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6002
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,manxman,Haroula,and all who arrive later waveWell the snow is coming down again eek winterHot coffee is ready! Enjoy the day all puppy
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#942931 - 03/03/14 05:41 AM Re: Monday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16837
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, manxman, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe is your sister back? think Manxman enjoy your day. happydance Ana A,B, or C - How about D for Done! yes Haroula enjoy your National Holiday! wave Cailyn thanks for the coffee. smile No snow here this morning, at least not yet! Hope everyone has a great day! dance
_________________________
Gerry

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#942935 - 03/03/14 06:14 AM Re: Monday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5329
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good morning and have a great day Joe, manxman, Ana, Haroula, Cailyn, Gerry and all who come in after me. wave

I'm off for a work whoosh, and it's snowing today. We're supposed to get several inches, but luckily I'm not scheduled for very long today. So I plan on just finishing what I have to and leaving. yes

Okay, I'm off to get ready to brave the snow. lol Have a great Monday, everyone. winter

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#942958 - 03/03/14 09:57 AM Re: Monday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14563
Loc: Massachusetts
Good morning. Well, we didn't get the snow that they predicted. I'm sooooo disappointed...NOT!. Work at 5:00 for me. Easy peasy day to borrow a phrase from Darlene hearts Ana please come up for air now and then. Morning manxman, Haroula, Sue, Gerry, venus, and all who come in after me. Have a great Monday.

Midgie hearts
_________________________
Just do it.

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#942960 - 03/03/14 10:02 AM Re: Monday Sunshine [Re: Midge]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9290
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Happy Monday Sunshine!

hearts Big, big hugs, Connie. hearts

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#942971 - 03/03/14 10:29 AM Re: Monday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42048
Loc: Alabama
Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

Icky, wet, cold out there. Think I'll stay in until I have to go out for a routine doctor's appointment. We had a busy weekend and I have a busy week, so I'm going to take some down time whenever I can find it.

I have a book to finish as a long awaited 2nd-book-in the- series is releasing tomorrow. I won't be ready to read it tomorrow but I should be through my re-read of the first book this week. wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#942975 - 03/03/14 11:04 AM Re: Monday Sunshine [Re: looney4labs]
Gimli Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 2314
Loc: Switzerland
Hi my friends

I wanted to tell you about the adventure we had on the snowy and icy streets driving to Italy, but I've read that Connie's hubby died and now I'am too sad. When I was still on fb, Connie and Don were playing the Café game together with me and others, and we had so much fun. I will always remember those times...

We arrived safely in Italy. Weather here is bad: rain and wind. I hope I can report better weather tomorrow.

Have a nice day eveyboomie kissy

Evelyne
_________________________
"You ask me what life is. That's like asking me what a carrot is. A carrot is a carrot is a carrot" (A. Chekhov)

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#942978 - 03/03/14 11:15 AM Re: Monday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7063
Loc: San Diego, CA
For the first time in upteen years I watched the Oscars. I actually enjoyed it this time. Lots of fun stuff going on like the 'pizza' and no obvious protests, etc. Saw a bunch of movies I never heard of winning Oscars and it was entertaining. Maybe I'll watch again next year.

Off to the bank today and then Mexican food for lunch. Haven't been to my favorite place in a few months. Gonna get Pancho's Nachos. Awesome nachos with carne asada chunks all over. Huge plate for 7 bucks enough to feed 2 people and still have some left over.

Things are drying out here. Except for all the little bits of dead tree branches that needed culling, that are now all over the ground and on the roofs, things look quite normal. AND as hoped, the rain is making my yard bloom with ground cover sprouting up, trees leafing out, and everything in renewal. Thank goodness for a tiny bit of rain. Somehow, using the hose on everything never gets the same result.

Out to count cats. Ferals are still rearranging the pecking order since the 'mom' died. I have to keep pushing the oldest gal into her little bed under the table because the youngest gal (who thinks she's the queen of the deck) is swiping at her and has 'claimed' the other bed under the table. Was heartened to see last night at 11 pm that the old gal was IN her bed across from the intruder and both were cozy and warm and dry. Maybe they will come to an understanding. catrub blackkitty
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#942986 - 03/03/14 12:21 PM Re: Monday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9395
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Good afternoon Boomers. wave
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#943028 - 03/03/14 03:28 PM Re: Monday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64420
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good afternoon boomies! Gerry cracked me up this morning! Love the D for done. lol

I was going stir crazy so I took a one mile run with the dogs. It's hard to run in the snow but I just can't wait for it to melt. The dogs are sleepy now and life is good.

I have to do a quick store run and then it's back to work. Are we having fun yet?

Ana wave
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#943035 - 03/03/14 04:48 PM Re: Monday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7063
Loc: San Diego, CA
Oh Joy! I just requested my annual credit report for one of the big 3 and they said I have to request it in writing and can't get it on the internet! The 'safety' questions they asked were nothing I recognized (student loan, mortgage) and I tried it twice and got variations of the same questions. Oh oh. Either something is wrong with their questions or I might find something I don't want on my report. Worst thing is, in writing, you have to send in copies of SS# card, Driver's License, a bill from your address, and pay stub. Hummmmm. Sounds suspicious. I think I'll call the number first to be sure it's not a phishing expedition. Crossing fingers it's just a glitch. The referenced info wanted is from 2003 and 2011. I've had accurate reports since then so this must be a big mistake. Ugh! Dialing them now. insane
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#943036 - 03/03/14 04:52 PM Re: Monday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64420
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Sorta, there is no way a reputable service would ask you for those items. I would not call or use anything from wherever you went. eek
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#943054 - 03/03/14 07:06 PM Re: Monday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42048
Loc: Alabama
Well, lots of fun driving back from the doctor's but I made it..thank you God. Managed to get back into our town in time to pick up my new glasses too.

Then time to make dinner. Now it's time to eat dinner. Back in a few wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#943059 - 03/03/14 08:04 PM Re: Monday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64420
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Glad you made it back safe!
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#943081 - 03/03/14 10:02 PM Re: Monday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14563
Loc: Massachusetts
Time to call it a day for me. I'm tired. Sorry to report this but I'm not 20 anymorerotfl Night all.

Midgie hearts sleep
_________________________
Just do it.

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#943086 - 03/03/14 10:36 PM Re: Monday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42048
Loc: Alabama
Me either, Midgy lol

Time for bed here too. Sweet dreams all sleep
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#943103 - 03/04/14 12:53 AM Re: Monday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13506
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Well I thought I was here this morning but I don't see my post. headscratch Well I hope that everybody has had a lovely day!

Time now to head for bed....Sassy is giving me the look. lol

Night all sleep well and pleasant dreams!!

sleep
Nan

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