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#943101 - 03/04/14 12:45 AM Tuesday's
gymcandy1 Online   happy
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30155
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
Jules Renard (1864 - 1910)
~~~~~~~~~~~~


Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."
~~~~~~~~~


So you want a day off. Let's take a look at what you are asking for:

There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available.

You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break, which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work.

You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year, which leaves only 1 day available for work and I'll be darned if you are going to take that day off!
~~~~~~~~~~

Little Johnny's next door neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the little
baby was born with no ears. When they
arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny's family
to come over and see their
new baby.

Little Johnny's parents were very afraid their son would have a wise crack
to say about the baby. So, Little
Johnny's dad had a long talk with Little Johnny before going to the
neighbors.

He said, "Now, son...that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to
be on your best behavior and not
say one word about his ears, or I'm really going to spank your butt when we
get back home."

"I promise not to mention his ears at all," said Little Johnny...At the
neighbor's home, Little Johnny leaned over
the crib and touched the baby's hand. He looked at it's mother and said,
"Oh, what a beautiful little baby!"

The mother, who had braced herself for Johnny's comment, was pleasantly
surprised and said, "Thank you very
much, Little Johnny."

He then said, "This baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet.
Why, just look at his pretty little eyes! Did
his doctor say he can see good?"

The mother said a bit bewildered, hesitantly replies "Why, yes ... his
doctor said he has 20/20 vision, why do you
ask?"

Little Johnny said, "Well, it's a good thing, cause he sure can't
wear glasses "
~~~~~~~~~~

A gentleman, fresh out of gift ideas, bought his mother-in- law a large plot in an expensive cemetery. On her next birthday, he bought her nothing.

She was quick to comment, loud and long, on his thoughtlessness. The gentleman said only one thing - "Well, you haven't used the gift I gave you last year."
~~~~~~~~~


Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company.
During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees."

The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.

Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our cleaners has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?"

The cannibals disavow all knowledge of the missing cleaner. After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you idiots ate the cleaner?"

A hand raises hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Team Leaders, Managers, and Project Managers so no-one would notice anything, and you have to go and eat the cleaner!"
~~~~~~~~~

A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin was placed in front of a huge mock up of a heart made up of flowers. When the pastor finished with the sermon and eulogy, and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart opened, the coffin rolled inside and the heart closed. Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter.
The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?"

"I was thinking about my own funeral," the man replied.

"What's so funny about that?"

"I'm a gynecologist."
~~~~~~~

The 14 Biggest Lies

14. It's not you, it's me.

13. The check is in the mail.

12. You get this one, I'll pay next time.

11. You look great.

10. Of course I love you.

9. It's not the money, it's the principle of the thing.

8. ...but we can still be good friends.

7. She means nothing to me.

6. Don't worry, I can go another 20 miles when the gauge is on "empty."

5. Don't worry, he's never bitten anyone.

4. I'll call you later.

3. I've never done anything like this before.

2. I'm from your government, and I am here to help you.

1. I DO.

0. You're going to have a baby sister Joe, and you have lots of fun together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

Did you know that he who laughs last, gets the least sleep? tired


You knew that? shocked


When were you gonna tell me?


Maybe you can tell me this then. If I can save 15% in 15 minutes, what if I take say.......99 minutes? snicker


Snickers mmmmmmmmm.


I'm not sure I told you guys this but....................Oh hell, I know for a fact I didn't tell you, cause I just found out Sunday myself, that my department was the #1 department in the whole store last year, for the 3rd year in a row? penguin


That's not is sales volume, but in increase in sales over the previous year on a percentage basis.


Just thought you should know.


You can't congratulate me if you don't know. lol


I was wondering, if this is how you spell 3rd, is this how you spell 4rd?


If it is, then how do you spell Chevrolet?? razz


Anyone? headscratch


Have a happy day everyone.


joe


Anyone here ever drive a 3rd??


Edited by gymcandy1 (03/04/14 01:16 AM)
Edit Reason: Just a thought.
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#943110 - 03/04/14 01:46 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 8105
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe and all. wave
Have a nice day. happydance smile
_________________________
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#943118 - 03/04/14 05:33 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17620
Loc: Marlborough USA
penguin Good Morning Joe and haroula. Joe congrats! maybe a bonus coming your way? Haroula enjoy your day. Coffee is ready Cailyn. Happy Tuesday wished for All! penguin
_________________________
Gerry

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#943136 - 03/04/14 08:24 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
manxman Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/23/02
Posts: 15738
Loc: Unionville
Good morning boomers. wave Hope everyone has a terrific Tuesday smile
_________________________
Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.

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#943153 - 03/04/14 10:04 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: manxman]
Darlene Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9480
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers and congratulations on being #1!! Woohoo and booyah!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#943162 - 03/04/14 10:38 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14784
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, congrats on #1 .

Haroula, happy day wishes.

Gerry, thanks for the coffee.

Darlene, have a great day!

Manxman, good morning and good day.

Cold here but nice bright sun today. Wishing everyone a wonderful Tuesday!
_________________________
Gail

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#943178 - 03/04/14 11:42 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: GBC]
gymcandy1 Online   happy
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30155
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Good morning everyone. wave

Thanks for the congrats everyone. It was a team effort of course.

Gerry I asked them where my raise is, and they just laughed. smirk lol

Today I close again.

I was so tired and sore this morning after last night, but I actually kinda look forward to going in to work today........kinda. duh

It's a little bit warmer today than yesterday's 27 degrees. I think we're going to get to the upper 40s, and tomorrow on my day off in the upper 50's.

Right now we still have some ice and snow laying around. shiver

I hope everyone has a nice day. yes


joe



Edited by gymcandy1 (03/04/14 11:43 AM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#943181 - 03/04/14 12:03 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9720
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Good afternoon Boomers. wave
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#943184 - 03/04/14 01:00 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7415
Loc: San Diego, CA
Bad day today so far. HER insurance company finally called me about the letter I sent after getting their denial of my claim. She said she was a supervisor, etc. Of course they still upheld their original opinion. Stupid because it was her fault. She said 'if she had hit the rear of your car, it might have been different'. But I did manage to tell her, 'Your client was incredibly lucky that she managed to avoid hitting me in the rear by going up on that center median and coming back down at an angle to hit only the front of my car". Amazing but true. No witness, only the damages to look at, and due to a 'miracle' for her, I get penalized. Oh well, she's probably celebrating, unless she gets denied by my company. I'm still waiting for word from them. They are delaying and delaying.

I'm now extra extra careful when driving. I'm avoiding the area where I was hit, I'm half paranoid of all traffic now, but I'm noticing how many many many cars have damage to them around here. Very interesting. And now I get to join the club since my damage will remain. Sigh. Not a good day, but I'm hopeful it will get better. thumbsup

Going off to eat some Strawberry Lemonade cake.
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#943186 - 03/04/14 01:04 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65786
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies! I need to post fast or I'll have to go to Sorta Land and use her time zone. lol

In the corner, but getting ready to run the dogs. I am having claustrophobia with my lack of outdoor activities.

Joe, congrats on your sales! That is awesome. woot

be back
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#943187 - 03/04/14 01:13 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13806
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe congrats to your department!! Great job!! bravo May work fly and go well today and the cold turn to warm. Have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the coffee. Have a lovely day!

Manxman have a lovely day!

Darlene may work go smoothly today! Have a lovely day!

Gail it is a nice +12 here and no wind with the sun shining after we got snow last night. Me and Sassy had a nice walk this morning. happydance Feels so good after all that cold we have had. Have a lovely day!

Space have a lovely day!!

Oh Sorta that is too bad. Hopefully there won't be a next time but if there is call 911 and they will set things straight. Have a lovely day!

Ana hope that the corner is being kind to you and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel! Have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

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#943240 - 03/04/14 08:16 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7415
Loc: San Diego, CA
Finally heard from my insurance company. They did everything they could to find for me, but after looking at HER pictures of the scene and the skid marks (she must have gone there during the 2 weeks nobody could find her) and had some dandy pictures taken. The skid marks are the key. It looks like she just stopped short and tried to avoid me, but what they don't show is her continuing up farther on the median (she pulled up on it) and then angling back down into me. Fun part is that my claims adjuster, actually believes me. She should. This is a one in a million collision. I told her that someday, somewhere, she is going to come across exactly this scenario and when she does, she is to call me. So weird that a person BEHIND you can go up beside and cause the accident and then you are found at fault. Not fair, but I understand. I'll just put this to bed now and wait for the call that it's happened again. thumbsup Too bad the gal at fault will probably be celebrating after her lies worked, but Karma will catch up with her someday. Yup. AND next time (I'm hoping there won't be any!) I will NOT move my vehicle but sit there in traffic taking pictures and call the cops to verify what happened. Moving from the area is what cast doubt on what really happened. thumbsdown

In other news, making some corned beef and Brussels sprouts (wow had to look up that spelling). Yummy. Tender Brussels and mild corned beef all cooked together into a lovely dish. All I need now is a bit of malt vinegar and some new potatoes and I'm set.
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#943252 - 03/04/14 09:49 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14745
Loc: Massachusetts
Joe I join all who congratulated you for a job well done. You Rock. woot urock

Night all. I'm calling it a night. My day off is tomorrow. Not sure what's on the agenda yet. Will sign in in the morning.

Midgie hearts
_________________________
Just do it.

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#943259 - 03/04/14 11:35 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13806
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Night Midge enjoy your day off tomorrow!!

So sorry about all of that Sorta.

Time to head for bed. Night all sleep well and pleasant dreams!!

sleep
Nan

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