Politeness and consideration for others is like investing pennies and getting dollars back.
Thomas Sowell (1930 - ), Creators Syndicate
Joe asks his wife, Karen, what she wants for their 40th wedding anniversary.
"Would you like a new Mink coat?" he asks.
"Not really," says Karen.
"Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?" says Joe.
"No," she responds.
"What about a new vacation home in the country?" he suggests.
She again rejects his offer with a "No thanks."
"Well, what would you like for your anniversary?" Joe asks.
"Joe, I'd like a divorce," answers Karen.
"Sorry, I wasn't planning to spend that much," says Joe.
Three old men are at the doctor's office for a memory test.
The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three?"
"274," was his reply.
The doctor worriedly says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?"
"Tuesday" replies the second man.
The doctor sadly says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three"?
"Nine" says the third man.
"That's great!" exclaims the doctor. "How did you get that"?
"Jeez, Doc, it's pretty simple," says the third man. "I just subtracted 274 from Tuesday."
This is the best lawyer story of the year, decade and probably the century.
A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars,then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company.In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires."
The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued....and won!
In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The Judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire,without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim.
Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000.00 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."
NOW FOR THE BEST PART... After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!! With his own insurance claim and
testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000.00 fine.
This is a true story and was the 1st place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.
ONLY IN AMERICA
A San Diego patrolman pulled over a driver and told him that because he was wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5000 in a safety competition. "what are you going to do with the money? "the officer asked.
"I guess I"ll go to driving school and get my license, " the man answered.
"Don't listen to him," said the woman in the passenger seat. "he's a smart-alec when he is drunk."
This woke up the man in the back seat, who saw the cop and said, "I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car."
Then there was a knock from the trunk, and a voice asked in Spanish, "Are we over the border yet?"
At Least We're not Mississippi
11,623 Eskimos Can't be Wrong!
Litterasy Ain't Everthing
As Seen on TV
If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character
(this was left blank--does this mean Delaware is too small to have a
Ask Us About Our Grandkids
We Put the "Fun" in Fundamentalist Extremism
Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death to Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)
More Than Just Potatoes... Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
Gateway to Iowa
2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Land of James T. Kirk
First Of The Rectangle States
Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
We're Not All Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign
A Thinking Man's Delaware
Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)
First Line of Defense From the Canadians
Come Feel Better About Your Own State
Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars at Work
Land of the Big Sky, the Unabomer, and Very Little Else
Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Whores and Poker!
Go Away and Leave Us Alone
You Want a #$@%#!@ Motto? I Got Yer #$@%#!@ Motto Right Here!
Lizards Make Excellent Pets
You Have the Right to Remain Silent, You Have the Right to an Attorney
North Carolina: Tobacco is a Vegetable
Um... We've got... Um... Dinosaur Bones? Yeah, Dinosaur Bones!
Don't Judge Us by Cleveland
Like the Play...Only No Singing
Spotted Owl, It's What's For Dinner
Cook With Coal
We're Not REALLY An Island
Remember the Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender
Closer Than North Dakota
The Educashun State
Se Hablo Ingles
Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Who Says Government Stiffs and Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
Help! We're Overrun By Nerds and Slackers!
Wanna Be Mayor?
One Big Happy Family -- Really!
Come Cut Our Cheese
Good morning everyboomie.
Jo Jo the
It's the weekend/day two, and it is supposed to be warmer, and we are getting rain now from a storm that's passing through rather rapidly.
I'm hoping it slows down long enough to leave at least 3 feet of water.
Did you see the news about the new Russel Crowe movie. It's about Noah. It looks good, and I'm curious to see how it will end.
You know how Hollywood likes to rewrite history.
I hope when they do a movie about my life story, they'll make me an only child.
Did I say that out loud??
I didn't mean it......
I have 5 brothers and sisters, and about 200 nieces and nephews, and grand nieces and grand nephews that would not be happy about that.
Have a happy day everyone.