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#943901 - 03/08/14 09:52 PM Today's Diner
gymcandy1 Online   happy
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 32196
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.
Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790)

A businessman walks into a bar after a day at the office, sits down, and orders a drink. He grabs a handful of peanuts from the bowl on the counter, and as he takes his first sip, he hears a voice say, "That's a beautiful tie, is that silk? The women must love you."

Wondering who would make such a strange comment, he looks around and doesn't see anyone near him who could've been speaking to him. With a shrug, he finishes his drink & peanuts and orders another.

Next he hears a voice say, "Those shoes are stylin', my man. Are they Italian leather? They look grrrreat."

He whirls around to again see no one near him. He glances nervously around and then at his shoes, which he tucks self-consciously under the stool. A little wierded out, he grabs another handful of peanuts and orders a third drink. This time the voice continues with, "That suit looks fantastic. Is it an Armani? You are *SO* G.Q.!"

He immediately calls the bartender over and says, "Look. I keep hearing these voices telling me how great my tie, my shoes, and my suit look -- What's up with that? Am I going crazy?"

"Oh," the bartender, nonchalantly replies, "those are just the peanuts."

"The peanuts?!?" the astonished man asks, staring at the bowl beside him.

"Yeah," replies the bartender, "...they're complimentary."

Arkansas Professional Engineering Exam

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
A. '66 Ford Fairlane B. '69 Chevrolet Chevelle C. '64 Pontiac GTO

3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of 'shine per hour,
how many radiators are required to condense the product?

4. A pulpwood cutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in
a plot to be harvested is 470 trees per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter
is 14". How many Budweiser tall-boys will it take to cut the trees?

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be
the decrease in the ozone layer?

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine at 24 inches on center with a field rock foundation.
The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1" thick rough sawn pine.
When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

7. A man owns an Arkansas house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The
man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man's land?

8. A 2-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph.
The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, how many people will swerve to
avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain? For extra credit, how many of the vehicles
that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields?

9. A coal mine operates an NFPA class 1, division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift.
A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked
during the shift?

10. At a reduction in gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town that
has been bypassed by the interstate to breed a country-western singer?

A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy
cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a
double take. He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very
valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat
for two dollars.
The storeowner replies "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale.
The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch
mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat."
And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.
The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could
throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to eat and it'll save me from
having to get a dish."
And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this
week I've sold sixty-eight cats."

The doctor and his wife were having a heated argument at

As he stormed out of the house, the man angrily yelled to his

"You aren't that good in bed either!"

By midmorning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned
home. After many rings, his wife, clearly out of breath, answered
the phone.

"What took you so long to answer and why are you panting?"

"I was in bed."

"What in the world are you doing in bed at this hour?"

"Getting a second opinion."

10 Words That Don't Exist, But Should

1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn
the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.

2. CARPERPETUATION (kar'pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming,
of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times,
reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back
down to give the vacuum one more chance.

3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of confection
(lollipop) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will
somehow 'remove' all the germs.

4. ELBONICS (el bon'iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for
one armrest in a movie theater.

5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept
onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he
finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the
"open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort
to the 'illegal' side.

7. PEPPIER (peph ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole
purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh
ground pepper.

8.PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number
and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

9. PUPKUS (pup'kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog
presses its nose to it.

10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always
letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when
you're only six inches away.

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

I think I'll change my name to Matt. yes

That way I can be your welcome matt. thumbsup

Lots of other people walk all over me, so you don't need to worry about doing it too. snicker

I'll have my sister welcome you first. idea

She's very...... think.......welcoming.

You can call her Matilda......................................if you like. wink

Hope your feet aren't too muddy. razz

I also hope you have a happy day everyone.


Edited by gymcandy1 (03/08/14 09:54 PM)
There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

#943908 - 03/08/14 10:46 PM Re: Today's Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 15321
Loc: Upper Arlington, Ohio
Have a great day Joe and all the Boomers to follow. thumbsup
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

#943921 - 03/09/14 12:48 AM Re: Today's Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 75379
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies! Had an unexpected but really fun night with old friends and am going to head to bed now. I have to get up early which I was already groaning over and now it's coming even faster. eek

Heading to Starved Rock with my sis today today to eagle watch and see the icefalls. Catch you all in the evening. Have a wonderful day.
Don't feed the Trolls

#943927 - 03/09/14 03:35 AM Re: Today's Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 10027
Loc: Greece
Have a great Sunday Joe,Ana and all who come in later. smile wave
I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

#943936 - 03/09/14 05:01 AM Re: Today's Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
Staff Reviewer
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 7742
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Off for another work whoosh. wave Have a great Sunday, everyone. winter
Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?

#943940 - 03/09/14 06:22 AM Re: Today's Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 22799
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, SpaceQ, Ana, Haroula and venus. Joe, Joe suits you better! SpaceQ enjoy your day. Haroula hope the sun is shining. Ana sounds like a fun day planned with sis. Venus I hope it's a slow whoosh! Coffee is ready Cailyn. Happy Day wished for All! lab

#943944 - 03/09/14 08:10 AM Re: Today's Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 18262
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, have a great day!

Ana, glad you enjoyed your night with friends.

Space, good morning to you.

Haroula, happy day thoughts.

Venus, good day wished at work.

Gerry, thanks for the coffe.

Sue, I'll save you some coffee.

To all who enter a good day is wished. Off to church. wave

#943948 - 03/09/14 08:51 AM Re: Today's Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 75379
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Got to sleep at 2 and woke at 5:30 because I didn't my alarm to go off. lol Going to be a very long day. Off to Starved Rock now. Hope it warms up quick, it's only 16 degrees out.

Ana wave
Don't feed the Trolls

#943954 - 03/09/14 09:58 AM Re: Today's Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
manxman Online   content
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 07/23/02
Posts: 21412
Loc: Unionville
Good morning boomers. Hope everyone is enjoying their Sunday and having a relaxing time. smile
Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.

#943959 - 03/09/14 10:23 AM Re: Today's Diner [Re: manxman]
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 10371
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! (Or is it Matt? lol ) Thanks for the openers and I hope your Sunday is super!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Volunteering at church this morning. smile

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!

#943963 - 03/09/14 11:19 AM Re: Today's Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 14623
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe thanks for the laughs and have a lovely day!

Ana enjoy your time at Starved Rock!! Be safe and I hope it warms up. It is 28 here!! Sorry about your friend's hubby. Will keep her in my thoughts and prayers.

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the coffee. Have a lovely day!

venus may work fly and be fun! Happy working. Have a lovely day!

Gail enjoy church and have a nice relaxing afternoon. Have a lovely day!

Manxman have a lovely day!

Darlene enjoy the volunteer work at church! Havea lovely day!


#943978 - 03/09/14 01:08 PM Re: Today's Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 9564
Loc: San Diego, CA
Woke up at the 'regular' time. Forced myself to wait the extra hour. Can't reprogram the Outdoorsies too fast to adjust to an earlier feeding time. However, not only were the cats up and waiting, but the Peacock was on my roof. Darn darn. She was pecking at my passion fruit vine and then walked all over the place scaring the cats. AND she is now 'roosting' between my car and the fence right in front of my back gate (the one I use all the time) and leaving huge poop piles. I'm really thinking a call to animal control is in order. Love the huge bird, took some pics, but I see she's going to be messing up my yard AND she was pecking away at some wiring that goes between my solar security light and the roof collector. Not good! If I knew where she actually belonged, I'd go chat with them. Ugh. Scary too now that I know if threatened, she could slice open an animal or human with those huge talons. Sigh. Dunno what to do yet. Will hope she flies away and stays away. Tried the 'hose squirt', very gently getting her wet and she just moved about a foot and stared at me. Guess she knows that trick. rotfl
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

#943994 - 03/09/14 02:46 PM Re: Today's Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47581
Loc: Alabama
Super Sunday ya'll puppy

Man, I didn't fall asleep until after 6 this morning. I hate hate hate nights like that mad So of course, I didn't wake up til 11. Then got short stopped by the kitchen as usual. Dishes are running and jerky is drying. Dogs are fed and water refilled. Boys are lunched and changed to go back to mom. Son was up with them this morning and went to lay down when we got up. Hubby will pick up a thermometer after he drops the boys. Hopefully, son will go to the doc if he has a temperature as he never runs one. He says it feels like his brain is trying to melt out of his head.

Hi ya Matt, nice to meet ya!

Space, have a wonderful day.

Ana, hope you have a wonderful day. Exercise for me please.

Haroula, is it warm enough for the beach?

Venus, happy whooshing, though you may be home by now. wave

Gerry, I'm draining the coffee. Thanks.

Gail, have a great afternoon.

Manx, I'm doing my best to relax. Hope your day is wonderful.

Darlene, what's up after church?

Nan, what are you doing today?

Sorta, you must have a "all animals buffet" sign up. luck
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

#944000 - 03/09/14 03:59 PM Re: Today's Diner [Re: looney4labs]
luv2travel Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 01/30/02
Posts: 2256
Loc: Phoenix, AZ USA
Boy, L4L, I can relate. I am sure sorry about Jer. Prayers and thoughts he gets better quickly.
Ana, I'm sorry about the loss of friend's hubby so suddenly. Prayers and good thoughts going her way.
Weather here in low 80s F. Everyone come visit me and help me unpack my house so I can find things. This is the worst part of moving. Getting new floors and a little remodeling really adds to the mess. I'm adding 2 sliding glass doors where there were windows before. Very tired and not sleeping well yet. Phone and internet working well now.
Spring is coming to you soon, I'm sure. Then I'll be moaning about being over 100F.

Andrea frenchie

PS: Sorta, I grew up in Arcadia, CA by the Santa Anita racetrack and the Los Angeles Co. Arboretum where they have many, many peacocks. They would migrate up to our pasture and roost in the live oaks on our property. They were the best watchdogs we ever had. The minute anyone drove into the driveway down to the house, They would set up such a racket it would wake the dead. I never noticed much poop, though, and they caused us no problem at all.

Edited by luv2travel (03/09/14 04:04 PM)

#944006 - 03/09/14 04:21 PM Re: Today's Diner [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 9564
Loc: San Diego, CA
Ah Andrea, good to know. This little gal peacock seems to have taken a 'liking' to my oldest and frail Outdoorsie cat. She follows her, sits and stares and tried to get at her if she's outside the fence. Of course little miss peacock can fly over the fence onto the deck (which is sanctuary for all cats) and get her. I'm just afraid she will hurt poor old Spot. I'm watching carefully. Peacock has decided to camp outside the gate to the deck and just stare in. Really weird. Pretty bird. Awesome to see. Hope it won't hurt the kitties.
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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