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#944190 - 03/10/14 11:23 PM Tuesday's
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30060
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
George Carlin (1937 - 2008)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

About Women

Women especially love a bargain. The question of 'need' is irrelevant, so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.
Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you 'just don't understand'.
Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.
Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.
Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.
Women need to feel like there are people worse off than they are. That's why soap operas and Oprah Winfrey-type shows are so successful.
Women don't need sex as often as men do. This is because sex is more physical for men and more emotional for women. Just knowing that the man wants to have sex with them fulfills the emotional need.
Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when there's a spider or a wasp involved.
Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.
Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance to gossip.
Women can't refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what she's doing. It might be the lottery calling.
Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand that they wouldn't need toys if women had an 'on/off' switch.
Women think all beer is the same.
Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in the shower. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rain forest.
Women don't understand the appeal of sports. Men seek entertainment that allows them to escape reality. Women seek entertainment that reminds them of how horrible things could be.
If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.
Women brush their hair before bed.
Watch a woman eat an ice cream cone and you'll have a pretty good idea about how she'll be in bed.
Women are paid less than men, except for one field: Modeling.
Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man's responsibility, 'It's there in the Bible'. Hmmm, who was it that gave Adam the apple?
Women do not know anything about cars. 'Oil-stick, oil doesn't stick?'
Women have better restrooms. They get the nice chairs and red carpet. Men just get a large bowl to share.
The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail.
Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut.
Women don't try as hard as men during sex; after all, they don't fall asleep afterwards.
Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, 'How do I look?'
PMS stands for: Permissible Man-Slaughter. (Or at least men think it means that. PMS also stands for Preposterous Mood Swings and Punish My Spouse.
The first naked man a woman sees is 'Ken'.
Women are insecure about their weight, butt, and breast sizes.
Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn.
'Oh, nothing,' has an entirely different meaning in woman-language than it does in man-language.
Lewis Carroll's Caterpillar had nothing on women.
Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.
All women are overweight by definition; don't agree with them about it. Women always have 5 pounds to lose, but don't bring this up unless they really have 5 pounds to gain.
If it is not Valentines day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, 'What did you do?'
Only women understand the reason for 'guest towels' and the 'good china'.
Women want equal rights, but you rarely hear them clamoring to be let into the draft to cover the responsibilities that go with those rights. All women seek equality with men until it comes to sharing the closet, taking out the trash, and picking up the check.
If a man ticks off a woman she will often respond by getting a fuzzy toilet cover which warms their rear, but makes it impossible for the lid to stay up thus it constantly gets peed on by the guys. (which gets them in more trouble)
Women never check to see if the lid is up. They seem to prefer taking a flying butt leap towards the bowl and then chewing men out because they 'left the seat up' instead of taking two seconds and lowering it themselves.
Women can get out of speeding tickets by pouting. This will get men arrested.
Women don't really care about a sense of humor in a guy despite claims to the contrary. You don't see women trampling over Tom Cruise to get to Gilbert Gottfried, do you?
Women fake [blip] because men fake foreplay.
It's okay for women to dance with each other and not be gay. You don't see straight men dancing together.
Women will spend hours dressing up to go out, and then they'll go out and spend more time checking out other women. Men can never catch women checking out other men; women will always catch men checking out other women.
The most embarrassing thing for women is to find another woman wearing the same dress at a formal party. You don't hear men say, 'Oh-my-GOD, there's another man wearing a black tux, get me out of here!'
~~~~~~~~~

The following list of phrases and their definitions might help you understand the mysterious language of science and medicine. These special phrases are also applicable to anyone working on a Ph.D. dissertation or academic paper anywhere!

"It has long been known" = I didn't look up the original reference.

"A definite trend is evident" = These data are practically meaningless.

"While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to the questions" = An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope to get it published.

"Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study" = The other results didn't make any sense.

"Typical results are shown" = This is the prettiest graph.

"These results will be in a subsequent report" = I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.

"In my experience" = once.

"In case after case" = twice.

"In a series of cases" = thrice.

"It is believed that" = I think.

"It is generally believed that" = A couple of others think so, too.

"Correct within an order of magnitude" = Wrong.

"According to statistical analysis" = Rumor has it.

"A statistically oriented projection of the significance of these findings" = A wild guess.

"A careful analysis of obtainable data" = Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of pop.

"It is clear that much additional work will be required before a complete understanding of this phenomenon occurs"= I don't understand it.

"After additional study by my colleagues"= They don't understand it either.

"Thanks are due to Joe Blotz for assistance with the experiment and to Cindy Adams for valuable discussions" = Mr. Blotz did the work and Ms. Adams explained to me what it meant.

"A highly significant area for exploratory study" = A totally useless topic selected by my committee.

"It is hoped that this study will stimulate further investigation in this field" = I quit.
~~~~~~~~~~~


Acme Companies


Acme Rope, Inc. -
Knot your ordinary company.

Acme Mine Shafts -
Drop in any time

Acme Lollipops -
One lick and you'll stick with us.

Acme Light Company -
We have lots of bright ideas.

Acme Clown Make-up -
Let us put a smile on your face.

Acme Perfume Corp. -
We love it when business stinks.

Acme Air Conditioning -
We show people how to chill out.

Acme Toy Company -
Our work is kids' play.

Acme Perfume Company -
Our work is all dollars and scents.

Acme Almond Company -
We're nuts!

Acme Sheep Farm -
Our mind is on ewe.

Acme Calculators -
We help you solve your problems.

Acme Flower Bulbs -
We root for you.

Acme Psychologists -
Visit us and you won't go away mad!

Acme Poultry Management -
Let us count your chickens before they hatch.
~~~~~~~~

You know you are addicted to coffee if ...

You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

You sleep with your eyes open.

You have to watch videos in fast-forward.

The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.

You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.

You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.

Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

You chew on other people's fingernails.

The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.

You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.

You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.

You can jump-start your car without cables.

You don't sweat, you percolate.

You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.

You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.

You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.

People get dizzy just watching you.

Instant coffee takes too long.

You channel surf faster without a remote.

You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.

You can outlast the Energizer bunny.

You short out motion detectors.

You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.

Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.

You help your dog chase its tail.

You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.

Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.

You ski uphill.

You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.

You answer the door before people knock.

You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

It's Tuesday already. Where has this week gone? snicker

I can't wait until this weekend and my two days off. yay

Of course, I have to get through one more day off today first. yes

Of course, I have to get through Monday night......and a headache first, before I can get to my Tuesday off. duh

Of course I have to post....never mind. rolleyes

Have a happy day everyone. rah

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#944192 - 03/10/14 11:30 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65211
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
lol Have a wonderful day Joe! I hope that you wake headache free and enjoy your day off.

Have a happy day everyone!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#944206 - 03/11/14 01:50 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7810
Loc: Greece
Have a great day Joe,Ana and all who follow. happydance wave
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#944207 - 03/11/14 02:04 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Online   sad
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6056
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,Haroula, waveIt's still takes me 3 times to log in I automatically get logged out crazyCoffee is ready wishing you all a great day!It's going to be in the 50's today yay
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#944218 - 03/11/14 05:16 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17305
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe have a fun day off. Ana hope you get some down time today. Haroula enjoy your day. Cailyn hope you resolve your "log in" problem. Wishing you all a wonderful day! dance
_________________________
Gerry

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#944225 - 03/11/14 06:01 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5496
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Off for another work whoosh. Have a terrific day, everyone. wave

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#944229 - 03/11/14 07:02 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Online   content
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14555
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, hope you have a pain free workday.

Ana, enjoy whatever plans you have for the day.

Venus, easy workday wishes.

Haroula, Happy day!

Sue, enjoy the wonderful warmer weather.

Gerry, have a great day.

Nan, going to be in the 50's today. May take two walks. woot

Wishing everyone a great day! blackkitty frenchie
_________________________
Gail

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#944263 - 03/11/14 10:07 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: GBC]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9400
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Enjoy your day!!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#944272 - 03/11/14 10:23 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
manxman Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/23/02
Posts: 15320
Loc: Unionville
Good morning boomers. wave Thanks for the laughs Joe. rotfl
Have a great Tuesday everyone smile
_________________________
Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.

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#944285 - 03/11/14 10:58 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65211
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies! It's a corner day all day until class tonight. I need my exercise!

We are getting a winter storm with 8 inches of snow again tonight. All I can do is laugh at this point. rotfl

Connie, I hope the wedding plans are going well.

Have a wonderful happy day! Life is good.
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#944286 - 03/11/14 11:17 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13689
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe enjoy your day off!! Do you have fun plans?? Thanks for the laughs and have a lovely day!

Ana hoping that the corner be kind and move right along for you today! Enjoy class tonight. You may keep the snow, we still have plenty here but lots did melt the last couple days.

Haroula have a lovely day!

Sue enjoy the nice weather. Thanks for the coffee. Did you check the "keep me signed in" box??? Have a lovely day!

Gerry hope the warmer temps melt the snow gone. Have a lovely day!

venus may work be fun and the time fly! Happy working and have a lovely day!

Gail enjoy!!!! Me and Sassy walk at least four times a day to some degree. Some days she goes out and right back in the same door. Other days she wants to explore the neighborhood. lol Have a lovely day!


darlene may work fly and everything go smoothly!! Have a lovely day!

Manxman have a lovely day!

Abbi day again. Daughter texted me this morning on her way to work, ok cause she rides the bus, to tell me that Abbi wants to go to the park and play in the snow. I told her that it depended on what my granddaughter puts in Abbi's bag to wear. lol

wave
Nan

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#944290 - 03/11/14 11:27 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65211
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Nan, we still have plenty too, I don't really mind a clean blanket over it but don't need another 8 inches. We need a gradual warming to prevent flooding. Have fun with Abbi! :ysay:

Sue, like Nan said, be sure you check the keep me signed in box. You need to check that box before you put the password in or it doesn't work.

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#944306 - 03/11/14 12:39 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7284
Loc: San Diego, CA
Still hating this time change! I'm getting up at my 'regular' time and it's an hour later on the clock. Only good part about it is I have less time to wait until the stores open. rotfl

WARNING: Don't read any farther if you are squeemish about bodily functions! scared

Finally got my neighbor/friend to help me last night readjust the security light on the front porch that is SUPPOSED to spotlight anyone entering the driveway. I put this one up a few years back when I realized the locals were using the bushes there as a potty. Yup, kids from parties, drunks, street people. Well, then in the past month or two, I've been seeing huge doggie poops right in that spot, always with a restaurant type paper napkin smeared with poop. Arrraaaghhhh!

Found out a few nights back it's NOT dog! A local transient swooped into the driveway about 9 pm, pulled down his pants, squatted and in less than 30 seconds had left me a little 'deposit'. Actually a HUGE deposit along with the now infamous, smeared napkin. I'm disgusted. Don't know what to do with the 'pile'. I've been picking up those napkins when I pick up papers and stuff that blow up the driveway. Glad I didn't touch anything. Gonna wear rubber gloves next time I paper pick up. I'm thinking I'll just let nature decompose it. Don't want to touch it, don't even want to walk by it. Oh woe is me.

Anyway, we repositioned the light (no easy task) and I think it's gonna trigger perfectly if anyone uses that spot again. Always the same exact spot. Amazing part is that several months ago, I put up a nice sign when I noticed the activity there, that says: You are under video and audio surveillance. Typical store bought sign. THAT is exactly where the guy squatted night before last. Exactly right under the clearly visible, day/night glow, sign. Geez. Might be a lanuage problem, but the sign has a camera on it. Duh.

Maybe I should put a port-a-potty out there? Oh and some nice Charmin, and perhaps some reading material, and a nice fluffy rug, and hand sanitizer? I'm still horrified at this one.
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WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#944311 - 03/11/14 01:37 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11412
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Good afternoon all.

Jeez Sorta, what a mess. Yuck.

It is going to 80 today then drop to the 40's tomorrow. Isn't it ever going to warm up and stay warm? This up and down sucks!!!

Not much going on today. I did get an interesting email. Turns out it was from the gal who introduced me to Bill. Wow, what fun. She and her hubby live in Canada.

Guess I'll go enjoy our beautiful weather while it is here.

Have a great day everyone.

Bets
_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

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#944331 - 03/11/14 03:24 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14679
Loc: Massachusetts
Hi all. Well, I started to write a post this morning while I was at work and wanted to send it but had trouble with getting it sent so here I am again. Hope you are all having a good day. Sorta that's disgusting.Can't you let the police know what's going on?

I'm getting ready to go back to work. Watching The Hunger Games Catching Fire. This movie is as good if not better than the first one. I'm loving it. Anybody else see it yet?

Midgie hearts
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Just do it.

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