If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; But if you really make them think, they'll hate you.
Don Marquis (1878 - 1937)
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The Barbie doll enjoys being one of the worlds most popular toys. However, along the way to getting that status, there were a number of doll variations that never quite made it. This is a list of the Barbie dolls that you most likely haven't seen on store shelves lately...Scratch and Sniff Barbie (Use your imagination...we're not saying a word.)
Crash Test Barbie
Opera Barbie (complete with the horns and the brass brassiere)
Marie Antionette Barbie (with removable head; guillotine included)
Hiroshima Barbie (just a shadow of her former self)
Enron Barbie (Originally sold for $29.95, but now you can't give her away.)
Frozen Barbie on a Stick (in your grocer's frozen food section)
Divorce Barbie (includes the house, the car, and half of Ken's [blip])
Broken Bungee Barbie
FrankenBarbie (green Barbie with bolts through her neck)
Shock Therapy Barbie (car battery and wires included)
Samuel L. Jackson Ken (He'll get medieval on your a**.)
Manic Depressive Barbie (with a set of Oriental throwing knives)
Biker Barbie (with leather jacket, tattoos, and red bandana)
Cheesehead Barbie (Wisconsin's best)
Dogsled Barbie
Peg Leg Barbie
Eye Patch Barbie
Politically Incorrect Barbie (Pull the string and she loudly blurts all your favorite racial slurs.)
Death Row Barbie (formerly #31)
Life Size Anatomically Correct Barbie (for all you perverts out there)
Martha Stewart Barbie (comes with orange jumpsuit and color-coordinated accessories)
Homeless Barbie (complete with stolen K-Mart shopping cart)
Tattoo Barbie
Burn Victim Barbie (bandages and Bactine included)
Venus de Milo Barbie (made of rock; no head, no arms)
Cyberpunk Barbie (includes 'trodes and implants)
White Trash Barbie
Serial Killer Barbie
Drag Queen Ken (Comes with three, count 'em, three, of Barbie's dresses.)
Acupuncture Barbie (not recommended or children under seven)
Voodoo Doll Barbie (see #33 above)
Cannibal Barbie (Great visual imagery, huh?)
Fast Food Barbie (Also known as McBarbie...you want fries with that?)
Teenage Slut Barbie (see #21)
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This is the ultimate guide to good food eating for bachelors...
1. BREAD: Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable "spots" that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth areas are good indications that your bread has turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment.
2. CANNED GOODS: Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a softball should be disposed of. Carefully.
3. CARROTS: A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is not fresh.
4. CEREAL: It is generally a good rule of thumb that cereal should be discarded when it is two years or longer beyond the expiration date.
5. CHIP DIP: If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the floor, it has gone bad.
6. DAIRY PRODUCTS: Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway and can't get any more spoiled than it is already. Cheddar cheese is spoiled when you think it is bleu cheese but you realize you've never purchased that kind.
7. EGGS: When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.
8. EMPTY CONTAINERS: Putting empty containers back into the refrigerator is an old trick, but it only works if you live with someone or have a maid.
9. EXPIRATION DATES: This is NOT a marketing ploy to encourage you to throw away perfectly good food so that you'll spend more on groceries. Perhaps you'd benefit by having a calendar in your kitchen.
10. FLOUR: Flour is spoiled when it wiggles.
11. FROZEN FOODS: Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled (or wrecked anyway) by the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife.
12. GAG TEST: Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night).
13. LETTUCE: Iceberg lettuce is spoiled when you can't get it off the bottom of the vegetable crisper without sandpaper. Romaine lettuce is spoiled when it turns liquid.
14. MAYONNAISE: If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, the mayonnaise is spoiled.
15. MEAT: If opening the refrigerator door causes all stray animals within a three-block radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is spoiled.
16. POTATOES: Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy undergrowth.
17. RAISINS: Raisins should not be harder than your teeth.
18. SALT: It never spoils.
19. UNMARKED ITEMS: You know it is well beyond prime when you're tempted to discard the Tupperware along with the food. Generally speaking, Tupperware containers should not burp when you open them.
20. GENERAL RULE OF THUMB: Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster. Keep a hamster in or near your refrigerator to gauge this. Don't feed him ANY of your food.
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Good morning everyboomie.
SPRING HAS SPRUNG!!!
It was today right??
No wait. Come back in two days ok?
Don't worry, it'll be a surprise.
Feel free to 'Fall back' in the mean time if you want.
I'm sure you all could use the extra hour for something.
I'm using mine while my sister is in the bathroom.
She needs the extra hour putting on her makeup.
It takes a whole lotta time to spread a whole 5 gallon bucket.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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Joe! 
and your headache is gone. Robert is on his way to the Dr. Please send positive thoughts his way. To all here and all who follow, have a Great day. Danish and Waffles in the NC.
(that's a sarcastic yay) The dogs seem lazy today anyways on this gloomy day. 
