You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.
Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)
~~~~~~~~~
For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California Driver's Exam, and for those of you who do, study real hard. This is a new exam. Since driving conditions (and culture) are unique in Los Angeles, you may not have realized that the California Department of Motor Vehicles has now issued a special application and driver's test solely for the Los Angeles Metropolitan Area.
Here it is below:
GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION:
Name:______________ Stage name: ________________
Agent:______________ Attorney:__________________
Sex: ___male ___female ___formerly male ___formerly female ___both
If female, indicate breast implant size: ____
Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle in any way? Yes___ No ___
Please list brand of cell phone: ________.
If you don't own a cell phone, please explain:________________________
Please check hair color:
Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde
Teenagers: [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead
Please check activities you perform while driving: (Check all that
apply)
[ ] Eating
[ ] Applying make-up
[ ] Talking on the phone
[ ] Slapping kids in the back-seat
[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs
[ ] Tanning
[x] Snorting cocaine (already checked for ease of application)
[ ] Watching TV
[ ] Reading Variety
[ ] Surfing the net via laptop
Please indicate how many times:
a) you expect to shoot at other drivers ____
b) how many times you expect to be shot at while driving ____
If you are the victim of a car jacking, you should immediately:
a) Call the police to report the crime
b) Call Channel 4 News to report the crime, then watch your car on the news in a high-speed chase
c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone company for 911 call not going through
d) Call your therapist
e) None of the above (South Central residents only)
In the event of an earthquake, should you:
a) stop your car
b) keep driving and hope for the best
c) immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones
d) pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 4
In the instance of rain, you should:
a) decelerate by 5 mph
b) drive twice as fast as usual
c) you're not sure what "rain" is
Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week: ____.
Are you presently taking any of the following medications?
a) Prozac
b) Zovirax
c) Lithium
d) Zanax
e) Valium
f) Zoloft
If none, please explain: __________________.
Length of daily commute:
a) 1 hour
b) 2 hours
c) 3 hours
d) 4 hours or more
When stopped by police, should you:
a) pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form ready
b) try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405 Freeway
c) have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit.
~~~~~~~~~
Cartoon PhysicsCARTOON LAW I
Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation. Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second per second takes over.
CARTOON LAW II
Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly. Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the stooge's surcease.
CARTOON LAW III
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter. Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the specialty of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.
CARTOON LAW IV
The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken. Such an object is inevitably priceless, the attempt to capture it inevitably unsuccessful.
CARTOON LAW V
All principles of gravity are negated by fear. Psychic forces are sufficient in most bodies for a shock to propel them directly away from the earth's surface. A spooky noise or an adversary's signature sound will induce motion upward, usually to the cradle of a chandelier, a treetop, or the crest of a flagpole. The feet of a character who is running or the wheels of a speeding auto need never touch the ground, especially when in flight.
CARTOON LAW VI
As speed increases, objects can be in several places at once. This is particularly true of tooth-and-claw fights, in which a character's head may be glimpsed emerging from the cloud of altercation at several places simultaneously. This effect is common as well among bodies that are spinning or being throttled. A 'wacky' character has the option of self-replication only at manic high speeds and may ricochet off walls to achieve the velocity required.
CARTOON LAW VII Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot. This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to trick an opponent will be unable to pursue him into this theoretical space. The painter is flattened against the wall when he attempts to follow into the painting. This is ultimately a problem of art, not of science.
CARTOON LAW VIII
Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent. Cartoon cats possess even more deaths than the traditional nine lives might comfortably afford. They can be decimated, spliced, splayed, accordion-pleated, spindled, or disassembled, but they cannot be destroyed. After a few moments of blinking self pity, they re-inflate, elongate, snap back, or solidify. Corollary: A cat will assume the shape of its container.
CARTOON LAW IX
Everything falls faster than an anvil.
CARTOON LAW X
For every vengeance there is an equal and opposite revengeance. This is the one law of animated cartoon motion that also applies to the physical world at large. For that reason, we need the relief of watching it happen to a duck instead.
CARTOON LAW XI
Cartoon characters never need to go to the hospital to receive first aid. Upon emerging from a huge scrap, the losing character will invariably be covered in crossed-over sticking plasters and bandages, and quite often be walking with the aid of a crutch.
CARTOON LAW XII
Cartoon characters do not obey the traditional laws of hair re-growth. Whatever the damage to a character, whether it be having all of its hair frazzled by an explosion or its fur shaved by a lawnmower, in the next scene the hair will doubtless be fully re-grown.
CARTOON LAW Amendment A
A sharp object will always propel a character upward. When poked (usually in the buttocks) with a sharp object (usually a pin), a character will defy gravity by shooting straight up, with great velocity.
CARTOON LAW Amendment B
The laws of object permanence are nullified for "cool" characters. Characters who are intended to be "cool" can make previously nonexistent objects appear from behind their backs at will. For instance, the Road Runner can materialize signs to express himself without speaking.
CARTOON LAW Amendment C
Explosive weapons cannot cause fatal injuries. They merely turn characters temporarily black and smoky.
CARTOON LAW Amendment D
Gravity is transmitted by slow-moving waves of large wavelengths. Their operation can be witnessed by observing the behavior of a canine suspended over a large vertical drop. Its feet will begin to fall first, causing its legs to stretch. As the wave reaches its torso, that part will begin to fall, causing the neck to strech. As the head begins to fall, tension is released and the canine will resume its regular proportions until such time as it strikes the ground.
CARTOON LAW Amendment E
Dynamite is spontaneously generated in "C-spaces" (spaces in which CARTOON LAWs hold). The process is analogous to steady-state theories of the universe which postulated that the tensions involved in maintaining a space would cause the creation of hydrogen from nothing. Dynamite quanta are quite large (stick sized) and unstable (lit). Such quanta are attracted to psychic forces generated by feelings of distress in "cool" characters (see Amendment B, which may be a special case of this law), who are able to use said quanta to their advantage. One may imagine C-spaces where all matter and energy result from primal masses of dynamite exploding. A big bang indeed.
~~~~~~~~~~~
You know you're a cat person when......you refer to going to the bathroom as "using the litter box."
...you do not consider an outfit complete without some cat hair.
...you consider cat hair in your food as extra fiber.
...you apologize when you step on a fuzzy cat toy in the dark.
...you snap your fingers and pat the sofa beside you to invite your guests to sit down.
...you sleep on one edge of the bed because the cat is sleeping in the middle looking soooo cute!
...you accidentally put your child's dinner plate on the floor.
...you spend more money on toys for your cats than on the kids or grandkids.
...you decorate your Christmas tree with dangly cat toys.
...your neighbors refer to you as "the crazy one with all the cats."
...you have more pictures of your cats than your kids in your wallet.
...you refer to your cat as your furry child.
...your parents wind up with a four-footed, furry "grandchild."
...you plan your vacation around the cat show schedule.
...you accidentally call your spouse by your cat's name!
...you set a place at the dinner table for your cat.
...you have a set of towels with "His" "Hers" and "Kitty's."
...you call home and leave a message on the answering machine for your cat.
...you have the cat meow on the outgoing message of the answering machine.
...you and kitty have matching outfits.
...your spouse says, "Me or the cat!," and there's no hesitation.
...you never go to the door unless it's to let a cat out.
...your favorite friends have fleas.
...you chose a house to buy based on it having a good location for the cat box.
...you think cat fur makes a wonderful garnish to any meal.
...you own 17 varieties of kitty-nail-clippers.
...you are lost for conversation with non-cat people.
...you meow so well, you confuse the cats.
...you bore the neighbors with discussions on the exact nutritional differences between 9-Lives and Amore ... at length.
~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
Oy I'm am tired.....
It seems like I've been up since I got up this morning, maybe longer.
I get this incredible feeling of deja vu every night around this time.
Anybody know why?
Should I post this question in Glitches??
I've been feeling kind of glitchy lately.
I feel glitchy every time I put on my britches.
I feel glitchy every witchy way, which is the way I'm going now.
To bed that is.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Hope everyone is having a super sunny Sunday 
It's 17 degrees out with 20mph winds and quite honestly I am sick of the cold. 
Normally, the few times my dogs have refused food, we just let them skip that meal and they happily eat the next. But cannot do that with Miss Seagy right now. 
