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#947087 - 03/28/14 08:22 PM Saturdiner
gymcandy1 Online   happy
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30021
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Courtroom Dialogue
Lawyer: Did you blow your horn or anything?
Witness: After the accident?
Lawyer: Before the accident.
Witness: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

Lawyer: How old is your son? The one living with you.
Witness: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Lawyer: How long has he lived with you?
Witness: Forty-five years.

Lawyer: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
Witness: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Lawyer: And why did that upset you?
Witness: My name is Susan.

Lawyer: How was your first marriage terminated?
Witness: By death.
Lawyer: And by whose death was it terminated?

Lawyer: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo or occult?
Witness: We both do.
Lawyer: Voodoo?
Witness: We do.
Lawyer: You do?
Witness: Yes, voodoo.

Lawyer: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
Witness: Yes.
Lawyer: And what were you doing at that time?

Lawyer: What is your date of birth?
Witness: July fifteenth.
Lawyer: What year?
Witness: Every year.

Lawyer: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
Witness: Yes.
Lawyer: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
Witness: Yes, sir.
Lawyer: What did she say?
Witness: She said 'What disco am I at?'

Lawyer: Mr. Smith, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
Witness: I went to Europe, Sir.
Lawyer: And you took your new wife?

Lawyer: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
Witness: Yes.
Lawyer: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Lawyer: She had three children, right?
Witness: Yes.
Lawyer: How many were boys?
Witness: None.
Lawyer: Were there any girls?

Lawyer: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Witness: Yes.
Lawyer: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
Witness: I forget things.
Lawyer: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Lawyer: Can you describe the individual you saw?
Witness: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Lawyer: Was this a male, or a female?
~~~~~~~~~~

Cow Economy
TRADITIONAL CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the band, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowikimon and market them worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are... You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows... both are mad.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows... and the one on the left is kinda cute...
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Crazy Laws
Penal Code 6260, California State Vehicle Act, Chapter XVIII, Paragrapf 187, reads:
It is a misdemeanor to shoot any kind of game bird or mammal--except a whale, from an automobile or an airplane.

Ordinance No. 16 of Columbus, Mont. provides that;
Any person who shall not lift his hat to the Mayor as he passes him in the street, will be guilty of a misdemeanor.

Boys are prohibited from throwing snowballs at trees within the city limits of Mt. Pulaski, Ill., according to Section 37 of the Revised Ordinances of that city.

All Wisconsin boarding houses clubs, hotels and restaurants must serve with every meal sold at twenty-five cents or more, not less than two-thirds of an ounce of cheese.

Connecticut General Statutes provides for the punishment by fine or imprisonment for the "Enticing of a neighbor's bees".

The Revised Statutes of Kansas, 1923, state: It shall be unlawful for any person to exhibit in a public way within the State of Kansas, any sort of exhibition that consists of the eating or pretending to eat of snakes, lizaeds, scorpions, centipedes, tarantulas, or other reptiles.

The State Housing Act of California, Sec. 74 reads: No horse, cow, calf, swine, sheep, goat, mule, or other animal, chicken, pigeon, goose, duck, or other poultry shall be kept in any apartment house or hotel or any part thereof.

In Alderson W.Va, an ordinance states: No lions shall be allowed to run wild on the streets of this city.

This is the law in Kansas: When two trains approach each other at a crossing, they shall both come to a complete stop, and neither shall start up until the other has gone.

In 1907, Michigan passed a law which reads: An act to provide for the lawful taking of suckers, mullet, dogfish, and lawyers from the Sturgeon River
~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning boys and girls. Welcome to the weekend! welcome

Sorry to say, it's Monday for me. woot noot

On an even sadder note, I'm sorry to have to tell you all that my sister, who has been in Texas all week, is going to give Texas a break and come back home today. taz

Turn out the lights, the party's over. sad

think

I need to turn out the lights and go to bed. Monday starts at ^:00am......and that's pretty darn early. rotfl

Ok it starts at 6:am and I'm a spastic typer. slapforehead

Have a happy day everyone. wink

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#947094 - 03/28/14 08:28 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64910
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
lol I know deep down you really missed her Joe! Your heart is doing a pitter patter in anticipation! lol

Have an awesome day! I will be in the corner all day so I can ride my bike Sunday.

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#947121 - 03/28/14 09:45 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9518
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Enjoy your Saturday Joe and Ana. smile
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#947123 - 03/28/14 09:48 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64910
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
You too SpaceQ! hearts
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#947139 - 03/29/14 02:48 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7653
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,Ana,SpaceQ and all. wave
Have a great day. happydance smile
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#947143 - 03/29/14 03:16 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: Haroula]
Drmojo Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 12/04/04
Posts: 1761
Loc: Washington In the Wet corner
Morning Boom boom buddies~

Hey ya Joe! how are you? love the arrowhead you found!
Your Lowe's has been AWESOME donating stuff to the mudslide! urock thanks


Hi ya Ana~ how ya doing? riding that pretty new bike of yours?
hope you have a good day~


Hi Space quest~ hope you have a good day flowers


Hi Haroula~ hope you have a nice day dance


going to get blood drawn and then the nurse is coming
to my house my leg is getting close to being healed! woot

taking Mo's Blankets to the rescued horses at
Darrington fairgrounds~ at least their being given to a
good cause dance devilchili

spring
have a great day Boomers!! Karen
_________________________
OSO live
OSO Love
++OSO Strong++



Peace be with you~

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#947144 - 03/29/14 04:35 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: Drmojo]
cailyn Online   sad
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6043
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning all waveHappy Saturday danceKaren glad your leg is getting better heartsCoffee is ready! rainy weekend here but it's better then snow!!Enjoy your day everyone spring
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#947145 - 03/29/14 04:46 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17144
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, SpaceQ, Haroula, Karen and Sue. Hope everyone has a great day. Karen goods news about your leg! I'm keeping you in my prayers. happy Day All! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#947158 - 03/29/14 08:02 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8067
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Saturday. Danish, Cinnamon Buns, and BB Pancakes in the NC. lab
_________________________
Connie

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#947161 - 03/29/14 08:12 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
manxman Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/23/02
Posts: 15098
Loc: Unionville
Good morning boomers smile Hope everyone is having a super Saturday wave
_________________________
Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.

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#947165 - 03/29/14 08:49 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Online   content
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14423
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, I'll bet your sister can't wait to get home. Be nice to her. catrub

Ana, happy corner wishes. Enjoy your bike riding tomorrow.

Haroula, happy day to you.

Space, good morning.

Karen, glad leg is coming along well. my heart is still heavy over the mudslide tragedy. It's nice you can contribute to the rescues.

Gerry, have a great day!

Sue, at this point anything is better than anymore snow. Coffee is appreciated. Need a couple of cups this morning.

Connie, Danish please and thank you.

Manxman, wishing a good day for you.

Happy Weekend everyone! Going out to lunch with my cousins and to a big flea market. frenchie
_________________________
Gail

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#947184 - 03/29/14 11:56 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: GBC]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9365
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your work day goes smoothly!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Today, daughter and I are working on wedding projects! So much fun! Later, Hubby will join us to barbecue. We're having grilled salmon, asparagus, and new potatoes. yay

Alrighty, off to see what's afoot!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#947185 - 03/29/14 11:59 AM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7221
Loc: San Diego, CA
Party is over at the tenant's house. Was very quiet and only about 6 cars of people. All left by 8 pm. They usually stay late into the next morning, but I think there was no big alcohol offering this time since it was for the lady of the house and not all men. They tend to party harder and play mahjong. Now the only noise is the younger son, who came down from Los Angeles. I haven't seen him for months! He was the one that drove me nuts by coming to stay all weekend every other week and sometimes in between for days at a time. Now he's got a new girlfriend, who lives in San Francisco so he isn't visiting much. I like that. I think he's fixing or replacing a florescent light in the kitchen that was partly dismantled. They put it up long ago to replace a nice ceiling light and it always looked horrible. Hope they are putting in something nice. It was one of those 'shop' lights and not pretty. They used the wiring from the old light and dragged it across the ceiling to center it. Looked terrible but was electrically safe. Had it checked when I had a guy down there fixing other electrical stuff. So the son is hammering, and drilling and making all sorts of 'construction' noises. Could be doing anything there. I won't know till I go to the next party or 'emergency call'.

Nice day here. Going to spend it doing something outside.
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#947194 - 03/29/14 01:30 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13638
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe may work go fast and well. Thanks for the laughs and have a lovely day!

Ana hope the corner project is moving right along for you so you can bikeride tomorrow. Have a lovely day! Oh.....how's the body feeling today??? HUGS!

Space the weekend is here.....enjoy. Have a lovely day!

Karen that is a very nice offering and I'm sure the hores will love it. So glad to hear that the leg is almost healed. happydance HUGS! Have a lovely day!

Haroula how did the Easter prep go? Have a lovely day!

Sue sorry about the rainy weekend. We have sun but on Monday we have another winter storm ready to dump lots of snow or so they say! Thanks for the coffee and have a lovely day!

Gerry have a lovely day!

Connie HUGS! Thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

Manxman have a lovely day!

Gail enjoy lunch and have fun at the flea market. Have a lovely day!

Darlene sounds like a lovely day! Were you able to feel that quake?? Have a lovely day!

Sorta nice that the party didn't go all night. Have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

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#947213 - 03/29/14 03:00 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42263
Loc: Alabama
Super Saturday ya'll lab

Soot and I were up and out early early to pick up Lil Soot meds at our vet and then head to AU to pick up the Seagy. Easy ride up there. Poor little girl was very anxious. We are all glad to have her home. Now to manage her meds and hope she eats and gets better each day.

Hubby went to join the boys at the ball game so we could have a totally quiet house (don't even have the tv on). I'm going to cook books for just a second and then take Seagy up to the bed and hang there for bit.

Doc, that is wonderful news about your leg. I'm glad you can honor Mojo by helping other horses. You are an angel.
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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