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#947748 - 03/31/14 11:33 PM Tuesday's
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30108
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Peter De Vries
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Punography


I tried to catch some Fog. I mist.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns . It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro - what a rip off!

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner? Oh deer!

Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
~~~~~~~~~~~

PARAPROSDOKIANS (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and frequently humorous:

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left..

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

19. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

20. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

21. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

22. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

23. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

24. I am neither for nor against apathy.

25. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

26. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

27. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

28. Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

29. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

30. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

31. Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

32. A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

33. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

34. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

What comes after Monday? think

TODAY!!!! yay


I'm ready for it too, are you......too? grin


My days off start Wednesday and I have tons to do. Most of it I don't want to. razz


Ah well, come see come saw, look away look away.
If a task you can't defer, then toil will take the day.
woot


rolleyes yada yada


Have a happy day everyone. rah


joe


Edited by gymcandy1 (03/31/14 11:38 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#947749 - 03/31/14 11:38 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65508
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
lol Thanks for the chuckles Joe! I am hoping to wake up headache free and with a brain that can decipher puzzles. I'll be in the corner all day.

Have a happy day all!
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#947767 - 04/01/14 01:31 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7974
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,Ana and all who come in later.
Joe enjoy your day. happydance
Ana I know the feeling,some years ago when I was young pacify
I had terrible migraines rolleyestoo.
Take care. flowers
_________________________
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#947774 - 04/01/14 02:53 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: Haroula]
Drmojo Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 12/04/04
Posts: 1816
Loc: Washington In the Wet corner
Morning Boom Boom buddies aprilfool

Hi Joe wave find any more arrowheads? sherlock


hey ya Ana hope your headache goes away fast~
how's your pups doing?? lab lab



Hello Haroula hope your day is nice catrub



Had the BEST fish & chips ever! yay
Got my pic taken with the Red cross
going to my Kidney DR today~
its been nice & sunny 64% woot



hope every Boomer has a nice day aprilfool Karen jester
_________________________
OSO live
OSO Love
++OSO Strong++



Peace be with you~

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#947778 - 04/01/14 05:25 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17473
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, Haroula, and Karen. Joe keep smiling. Ana don't work to hard. Hope you are headache free today. Haroula have a nice day. Karen good luck at the doctor. Enjoy the sunshine. Coffee is on along with hot chocolate and tea. Happy Day All! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#947790 - 04/01/14 07:31 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8162
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Ana, I hope your head feels better today. Robert is doing good, the meds worked. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Tuesday. Danish and Waffles in the NC. lab
_________________________
Connie

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#947806 - 04/01/14 09:57 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: connie]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9442
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Have a happy day as well!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#947812 - 04/01/14 10:11 AM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42516
Loc: Alabama
Terrific Tuesday ya'll lab

Looks like it's going to be a beautiful day here today. It's a totally quiet day here at home, so this is the perfect day to take my first run at the taxes.

Back later wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#947823 - 04/01/14 12:12 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14696
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Afternoon Boomers

Joe, hope you get everything done so you can relax tomorrow.

Ana, hope your headache is gone so the puzzles will run smoother.

Haroula, happy day wishes.

Karen, Wishing you a super day!

Gerry, I'm late getting the coffee this afternoon.

Connie, so glad the meds worked for Robert.

Darlene, good day to you.

L4L, sounds like it's going to be a great day for you.

Nan, sun is shining. Think I'm going to take two walks today.

Wishing everyone a wonderful Tuesday! frenchie
_________________________
Gail

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#947826 - 04/01/14 12:36 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42516
Loc: Alabama
Gail, enjoy your walks.

My first pass through is done. Now I know who didn't send me the info I need and have called and will get them some time next week. So before starting all the inputting, I'm gonna change, leash the monkeys, and go soak up some Vit D. Back in a bit lab


Edited by looney4labs (04/01/14 12:36 PM)
Edit Reason: don't need to "lease" em, I own em :o)
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#947830 - 04/01/14 12:46 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13751
Loc: northern Wisconsin
April Fool.........says Mother Nature. We had snow overnight and chances of snow for the day today. lol

Joe hope Friday flies by so you can start your much anticipated weekend!!! Thanks for the laughs and have a lovely day!

Ana prayers that your head is better today and the puzzles will go much easier today! HUGS! Have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Karen best of luck with the doc appointment!! HUGS! Have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for starting the coffee. Have a lovely day!

Connie that is good news about Robert!!! happydance Thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

Darlene may work fly and all go smoothly! Have a lovely day!

L4l enjoy the peace and quiet!! Best of luck with the taxes and have a lovely day!

Gail yay Glad the sun is shinning!!! Enjoy your walks with the dogs and have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

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#947835 - 04/01/14 01:20 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11418
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Okay MaG, we have a lab, lab a frenchie frenchie and a puppy puppy . So, where is the Corgi? Gotta find one.

Hi all. Started the day off at the podiatrist then zipped over to Wally World. Nothing exciting again. Was out of milk and a couple other things.

Still waiting for it to get nice and warm and stay that way. One of these days, maybe. At least the sun is out, so far, that is.

Have a happy day everyone.

Bets


Edited by flutist (04/01/14 01:21 PM)
_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

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#947839 - 04/01/14 01:35 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 08/27/04
Posts: 2117
Loc: Lexington, Texas
Mornin' all -happy Tuesday. It's a wonderful 81 here with shining sun and wildflowers all over my yard and pastures. All kinds and colors. Years ago every Jan 1 I would start a wildflower ID journal which enlarged to trees and various prairie grasses. The good old days.

It's going to be a hot summer because last Sunday I transplanted 2 chili petiens and a habanero and so far they look good. That's the gardening extent due to grasshoppers. Birds eat those little red chilis -how can they.

Austin ISD has lost 3 teachers because of the standardized curriculum and finals. The last teacher was a 20 year veteran and she resigned last Friday. What a shame.

Also Sunday I planted catnip seeds in a large pot and yesterday AM there were 4 paw prints in it. They approve.

Keep well all and take care
_________________________
I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose

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#947849 - 04/01/14 02:29 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65508
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good afternoon boomies! I am down to one puzzle left. If any of you hate sliders, try writing the steps down on a slider with no reset button. lol Thankfully I finally got it. eek

Evelyne says hi, she is heading to Milan tomorrow. She hopes to be able to come online Sunday.

Hope you all are enjoying the day! Back to the corner for me.
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#947872 - 04/01/14 03:58 PM Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42516
Loc: Alabama
Ana, my hat is off to you. Sliders give me a migraine....Glad you solved it!

Taxing along puppy
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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