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#948556 - 04/05/14 08:06 PM Sip & Surf Sunday
gymcandy1 Online   happy
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29944
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
I hope that when I die, people say about me, 'Boy, that guy sure owed me a lot of money.
Jack Handey (1949 - ), Deep Thoughts
~~~~~~~~~~

Driving School Exam

The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school...


Q. Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A. What for? He can't see my license plate.

Q. Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A. The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."

Q. What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car?
A. Always wear a condom.

Q. When driving through fog, what should you use?
A. Your car.

Q. How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
A. Be too shit faced to find your keys.

Q. What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A. I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

Q. What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
A. I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

Q. What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
A. Make eye contact and wave "hello" if they're cute.

Q. What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A. The color.

Q. How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A. Heavy psychedelics.

Q. What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A. Carry loaded military grade weapons.
~~~~~~~~~~~

Driving Styles


Depending on where someone is from and where they are driving you can make some assumptions about their driving styles and etiquette...

Chicago: One hand on wheel, one hand on horn.

New York: One hand on wheel, one finger out window.

New Jersey: One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic.

Boston: One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator.

Scarborough, Ontario: Both hands clenched on steering wheel, driver staring directly forward, cutting in front of you and slowing down to 40 in a 60 zone then looking in rearview mirror in wonder as to why the car behind is flashing high beams.

Los Angeles: One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator with gun in lap

Ohio, but driving in California: Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror.

Italy: Both hands in air and gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat.

Seattle: One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game.

Texas: One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both feet on the brake, throwing a McDonald's bag out the window.

West Virginia: Four-wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna.

Florida: Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above window level, driving 35 on the Interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on.

Edmonton: One gloved hand on wheel, one hand on heater, feet up underneath bum to keep warm, 3 differently decorated ice scrapers, one plastic, broken; one steel, broken; one pastel, hidden in trunk. neither foot on accelerator or brakes because with all the ice on the roads, you're all moving at the same speed either way.

Dubuque, Iowa: no use of turn signal, or left on for 26 blocks...also cradling cheap cell phone.

Maine: Beat up 1983 Dodge Ram pick-up truck, right hand holding a Dunkin Donuts coffee, cigarette dangling from mouth, greasy hair shoved underneath an oil stained cap and classic rock blaring from the radio.

Vancouver: Canadian beer in one hand, B.C. Weed in the other. Dick on the steering wheel

New Orleans: One hand on wheel, one hand holding down sum hookers head while she's giving head!

Pennsylvania: Both hands on reigns.

California: (Bay Area / Silicon Valley) One hand on laptop computer, one hand at on-board navigation/Internet console installed in dash board, cell phone attached to head with microphone earpiece, having a executive meeting with half a dozen people on speaker phone, palm pilot wedged between knees to observe up to date stock quotes, and shoes kicked off, and feet crossed because traffic hasn't moved in the past hour.

Montana: One finger on steering wheel of jacked up 4x4, Charlie Daniels blaring from speakers, dead coyote in back, hay leaves blowing out of bed while going down the highway.

Nebraska: Two hands on wheel, with head lodged up ass, chunks of rust falling off by the pound.

Quebec: engaged in heated political discussion with espresso in one hand and croissant in the other, aiming for pedestrians who have the mistaken notion that crosswalks are for them.

Michigan: Both hands on wheel and head up ass.

Toronto: Both hands on the wheel, seat as far forward as possible, head fixed only looking forward, ignoring people behind and beside you, stopping and waiting for the road to fully clear before making any forward progress.

Los Angeles: Lowered Honda, can't see over dash, driving too fast or too slow, car sounds like a bee as it goes by.
~~~~~


Things That Are Difficult To Say When You're Drunk

1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

Things That Are Very Difficult To Say When You're Drunk

1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate

Things That Are Downright Impossible To Say When You're Drunk

1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Taco Bell? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to piss in this parking lot or on the road side.
10. I must be going home now as I have to work in the morning.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyone. welcome

I'm so sleepy it's taken me a half hour to post two lines. tired

I must say I love these little cat naps in between lines. yes

My only problem is remembering where I am and what I was doing when I wake. haha

Where was I?? headscratch

What was I doing..... think

You see??

Well there's an "Aliens" triple feature starting. I think I make some time with Ripley. My favorite alien fighter. yay

Until bed time that is. I have to be at work at 7am tomorrow........I mean today. lol

Have a happy day everyone.

joe


Edited by gymcandy1 (04/05/14 09:21 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#948570 - 04/05/14 10:17 PM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64448
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good morning Joe! Hope you don't have alien dreams. They have those nasty probes! rotfl

I will hit the gym early for Insanity and then if Merlin looks up to it I will take the boys for a run. He has had a few bad days so I have to play it by ear.

And then I will be in the corner the rest of the day.

Hope you all have an awesome day!

Ana wave
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#948585 - 04/05/14 11:57 PM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9408
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Have a great Sunday Joe, Ana, and my fellow Boomers. thumbsup
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#948587 - 04/06/14 12:23 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: Space Quest Fan]
Drmojo Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 12/04/04
Posts: 1758
Loc: Washington In the Wet corner
Howdy Joe hope your Sunnyday is swell buddy wave


Hi ya Ana, hope you have a great run with your
pups today lab




Hi Space quest have a nice day wave



Gail buddy hope you feel better flowers hearts



going to church spring
then going to the barn if i feel well enough puppy catKaren
_________________________
OSO live
OSO Love
++OSO Strong++



Peace be with you~

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#948590 - 04/06/14 01:54 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7479
Loc: Greece
Good morning everyone wave have all a nice and happy Sunday. happydance smile
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#948597 - 04/06/14 05:03 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16861
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, SpaceQ, Karen and Haroula. Coffee and tea are ready. Enjoy the day everyone! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#948604 - 04/06/14 07:45 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 7979
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Sunday. Danish, Omelets, and Bacon in the NC. lab
_________________________
Connie

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#948608 - 04/06/14 08:10 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
manxman Online   content
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/23/02
Posts: 14762
Loc: Unionville
Good morning boomers. Have a super Sunday spring
_________________________
Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.

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#948647 - 04/06/14 11:21 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 21107
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
Happy Sunday Surfing and Sipping to one and all laugh

Raining here today but that's OK as we could use some and it's preferable to snow lol

Gardening at the moment with L4L and the buddy boys who just came in wet while grandson checks out toons on TV.

Enjoying my whale music and coffee from the diner .. it just doesn't get any better than this .. well, actually we are going to see a movie (Capt America) in a couple of hours with son and grandsons and that will be fun

Have a great Sunday Joe Ana SQF Karen ManxMan Connie Gerry Haroula and all that follow wave

L4L hearts
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games

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#948648 - 04/06/14 11:28 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42077
Loc: Alabama
Super Sunday ya'll lab

It's a rainy icky day here...wet dogs are the rule of the day.

We are going to sit and surf and sip for a bit. Then we will catch an early afternoon showing of Capt. America. The Cully is an enormour Super Hero fan.


Midgy, homemade yogurt...easy peasy.

You can do it either in a slow cooker or on the stove. I use the slow cooker. Mine is a small one and new so it gets hotter than the older models.

1. Pour 1/2 gal milk in slow cooker. Put on high or low and heat til the milk is 180 degrees. On mine, it takes about 2 hours on low. If using the stove, heat on low to med so you don't scorch the milk.

2. At 180 degrees, remove from heat and let cool to 110 to 115 degrees. Once cool, remove the skin from the top.

3. Take out about a cup of milk, gently mix in 2 tablespoons of plain yogurt which contains Active Cultures, and return the mixture to the pot. Do a slow swish through but don't agitate or try to incorporate into the milk. You will upset the yogurt and it might not make. You can also use yogurt starter from the health food store, but I haven't used it so can't tell you how much.

4. Now you have 2 options. Cover the container with several layers of towels (to keep the heat in) and leave it in place overnight to 24 hours. Or cover with towels and put it in the oven with the light on overnight...8 to 12 hours.

When time is up, uncover and there ya go. I like my yogurt thick like Greek yogurt so I add a step. I drain it for 8 to 24 hours. I have a yogurt drainer, but before I had it, I used a colander covered with cheesecloth set over a bowl. Put it in the fridge and let it drain til it's as firm as you like. The whey that drains out can be used anywhere you would use buttermilk. I use it in smoothies.

Save 2 TBS to make your next batch, or just use yogurt from the store or yogurt starter. The more starter you use and the longer you let it sit, the tarter it will be. The sooner you fridge it, the less tart it will be.
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#948650 - 04/06/14 11:40 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7076
Loc: San Diego, CA
After a high of 60 degrees here yesterday, they are predicting EIGHTY for today. Love San Diego weather. You never know what you will get. It's a high pressure thingie and I woke up with a sinus headache. MY predictor of weather change. Can hardly wait to get out of sweatshirts into t-shirts and shorts. Already DRY out. Humidity is 15%.
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#948654 - 04/06/14 12:13 PM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 08/27/04
Posts: 2026
Loc: Lexington, Texas
Definately not a kitty cat day today. Cold dark and rainey and kits are using up all their outdoor energy indoors. Don't raise the dust!!! But they don't hear me. The rain is good. "They" are preparing us for severe water restrictions comming this summer, probably June. Our technical industries will move on if they can't use tons of water to wash chips etc. I heard it once and only once -maybe don't bathe so much. I know some people who do that now.

My little gecko is still with us but perhaps it looks smaller. Did I do it a favor by "helping" it. Wallmart had freeze dried mealybugs and sun dried shrimp treats so now Lambie has them. No reptile experts around here.

All this food and nothing to eat,Oh dear, maybe a big salad.

Happy Sunday all
_________________________
I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose

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#948656 - 04/06/14 12:20 PM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13519
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe Friday today?? May work fly and all go well. Thanks for the laughs and have a lovely day!

Ana glad you got huibby to take a nice hike with you! Hope Merlin is OK for a nice run. May the corner be kind, the puzzles solve easy and you have a lovely day!

Space have a lovely day!

Karen enjoy church and I pray that you feel well enough for a barn trip. Have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the hot coffee and have a lovely day!

Connie thanks for the danish and have a lovely day! HUGS!!!!

Manxman have a lovely day!

Soot enjoy the sipping and surfing till movie time. Have a lovely day!

L4l thanks for sharing that recipe again!! Enjoy the movie today and have a lovely day!

Sorta have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

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#948659 - 04/06/14 12:26 PM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: auntiegram]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9298
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your work day goes easy peasy!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Church this morning, then barbecue in the afternoon. Supposed to be in the low 80's today and the day already looks gorgeous!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#948688 - 04/06/14 06:25 PM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42077
Loc: Alabama
Back from the movie....we enjoyed it....lots of fun and for once, not loud! I was amazed, though I bit worried that perhaps my hearing was getting much worse.

Have chicken steaming for Seagy that I will then jerky. She doesn't like the cooked chicken unless it is jerkied, but you have to cook chicken before you can jerky it, which speaks volumes about our food these days.

Poor hubby starts 2 straight weeks of work tomorrow.....

Noisy house.....
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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