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Saturdiner #949663
04/11/14 11:33 PM
04/11/14 11:33 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.


2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS.
Police in Oakland , CA , spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, 'Please come out and give yourself up.'



3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts!


4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka , Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.


5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: 'Give me all your money or I'll shoot', the man shouted, 'that's not what I said!'


6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING???
A man spoke frantically into the phone: 'My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart'.
'Is this her first child?' the doctor asked. 'No!' the man shouted, 'This is her husband!'


7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!
In Modesto , CA , Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)!


8. THE GRAND FINALE!!!
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!
~~~~~~~~~~~~

I would like to share an experience with you, about drinking and driving.

As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.

A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends at the Marriott Hotel and had a few too many beers and some rather nice red wine.

Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before: I took a bus home.

Sure enough I passed a police road block but as it was a bus, they waved it past.

I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise , as I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it.
~~~~~~~~~

EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS

1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .'
My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.' I grabbed my stuff, rushed
out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong
one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald , San Francisco

2... At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
'Big breaths,'. . . I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,'. . . Replied
the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes , Seattle , WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her Reporting to the rest of the
family that he had Died of a 'massive internal [blip].'
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with
One of his medications. ?Which one?'. .. . I asked. 'The patch... The Nurse
told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of
places to put it!' I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I
wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a
new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair , Norfolk , VA

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long
have you been bedridden?' After a look of complete confusion she answered ..
. . ' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Corvallis , OR

6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking
up on a man I asked . . .' So how's your breakfast this morning?' ?It's very
good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste.
Bob replied. I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced A foil packet
labeled 'KY Jelly.'
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf , Detroit ,

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with
purple hair styled Into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of
tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, Entered . . . It was quickly
determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was Scheduled for
immediate surgery.. When she was completely disrobed on the operating Table,
the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there
was a Tattoo that read . . .' Keep off the grass.'
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the
patient's dressing, Which said 'Sorry . . . Had to mow the lawn.'
Submitted by RN no name,
AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB. I was quite
embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment
I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst
out laughing And further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and
sheepishly said. . .. ' I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?' She replied with
tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard . . ..
' No doctor but the song you were whistling was .. . . ' I wish I was an
Oscar Meyer Wiener .'
Dr. Wouldn't submit his name....

1 MORE

Baby's First Doctor Visit
This made me laugh out loud. I hope it will give you a smile!
A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
'Breast-fed,' she replied..
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.
She did He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is
underweight. You don't have any milk.'
I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma,
But I'm glad I came.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

Mornings are great to be alive. yay

Especially after you wake up.

I love waking up alive, and I try to do it at least once a day, maybe twice. thumbsup

BTW welcome to the weekend everyone! yay

I have a friend who wants to come over today and shoot his big guns off. eek

I'm trying to convince my sister to act as a moving target for us. grin

It reminds me of the times when I used to go hunting with my BIL. We would have our wives walk ahead of us to flush out the quail. snicker

That was my 'other' sister. wink

Have a happy day everyone.

joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #949667
04/12/14 12:19 AM
04/12/14 12:19 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning Joe and thanks for starting the day out right for us. Have a great time shooting. I love target shooting.

Have a wonderful day all! I am going to take the dogs for run if I can dodge raindrops and then I will ride my bike if it stays nice.

I hope you all have a wonderful day!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #949669
04/12/14 01:21 AM
04/12/14 01:21 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning Joe,Ana and all. wave
Last Sunday before Easter for us.
My parents are here yay
Have all a happy day. happydance smile


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Saturdiner [Re: Haroula] #949676
04/12/14 04:33 AM
04/12/14 04:33 AM
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist
cailyn  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,Haroula,and all boomers waveCoffee is on! It's 50 degrees here right now dance So it should be a bit warmer later on!Have a great day everyone spring


I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #949677
04/12/14 05:18 AM
04/12/14 05:18 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
spring Good Morning Joe, Ana, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe have fun. Ana sounds like a nice day planned. Haroula enjoy your visit with your parents. Sue thanks for the coffee. Nice to see you back earlythis morning. Happy Day wished for All! spring


Gerry
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #949684
04/12/14 07:47 AM
04/12/14 07:47 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Saturday. Danish and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. lab


Connie
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #949685
04/12/14 08:45 AM
04/12/14 08:45 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers catrub

Joe, enjoy the shoot.

Ana, hope the weather agrees with your bike riding.

Sue, thanks for the much needed coffee. Weather is getting good around here too.

Gerry, have a wonderful day!

Connie, thanks for the Danish. Wishing you a good day!

Will take a walk this morning with the dogs. Beautiful Spring day today. Saturday fun shopping this afternoon. Everybody enjoy the day! spring


Gail
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #949686
04/12/14 09:03 AM
04/12/14 09:03 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Enjoy your Saturday Boomers. thumbsup


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #949692
04/12/14 10:08 AM
04/12/14 10:08 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,026
Unionville
manxman Offline
Sonic Boomer
manxman  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,026
Unionville
Good morning boomers. Lovely day outside today. Hope everyone has a super Saturday spring


Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #949696
04/12/14 10:34 AM
04/12/14 10:34 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Good morning boomies! I'm still in food coma from last night. lol

Haroula, enjoy your parents visit!

Sue, good to see you, hope all is well.

Gerry, have a great day!

Connie, hope you have something fun planned for the day.

Gail, glad spring is finally showing up by you! yay

Space, enjoy you day!

manxman, have a great day!

Nan, I hope your snow is melting!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #949698
04/12/14 10:42 AM
04/12/14 10:42 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe thanks for the laughs and have a lovely day! Be careful with those "big guns"!!

Ana may the weather be nice for your run and bike ride! Are you out of the corner?? Have a lovely day!

Haroula same here. Next Sunday is Easter!!!! Have a lovely visit with your parents! Have a lovely day!

Sue thanks for the coffee and have a lovely day!

Gerry enjoy the nice weather and have a lovely day!

Connie HUGS! Thanks for the dansih and may you have a lovely day!

Gail enjoy your walk and have a fun time shopping! Have a lovely day!

Space enjoy the weekend and have a lovely day!

Manxman glad it is nice there. We have rain/freezing rain out there today! Have a lovely day!

Abbi day!

wave
Nan

Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #949702
04/12/14 12:11 PM
04/12/14 12:11 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Nan, we have severe t-storm warning right now but all we have is the darkness and thunder. The rain is skirting us by. lol Poor Merlin is stressed out.

I have a little corner work to do today but nothing major. Can't complain. Enjoy your Abbi day!


Last edited by BrownEyedTigre; 04/12/14 12:12 PM.

Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Saturdiner [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #949704
04/12/14 12:27 PM
04/12/14 12:27 PM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet sharpshooter Joe! smile Thanks for the openers and enjoy your Saturdiner!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

It's Suchabeautifuldaytobesippingandsurfingandgamingandreadingandbikingandwhateveryourheartdesires Saturdiner!

smile

Slept in this morning. Always lovely. Now, I'm sipping on a cup of Hubby's fabulous brew. Hubby was up and out early, as he has a business convention in Los Angeles and will be home later today. So, the day is mine to just play the day away, or maybe shop, or maybe read, or maybe enjoy my beautiful yards. As Ana always says, Life is Good!

Alrighty, off to see what's afoot!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #949707
04/12/14 01:33 PM
04/12/14 01:33 PM
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 11,505
Kirkwood, MO USA
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer
flutist  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 11,505
Kirkwood, MO USA
Good afternoon all.

Can't stay long as I need to dust and vac the living room. Washed all the bedding this morning so it is all ready for the new mattress. We bought a foam latex. We had one of these before the one we have now and it was wonderful. The spring mattress we bought just didn't cut it. Hope the new one is as comfortable as the old one was. Delivery between 2 and 5. Got Dave and Carol coming over so we are grilling out beef, chicken and shrimp kabobs, potato salad, corn souffle and a green lettuce salad. I made a spice apple bundt cake for dessert, compliments of Pillsbury.

Must go. Have a great day everyone. Temps in the 80's.

Bets


Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #949724
04/12/14 03:58 PM
04/12/14 03:58 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
New mattress sounds great, Bets! I remember switching from an old innerspring that I shared with my sister and we both rolled to the middle 'hole'. Then Mom and Dad surprised us at Christmas with TWIN foam latex mattresses and I never slept so well. Slept on that from age 13 till 23 and it was still in great shape. Hope you enjoy yours.

I have been avoiding the Thrift stores for over a month now to save money. Finally went today to my favorite and found...nothing! Not one thing I wanted to spend even a dollar on. Wow. Talk about saving money.

I have decided that I am being held hostage by my insurance company. rotfl After calling another agent (recommended by a dear friend) and asking for a call back when he returned from a meeting, I never got the call. The gal who answered said, 'we don't do that (change agents in the same company) because the commission stays with the original agent, and I don't think Mr. X will want to take you as a client because of that fact". I asked for a call back anyway, but nothing. So now I know, you are not allowed to change agents, no matter how bad they are, in the same company. Duh? I remember changing agents about 20 years ago because the original guy was a jerk. No problem. Same company. Now they don't want to do it. I'm supposing it's a code of ethics between local agents. No hurt feelings, etc. What happened to the Customer's feelings? I'm trapped. Guess I'll just have to get more aggressive with my current (30 plus years) agent and insist she give me some of her precious time. Geez. I'm really thinking that since the internet, you really don't even need an agent to get insurance and they sure don't help you when something happens. You just get referred to a toll free number and talk to someone you don't know in some other state. You spend your time dealing with it all, and the original agent STILL collects commissions on everything. What a fun deal. thumbsdown


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #949729
04/12/14 04:21 PM
04/12/14 04:21 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Up and out early to the vet with Seagy who is doing better. Every dog in AL was at my vet's this morning...took forever...but is fine...home to do some quick feeding and cleaning and then collapsed back in bed. Up again cos Missy Girl needed some pills and some chicken...feeding her in 1oz feedings. If that works, we will increase as she is able.

Now going to sit and surf for a sec....wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #949734
04/12/14 05:27 PM
04/12/14 05:27 PM
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer
Yankee Clipper  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,402
Lexington, Texas
First we raise our children and then we have our pets. Good she's getting better.

I had to get up so early this AM to take my trash to the pick up in Lexington. The 2nd Sat of every other month is free trash pick up but we have to bring it to the collection place. Since I'm vegge and I recycle everything possible and compost the rest there's not much left and it's all clean. If I get there early befor the long line goodgoodgood. But wow!!! am sleepy now.

Beauty day


I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose
Re: Saturdiner [Re: Yankee Clipper] #949741
04/12/14 09:40 PM
04/12/14 09:40 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good night Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #949745
04/12/14 10:05 PM
04/12/14 10:05 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Hope you all had a great Saturday. I worked from 5 to about 8:30 tonight. The Blisses had dinner guests ( friends) so I worked very hard. I'm very tired tonight. It's hard to work when there are guests. I'm on my feet all the time. But I get to hear John (the guest) play the piano before dinner. Wow! Can he the piano. I don't mind working so hard for the evening but i'm glad I'm home now. Looks like you all had a busy day.

Time to call it a night. I have an early shift in the morning, then I'll be going to church before I come home. Have a good night all.

Night. kissy
Midgie hearts


Just do it.
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #949748
04/12/14 10:40 PM
04/12/14 10:40 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Night, Midgy, sleep well.

I'm going to give Seagy her meds and go to bed. Sweet dreams all sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #949754
04/13/14 12:14 AM
04/13/14 12:14 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Night all sleep well and pleasant dreams.

sleep
Nan

Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1] #949760
04/13/14 01:01 AM
04/13/14 01:01 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Sweet dreams all.


Don't feed the Trolls
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