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#950695 - Yesterday at 10:44 PM TGIF
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29784
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
He had heard people speak contemptuously of money: he wondered if they had ever tried to do without it.
W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965), 'Of Human Bondage', 1915
~~~~~~~~~~

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were not.

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Grandmas:
I was out walking with my Grandson. He picked up something off of the ground and started to put it in his mouth. I took the item away from him and I asked him not to do that. 'Why' my Grandson asked. "Because it's been on the ground; you don't know where it's been, it's dirty, and probably has germs," I replied At this point, my Grandson looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Grandma, how do you know all this stuff?? You are so smart." I was thinking quickly and said to him, "all Grandmas know stuff. It's on the Grandma Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Grandma." We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but he was evidently pondering this new information. "Oh....I get it! he beamed, So if you don't pass the test you have to be the Grandpa". 'Exactly,' I replied with a big smile on my face.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will
Fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in.
Calling my roadside service provider is not an option... I WILL win.
______________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well,
I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what
I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say
to the other, 'I used to be able to fix these things, but now
with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know
where to start.' We will then drink a couple of beers and
break wind, as a form of holy communion.
_______________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone
to bring me soup and take care of me tenderly while I lie in bed
and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do.
So, for you, this is no problem.
_______________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic
groceries at the store, like beer, milk or bread. I cannot be
expected to find things like exotic cheeses or tofu. For all
I know, they are the same thing.
_______________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops
working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that
this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person
gets here and has to put it back together.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote
control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been
misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it.... Though
one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.....
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm
thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, cars,
sex, sports, or sex. I have to make up something else when
you ask, so don't ask.
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or
have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she
calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever
you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it.
And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.
_______________________________________________

Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the
movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.
And, if you're feeling amorous afterwards, then I will certainly
remember the name and recommend it to others.
_______________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine.
I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine,
too... either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it.
Everything looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine.
Can we just go now?
_______________________________________________
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2011, I
will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry,
the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes,
and I'll do the rest.... like wandering around in the garden
with a beer in my hand, wondering what to do.


(This has been a public service message for women
to better understand men, they may never, but they should try)
~~~~~~~~~~~

What is Celibacy?

Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.

While attending a Marriage Weekend, Frank and his wife Ann listened to the instructor declare, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.”

He then addressed the men. “Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?”

Frank leaned over, touched Ann’s arm gently, and whispered, “Gold Medal-All-Purpose, isn’t it?”

And thus began Frank's life of celibacy...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Snowed In

Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual cup of morning
coffee, listening to the weather report coming over the
radio. "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a snow
emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the
odd-numbered side of the streets." Ole got up from his
coffee and replied, "Jeez, OK."

Two days later, again they were both sitting down with their
cups of morning coffee and heard the weather forecast:
"There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today and a snow
emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the
even-numbered side of the streets." Ole got up from his
coffee and replied, "Jeez, OK."

Three days later, they both were once again sitting down
with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast was,
"There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today and a snow
emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on
the..." and then the power went out so Ole didn't get the
rest of the instructions. He said to Lena, "Jeez, what am I
going to do now, Lena?"

Lena replied, "Aw, Ole, yust leave the car in the garage."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

Ah, it's Friday. yay

That means I should get back the $20 my sister owes me. bravo

I'll run to the store and buy some excedrin for this headache I have. slapforehead

Today I don't work till 1:00. yes

I can sleep late. thumbsup

I'm gonna go start now. tired

Have a happy day everyone. wave

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#950698 - Yesterday at 11:08 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Darlene Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9147
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! I love sleeping late and rarely get to do so! Enjoy your late sleep-in and have a great TGIF!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Still Thursday evening for me...

I'm taking Friday off, 'cuz I can, so it's a late sleep-in (around 9am-ish) for me, too!! Woohoo and booyah! happydance

Have some house stuff to do in the morning, then Hubby and I will meet some friends for some wine tasting at our local winery later in the afternoon. happydance

So...

To all abed, sleep To all awake, woot
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#950704 - Yesterday at 11:46 PM Re: TGIF [Re: Darlene]
Drmojo Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 12/04/04
Posts: 1735
Loc: Washington In the Wet corner
Hi ya Boom Boom buddies wave


Hello Joe & Darlene~ hope you have a nice day yay


its been pouring rain here all day/night YUKKK!!! rolleyes
Nurse came today and is trying a new super duper
healing gel on my wound, hope it works blush




Bets Prayers for your daughter~ I Pray that they can
do something for her hearts




Have a nice day everyone~ Karen cat frenchie kitty
_________________________
OSO live
OSO Love
++OSO Strong++



Peace be with you~

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#950707 - Today at 12:24 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63358
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
yay it's Friday!!! I'm excited. lol I have date night with a bunch of friends this weekend and I'm looking forward to it. Of course I need to get my work done so I can play. eek

Have a wonderful day Joe, Darlene and Karen! hearts

I wish you all a happy day to all that follows!

Ana wave
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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