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#951088 - Yesterday at 11:47 PM Sip & Surf Sunday
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29788
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.
Jane Wagner
~~~~~~~~~~~~

These great questions and answers are from the days when the Hollywood Squares game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now.

Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.


Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected..

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


UNIVERSAL LAWS

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Law of the Theater - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

12. The Starbucks Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19.. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!! welcome easter

It was another crazy work day for me. I was scheduled 10 to 7, and I worked 10 to 8.

My department manager had to leave due to a family emergency.

I'm going to work today in his place, and I'll be off Monday instead of today. yes

So today (Sunday), I work 10:00 to 6:00. Since it's Easter I'm not sure how busy we'll be.

After work (Saturday), I had to go to Wally World and shop, so again it's late and I've had a very long day. tired

HELP MR WIZZARD! I don't want to be a lawnmower salesman any more. shocked

Happy egg hunting everyone. thumbsup

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#951094 - Today at 12:30 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
MaG Offline
Administrator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 12/28/99
Posts: 65263
Happy Easter to you too, Joe and to everyone! Have a wonderful day. bunny

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#951098 - Today at 01:39 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63384
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Happy Easter Joe, MaG and all! Just got home from a fun night with friends. Good times!

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#951099 - Today at 01:39 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 6917
Loc: Greece
Happy Easter everyone,hope your day is happy. bunny wave
_________________________
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.





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#951100 - Today at 01:40 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63384
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Happy Easter Haroula! lol You get up and I get ready for bed. grin
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#951101 - Today at 01:41 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: MaG]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 5955
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
easterJoe,MaG and all boomers chocobunnyI'm up way to early thanks to Diego and Jazzie they wanted to go out puppyHopefully I'll be able to go back to sleep soon sleepCoffee is on!wishing you all a Peaceful day bunny
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#951103 - Today at 01:49 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63384
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Oh Sue, I hope you can go back to sleep! Too early to be up for the day. hearts
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#951104 - Today at 01:55 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 6917
Loc: Greece
Sweet dreams Ana. smile
_________________________
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.





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#951109 - Today at 05:15 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16319
Loc: Marlborough USA
easter bunny Good Morning Joe, MaG, Ana, Haroula and Cailyn. Happy Easter! Hope it's a peaceful day for All! bunny easter
_________________________
Gerry

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#951123 - Today at 06:36 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
Lex Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 03/07/04
Posts: 4650
Loc: Isle of Man
spring bunny
Happy Easter holidays to all!


Edited by Lex (Today at 06:36 AM)
_________________________
Life is what happens while you're making other plans.


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#951124 - Today at 06:51 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 7812
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning and easter everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Sunday. Easter bread and Colored eggs in the NC. Of course some Danish is there too and Chocolate rabbits. chocobunny
_________________________
Connie

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#951140 - Today at 09:35 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63384
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Gerry and Lex, have a happy day!

Connie, enjoy the family being together on this day as you celebrate your hubby's life. I am sending positive thoughts and prayers for strength for you. hearts
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#951143 - Today at 09:43 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 13765
Loc: Massachusetts
Happy Easter bunny chocobunny

Wishing everyone a very happy and wonderful day!

easter
_________________________
Gail

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#951145 - Today at 09:49 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63384
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Happy Easter Gail! Enjoy your family day!

Today marks 6 years since my dear friend Texaslady (Sue) suddenly left us. I can't believe it has been so long already. I so miss her wit and stubbornness. hearts
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#951153 - Today at 09:57 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13279
Loc: northern Wisconsin
May you all have a very Happy and Blessed Easter!!!!

Joe hope your manager's emergency wasn't too bad. Sending prayers. Nice of you to work for him. Thanks for the chuckles and have a lovely day!

MaG Happy Easter!!

Ana glad you had a good time last night. Have a lovely day!

Sue thanks for the coffee and have a lovely day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry have a lovely day!

Lex have a lovely day!

Connie HUGS! May the celebration of hubby's life make good memories of him for you all. HUGS!

Gail may you have a lovely day!

wave
Nan

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