A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains.
Dutch Proverb
~~~~~~~~~~


Golfing Quotes

"Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture." -- Winston Churchill

"Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the round of golf." -- Jack Benny

"You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex -wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands works." -- Lee Trevino

"Golf is not a game, it's bondage. It was obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins." -- Unknown

"It took me seventeen years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." -- Babe Ruth

"Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn't a lot of strokes when you consider the course." -- Lee Trevino

"I'm not saying my golf game went bad , but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced." -- Lee Trevino

"These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow." -- Sam Snead

"[Players today] throw their clubs backwards, and that's wrong. You should always throw a club ahead of you so that you don't have to walk any extra distance to get it." -- Tommy Bolt

"Putting allows the touchy golfer two to four opportunities to blow a gasket in the short space of two to forty feet." -- Tommy Bolt

"Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at." -- Jimmy Demaret

"If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball." -- Jack Lemmon

"If you're caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron?" -- Lee Trevino

"Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it's called the PGA Tour." -- Unknown

"Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five." -- John Updike

"The people who gave us golf and called it a game are the same people who gave us bag pipes and called it music." -- Unknown

"I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose." -- Gerald Ford

"The least thing upsets him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of butterflies in the adjoining meadows." -- PG Wodehouse

"If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him." -- Bob Hope

"In baseball you hit your home run over the right-field fence, the left-field fence, the center-field fence. Nobody cares. In golf everything has got to be right over second base." -- Ken Harrelson

"The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 83 of my life." -- Chi Chi Rodriguez

"After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye." -- Chi Chi Rodriguez
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Golf Caddy Comments

Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"

Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."

Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."

Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually."

Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."

Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction."
Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."

Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf."

Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?
Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day."

Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."

Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old."
Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."
~~~~~~~~~~~


Why God never received tenure at any university...

1. He had only one major publication.

2. It was in Hebrew.

3. It had no references.

4. It wasn't published in a referred journal.

5. Some even doubt he wrote it himself.

6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then?

7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.

8. The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.

9. He never applied to the Ethics Board for permission to use human subjects.

10. When one experiment went awry he tried to cover it up by drowning the subjects.

11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample.

12. He rarely came to class, just told students to read the Book.

13. Some say he had his son teach the class.

14. He expelled his first two students for learning.

15. Although there were only ten requirements, most students failed his tests.

16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountaintop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Golf Laws
LAW 1 - No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.

LAW 2 - Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.

LAW 3 - Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.

LAW 4 - Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.

LAW 5 - No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe.

LAW 6 - The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.

LAW 7 - Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.

LAW 8 - Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.

LAW 9 - Palm trees eat golf balls.

LAW 10 - Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works against you?

LAW 11 - Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.

LAW 12 - A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.

LAW 13 - All 3-woods are demon-possessed.

LAW 14 - Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (see Law three)

LAW 15 - A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.

LAW 16 - "Nice lag" can usually be translated to "lousy putt." Similarly, "tough break" can usually be translated "way to miss an easy one, sucker."

LAW 17 - The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.

LAW 18 - The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.

LAW 19 - Golf should be given up at least twice per month.

LAW 20 - All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset of the same day.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie.

Welcome to a new week.

It's a great way to start it off by being off.


OH YES, my sister is in Texas too.


I've never been so excited...........except for one little thing.


She comes back today.


Ok one BIG thing.


I wouldn't say she's big in the butt like Jabba the Hut, but I wouldn't want to carry her through quick sand.


OH you know I'm kidding.


I would want to carry her through quick sand............and leave her.




Still joking.




Have a happy one everyone.

joe

Good morning Joe and all.
Very tired from yesterday.
Have all a relaxing day.

Hi ya Joe!


Hi Haroula


Had a really nice Easter went to Church~
ouir church was so beautiful it was decorated
so pretty~
King 5 news team was their and i was on the news
they interviewed Ron & Gail from our church they lost their home
in the mudslide~
was a sunny day here 65%

Have a nice Monday Boomers Karen

Good Morning Joe, Haroula and Karen. Joe be nice to your sis! Haroula hope you get to relax today. Karen it sounds like you had a nice Easter. Coffee is ready. Happy Day wished for All!

Good morning. Work this morning, then later on at 5:00. I hope you all have a wonderful Monday......Marathon Day in Boston. Our weather will be perfect for the race. Good luck to all the runners. My auto mechanic is running, which he does every year.

Thanks Joe for opening for us. I assume that your sister doesn't read your posts. Good thing.

Pay it forward for someone. You'll feel good.

Midgie

Good Morning Boomers

Joe, thanks for the laughs.

Haroula, happy day!

Gerry, thanks for the coffee.

Karen, glad your Easter was good.

Midgie, have a wonderful day! So glad there's good weather for the runners.

Boston Marathon today.

Good morning everyone. Yesterday went well. It was a sad but also a happy day. Hubby is missed very much by all of us. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Monday. Danish and Cinnamon Rolls in the NC.

Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Enjoy your day off and have a happy Monday Sunshine!

Big hugs to you, Connie!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!

Good morning boomies! I have to run, I got roped into two classes this morning so off to Kickboxing and LifeBarre class. I'll probably need someone to carry me home afterwards.

Connie,

Joe, your poor sister!

Have a happy day all! I have to run.

Ana

Good morning everybody.

It's been raining here through the night. I'm not sure how much, but it's still very overcast.

I'm fixing to go out with Baby and walk about.

I hope you all have a super Monday.

Joe thanks for ther chuckles! May the rain stay away so you may enjoy the outdoors. Have a lovely day!

Harouls may you have a nice relaxing day! Sounds like you had a busy Easter!! Have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for the coffee and have a lovely day!

Karen so glad you had a beautiful day yesterday!! Congrats on being on the news!! Have a lovely day!

Midge glad it is good weather for the marathon! May work be fun and go well. Have a lovely day!

Gail sounds like a nice day so hope you have a nice walk and a lovely day!

Connie HUGS! Sorry it was sad but glad that there were good times also! Thanks for the danish and have a lovely day!

Darlene may work go smoothly and you have a lovely day!

Ana enjoy the new classes and have a lovely day!

Just waiting for Abbi to arrive!!


Nan

Woo Hoo! Karen is a movie star! Always fun to be on the neww provided it isn't a a victim. Yup.

Cool, overcast, typical weather for this time of year. How strange. We usually don't have 'normal' weather around my place.


Outdoorsies acting weird, very skittish. Must be some new cat around or the raccoons, or that Peacock. All the kitties are looking and jumping at any little sound and eat so fast then run off. I'll look around. Peacock dug up the planter on the neighbor's porch. Plants and potting soil all over. I think it's looking for bugs and worms to eat. It's also dug up around all my paving stones near my shed. Lots of sweeping to do.

Off to shop. Need fooooooood.

Hi guys, quick stop to say "hi" and "bye".

Popped up early and ended up cleaning as Lil Soot decided to regurgitate all over the place. Then, organized my meds to figure out which ones I need new scripts for as I have a doctor's appointment today. Good thing I did as I need almost all of them, and working with the office takes soooooooooooooo long. Grabbed the dogs and took them walking. Gorgeous day and glad we all got some exercise.

Then back home to water and feed dogs and make Seagy any appointment for tomorrow and then feed me and now racing out the door again. My appointment is for 1 but it's usually 2 hours past when I finally get called back. I have to stop for dog food and jerky meat on the way home.

Son is helping someone rehab a house...neither of them have any idea how much work is involved. Will be a great learning experience for him.

Back later Hugs all around!

Hi boomers. Hope everyone is having a magnificent Monday. Been out in the yard cleaning up all the winter debris

Lazy hazy day -good for a Monday. Housework done and vegge supper cooked already and now on to the games. I'd forgotten how good a game Doom 3 is and sometimes nightmares too. You get more for the money with these horror survival games.

I ordered a new HDMI cord for the PS4 -gosh, I hope that's the problem but I know the defective cord that came with the ps4 burned the hdmi port on the tv. But worth a try.

Anyway happy monday all

Good afternoon Boomers.

Good afternoon all. I'm beat. I made it through both classes and then came home and ran the dogs in the rain. Now I'm trying to stay awake.

I'm finishing my project now and that's it for the day.

L4L, hope Lil Soot feels better

Afternoon; had to rush Rebel into the Vet this morn; was having a lot of abdominal pain. So far seems to be a very bad stomach ache and it's all my fault. Was pulling up dandelions late yesterday and all 3 dogs were chowing down on the roots; I wasn't watching close enough and Rebel apparently ate to many. At this time the dogs are banned from dandelion roots.

Here's wishing all a fine evening.

Yankee

Space

Ana, you make me tired reading what you did. Lil Soot seems to feel ok....he got rid of the "pet proof wrap" that he ate the other day...so now we all feel better.

Trippy, sorry Rebel was ill. I didn't know dandelions would make them sick.

My appointment went well-ish...doctor got a call and left in the middle, but I think I got all my meds refilled. If not, I'll call em back and they can try again.

Errands accomplished, and now I'm tired! Have to find a new book to read. Finished "The Husband's Secret" last night and turned it back so that the next person on the list can get it.

L4L, the roots don't normally bother the dogs but he just over did.
How's lil' soot doing? Did he eat something that upset his tummy?

Forgot to mention, my poor Blazer quit on me. I was at a small thrift store looking for a small t.v. stand; when I went out it wouldn't start. Had to have it towed 6 miles to a Chevy dealer who did a diagnostics on it but couldn't find anything. Once in a while it would start and then wouldn't start. Luckily, a young woman that was also at the thrift store gave me a ride the 45 miles home. I was really moved by this gesture. Learned her husband was a Pastor at a Bible Church and even though she was planning on grocery shopping she let it go just to take me home.
A couple days later, still no answer on the Blazer. A neighbor drove me to the dealer who in turn talked me into a "06" Kia Sonata. I miss my Blazer; I'd had it for 9 years and it only had 160,000 miles on it but it was also starting to cost in upkeep but I think I was bonded to it. Now the Kia on the other had is doable and will easily take the dogs, but it's to fancy for me; way to many buttons....
Never did find a t.v. stand, oh well.

Midgie, I've been missing you each time you post. Sounds like you still have a busy schedule.

Am I talking to much????

Trippy, he ate some stuff a couple of weeks ago which made him very sick. Ended up in the hospital with IV's. Got better, came home, and proceeded to lick the IV site. So the doc wrapped the site and put some no-lick tape on it and all was well.

Well, we had to change the bandage and the trouble started. Lil Soot ended up taking off the bandage in the middle of the night, and eating the wrapping...not destroying...eating...could have killed him. But I think he gave it all back this morning...at least I'm hoping. He goes through these little periods where he just eats everything he can get,,, off tables, etc...then settles down until the next crazy period hits.

Anyway, does seem better. Grats on your car. They do seem to get to a point that if you can't do the work yourself, you are better off trading.

Time for sleep. Sweet dreams all

Well, I'm done for the day. Worked a split shift again. Tomorrow, I have one more split shift, then I have Wednesday off. I'm gonna try and go see my Mom once again. I'm not saying it too loud so as not to jinx it. My Mom is much better and back at Wingate at the nursing home. On May 6th, she'll be 95 years young. I said years ago she was a strong old broad. Guess I got that right. Her older sister, my Aunt Claire is still with us, also.

I'm going to bed now. See you in the morning.

Midgie