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#953983 - 05/03/14 11:50 PM Sip & Surf Sunday
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30036
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Be not the first by whom the new are tried,
Nor yet the last to lay the old aside.
Alexander Pope (1688 - 1744), An Essay on Criticism, 1711
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Landlord Letters

1. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.

2. I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

3. This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door.

4. The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand?

5. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.

6. I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

7. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

8. The person next door has a large erection in his back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

9. Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant.

10. Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it.

11. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny color and not fit to drink.

12. Would you please send a man to repair my downspout. I am an old age pensioner and need it straight away.

13. Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap. My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us.

14. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 5:30 his [blip] wakes me up, and it is getting too much.

15. When the workmen were here they put their tools in my wife's new drawers and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy.
~~~~~~~~~~~

Laws Of Combat
Murphy's laws of combat operations...



1. Friendly fire - isn't.

2. Recoilless rifles - aren't.

3. Suppressive fires - won't.

4. You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.

5. A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.

6. If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.

7. Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.

8. If at first you don't succeed, call in an air strike.

9. If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.

10. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.

11. Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.

12. Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.

13. If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.

14. The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.

15. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: when they're ready; when you're not.

16. No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.

17. There is no such thing as a perfect plan.

18. Five second fuses always burn three seconds.

19. There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.

20. A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.

21. The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.

22. The easy way is always mined.

23. Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.

24. Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire. For this reason, it is not at all uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets.

25. Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.

26. If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.

27. When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.

28. Incoming fire has the right of way.

29. No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.

30. No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.

31. If the enemy is within range, so are you.

32. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

33. Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't.

34. Things that must work together, can't be carried to the field that way.

35. Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support. (Corollary: Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Learn From Children

Some things I've learned from my children over the years...


1. There is no such thing as child-proofing your house.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3 year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing batman underwear and a superman cape.

5. It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.

6. Baseballs make marks on ceilings.

7. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.

8. When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.

9. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

10. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

11. When you hear the toilet flush and the words Uh-oh, it's already too late.

12. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

13. A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

14. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

15. If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoe it does not leak-it explodes.

16. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep.

17. Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.

18. Duplos will not.

19. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.

20. Super glue is forever.

21. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

22. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

23. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

24. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

25. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

26. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

27. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.

28. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

29. The fire department in Austin has at least a 5 minute response time.

30. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.

31. It will however make cats dizzy.

32. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

33. Quiet does not necessarily mean don't worry.

34. A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).
~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning Boomies. welcome


Looks like another beautiful day is brewing.


I wonder what this day will bring. think


Will you look back on this day years from now and say "That's the day my changed my life, and nothing's been the same since?" wink


"Will I?" happydance


Naaa probably not. razz


I gotta go in and work at 12:00. There's absolutely nothing special about that.


Maybe if we had zombies coming in and biting all the managers lips off, or something, I could look forward to that and say, "That was a day I'll never forget." bravo


Maaaabe if one of the zombies was named Ana......... wink


I might volunteer to have my lips bitten off. snicker


"Well let me tell you 'bout the way she looked, the way she acted, the color of her hair.
Her eyes were clear and bright. Her voice was soft and cool, but she's not there." wink
The Zombies


Have a memorable day everyone.


joe







Edited by gymcandy1 (05/03/14 11:54 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#953991 - 05/04/14 01:22 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65043
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
lol Joe! It's official I am an infected Zombie with the medal to prove it.

Not sure what I am doing today, but sleeping in is tops on my list!

Have a happy day!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#953994 - 05/04/14 02:58 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7718
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,Ana and all who follow later. wave
Ana bravo smile
Have all a relaxing Sunday. happydance smile
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#953996 - 05/04/14 05:29 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17212
Loc: Marlborough USA
spring Good Morning Joe, Ana and Haroula. It's going to be a beautiful day. Hope you all enjoy! Coffee and pastry in the corner! spring
_________________________
Gerry

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#954004 - 05/04/14 06:04 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5445
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Off for a work whoosh. Have a great Sunday, everyone. wave

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#954014 - 05/04/14 08:17 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14478
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers: kitty

Joe, have a great day.

Haroula, your Country is beautiful!

Ana, hope you got a chance to sleep in.

Gerry, coffee is much needed this morning.

Venus, good work day wishes.

Off to church this morning. See everyone later. lab
_________________________
Gail

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#954028 - 05/04/14 11:08 AM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 7252
Loc: San Diego, CA
Ana the zombie! Awesome! zombie zombie zombie
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#954045 - 05/04/14 12:44 PM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 21256
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
May the 4th be with you today laugh

Joe & Venus .. hope your work day is good for you

Ana .. snoozing all day is good and needed some times

Gail .. drive safe

SortaB Haroula and Gerry .. Happy Sunday to you!

Nothing big in the works today for us .. son and boys are enjoying a Star Wars marathon given the date .. I've been finishing my normal weekend chores and gardening and listening to my whale music

Happy Sunday to one and all!

wave
_________________________
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games

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#954046 - 05/04/14 01:05 PM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13658
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Up early and off and running to get errands out of the way. There is this big bright orb in the sky shinning so brightly that I am blinded. lol Something we haven't seen in over a week. Hope it stays around.

Have a lovely day everybody!!

wave
Nan

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#954073 - 05/04/14 03:17 PM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65043
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Good afternoon boomies! Where is everyone today? Looks like everyone is having either lazy or busy Sunday. Mine so far is lazy, even the dogs are lazy. lol I'm waiting for the Hawks to play.

I hope you all are enjoying your day!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#954092 - 05/04/14 04:29 PM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
manxman Online   content
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/23/02
Posts: 15183
Loc: Unionville
Hi boomers. Hope everyone is having a super Sunday smile
_________________________
Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.

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#954103 - 05/04/14 05:41 PM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65043
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Hi manxman! Just watching the Hawks win and then getting ready to go out to dinner. Life is good!
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#954106 - 05/04/14 06:12 PM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: BrownEyedTigre]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9548
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Good evening Boomers. wave
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#954115 - 05/04/14 07:40 PM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 08/27/04
Posts: 2084
Loc: Lexington, Texas
It's been a beautiful beautiful day -sunny, in the 90's, oh joy summer aproaches. spent most my day playing war shooters. I can't imagine what frantic mode is like. Am navigating to more of a granny mode.

Enjoy the rest of this Sunday
_________________________
I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose

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#954116 - 05/04/14 07:46 PM Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65043
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Spaceq I hope your day was great!

Yankee, something tells me your granny mode is my beast mode in games!
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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