Whatever you are, be a good one.
Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)
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Taking A Shower
How to Shower Like a Woman
1. Take off fourteen layers of clothing you put on this morning.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing robe and towel on head. If you happen to see boyfriend/husband along the way, ignore juvenile "turban-head" jokes and run to bathroom.
3. Look at womanly physique in the mirror and stick out stomach so as to complain about how fat you're getting.
4. Turn on hot water only.
5. Get in the shower -- once you've found it through all the steam.
6. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.
7. Wash hair once with Cucumber and Lemon shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
8. Rinse hair.
9. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lemon conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
10. Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red and raw.
11. Try to wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Java Cake body wash.
12. Complain bitterly when you realize that your boyfriend/husband has once again been EATING your Ginger Nut and Java Cake body wash.
13. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure that all the conditioner has come off).
14. Debate shaving armpits and legs and decide that you can't be bothered.
15. Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet and you get a rush of cold water.
16. Turn hot water on full and rinse off.
17. Dry with a towel the size of a small African country.
How to Shower Like a Man
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile on the floor.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing a towel. If you see your girlfriend/wife along the way, flash her.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs. (No.)
4. Turn on the water.
5. Check for pecs again. (Still No.)
6. Get in the shower.
7. Don't bother to look for a washcloth. (You don't use one.)
8. Wash your face.
9. Wash your armpits.
10. Wash your [blip] and surrounding area.
11. Wash your butt.
12. Shampoo your hair, do not use conditioner.
13. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
14. Open the door and look at yourself in the mirror.
15. Pee.
16. Rinse off and get out of the shower.
17. Return to the bedroom wearing a towel, if you pass your girlfriend/wife, flash her.
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Technology AddictYou know you are addicted to technology when...
You can't sit through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep or buzz.
You think of the gadgets in your office as "friends", but you forget to send your father a birthday card.
In computer shops, you eavesdrop on a salesman talking with customers, butt in to correct him and spend 20 minutes answering the customers' questions, while the salesman stands by silently, nodding his head.
You say "digital compression" in a conversation without thinking how strange your mouth feels saying it.
You constantly find yourself in groups of people to whom you say "digital compression". Everyone understands what you mean and you are not surprised or disappointed that you don't have to explain it.
You say "voice number" instead of "phone number" as the majority of phone lines in any house are linked to contraptions that talk to other contraptions.
You back up your data every day.
On holiday, you read a computer manual and turn the pages faster than those who read John Grisham novels.
You go to trade shows and map out your path of the exhibit hall in advance. But you can't give someone directions to your house without looking up street names.
You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon.
You are so knowledgeable about technology that you feel secure enough to say "I don't know" when someone asks you a technology question instead of feeling compelled to make something up.
You understand all these jokes.
If so, technology has taken over your life. We suggest you go lie under a tree and write a haiku. And don't use a laptop.
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Tech Questions
These are actual calls to technical support help desks... (Some of you may find this funny while others could possibly use this section as a reference)A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows." The woman then responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine."
Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?" Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?"
Overheard in a computer shop: Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please." Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety." Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"
I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it.
Customer: "Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?"
I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that go something like this: Customer: "Hi. Is this the Internet?"
Some people pay for their on-line services with checks made payable to "The Internet."
Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Yeah."
Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Uhhh... uh... uh... yeah."
Tech Support: "Ok Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"
Customer: "My computer crashed!"
Tech Support: "It crashed?"
Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."
Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot."
Customer: "No, it didn't crash-it crashed."
Tech Support: "Huh?"
Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. Now it doesn't work."
Turned out, the user was playing Lunar Lander and crashed his spaceship.
Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'"
Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Teen Commandments1. Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(why wait that long)
2. Thou shall not do drugs.
(alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)
3. Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Wal-Mart has a bigger selection)
4. Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this)
5. Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(everyone knows grandma has more money)
6. Thou shall not get into fights.
(Cat fight anyhow...just start them.)
7. Thou shall not skip class.
(just take the whole day off)
8. Thou shall not wear revealing clothes in class.
(Hooters pays more)
9. Thou shall not think about having sex.
(like Nike says, "just do it")
10. Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
(just leave 'em in the middle)
They misspelled ten. ~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
Thumping good Thursday to ya.
Ahhh to be, or not to be.
That's a good question.
I am off today, and unimaginably happy
to be.
I've gotta get this posted ASAP though. I lost my internet already once tonight. Not sure why, but then it's the internet, and sometimes you don't ever find out why it left, or where it went.
We do have a good chance for some more rain and storms tonight though, plus the fact that I'm about to lose consciousness, and I'm hoping I don't find it again for about 8 hours.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Good Morning Joe, Haroula and Sue. Joe enjoy your day off. Haroula do you have any plans for today? Sue nice to see you in the diner early. Wishing All a wonderful day. 
Not sure I want to buy it since they are written for children and I zapped through the first one in a couple of hours. I don't mind buying books but I do like them to be longer than that. Thinking thinking. 
Good luck catching him/her.