In an industrial society which confuses work and productivity, the necessity of producing has always been an enemy of the desire to create.
Raoul Vaneigem
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TOP 10 SIGNS SOMEONE PLAYS TOO MANY VIDEO GAMES10. They ask for all their money in quarters.
9. They're not sure what season, or year it is.
8. They're best friends names are Super Mario, Pac-man, and Sonic (if they have real-life friends).
7. The electric company and the toy store sends them birthday cards.
6. Big falling blocks and hot lava pits haunt their dreams.
5. Their fingers twitch all the time.
4. When they are sick at home the change clerk at the arcade calls to see if they are all right.
3. They can play 2 player games by themselves.
2. Everyone at the arcade knows them by name.
1. Someone is reading this to them, 'cause they're too busy getting a new high score and can not be bothered.
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TOP TEN SONG TITLES ON THE POPE'S NEW ALBUM10. Girls Just Want To Be Nuns
9. Wind Beneath My Vestments
8. Pretty Fly (For A Celibate Guy)
7. A Whiter Shade Of Robe
6. Exactly Like A Virgin
5. Sistine Candles
4. Take This Job And Read It
3. Gettin' Popey Wit It
2. God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On Me
1. Papa's Got A Brand New Encyclical
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TOP TEN BAD THINGS ABOUT HAVING A SUMMER TIME SHARE WITH DARTH VADER10. Claims those long-distance calls to the Death Star aren't his.
9. Uses Jedi powers to shake up your root beer right before you open it.
8. He's always accusing you of hiding his asthma inhaler.
7. Claims he paid you the rent "a long, long time ago."
6. Dances around in nothing but cape and cowboy hat while doing "Darth Brooks" routine.
5. For once he could use Force to lift his wet towel off the couch.
4. That scary music that plays when he enters a room gets old real fast.
3. You feel like an idiot saying, "No, Darth isn't here. He's on the ice planet Hoth."
2. Not easy cleaning burnt Ewok fur off the barbecue grill.
1. Constantly doing his lame James Earl Jones impression.
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TOP TEN REASONS WHY TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX.....10. You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7. You don't have to compliment the person who gives you so me.
6. It's O.K. when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else, because you are.
5. Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy.
4. If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.
3. It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. Less guilt the morning after.
1. You can do the whole neighborhood.
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Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to Joe's Bar & Grill!
Chief cook and bottle washer here.
I had a great weekend, but now it's back to the salt mine.
I sure hope that someday I can escape that dreaded pit forever.
I never could stand working underground, but everyone in this place is a company man, working in the mines, and living in Saline City. You buy all your goods at the company store, and go to the company doctor for your yearly exam.
I may as well just sign my check and give it back to the company.
At least I don't have to pay for my salt.
I scrape it off of my boots each night.
If your ever get buried in a mine collapse, your body will be preserved forever, just like the pharaohs of old.
I think it's important to preserve my body for science, so that might not be a bad way to go.
At least I have the diner, and you guys, to add a little sunshine to this dreary life.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe