Dwelling on the negative simply contributes to its power.
Shirley MacLaine (1934 - )
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Here are some more really funny sayings, witty quotes, cute and clever bumper sticker quotes, and interesting thoughts. Some are pretty funny, a few are hilarious, some are painfully true, and some are clever and witty. (and of course, some of these are pretty stupid sayings and dumb sayings that aren’t that amazing… )
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
You can’t have everything….where would you put it?
Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world’s population.
The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.
A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
On the other hand you have different fingers.
Change is inevitable except from a vending machine.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it.
Those who live by the sword… get shot by those who don’t.
I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
He’s not dead… he’s electroencephalographically challenged.
It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
I wished the buck stopped here as I could use a few.
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Funny Simpson Quotes and Sayings and Lines
Here are some very funny Simpsons quotes, lines and sayings, from The Simpsons TV show.
Comic Book Guy: Last night’s “Itchy and Scratchy Show” was, without a doubt, the worst episode *ever.* Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world.
Homer: I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman.
Comic Book Guy: Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.
Homer: You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.
Chief Wiggum: Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the…uh…what cures cancer?
Homer: Bart, with money, we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!
Homer: Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs.
Homer: Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me?
Chief Wiggum: Can’t you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can’t be policing the entire city!
Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel.
Reverend Lovejoy: Marge, just about everything’s a sin. [holds up a Bible] Y’ever sat down and read this thing? Technically we’re not supposed to go to the bathroom.
Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
Homer: Here’s to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life’s problems.
Homer: When will I learn? The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV!
Chief Wiggum: I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn.
Homer: How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
Grandpa Simpson: Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please, eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot.
Homer: Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
Homer: A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, pounds…it makes ice.
Homer: Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
Homer: Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true!
Mr. Burns: I’ll keep it short and sweet — Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.
Kent Brockman: …And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night.
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Good morning everyboomie.
We made it through another day, eh?
Not that I didn't expect it make it through the day.
I certainly did expect to make it through half of the day.
That's about the time my feet usually give out, and I have to drag myself through the rest of it.
Hey, do you know what happens when a joke writer thinks up a new joke?
He has an epiphunny.
I'm sorry, I would write more cohesively if my brains weren't scrambled.
It's kinda like cooking eggs. If you fry an eggs, it stays in one cohesive piece, but if you scramble an egg it's just a big jumbled mess.
That's probably why the senility issue keeps slapping me in the face.
Yesterday I went to buy a few things at Walmart to get me through the week. Among the items I bought were 3 bananas, 3 dinners for my lunch, a loaf of bread, and a box of popsickles. I went through the self checkout area, and scanned everything, and paid for it, but when I got home none of those items were in my truck.
I really am losing it.
I think every time I use a Q-tip in my ear I lose a few brain cells.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Yup, computer guys have strange sleeping patterns.
